dreams

I sat on my makeshift cot, finishing the prayer i say everynight before i go to bed. I dont know why jenala and timothy, my current adoptive parents gave me a bed. I cant sleep. I go for days with no sleep because when i close my eyes, I see the faces of the poor human victims have torchured with my magic. I am not an evil person, i do not mean to hurt my "family" over and over, i cant help it. When i get mad my magic gets out of control it lashes out destroying everything and everyone in its path. i will come out of trances to see my adoptive family lieing on the floor bleeding to death, and i have no memory of how or why it happened. Then of course the next day they take me back to the orphange dump me there, and wait for another family to take me. I am used to this rutien, it has happend time after time in the last 28 years. I have never cared for any of my "parents" or "siblings" except for one. lila. No No No i can not think about her, anything but her, i tried to banish her from my mind but she was already plasetered there. I already have dreams of her that horrible night, i dont need to see her laughing face when I am awake. i could feel my self slipping i had went 4 days with no sleep and as much as i didnt want to sucumb to its call i must, i felt darkness surround me as i fell into my usual dream, the dream that has me waking and screaming, and crying for hours. In this dream i replay my worst experience. In this Dream i remember the day i killed lila.

I sat on my bed fuming. If only the stupid humans knew what i was capable of, i could go out there and have them begging for mercy in a matter of seconds. But i wasnt like my ancestors, i wasnt a blood thirsty monster. They had caught me trying to sneak out the night before, i did this every night, thia was the only time i had gotton caught. THey were convinced that i was sneaking out to mathew the boy next door, and as much as i tell them i just wanted to go for a walk, that i wanted nothing to do with the stupid, clumzy human boy, they do not listen. No one listens to me. No one But Lila. At that moment Lila walked in. THe look on her tiger face was sad, she looked like she could cry at any moment. There was a fresh bruise spreaing across the left side of her face. She slowly walked forward, and i pulled her into a hug. I cradled her as she cried. Tears stained one of my only dressed but i didnt care, i would do anything to comfort lila. She was the only one who knew what i was, i was the only one that knew what she was, she was like me. Lila had been adopted by my "family" 5 months ago. She was 14, and the first time i saw her i knew her secret. She was an exciled tigeress from the mistari lands. I had asked her that night why she was exciled, she turned away hiding her face, and said nothing. I never pushed her, i didnt like talking about why i was exciled either. I cupped her face in my hands as i pulled her back to look me in the eyes.

"what did he do to you?' i asked her, my voice emotionless, trying to hide my obvious anger. SHe turned away from me trying to hide her purple, tear covered face.

"lila do not look away from me, What did he do to you.?" i was starting to soud harsh and i tried to calm my voice. I didnt like being short with lila.

"N- Nothing, he didnt do anything." she hickuped, and began to cry again.

"oh lila, he hit you again didnt he...oh lila im so sorry...its okay baby...i will take care of it...i promiss...just try to sleep." after crying for several more hours, she fell asleep in my arms. I never let her go.

As hours passed i listened to her steady heartbeat and breathing. I didnt understad why someone could hurt somone so innecent, so fragile, especialy some one she loved, somone she trusted. Her "father". I slipped out of lilas arms, as quietly as i could. I have to stop this i thought, i have to stop him. I snuck into their room, and when i saw him and his wife sleeping innocently, not a care in the world, i snapped.

"wake up! you lazy bastard!!" i screamed as i hit him in his own bed and pulled the blankets from his sleeping form

"what the--" he said groggily

"how could you...How could you hit her!" i screamed "How could you, You son of a bitch!" He stood from the bed and slowly started walking twards me.

"go back to bed emmily, you dont want to end up like poor lila do you." he mocked me

"stay away from me!" i yelled "and stay away from her!"

"go back to bed emmily" he said again as he continued to step closer and closer.

"i wouldnt get any closer if i were you." an soft voice came from behind me. THere standing in the door way, fumpled, and disheveled, was lila.

"and why not.?" Henry mocked again turning his body to lila instead of me.

"She'll hurt you...trust me...go back to bed if you know whats good for you henry."

"stupid useless little brat." i heard henry scream as he ran twards lila.

Then it all went dark.

I awoke on their bed room floor. i tried to stand , but i was to waek i was tired, i wanted to sleep, but i had to find lila. There was blood everywhere, and it hit me what i had done, when i saw henrys lifless form lieing in a heap in the corner. my magic i thought oh no. i wandered through the house .

"Lila!' i screamed "lila where are you!" i couldnt have lost her. I hoped she had gotton away she didnt stand a chance against my pent up anger and magic. No one did. And then i felt death i wanted to die. i wanted to lie on the floor and never get up, i want nothing more that to take back what i had done. There on our bedroom floor was lila. Dead. there was blood on her face and angry black slashed covering her arms and legs. She looked peacful, like she was in a deep sleep. i droped to my knees by her beautiful young form. The light from her was gone. The only Comfort I had found since I had been exciled was gone. I cried for hours clutching her body begging her to wake, but she never did. i slowly got up, as i stood i made a decision, if she would never grow old, then i would never grow old. Because i could not kill my self, i would trap my self in this 17 year old body for all of time. It was excrutiatingly painful, and my screams filled the empty dead house, as i trapped my self, trapped my selfin my own personal hell.

i awoke screaming like i always did. My "parents never came into my room anymore to check that i was fine. They ignored me. i sat up in bed and let the tears rain down. I have to leave here i thought, i have to get away from these oblivious humans, before i destroy them all. I stood and streched, grabed what little clothing i had, and headed for my window. i jumped it was not a long fall, but with my sleepy aching body, it hurt. I walked for i dont know how long, days turned to nights, days to weeks, and yet i fopund nothing. Maybe i didnt find anything because i didnt know what i was looking for. i stoped exahusted. and again for what seemed the thousandth time, tried to shift to my robin form, nothing happened, i felt severe nautia roll through me, as i tried again and again, until the pain was to much and i fell to the ground. To sleep. To dream. Again.