Chapter 3
Jenna always had a lot of friends. She would always be laughing with her friends, talking with her friends, always and always with her friends. It was almost as if she were another of the school mates I felt such distaste for, because she treated me as the other students did. Calling me Sarah Spindle, when her own last name was Spindle. But I guess everyone chose to overlook that fact.
Her
boyfriend, Jeffrey, was a very good-looking young boy. When my
parents would go away for business trips, which they did almost every
week, Jeffrey would come over with Jenna and I would always hate it
when he did.
Even though Jenna was only maybe fourteen or fifteen
years old, I would always hear the funniest noises coming from the
bedroom. I hated, hated, and hated it. It not only made me feel
loathing for her, but also started to make me hate myself, because
not only was I jealous of Jenna for having such a good-looking
boyfriend, I was hating myself for not having one and not doing the
things she was doing.
And,
of course, she would always bug me about it. Jenna really was quite
awful to me for a sister. And I could never understand why. It might
be because, well, honestly, she was embarrassed to have a older ugly
sister who's only friends were books,
I didn't care if my
only friends were books. I loved books. I loved my books. They were
my friends, my pride and joy. I was a very avid reader and would
always get A+ in English class and for that I was very proud of
myself.
Too bad I am not much of a writer. Oh well, this story
isn't really meant to be a good read, really, it is so people will
know why I did it. I really do not know if I will be able to finish
in time, but woe to me, I am the one who killed, aren't I?
Middle
school, for me, was one of the best times of my life. I hate, hate,
hated high school. But middle school was a time of innocent school
dances, me having no braces, having a few friends, and having a
school crush.
Oh,
the school crush. That was my first one, you know. It was in eighth
grade and we were all seated and waiting for our science teacher, Ms.
Gibbler, to arrive, for she was always late. Wonderful Ms. Gibbler. I
really did like her.
Anyways, when she finally stepped through
the door we found that she actually had a reason to be late this
time.
"Class", said she, "We have a new student joining us.
I know it so awfully late in the term, but please make this young boy
feel at home."
Our eyes drew to the young, scraggly stick of a
boy. He had huge, wide eyes, and scraggly, dirty hair, but when I
first laid eyes on him, to me he looked like an angel.
"This,"
Ms. Gibbler continued, "Is Donny Davis" she spoke, smiling at us
and looking at Donny. Then the munchkin of a child tapped her
shoulder and whispered something in her ear.
"Excuse me, Danny
Davis, sorry Danny." Ms. Gibbler said chuckling. "Danny, why
don't you take a seat next to…?" She searched the room for an
open seat and the only one open was right in front of me.
"Sarah
Spindle." She pointed to where I was and I smiled widely, revealing
my yellow, crooked teeth. The boys eyes grew wider and I stopped
showing my teeth but put on a soft smile. He came over slowly and sat
in front of me and didn't say anything.
From the back of his
head I could see all his dandruff and guessed that he probably didn't
wash himself for more than a week.
"Hey…" Said I, "How
many times do you take a shower?" The boy turned around and said in
a small, very mousey voice "I don't have a shower."
And
that was my undoing. I wanted to kiss him, right there and then. I
have never, ever met a man so spectacular as so. I was hopelessly in
love. I wished I could get up and dance and sing it to the world 'I
LOVE Danny Davis!'
But, of course, I didn't do that. We were
just kids, what was I supposed to do? Instead, I whispered in his
ear, "Want to be my friend?"
And he answered, "NO I do not
want to be your friend."
Then, says I, "Ok. Lets hang out
tomorrow." And I smiled at him real toothy again.
"Ok." He
says and turns back around. He was less fidgety and scared but I
guess that was just the way he was. Danny Davis was basically my
guardian angel on earth.
The next day came, of course, and I had
a better thought of boys than when I was five, because Danny was a
boy and looked how great he was. Well, he kind of just reminded me of
a very masculine girl, not that I am a homosexual.
Well, Danny
did come to school the next day and he just ignored me which I
thought was pretty dumb of him, but, of course, I being I, I came up
to him and hung out.
He was sitting at the lunch table all by his
lonesome and I just skipped up and plopped down right beside him. He
was eating a tuna fish sandwich and I remember his breath smelling
like tuna and pickles.
I thought, 'lord I love this boy' I
towered over him me, being 5'8 and him being around 5'2, but that
just made me love him more.
"Hello Danny." Said I, "What
are you eating?" He looked reluctant to answer or even look at me
and that made me smile.
"tooma samich" he replied with his
mouth full of it, his speech sounded like his mouth was numbed and
when he spoke that, pieces of the sandwich flew out all over the
table.
"Ooh,"
I say, "It looks good." He nodded as a reply and kept his head
bent as he ate.
"Aren't you wearing the same clothes as
yesterday?" I asked him. When he swallowed his sandwich he answered
very softly, "yes."
I noticed how very soft and high his
voice was, as if from a girl. He was so very feminine and so very
masculine at the same time and I loved it oh so much.
"Oh." Says I, "Me too!" and I stand up to show him the same coveralls I wore yesterday. He smiles a very weak, no teeth smile and I feel pleasure surge through me, proud of myself that I made him smile.
"I
made you smile." I say.
"I wasn't smiling," says he, "I
had tuna stuck in my teeth."
And with that, he threw away his
bagged lunch and left the table without me.
This was the start of
my first real friendship and kind of liking romantically with a boy.
And I didn't think he was a mean, hairless ape. And my mom says
love doesn't exist. To me it did.
So Danny slowly became one of my first real friends. I think he had known I always liked him more than a friend, but he never said anything about it. I think he found out officially when I asked him to the dance.
It was when we first started high school. I, unfortunately, had just gotten my braces and was even more unpopular and unsocial than in middle school. I remember vividly that my mom had persuaded me to cut my hair shorter, about to chin length, and since my hair was so fluffy, it honestly did look like a cotton ball then. Danny said that its good that I had cotton ball hair because you wouldn't be able to tell when it's dirty or not, but I hated it.
We sat in our desks and our math teacher shouted that we were to have a dance. I was much exited because I love dances, you see. I'm a horrible dancer but I love it.
When we got the slips that said the time and date, we were excused to leave, and I ran up to Danny, who was walking rather fast like normal.
"So…."Says I, "Are you going to go to the dance?"
Danny looked up at me, with his face still streaked with grime, his minuscule nose scrunched up from looking at the sun, and my little angel answered, "Hell no."
"Well why not?" I ask, "It is real fun. I'll go with you if you want…we can go together." My voice was sickly sweet, even to my own ears.
The boy looked real nervous-like and his eyes grew very wide and wild; like he was on an illegal substance. God, I love it when his eyes do that.
"Well…uh, sure, I guess. It's not like I can get a pretty girl to go with me." That didn't really hurt me because I was used to being called ugly, but it hurt to know he thought other girls were pretty.
"Great!" says I, "Um, but I forgot I already have a date with a VERY handsome guy, so I can't go with you." I said putting on a sad frown. "Sorry…" I say.
Well, of course I didn't have a date already. I only said that to make little Danny jealous. And I didn't know any handsome boys that even look twice at me.
"Whatever." Danny said and he walked away.
By the time the dance came around, I was still without a date. I didn't even know if Danny was going. But on the day of, I saw him there, with a very old and dirty brown suit and I thought to myself 'Could god have made a more perfect soul?'
"Hey Danny" I said and walked up to him, trying to be cool. I had fashioned my hair to my head with bobby pins so that it looked like I had a bald, white head with leeches stuck to it.
"Uh, oh, uh, hi Sarah" I felt a thrill go through my body. He had used only my first name. Oh glory be. Oh what a wonderful, wonderful, boy.
"Ready for the dance?" Said I. He nods and we go in together.
I, of course, danced the whole thing through. All the poppy songs I jumped to and swung my arms, and hopped around like a maniac.
And, during the last slow song, I asked "Hey, Danny, Would you like to dance? With me? I mean, there are no other pretty girls for you to dance with."
He seemed to contemplate this for a moment. Then he shrugged his shoulders and replied with a shy "ok".
Since I was so much taller than him, his face was close to my intimate upper body and I thought 'Whoa is this school appropriate?' But then again, it was only Danny and I knew he didn't like me in that way.
I, on the other hand, did like him in that way and when I smelled the grease and his sweaty smell coming from his scalp I thought I would faint. I wanted him to like me in the way I liked him. So I decided to try to make him.
"Danny!" I squealed, "You shouldn't put your face there." And then I tried to make a pout with my lips.
"I didn't put my face anywhere" replied he, "And whats wrong with your mouth, do your braces hurt?" That made me feel weird and when the song was over, I gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and saw the dust rise from his suit.
When the dance was over I walked out with Danny and we stood in the parking lot for a little while not sure what to do.
After a while I said "Hey. Do you want to kiss?"
And he replied "Not really",
Then I said "Fine, be that way." And I turned away and started to walk in the other direction. I kept looking behind me to see if he would come after me and say 'Oh, Sarah, I was wrong; I DO want to kiss you' but he never did; I just walked by myself until I got home.