The Value of a Life

Chapter 3: The Morning After

Tracy/Vachon, post Ashes to Ashes, takes the story a whole new direction from there.

Usual Disclaimers: Not mine, blah blah blah. Like I would treat something of mine like they did!

Rated M

Tracy deals with fears and insecurities after her first night with Vachon.

Tracy didn't want to wake up; sleep was her refuge. She knew that something was waiting for her, but she didn't want to face it. She tried to turn over, but the sudden pain she felt jerked her to full wakefulness.

"Oh my God," she moaned, afraid to move again. The arm tightening around her waist amplified in blaring tones that she wasn't alone. Memories of their shared night washed over her, and even in pain, she felt her traitorous body stretching, wanting more. No way in hell, she thought.

"Are you okay?" The husky sleepy voice behind her was soft with concern. His hand moved slowly over her stomach, knowing the tenderness she was feeling.

Tracy slowly turned her head and looked into the eyes of her vampire, absolutely magnificent in his rumpled, sated splendor. How can his hair look even better now, she thought, truly annoyed. I look like an accident victim when I wake up, and he's posing for fashion magazines. No, she amended, even more irritable, mere paper would burst into flame from this much sensuality.

As she pondered her accident victim appearance, she realized that was precisely what she felt like. She learned two things last night: Vampire sex is hell on the body, and vampires, at least hers, take recovery time to a whole new level.

"Hi." She whispered, more to hide her bad mood than any shyness. He laughed.

"Whispering, huh? Well, maybe your throat is a little sore after last night. You DID do a lot of screaming, and moaning, and plenty of other lovely sounds," he teased, trying to tease her awake. "So, after last night, you really want to try for 'shy'?"

"Go to hell." She tried to get out of bed, but the arm that held her was a steel band, giving her no chance of release. "I hate your vampire strength," she snapped bitterly, carrying on an angry conversation in her own head. What the hell was wrong with her?

"You know, that wasn't even vampire strength. That was just my natural manly abilities," he crowed, obviously one of those men who are convinced their lovemaking can set right the world.

"I repeat, go to hell." Vachon smiled, but there was a sadness inside him. Last night he learned so much about this woman he loved. Her passions matched his even if her strength couldn't. Every time he tasted her, he drank all of her dreams, but he also tasted her fears. Tracy carried so many scars, so many insecurities. He could feel them teasing the edges of her passion last night; he knew they were now fully in control. His Tracy was once again Tracy of the many fears and awkward moments.

"Tracy." His voice was soft, but commanding. She could no more ignore his plea than she could ignore the very real ache in her body. The problem was, she didn't know if the ache was from having him so much last night, or wanting him so much right now, and why the hell was she acting like she'd just been caught in bed by her mother, and couldn't she ever just once act sophisticated in her whole awkward I-never-know-what-to-do-in-these-situations life? She hated her lack of finesse.

She knew what she wanted. She fantasized of stretching languidly, feeling her body hum from last night's ecstasy. Her hair looked great, her breath was fresh, and she would be the seducer for a change. She did NOT imagine feeling sore all over or like Cinderella just past midnight.

"Tracy, we need to talk," Vachon whispered, wanting to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere. He knew his past would tell her differently, but he had to make her see that this time, things really were different.

Here it was, she told herself. The Talk. Couldn't he at least have waited till she showered before giving her the Talk. God she hated this. If he said the words, "let's be friends" Tracy worried she would put the stake back in his chest.

"Tracy, look at me," he commanded, his voice growing stern.

His voice was magic--she couldn't refuse him, and she forced her eyes to his. She felt her heart skip a beat then plummet to her stomach as she felt anew the force he had over her. I love his eyes, she thought. I wish I had eyes like that, eyes that could draw him in and keep him forever.

I love her eyes, he thought, wondering how he could convince her everything was all right. "Tracy, last night..." He searched for the words, but Tracy jumped in first.

"Let me help you. Last night was great, but can never happen again. You're a vampire and I'm not. You really love me, just not THAT way. And let's not forget, I'm really special and you want to stay friends." Tracy's tongue tripped over the litany she played over in her mind. Not like it's the first time, Trace, she chided herself.

"I want you to taste me," he whispered.

She was prepared for everything but that. Her breath caught and her mind spun. She tried to discern what he was saying, but was too caught up in erotic imagery to do anything but savor the arousal sweeping through her body. She felt liquid, rejuvenated, and hungry. She turned in his arms, her eyes scanning down his body, searching all the areas she'd like to taste.

"I don't think you understand," Vachon quickly amended, a new light burning in his eyes, "although we'll get back to that in a moment. I know you can't, but I wish you could. Every time I taste you, I know your heart and thoughts and fears. I want you to know what I'm thinking, because this is all new to me, Trace. I want to say things, but they don't come easy." She turned her back to him again, but he saw the wince as she moved. "Did I hurt you, Tracy?" His voice was soft, concerned, and more than a little guilty.

"It hurts pretty bad." She didn't feel up to lying right now, and she desperately needed comforting.

"I'm sorry. I should have let you alone those last couple of times. I just want you so bad." He lifted her hair and kissed her neck, kissing the bruises. "How's your neck?" She laughed, but the sound held no humor. She'd had hickeys before, but she didn't even want to think of what she looked like this evening.

"It's okay. I'm okay, I guess. Javier, if you really know my thoughts, then don't make me talk, okay? If I say one more stupid thing I'll die of embarrassment." She sat up and started to leave the bed.

"Tracy," he admonished, wanting to see her smile, wanting her to feel the way he did this evening. "Tracy, please come here." She looked at him, and saw his arms waiting for her, his beautiful body lying in her bed. Staring at this vision, she saw he cared, he wanted her again. She believed he loved her. So why was she so unstrung?

"I'm scared. Javier, I'm really scared." With that she fell in his arms, taking comfort from his strength and beauty. "Please don't talk for awhile. Just hold me."

"Listen to me, Tracy." he murmured as he nuzzled the curve of her throat, the sweetness of her shoulders. "You're in me now. I'll never let you go." She wanted to believe him.

His arms refused to let her go, his lips never stopped moving over her back and neck. He sensed her fear and mistrust. It hurt him. "Tracy, there's a lot to this, but I can't make you trust me. All I can do is tell you I love you, and try to show you that I mean it. It scares me."

"Why are you scared? You know all my thoughts, what secrets can I have from you?" She still resented that. There goes that air of mystery she'd been working on.

"It's not your secrets that scare me, Trace. It's your blood. There are stories." Tracy knew that Vachon was being more honest with her than he'd ever been, and she struggled to grasp everything he was saying. "They say that if you drink the same mortal's blood again and again it can change you. I don't know if it's your blood or being staked, but I feel different. You're not the only one at risk, Trace."

Tracy turned to him and held him as tightly as her woman's arms would hold him. She didn't know if it was tight enough for him to feel safe, but she knew she would protect him as best she could. "I love you." It was all she could say.

Vachon found her lips with his, stroking her mouth with his tongue in long slow sweeps. He loved the feel of her body in his arms, her warmth pressed against the coolness of his own, filling every gap. Holding each other, stroking one another, gorged on one another, Vachon realized there were still things he needed to say to her, especially before she went into to work tonight.

Knight. What were they going to do about Knight? "Tracy, we do need to talk. It's about Knight."

"Nick? What about Nick?" Tracy's couldn't imagine what Nick would have to do with anything.

Vachon stared at her awhile, trying to decide what to say. Knight was going to know the moment he looked at her. Vachon had marked her, making sure all vampires would know she was under his protection. Knight would go ballistic. He just didn't handle things like this too well. But what to tell Tracy?

"Knight knows what I am," he announced simply.

Tracy shook her head, trying to assimilate. "Say again."

"Knight knows what I am."

"Nick Knight. Cynic of the World. The man who believes in nothing but the facts, ma'am." Vachon nodded. "How -- when -- are you sure?"

"Don't ask what I can't tell you, Trace. If you want to know more, ask Nick. Or ask Natalie. She's the one who saved us during the fever."

"Natalie. Our Natalie. Beautiful eyes, great hair. Runs the morgue." Tracy felt like she'd just dropped through the rabbit hole. Nothing was making sense.

"That Nat. Anyway, Knight warned me off, and he's going to take one look at that neck of yours and know. Just know that he'll know."

"What can Nick to do you? You whammied him once before, just do it again." Tracy remembered when Vachon had used his Vampire Persuasion Skills to cover his involvement in the Vudu incident.

Vachon had forgotten that little charade. Thinking fast, he drew on the first lame response he found. ""For some reason, he's a resistor now. So we'll have to face him tonight."

"That should be interesting. You don't have to come. I'll think of something. Really." Vachon warmed as he witnessed Tracy's need to protect him.

"Trace, I want to be with you tonight. Besides, there's something I need to talk to the Doc about. I'm not afraid of Knight, I just wanted to let you know what to expect." The alarm went off, and Tracy moved, gingerly, to turn it off.

"What do you need to talk to Nat about?" His trademark stare was her only response. "Fine, so you're coming with me tonight?" He nodded.

"Good, then start with the shower."

As the water poured over them, their thoughts were on what the night would bring.

TBC