Disclaimer: I'm not J.K Rowling; therefore, Harry Potter isn't mine…

A/N: Hi everyone! Nzomniac here. Gurlz is on holiday - the lil scamp - and has left me holding the keys.

Poor - innocent - child! evil grin

First off, I'd like to say a whopping THANKS to all the readers who have read and/or reviewed. Believe me, I really do read them all and take constructive comments very much to heart. I hope to help Gurlz make this an enjoyable read for all. So settle back, grab your popcorn and a fistful of hankies and enjoy the angst.

Well... what are you waiting for? Go on. READ!

I Don't Wanna Cry

February 5th 2005

Hermione Granger

I knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I could've been with him. I could've held him, and I could've told him I loved him. He was, after all, my one and only true love. Hermione Malfoy... damn that sounds so perfect. All I could do was look on helplessly at the destruction I had caused; the destruction of two hearts.

It was about noon when I packed my things and checked out of the Golden Dragon Hotel. I held my hand out to stop a taxi. Fortunately for me, a taxi pulled smoothly up to leave a passenger at the hotel entrance. Splendid. I could snag this one, no waiting. The taxi door snapped open, the occupant handing the driver his fare before turning to step out onto the pavement. Unbending to his full height, Draco Malfoy stepped out of the back seat of the taxi. In that instant, I knew God must be playing some cruel game with my heart

It is your destiny, Hermione. You two are meant to be! Why deny it?

No, I didn't believe in destiny anymore. Destiny had played with my feelings again and again. I'd rather think of it as a mere coincidence. I took the taxi without a word to Draco. It's time for me to move on. Our eyes were locked on each other for a moment. Draco seemed to be hurting... but he can't be, I mean, he's a Malfoy! But alas, I won't deny -- he is different from his father. He's become more sensible and caring. Something I never thought a Malfoy could be. Before we knew it, the taxi was moving away, breaking our gaze. I never thought I'd bring myself to say this; after all that I've said and done, I feel very lonely. Draco - he taught me a lot of things. He proved to me that there is another world beyond the library. He showed me a bigger world. And for that, I'm grateful to him. If it wasn't for him, I would still be hidden within the dusty walls of the library. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I was headed to the airport and from there, to England. Heading to a place far from paradise. But that's where I belong, that's my calling. I slumped in defeat as tears were threatening to fall. I couldn't hold myself together. I admit, I'd failed miserably in the game of love. As I boarded the plane, a surge of regret hit me. A tug-of-war was going on in my heart. My logical mind screamed Get the hell out of here quick! My heart just whimpered pathetically I don't want to go. Yet there was no way I could survive more emotional damage from Draco. There was nothing else I could do.

I can do this. I have to do this! I reminded myself.

Four hours later, I arrived in England. Heart heavy, I made my way to The Burrow.

Ginny's reaction was predictable when I apparated into her room. She was brushing her hair when she saw my reflection in her mirror. She startled and jumped to her feet, wand at the ready. She calmed a bit when she saw it was only me.

"Sorry Ninny, you surprised me," Ginny said.

I raised my eyebrow on my name.

"Ninny? Since when is my name Ninny?" I asked, slightly offended.

"Well, I thought you should have a nickname, you know. Come on, you call me Gin!" she replied heatedly.

"I mean, of all names you settled on 'Ninny'?" I said disbelievingly.

"What other names can you think of that's cute come from the name 'Hermione'?" Ginny shot, scowling.

"Me, I can think of plenty! Let see, Hales, Haley, Mione -"

"Well, Mione sounds childish and Hales makes you sound like a whale," Ginny commented.

"Well, it's better than Ninny!" I shot back.

"Come on! You've got to admit it's cute! You just don't like it because Vicky called you that!"

"I do not hate that name because Krum called me that!" I lied.

"Do too!" Ginny snapped.

"Haley sounds fine! My mom calls me that and I refuse to answer to any other name than Haley or Hermione," I said stubbornly.

"Fine, Haley! What brings you here today?" Ginny said, still scowling.

"You don't mind me staying here a day or two, do you?" I asked shyly.

"Actually, I would but -"

"Hey Ginny!" a voice came bursting from the doorway.

Ron stood there, dumbfounded by the image in front of him.

"- Ron's home," Ginny finished her sentence quietly.

"Hermione!" Ron breathed.

My mind raced as memories of the past come rushing back to me. I did the only thing I could think of -- apparated to the Potter Mansion.

I took a moment to try to stabilize my emotions. I hadn't seen Ron for a while and I guess it's best that I don't. He's a lunatic and he tried to kill me. I wasn't ready to deal with him yet. Not to mention the load of guilt I was still lugging around for ditching him.

I walked up to Harry's gate and told the security wizard that I was looking for Harry. The guard regarded me suspiciously while rifling through a pile of parchments and wizard photos until he'd found what he was looking for - where had Harry come up with that horrid snapshot of me? I puzzled. Satisfied that I had the proper clearance, he dispelled the wards on the gates and I walked through, hurrying along in the cold night air. As soon as I'd crossed onto the grounds, I heard the guard resetting the wards. I was shivering slightly as I hadn't bothered wearing a cloak. I regretted it now. Normally, I find long, solitary walks relaxing. This time was anything but. I held back tears as I thought of everything that had happened between Draco and me. We're so far apart, yet I could feel his heart beating. We denied and pretended that we had never loved each other but I know, deep down, we love each other more than anything in this world. I want to be close to him, but it tears my heart to think how much it would hurt to be with him. It hurts too damn much to be with him. I knocked on Harry's front door. A house-elf opened to door and greeted me. Although I disapproved of Harry using a house-elf, I know Harry would treat house-elves with respect. The house-elf -- Sasha, I learned later -- took me to Harry's study. Harry saw me entering and we pulled each other close in a hug.

"Hermione, it's so good to see you again," Harry said as we parted.

I put up the best smile I could manage and held onto his shoulder. I wanted to be strong; I didn't want Harry to know what happened. After all, Harry had his own problems to deal with.

"Sasha, get some hot chocolate ready and call Claire down," Harry instructed the house-elf.

"Harry, you don't have to; I don't mean to disturb you," I said, looking at him.

Harry looked at me for a moment. His eyes stared straight into mine. I could see they were full of concern and love. Harry was like a brother to me.

"Don't worry, you're not disturbing anything. I was just preparing a report to hand in but it can wait,"

"Harry I -"

"The job will come back but the friendship won't," Harry said.

With that, Harry steered me to a private room. Claire was already inside. She smiled and waved at me when I entered. I couldn't guess what made her so confident, so cheery all the time. Claire's smile was legendary and never faded. Every time I see her, she's smiling, laughing and happy. I'm glad Harry found her because with her smile, Harry's dark past and troubles would melt away. He would be better with Claire rather than some girl like Cho who kept crying and adding problems to Harry's life. Ginny was rather hot-tempered and too protective of Harry. I guess at the end of the day, Harry ended up with Claire and he's happy with her.

"Hermione, come sit down, warm up a little. You look like a corpse," Claire joked.

"Thanks Claire," I mumbled and sat down beside her.

"Hermione, is there a problem?" Harry asked, looking at me with concern.

"No, I'm fine. Just thought I'd visit you,"

"You know darling, you should stay the night here. I see you've brought your bags along," Claire suggested to me.

"Honey, that's an excellent idea!" Harry exclaimed and pecked Claire on her cheeks.

"Erm…actually, I wanted to stay with Ginny but - erm, there's er -"

"You can stay here until at least tomorrow," Claire said, patting my hand.

"Sasha! Get the guest room ready!" Claire said as she headed for the door.

"I guess there's nothing I can do to change her mind, huh?" I mumbled shyly.

Harry smiled at me and said, "She's the best thing that had ever happened to me."

I grabbed my bag and followed Harry's retreating back to my room.

All the magic's gone
There's just a shadow of a memory
Something just went wrong
We can't go on make-believing

I drew some sketches in my diary that night. I flipped the pages and stopped at a picture. It's a picture I drew when I was dating Draco. It was a picture of a boy and a girl, holding hands. Above their hands were written "We wanted to be together, and now we can." I added some details to the picture. About 5 minutes later, I looked at the picture I'd drawn. It was a similar picture to the one before just that now; the girl seemed to be crying while the boy's head was facing opposite the girl. The lettering now read "We wanted to be together, and now we can't."

I closed my diary and placed it on the nightstand. I pulled the comforter closer around me. That night, I slept peacefully, though alone. I dreamed of a day when I would turn and see the person I loved, right beside me, sleeping peacefully.

I don't wanna cry
Don't wanna cry
Nothing in the world
Could take us back
To where we used to be
Though I've given you my heart and soul
I must find a way of letting go
'Cause baby, I don't wanna cry……

I woke up the next morning thankful that there was no stranger in my room. I pulled a cloak around me and went to wash up. After 20 minutes, my hair was pulled up into a neat bun and I was wearing a thin layer of makeup. I put on a white jeans skirt and a beige sweater. Wearing some comfortable black sandals (the only comfortable footwear I have at the moment), I went downstairs for breakfast.

I got a shock when I entered the dining hall. It was empty. Not even a shadow present in the room. It was 10am and it couldn't be too early for breakfast - so deciding to cook for myself, I headed to the kitchen.

The mystery was solved when I entered the kitchen. Claire was busy stirring some mushroom soup while Harry was cutting fruit. House-elves were running everywhere, helping Claire and Harry. I raised an eyebrow. They seemed to be preparing a feast. The weirdest thing was that the house-elves weren't cooking. Only Harry and Claire seemed to be cooking. I gave an audible cough and Harry's head bolted up.

"Morning Hermione!" Harry cried.

I smiled and entered to room, walking towards Harry.

"What's the occasion?" I questioned Harry when I was opposite him.

"Oh well, Claire was in the mood for cooking today so she decided to cook breakfast," Harry informed me.

"I see; anything I can do?" I asked, trying hard not to laugh as Harry was trying to cut the orange just as Claire had done it.

It seems like Claire was playing with Harry as she had shown Harry a very compicated way to cut an orange. Claire had cut it with patterns and carvings that she was sure a man like Harry won't be capable of doing. The way he was massacreing the fruit, I seriously doubt Harry (or anyone else for that matter) would be eating any of his hard work later.

"Harry, here, let me do this," I said slowly and I dodged just in time as Harry offered me the knife - blade first.

He had pointed the knife and when he extended his hand forward, I would've been stabbed if I hadn't dodged the hit. Thank the heavens for hair-trigger reflexes!

"Sorry, I'm not really into cooking but the other option was sewing so I thought cooking wasn't that bad. I guess I was wrong," Harry said shrugging.

I chuckled and said to Harry, "Why don't you make yourself useful and go pick some roses from the garden? I'm sure you learned enough Herbology !"

"Sure, I'll just take some elves with me. What color do you prefer?" Harry asked.

I thought on it for a while. Then I answered, "White and blood red."

Harry thought it was just a random choice but it wasn't to me. I loved white roses while red - red stands for love. The green stems remind me of Draco. His favourite color is green - naturally - while white was mine. The blood red showed how deep the love was; my love.

Holy crap! How sappy can you get? I thought as I shook off the unwelcomed memories and busied myself once more.

I smiled ruefully and went back to decorating plates with the oranges I'd cut. After about half an hour, we were seated comfortably in Harry's dining room. In the middle of the table were the roses Harry had picked, placed in a crystal vase.

"Hermione, those colors are perfect! Why did you choose those colors?" Claire asked.

I just smiled and shrugged. Harry had started on his bacon while Claire was admiring the roses.

"Claire, they're your roses from your garden, picked by your husband! Now stop staring at them and eat your breakfast!" I said sounding like a mother hen.

"You would be a good mother. Your kids would tow the line or end up with a kick in the butt!" Harry joked.

"Which is what you'll get if you don't shut up!" I snapped teasingly.

Claire laughed and started on her soup while I continued eating my scrambled eggs.

The only time I seemed to be able to laugh is when I'm with Harry and Claire. When I'm in the bath or when I'm alone, I start feeling lonely and tears blur everything, threatening to fall. Luckily, Harry never noticed this, nor did Claire.

"Hermione, why don't you stay here for the weekend? I want to take you shopping today and we could go out - have a ladies night out tomorrow! We'll bring Ginny along!" Claire suggested.

When I said Claire never felt insecure, it was exactly this kind of situation I was talking about. Claire knew Ginny and Harry used to date, yet Claire never minded Ginny and Harry meeting or hanging out.

"Erm…sure! This way I'll be able to spend the remaining 10,000 galleons Harry gave me!" I said, ignoring Harry's teases.

"Great! Well, I guess I'd better get busy earning a bit more money for you guys to spend!" Harry said sarcastically.

Claire and I giggled and I added, "Then I can give you all the souvenirs I brought from Italy!"

Lyrics from 'I don't Wanna Cry' by Mariah Carey (It's not the whole song, I didn't want my story to be kicked out because of some song, but you should check out the lyrics if you're free)

p.s. This is my first time posting anything on so any mistakes or goof-ups are unintentional and will surely be forgiven, right? Sankyu!