AUTHOR'S NOTE:
The following chapter includes sexual references

FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD

VIII – LOVE'S A TRAGEDY

Raph had nearly passed out due to the orgasm. It had been even better than the first one. It had taken quite some time before he realized how late it was.

He had collected his items, and after dressing up he untied the mouth gag for her.

"Hey babe, ye're all right?" he had asked softly, stroking her messed up hair.

"It was wonderful" , she had gasped, adding then that it would be great to meet again.

"Sure as hell" , Raph had agreed, then unlocking her coughs.

"Just gimme time ta get outta here before removin' that blindfold. As we spoke, ye're not supposed ta see me."

She had nodded.

"Thanks, Raph. I'll catch up with ya later in the chat."

So I'm a ninja and she didn't see me. Leo shouldn't be naggin' at me, Raph thought,

I have no clue why he thinks I'm stupid enough ta be seen. Prolly 'cause Leo needs ta have wedding vows or somethin' before sharin' a single kiss.

Raph grimaced to his thought.

For Raph love was something unreal. Love towards his family, including 'Splinter junior', was as real as it could get. He could say he loved April, just like a sister and Casey...well yes, somehow he loved Casey too, although to Raph's ear it sounded so stupid he would never admit it to 'the bonehead'.

But a romantic relationship with a human...Raph didn't know what the relationships were good for. Casey was with April, and from Raph's point of view the relationship was a major pain in Casey's ass with all its limitations and rules they had made for each other. But Casey and April would probably marry each other and have children and the whole stupid American dream Raph himself was unable to achieve. He couldn't start a family, he was unable to have children unless he'd meet a female mutant turtle, which was highly unreal.

I don't need any stupid romantic love life anyway, he thought. He could have sex without being romantically involved with. He could settle in with sex. Sex was awesome enough. It was physical, it kept his mind busy...when he came to think of it, it was relaxing in a million more ways than meditation or sack punching ever.

It would do so good ta our Fearless Leader too...he's prolly too pure ta jack himself off, no wonder he's so tight up.

Not that Raph truly couldn't really figure out how any creature, male or female, could live without easing him- or herself every now and then if not having sex. Even master Splinter and Leo, although he tried not to think about them doing it.

Fer fuck's sake. When did things ever become so tensed between me and Fearless? I dunno. It's just like he's so full of his leadership he has forgot that we are his brothers with different needs and personalities. We are not his little soldiers.

Raph stood up from his bed, starting to nervously pace around his room. Raphael and Michelangelo shared at least one major similarity; the need to keep the body in constant motion, the need to keep the hands busy. But Raphael wasn't eager to do that because of ADHD, or whatever the fine scientific abbreviation that Don kept referring on Mike was, but because he couldn't stand when his mind started to wander around.

Mikey can have his comics and stuff. Sometimes Leo even lets the knucklehead ta get easy with the sparrings. Brainiac has plenty of time ta do his geek things, but me...I'm the one who should give up my lifestyle. I'm sick of all the lectures about 'Stayin' out with Casey too late' or 'Stop picking up fights' and now this... Just doesn't get inta my head. I haven't ever failed or ignored my duties.

He stopped in front of his punching sack. It wasn't that Raphael didn't think, as his brothers kept saying, it was because he thought too much his mind was able to handle. It caused an overload, which made him act out of instinct. Or worst: out of feelings.

Well...fer a long time, at least.

Too bad that recently the most overwhelming feeling for Raph had been frustration, which had led to anger.

"Quiet meditation in my ass", Raph muttered, though giving up the idea of continuing the punching.

If I'm not good enough fer Splinter junior, I can't help it. Leo can stick his concept of danger where ever he wants ta. I've had enough of this shit. He has no right ta ask more from me than our bros.

Raph took a look at his alarm clock on his nightstand. Their 'arrest' had ended almost half hour ago.

I think I'm done with the 'meditation' here.