-1Chapter 17
The door to her room is open; she rolls her eyes when she sees me.
"Can I come in….Please?"
"I guess."
It is strange to be in my old room. I remember the first day I moved in. I walked in on Izzie in the shower that day, and I lied to her; telling her I wasn't interested in her anymore. Maybe if I had just told her the truth, things would've turned out differently.
"Look, Izzie just told me what Kelly said to you."
"What do you want Alex, cause I have important stuff to do." She says to me as she flips through the pages of a magazine. I smirk at her and she closes the pages, throwing it aside. "Okay so not that important."
"I'm sorry."
"What did you just say?"
"I said I'm sorry, for what she said to you. It has nothing to do with you, she is pissed at me."
"She's pissed at you so she called me a slut? That doesn't make sense."
I motioned to the bed asking silent permission to sit, she nodded in agreement.
"There are a lot of things that I didn't tell Kelly about before we came here. I know I should have but she kind of sprang this whole trip on me. Hell, I didn't even know whose wedding I was coming home for."
"How could you not know?" She looks at me in disbelief, I sigh.
"She sent the reply back and then threw it away so I wouldn't see it."
"That's awful."
"Yeah, then she called my boss and requested a vacation for me without my knowledge."
"Alex, why are you with her?" I don't know how to answer so I shrug my shoulders. The truth is that I have asked myself that very question several times in the past five years. It was a question that I could never come up with answer for. "Why is she pissed at you?"
"Because I'm not in love with her."
"I still don't understand why she called me a slut."
"She asked me if I had ever been in love…"
"And you said no?"
"I said yes, but she's really pissed because she knows that I don't love her. Yesterday she asked if I had ever had sex with any of you."
"And you told her about us having sex?"
"Well, yeah."
"Does she think you're in love with me?"
That's a good question; I don't really know what she thinks. I never did get a chance to tell her about me and Izzie.
"I honestly don't know. I left before I found out."
She is quiet for a few minutes. Then as if a light bulb had gone off above her head, she looks at me strangely.
"Hey Alex do you remember that first night we were together?"
"What about it?"
"You told me that you weren't going to be able to give me anything but sex."
"I remember."
"You said you were hung up on someone…..were you in love with her?"
Those Grey sisters are too smart for their own damn good, nosey too!
"Yeah, I'm in love with her." I didn't even notice my slip of the tongue, but she did.
"You're still in love with her? You said I'm in love with her, not I was in love with her. Alex that was a long time ago."
"I know."
"So why aren't you with this girl?"
"It's complicated."
She nods her head and just when I think I am off the hook in this conversation, she lets me know that I am not with another round of questions.
"Who is it?"
"Who is what?
"I thought it was that other girl at first. You know the married one."
"Rebecca? No, it wasn't her."
"So who was it?"
Trying to avoid answering, I stood and walked to the window.
"Just a girl that I screwed things up with."
"I'm sure there are millions of us out there."
I turn to see the smirk on her face, my first instinct is to make a smart assed comment followed by a hasty retreat but for some reason I can't bring myself to follow through with it. I just stand there looking at her, should I tell her what she wants to know? Against my better judgment I think I will go with honesty here, mostly because that's just who I am. A small part of me wants to tell someone, I have been keeping it to myself for a long time.
"What I'm about to tell you stay's between us, is that clear?"
"You're really going to tell me?" She sounds shocked.
"Unless you don't want to know?"
"No! I want to know, who is it?"
My eyes look at the open door to her room, I walk over to shut the door tightly and then lean against it.
"Well, I've never told anyone this….."
"Alex, just tell me!" She impatiently demands.
"Izzie! " I say a little louder than I intended.
There is no reaction at first, like she is thinking it over. She scrunches her nose and looks up at me with innocent eyes from where she sits.
"Seriously?"
"Yes, I'm in love with Izzie."
It feels good to say it out loud, If only I could have had the balls enough to say it to the right person along time ago.
"I'm sorry Alex."
"Yeah well, she's happy and that's all I want."
"She's getting married…."
"I know that."
"To Mark Sloan!"
"Yes I know. I'm here for the wedding, remember."
"She's not happy Alex."
"What are you talking about?"
"She might be telling everyone she's happy, but she's not! How could she be?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Okay yes, he's hot…"
"Thanks, that helps."
"…but when she's here at night, I can hear her crying sometimes."
"What? How often?"
"All the time. Ever since he asked her to marry him…… And you're hot too."
"Do you know what she is crying about?"
If he has anything to do with this, I will kick his ass! God knows I've wanted to kick my own ass a few times for being the reason she cries.
"No, so you said you screwed things up with her? How?"
"I cheated on her."
"You dated? I never knew that."
"Yeah, at the start of our internship."
"Oh. Alex, did you ever tell her?"
"That I am in love with her, no."
"Maybe if she knew……"
"It wouldn't change a thing." A mischievous grin appears on her face. "Lexie this stays between us remember."
After a long pause she sighs.
"Alright I promise not to say anything."
"Good."
After being satisfied that Lexie was not going to say anything, I left her room and went back down to the kitchen. Izzie had cleaned up the mess left from breakfast and as I walked further into the kitchen I found something I was not quite ready for, sitting in my place at the table was Mark Sloan. Izzie was standing at the sink, looking out the window. Her arms were folded. He got up from the table and put his arms around her, I heard her sigh.
"I'll be back early Saturday morning, I promise. It's not a big deal."
"Your going to miss the rehearsal, how is that not a big deal?"
"Derek can stand in for me, he is the best man."
I clear my throat, letting them know I am here.
"Is everything alright?" I ask.
"Everything's fine, I've just got to go to LA for a couple days."
"LA? What's in LA?" Like I don't know what, or who you will be doing in LA.
"I've been asked to scrub in on a very rare surgery; I'm leaving in the morning."
"Oh I see."
"Karev, can you go to the rehearsal?" I can't believe he is asking me this and from the look on Izzie's face she can't believe it either.
"Me? I don't know."
"Mark, I don't think that…." Izzie starts to protest, however Sloan interrupts her.
"You can stand in for Derek and he will stand in for me."
"I…." It's my turn to protest but again Sloan interrupts.
"Great, thanks Karev." He kisses her cheek and walks out the door with a big grin on his face. Izzie turns back to look out the window.
I cautiously approach her, she grips the countertop. I give her a slight nudge with my right arm causing her to look at me, she smiles. I have seen enough of her smiles to tell when they are real, this one is not.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine Alex, I'm just a little tired and I think I'm going to go lay down. You can stay as long as you want, I'm sure no one will mind."
After she climbs the steps on the way to her room, I enter the living room and sit on the couch. I look down at the blanket that was covering me this morning; I lift it to my nose and inhale deeply. It smells like Izzie, she must've covered me up in the night. The thought brings a smile to my face.