Chapter 8: My patience is not unlimited
"When can I get out of here Doc?" Sheppard quizzed Carson the next morning.
"Let me do a few tests, have Doctor Heightmeyer come down and talk to you first," Beckett replied. "If we're both satisfied with your current condition I'll release you to your quarters but only on the condition that you report in here every four hours."
"I'm still capable of doing my job!" Sheppard protested.
"Let's not talk about that at this stage," Beckett's tone allowed for some hope on that score. "You suffered a high stress episode yesterday ... we need to make sure the medication is doing its job before we add any more pressure into the mix."
"Okay," Sheppard agreed reluctantly. "Can I at least go for a jog ... or do something else physical? I'm not used to all this sitting around."
"I'll have Ronon take you through some light exercises in the gym Colonel," Beckett suggested a compromise. "That should be sufficient for now."
The tests and the talk with Heightmeyer were conducted promptly. Sheppard couldn't influence the results from medical tests but he was smart enough to know what Kate was looking for and controlled enough to deliver it ... now he knew what her thoughts were regarding his condition. It was no surprise therefore when three hours later Sheppard was released from the infirmary.
Knowing more than the usual amount of attention would be paid to his movements Sheppard did exactly what everyone expected for the rest of the day and all through the night. He didn't know if it was the medications or his firm resolve to work things out but he managed his first night of undisturbed sleep for almost two weeks, waking up refreshed and feeling better than he had in a long time.
He obviously still had issues though, something brought home by the conversation he overheard as he was arriving at the infirmary for the first promised check-in the next day.
"I know its selfish Carson," Rodney was saying. "It's just ... seeing Sheppard tormented by his own mind ... it threatens everything! I mean – how can I focus on what I do best if Sheppard isn't there to protect me?"
"The Colonel will recover from this Rodney," Beckett said reassuringly. "You just have to give him some time."
"Yeah, and what happens if the next crisis comes along before he's up to it?" Rodney's voice was dejected now.
Deciding he'd heard more than enough Sheppard concentrated on putting a carefree look on his face before clearing his throat noisily as he walked into the infirmary. Rodney greeted Sheppard awkwardly before making an excuse for a hasty exit.
"How are you feeling lad?" Doctor Beckett greeted him with a sincere smile.
"Something you're doing must be working Doc," Sheppard replied, "because things feel like they're finally looking up."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves Colonel," Beckett cautioned. "It's not unusual for the medications to provide a level of ... euphoria that won't be sustained in the longer term."
"Yeah – okay," Sheppard said reluctantly. "So can I get back to work today?" Sheppard looked at Beckett hopefully.
"I'll clear you to spend a few hours in your office," Beckett offered. "Plus you can go for a jog this afternoon if you still want to ... just a short one mind and no pushing yourself too hard."
"Thanks Doc," Sheppard smiled gratefully, cooperating with the rest of Carson's examination with plans for the day zooming around his head.
Once ensconced in his office Sheppard called up a link to the Ancient database. He wasn't sure quite what to search for ... cursing the fact he couldn't bring Rodney into this, he started typing.
It wasn't much, but after more than three hours of searching fruitlessly, Sheppard finally found something that might be relevant to his current situation. In an obscure part of the system he'd found reference to an avatar. If he understood the term correctly, in the computing world an avatar was a user's representation of themselves often as a three-dimensional model within a virtual reality. The avatar was supposed to represent the embodiment of the user, the personality connecting the user to their identity within a system. In that context in made sense that Atlantis would have an avatar within the Ancient systems. The only problem with that was how Atlantis had made the shift from the virtual world inside the systems to be able to appear to him in physical form.
Deciding he needed some thinking time before going back to search some more, Sheppard went to his quarters to change before heading out for his jog.
John hadn't really planned out an actual route for his run – deep in thought he let his instincts guide him. Ten minutes later he turned a corner and came to the corridor leading to the room.
"You have returned," Atlantis greeted him, standing in the middle of the room as before. Sheppard wondered for a moment if she'd been standing there the whole time or taken corporeal form only seconds before he'd opened the door.
"Yes," he said simply. "I wanted to know more ... about how you can help us."
"It was to be expected," Atlantis replied with a knowing smile. "Would you escort me from this room so that I might show you more?"
"Ah," Sheppard hesitated. "I thought you said you needed the power you can only get in this room to make yourself visible like this."
"That was the case yesterday," Atlantis agreed. "Since your last visit I was able to create a virtual bridge from this room such that I can take my link to the power source wherever it is needed within the city."
"Oh," Sheppard nodded uncertainly. "Um ... okay then. What did you want to show me?"
Rather than speak, Atlantis held out a hand to Sheppard, waiting expectantly. John reached out slowly, fully believing his hand would pass right through the hand of Atlantis.
Warm fingers met his and clasped tightly. Sheppard raised startled eyes to Atlantis, glimpsing the look of satisfaction before it was replaced with an expression of bland interest.
"Where to?" he asked curiously.
"There is a laboratory at the top of the main tower," Atlantis said intently. "From there I will be able to show you how to access everything you ever wanted to know about this city."
"Colonel Sheppard?" John stopped, holding up a hand to Atlantis as he tapped his earpiece to respond to Doctor Beckett.
"Sheppard here."
"Where are you lad?" Carson's tone was mildly curious but when Sheppard glanced at his watch he cursed under his breath. He was overdue to check in at the infirmary.
"Sorry Doc," he said quickly. "I'm on my way now."
"See you in a few minutes," Beckett's voice warned that if he didn't show up within that time there'd be explaining to do.
"We'll have to do this later," Sheppard turned back to Atlantis.
"Are you so weak that you would let your Doctor dictate where you should be and when?" Atlantis challenged him.
"The last thing I need, we need, is for undue attention to be paid to my comings and goings," Sheppard said reasonably. Inside however the alarm bells were starting to take shape.
"If you escort me from this room and take me to the tower laboratory all your other problems will cease to exist," a hint of bribery had crept into both Atlantis's tone and the expression on her face.
"Forgive me if I'm sceptical you can actually live up to that," Sheppard replied. "I'll check in with Carson and be back here inside a few hours."
"My patience is not unlimited John Sheppard," Atlantis intoned dismissively. "Keep me waiting and my offer to reveal all may be scaled back."
"You've waited this long to share what you know," Sheppard pointed out logically. "Surely a few more hours isn't going to make a difference."
"It is not for one such as you to decide what will and will not make a difference to me," Atlantis retorted heatedly.
Sheppard took a step back, face displaying clearly that he was more than a little troubled by the unreasonable reaction. He watched as Atlantis visibly reigned in her strong emotions, watched the bland expression of mild interest settle back over her beautiful features.
"Forgive me," she said lightly. "The effort required to maintain this form is draining ... I am not myself."
"I'll come back as soon as I can," Sheppard promised. "Maybe you should rest ... whereever it is you usually do that," John gestured vaguely towards the console.
"Perhaps you are right," Atlantis agreed. "I will await your return." she turned her back on Sheppard, standing stiffly in the middle of the room much as he'd found her when he arrived.
Frowning worriedly, Sheppard looked at her for a few seconds before turning and jogging from the room.