Chapter 9: In the end they will all abandon you
Sheppard sprinted to get back to the infirmary within the few minutes he'd promised Doctor Beckett. He took the scolding without comment, agreed to make sure he was on time for the next check-in, even gave in when Carson suggested he should retire to his quarters for a rest before returning to his office.
Lying on his bed, Sheppard gazed sightlessly up at the ceiling as he idly tossed a ball into the air, letting gravity carry it back into his waiting hands.
The more time he spent with the avatar of Atlantis the more confused he felt. It hardly seemed possible that the city, a collection of systems working in perfect synchronisation, would be embodied by someone so ... emotional. And what a range of emotions to display within the space of minutes! Superiority, condescension, smug satisfaction, and impatience – and they were the milder of the emotions he'd seen. More worrying was the attempted bribery, threats, and general contempt for humans.
He didn't know what to make of it ... all he did know was that until he could find out more there was no way he could go along with anything Atlantis asked of him. He needed help ... the kind he could only get from Rodney.
Yawning tiredly, Sheppard rolled over and buried his head in the pillows, wondering why for once something couldn't be as good as it seemed.
x
"You cannot save him," the Wraith snarled. Sheppard pulled and strained at the ropes that bound him but couldn't move an inch. He watched helplessly as the Wraith ripped open the shirt of Doctor Rodney McKay, grinning at John tauntingly as it prepared to feed. Sheppard looked into the tormented eyes of his friend, regretting the fear and the unwelcome knowledge displayed there. Rodney knew now what it took to break him ... something he'd probably never recover from.
"John," Rodney pleaded tearfully, bracing himself for what he knew was about to happen. "Do something!"
"I'm sorry Rodney," Sheppard croaked, still straining against his restraints. "I've tried but ... I just can't get free."
"You call this friendship?" the Wraith sneered. "You humans know nothing of true brotherhood ... willing as you are to give each other up for the chance of salvation."
"That's not true," Rodney denied weakly, cringing away as the Wraith leaned in menacingly.
"Isn't it Doctor McKay?" the Wraith asked knowingly. "And if I were to offer you your freedom in exchange for the life of Colonel Sheppard?"
Rodney whimpered in distress, eyes gazing at Sheppard mutely before he turned resolutely away and nodded once.
The Wraith laughed in delight as it moved to Rodney's side, quickly cutting the ropes that had bound him in place. "Go human weakling," it urged.
"Sorry," Rodney muttered under his breath, eyes fixed on the ground so he wouldn't have to see the devastated expression in John's eyes.
Sheppard watched in disbelief as Rodney turned and scrambled through the trees to safety without a backward glance.
"You see human?" the Wraith taunted, stalking across to its captive. "In the end they will all abandon you."
Sheppard flinched as the Wraith slammed its feeding hand down firmly on his chest. As he screamed in agony he wasn't sure what hurt worse – having the life sucked out of him in the physical sense by the Wraith, or mentally by the knowledge that everything he'd believed about his own worth had turned out to be a lie.
x
Sheppard lurched from the bed moaning in distress at the worst nightmare yet. Stumbling to the bathroom he fell to his knees, leaning over weakly to eject the meagre contents of his stomach. When there was nothing else to get rid of and his dry retching had dissipated he curled up on the floor, shivering despite the fact that it wasn't cold.
It took a while to recover, a while for the suspicions to surface. He'd been thinking about letting Rodney in on the secret and then he had a dream where Rodney betrayed him? Could that really just be a coincidence? In the end the answer didn't really matter – if Sheppard was going to work out what was going on he needed help from someone not so intimately connected to the source.
Pulling himself up from the floor John rinsed his mouth and splashed water on his face to wake himself up. It shocked him to see his reflection in the mirror – visible lines of torment on his face, black circles under his eyes despite the full night of sleep he'd had the night before. A good thing from the convincing perspective though – how could Rodney fail to believe the depths of John's issues when they were plainly etched into his face?!
x
"I've got a problem Rodney," Sheppard stalked into the lab a short time later, relieved that Rodney was by himself.
"Apart from the fact that you look like hell?" Rodney replied, glancing up briefly to assess Sheppard's condition before returning his attention to his work.
"I'm serious McKay," Sheppard put some steel into his voice, enough for Rodney to sit up and take notice.
"Okay, what is it?" Rodney folded his arms across his chest and waited for John to speak.
"This will be much easier if you just let me show you," Sheppard raised an eyebrow, waiting for a reaction. Even though the avatar had told him no one else would be able to see her, John was pretty confident there'd be enough detail available on the console in her room to convince even Rodney that she existed.
"Fine," Rodney got up reluctantly. "But this better be good."
"Oh it is," Sheppard promised, leading the way from the lab. "This is probably the biggest thing you've found out about since we got here."
"Bigger than Atlantis talking to you?" Rodney retorted in disbelief.
"Much bigger," Sheppard insisted, urging Rodney to hurry.
Rodney remained silent for the rest of the journey as Sheppard led him to the transporter and out into now familiar darkened corridors in the depths of the city. As John got closer to the room he felt a curious lethargy sweeping over him, steadily increasing to the point that he found he couldn't bring himself to open the door once they'd arrived.
"Is this it?" Rodney asked curiously. Sheppard felt his throat close over, the sudden dryness making it hard for him to speak.
"Inside," he croaked. "You might need to go in without me ... look at –," Sheppard broke off suddenly, frozen in place by the shift in his reality.
"Sheppard?" John could just hear Rodney's voice - just feel the hand on his arm shaking him in concern - but he couldn't respond. In front of his eyes he could make out the faint outline of Rodney looking at him in concern but overlaid on top of that was the face of his Wraith torturer, feeding hand outstretched in preparation.
"Snap out of it!" Rodney yelled, shaking John's shoulder firmly and bringing himself to the forefront of Sheppard's attention.
"Rod ... ney," Sheppard focussed weakly on his friend as he grated out, "check ... the ... con ... sole." He swayed dizzily, the strength leaving his legs so quickly that he couldn't hold himself upright anymore. He hit the ground awkwardly, putting his broken hand down first and then crumpling over it when it couldn't hold his weight. That pain was enough to stop the Wraith vision from taking hold again. Sheppard groaned weakly, curling into a ball on the floor and cradling his plastered arm.
"Medical emergency to section F corridor 3," Rodney called urgently, dropping to the ground beside him. Sheppard kept his eyes fixed to Rodney's face, unable to speak through a throat still constricted. Rodney looked ready to hit something in frustration himself by the time Beckett arrived with a medical team.
"What happened this time?" Carson demanded, moving in quickly to check on Sheppard's condition.
"More of the same," Rodney said reluctantly. "He went into some kind of trance and then collapsed. I think this," he gestured to the signs of pain Sheppard couldn't hide, "is because he fell on his injured arm."
"Hey," Sheppard finally managed to protest weakly, "he is right here!"
"Okay Colonel, let's get you back to the infirmary," Doctor Beckett ordered. Sheppard submitted to being transferred to a gurney without the usual complaints, wordlessly trying to communicate to Rodney the importance of what he'd wanted to show him. "Are you coming?" Carson asked Rodney expectantly.
"He's gonna be all right isn't he?" Rodney was still looking at John in concern. When Beckett responded in the affirmative, Rodney gestured towards the room. "I'll be there soon - I want to check this out first."
Sheppard relaxed onto the gurney, sighing in relief now he knew Rodney was on board.