Italics in the begin depict what happened being replayed in Nick's mind.

Enjoy.

Nick was fairly sure that his hands were shaking, but couldn't really tell because his whole body was numb. He couldn't feel anything, which was something he should be used to by now. All the heroin he'd been using made him numb, that was the reason he used it. But this wasn't a numb feeling from a drug. He was numb from fear, something he hadn't been in almost three years. The last time he remembered feeling like this, he was buried under ground. Then, he was afraid for his own life. Now, he was afraid for someone else's and although right now it seemed as though he had the choice in it, he doubted that was how it was going to stay.

"You said you were in."

The voice cut through the silence and made Nick jump slightly. He was trying to tell himself this was all a bad dream, but more and more he was beginning to feel the reality and seriousness of the situation at hand.

"I am," Nick said weakly.

James Sparazza stepped forward and held out the gun. "Then prove it."

Nick shook his head, not looking at his father but rather at his brother for the last thirty years of his life. "This isn't going to prove anything."

"He's a threat," James said. "He wants you to be a Stokes, not a Sparazza. What are you?"

Nick wanted to run away from everything, especially this. He didn't want to answer because he didn't have one. He didn't know who or what he was anymore, and he didn't want Jason getting hurt because of that. As Nick was turning all of this over in his mind, his father leaned forward and put the cold gun in his right hand and squeezed his wrist in encouragement.

Jason stared up at Nick from where he was sitting in the wooden chair in front of his younger brother. His hands were tied securely behind his back, and he wouldn't be able to move if he tried. He couldn't, and didn't, do anything other than just sit there, staring up at Nick.

"I can't kill him," Nick said quietly. "I won't."

"Why not?" James asked.

Of the five people in the room, only two were speaking. Jason sat there silently, as did Jack and Mike. The latter two didn't know what to say or do. Neither one of them had expected this, and their were utterly stunned. Jason understood what was going on and what was being asked of Nick. He understood what would happen if Nick didn't do what he was told. James was obviously questioning his loyalty to his real family, and needed some way for Nick to prove that he wouldn't roll over on them. Jason know fully understood everything. He knew why Nick was so scared and didn't know what else to do. If he just up and left his new job, they would be forced to kill him. He knew too much. And if one of the Sparazza's guys didn't kill him first, someone else would.

Nick knew the deal as well. He knew what he got himself into, and now he had to figure out a way to get out of it. He knew that neither Jack, Mike, or his father would be the one to kill him. But one of the other guys that worked for his dad would. It was an unwritten rule of the mafia. You do what you're told and don't do anything that makes people think you're a rat. Nick could easily be a rat because of his other job, and they needed proof he wasn't. This wasn't exactly the easiest proof for Nick to give them.

"I can't kill him," Nick repeated, not really answering the question.

"It's not that hard," James said. "Aim in, and pull the trigger. You have the best shot out of the entire LVPD force, I think you can hit from point blank range."

Nick shook his head again. "I can't kill someone I love."

James didn't seem surprised at all. "Does he mean more to you than Mike does?" Nick didn't answer, but he looked up at Mike, who was looking back at him. "Mike's your real brother Nick," James added for good measure.

"I know that," Nick said. "I shouldn't have to chose. I wouldn't hurt either one of them. I don't want to hurt either one of them."

"It's not gonna hurt if you do it right," James said, echoing Nick's own words to Jason from earlier. "What's the most important thing in this world to you?"

Nick stood in the freezing rain, shaking from head to toe, but not caring at all. He could barely hear the wind blowing over the beating of his heart in his ears. His t-shirt was sticking to his skin, making him even colder. The rain whipped against his exposed skin, water running down his face from his soaked hair. Any sane person wouldn't have come out in this weather unless they had no other choice, and Nick figured he was insane, but that he also didn't have another choice.

He had been standing in the same spot for five minutes, trying to regain his strength that he had exerted to get here. He had ran all the way, almost five miles, as fast as he could, not stopping once. It had started raining before he had left, so when he was outside it was as bad as it could get. His legs and chest hurt and he felt light headed, but that's not what he cared about right now.

Nick was trying to force his arm up so he could knock on the door in front of him when it suddenly opened. Nick sighed slightly in relief. He stood there, shaking violently from the cold and the fear, unable to answer the questioning look on Warrick's face.

"What the hell happened Nick?" he asked as he grabbed his arm and pulled him inside the warm house. He turned to go get Nick a towel, but Nick grabbed his wrist, holding him back. Warrick felt the sting of Nick's icy cold fingers on his arm and stopped even though he could have easily broken Nick's weak hold.

"He tried to make me kill Jason," Nick said breathlessly. "Jason showed up to talk to me and then James, Jack and Mike came and took us to their house and tried to make me kill him to prove that I was loyal to them."

"Is he okay?" Warrick asked.

Nick nodded. "I wouldn't do it. I couldn't. I thought they were gonna kill me instead, but they let it go. They let me go, and now I gotta get out."

"Slow down Nick," Warrick said. "Let me go get you some dry clothes."

Nick shook his head. "No, fuck that. I gotta talk to you. Now, it can't wait."

Warrick took of the zip-up sweatshirt he was wearing and threw it over Nick's shoulders. "Okay man, just calm down."

"I have to get out," Nick said. "I'm done with them, I don't want someone getting hurt because of me. I don't want to be them anymore, I want to be me. I'm done not being me."

Warrick was about to say something, but Nick kept talking. "I'm sorry for everything I did. I never meant to be a criminal and a jackass. I don't know why I did, but that's not me, you know that. I'm gonna fix this and make it all go away and I'm sorry I fucked up so bad, but I need your help."

"What do you need me for?" Warrick asked, still understandably mad at Nick.

"Because I can't do it by myself, and you're the only one who I can trust," Nick replied. I know you're mad at me and I understand why, but I'm done. I don't want you or anyone else to get hurt from this. I can fix this, but I need you to help me. I need you to trust me."

Warrick was still skeptical about this whole thing. He had talked with Catherine, Grissom and Brass several times about Nick, and they all agreed that the whole situation was incredibly complicated and out of the ordinary. Nick had transformed into a completely different person, and they were all aware of the things that he had done. Warrick wanted Nick to be the real Nick again, but wasn't sure if that was ever going to happen.

"Why should I trust you?" he asked somewhat coldly.

"Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't trust me either," Nick said sadly. "But I can't do this double life anymore. I can't try to be two different people, none of which are actually who I really am. I don't wanna be Nick Sparazza or even Nick Stokes. I just wanna be Nick again."

"You really think Sparazza's gonna let you out just like that? You know too much, and you're his main guy. You can't just ask for a mulligan on this one Nick," Warrick said.

"I know, but i got myself into it, and I can get out of it. But I can't do it by myself, especially without my best friend. I know I've fucked up unbelievably bad and should have never gotten involved with this, but I did."

Warrick sighed. "You made a huge mistake."

Nick nodded. "I know. That's what I do, I make mistakes. I think too much and try to make everything perfect all the time when, by now, I should understand that my life will never be perfect. I'm still learning things I ought to know by now. The only thing I know for sure is that I can trust you and I can figure out a way to make this okay again."

Warrick sighed again and shook his head slowly. "You already know what my answer is man. Even though I seemed like I wouldn't be behind you in this, you know damn well that I am. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone. Whatever you need, I'll do it."

Nick smiled widely. "Thanks bro."

Warrick smiled as well, but it faded after a few moments. "So what happened?" he asked.

"Jason showed up because he knows everything and was mad at me for not telling him. He's known for a long time, and didn't get why I never talked to him about it. We were fighting when my dad, Mike and Jack came in. They took us back to my dad's house and told me that I had to kill him to prove that I was one of them."

"Why didn't Jack or Mike do something?" Warrick asked.

Nick shook his head. "I don't think they knew what my dad was planning on having me do. I didn't do it and thought they were gonna kill me instead, but they let me go. They sent Jason home, which is good because now he's safe. Then I ran here because I need to get out before someone gets hurt."

"What if it's you that gets hurt?"

Nick sighed. "Be that as it may, I don't care. As long as you and everyone else is safe, I'm fine with whatever happens to me. I started this whole thing, and now I'm gonna end it before something bad happens. I can't let anything bad happen."