25th July 2006

Draco Malfoy

I wrinkled my brow in a frown as I added the ingredients to the potion brewing in the cauldron. No… that can't be right… I stirred a little more vigorously as the potion didn't turn the shade of lilac like it was supposed to.

"Valerian roots, sopophorous bean, blue steam, purplish in colour…" came a voice at the doorway. "Why are you making the Draught of Living Death when you can just buy one from my shop?"

I snapped my head up from the cauldron and smiled at the man standing in front of me, grinning and winking at me.

"What in the world?! What are you doing here, Zabini?" I greeted him with a smirk that sort of turned into a smile.

"Just dropping by to visit, Malfoy…" he winked. Clearing his throat, he spoke, "I was also hoping to see the new Mrs. Draco Malfoy."

I laughed and gave him a very un-Malfoy-ish hug. Well, he was the best company I had in school and I missed his sarcasm. A bit. Just a bit.

"She's in the bedroom, I suppose," I replied to his question. "Careful, though. She might not be dressed."

"You have a naked wife in bed and you're here brewing potions? Who are you and what have you done to Draco Malfoy?"

"I'm sure Draco's here… somewhere. In the meantime, can you tell me what's wrong with my potion? It's not effing working."

"You're supposed to add a clockwise stir after every seventh counter-clockwise stir," he pointed out.

"How d'you know that?" I asked suspiciously.

"I just know," he shrugged.

Noticing that my potion had finally lightened in colour, I dropped the subject and invited Blaise to the living room. It was about time I had a proper chat with my best friend.

"So, you're over that Granger girl? No more brainy ladies for you?" he teased.

"You know me, Blaise. It would have been a 'disgrace at the very most' as my mother had so nicely reminded me of. But between beauty and brains, I'd still pick brains."

Blaise laughed.

"I don't really fancy having to explain an intellectual joke. I gave up after the tenth attempt of explaining to Lynette why the chicken crossed the road. She kept asking me what was at the other side of the road."

"I never thought you were someone to settle down sooner than me."

"So did I. But you know, I've been trained to expect the unexpected. Arranged marriage and threats to blast my head of – just to name a few."

"It is a pity Draco. We all knew it was inviting disaster to pursue that stupid crush of yours. Seriously, can't you just take rejection and move on?"

"She was the only thing I couldn't have," I thought of Hermione.

"Well, I won't deny she made you happy. And don't we all love a happy Draco Malfoy."

"I haven't seen her for a while, you know."

"You're a married man, Draco. Things are not as simple as sneaking off into the night after patrol like it was."

"I never said anything about starting a steamy affair. I just wanted to see her, maybe drop by for a chat."

"Draco Malfoy never 'drops by for a chat'. Plus, we all know you and Granger together in a room would always mean sparks. And I mean real sparks coming out from the tips of your wands. And seeing she's got the Boy Who Lived on her side… she's always the feisty one, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she is. Maybe that's why I love her so much."

"This coming from a married man whose wife is currently sleeping nude in the bedroom."

"What do you mean you're "dropping by for a chat"?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. I noticed her clutching tightly to her wand and decided not to do anything stupid.

"It means what it means. I'm dropping by for a chat. You know… small talk about simple things."

"First of all, you're Draco Malfoy. You don't "drop by for chats" and neither are things ever simple with you. I should know best," she snapped. She sounded a bit hurt when she said it but her expression gave nothing away.

"Let's just assume you've invited me in," I said and strolled into her apartment.

"Malfoy, get out before I jinx you!"

"Seriously, would it kill you just to talk?"

"Yes!" she replied angrily as she tried as hard as she could to shove me out of her apartment. Giving up, she punched me in the stomach and kicked me hard, releasing her bitter frustration bottled up in her for four months.

I groaned in pain as I looked up at her and asked, "Satisfied? I'm forced to married a woman I despise and I wake up every morning thinking she's the most obnoxious person in the world and I've been sleeping on the floor because I refuse to get in bed with her and all I wanted was to have a nice chat with you and this is what I get! Satisfied?"

"I screwed up my life with you, Draco. I'm not going to do it the second time. Not when this involves another woman, no matter how much I hate her! Lynette doesn't deserve this!"

"Lynette doesn't love me! She's in love with a Muggle!"

"The same way you're in love with a Mudblood!"

"It's not the same," I defended.

"It is the same. It's the same old discrimination against Muggles and Mudbloods that dates back to centuries!"

"You're telling me that you regretting all the time you spent with me?" I asked her with all the strength I could muster. I wasn't really sure I wanted to hear her answer.

She looked like she was at lost of words. Finally, taking a deep breath, she replied, "I don't deny every moment with you felt like heaven. And what I felt for you? Even if it wasn't love, it was a hell lot like it. Do I think that given all we've been through that I should be the one standing next to you at the altar four months ago? Of course I do. But was I next to you saying "I do"? No. And that's the reality of it."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking –"

"I'm sure you are," I muttered.

She continued as if there weren't any interruptions, "And I realised that I gave you everything, everything in my life. Because I loved you. It was so screwed up – our relationship – we were just too blind to see it. What with our family and friends all against it –"

"Love is blind," I cut across her words.

"Yes, love is blind!" she said impatiently. "But Hermione Granger is not! I need security! And being with you is like… playing with fire. It's gonna burn me one day."

"Hermione, please, give us a second shot –"

She laughed mercilessly. And for the second time that day, I was being told the same thing, "Second shot at what?! A steamy love affair? What are you going to do, Draco? Hide me in a love nest? Visit me once a month whenever you feel like it? Give me allowance?"

When I did not reply, she continued. "I need more than that. I'm sorry, but I'm not a homewrecker. That's someone else's job. You're just – it's just – you're married for Merlin's sake!"

She spoke as if marriage was a disgusting disease. And somehow, it felt like that to me. It felt like I was stuck with this incurable sickness and I risk infecting her with it everytime I got close to her – whether emotionally or physically.

"You stick to me like a Permanent Sticking Charm when all I want is for you to disappear! I wish you were a stranger I could disengage! I used to be strong! I was supposed to be married. I had so much stability in life but I traded it all. And for what? For nothing more but tears!" she spoke like she was crying but she held her head high and there were no signs of tears.

She was getting stronger... and tougher...

"When I walked out on my wedding it was the turning point of my life! I gave you so much, and you never gave me anything. Yes, you gave me a lot of love! But love is not enough! I walked out on my wedding for you. I was sort of hoping that you would walk out on your wedding for me. But you didn't. You just went ahead and married someone else. And here you are, at my doorstep, wanting me back."

"I'm sorry," was all I could utter.

"Well "sorry" isn't enough! And it's too late! By going ahead with your wedding, Draco, you gave me an opportunity for a fresh new start. Without you. And that was the most you ever gave to me."

Her words were so cold it sliced through my heart. And I swear it stopped beating.

"I…" there was really nothing I could say that described what I was feeling. It felt like I had suddenly stopped living and a machine had taken over my body.

"There's nothing left to say but goodbye."

And with a great shove, she managed to get me out of her apartment.

How I managed to get back home, I wasn't sure. But as I took off my travelling cloak and faced the living room, Lynette appeared at the hallway with a bizarre look. She looked as if she came to check on who was at the door, and when she realised who it was, her face fell. There was a certain look on her face, as if she was waiting for someone – someone who didn't show – and I could see the disappointment in her as her face crumpled and she collapsed on a nearby chair.

"He won't even talk to me," she half-whispered. She looked for one second like she had lost her mind and everything else. "I-I don't know what else to do! I waited for hours and hours and – and I'm not sure how long more I can wait."

For a moment, I couldn't help but to see the similarity of our situation. As I sat down next to her, there wasn't much any of us could do but to let out a long, heavy sigh.

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."

AN: Somehow when I planned the story, it was supposed to end by Chapter 34. But, obviously I strayed a bit from the plan. So I'm trying hard to stick to it and finish this story. This is the beginning of the end.