-1Chapter 33

I wrap the towel tightly around my waist, grabbing my wallet before rushing to answer the door. A teenage boy stood on the other side with a few bags in his hand. He looked at me strangely as I asked him how much.

"Uh…its twenty one fifty seven." He shifted uncomfortably as I opened my wallet and retrieved the crisp bills.

"There's thirty." He took the money from my hand and his eyes grew wide as Izzie came to the door behind me.

"Ohh… great I'm starving." She reached out and grabbed the bags from him and walked back towards the kitchen. My eyes followed her as she walked away. She looked so sexy; her hair was wet and sticking to her skin. She wore my white button up shirt with just enough buttons undone so I got a good look at her cleavage. The shirt hung just below her ass, I was pretty sure it was all she had on.

I smile at her retreating form and turn my attention back to the delivery boy standing on my front porch. His mouth hung open as he strained to see her through the archway that led to our kitchen.

"Keep the change." I say.

"Man, she is hot. I bet she's a great fu…"

"Dude! That's my girlfriend."

"Sorry….I uh…Do you think you could give her my number?" I slammed the door in his face and hurried to the kitchen.

"The food smells good." I say.

"We should talk about what we're going to do if she's pregnant." Izzie picks at the rice with her chop sticks, offering me a bite.

"I can't even get her on the phone, she won't answer. It just goes to voice mail and I've left about a thousand messages for her to call me." She places the rice in my mouth and sets the container down on the counter.

"I want you to be a part of that baby's life. It's not fair for a baby to grow up without a father." She feels strongly about this, I suppose since her own father was never there.

"I'm not even sure there is a baby yet."

"What makes you think that there might not be a baby?"

"She hasn't exactly been honest about birth control before." As a matter of fact she was deceitful and cruel, an innocent baby deserves more. I should've left her as soon as I found out what she was trying to do.

"Oh." Her eyes drop to the floor.

"Two years ago I found out that she stopped taking her birth control pill."

"How did you find that out?"

"Her sister was drunk and told me." Her eyes widen, I'm sure that's the same look I gave her sister when I found out.

"Wow." She shakes her head.

"Yeah, so I confronted her about it and she said it was no big deal because I always wear a condom and then the next day I caught her poking holes in them."

"Oh my god, Alex I'm on the pill I promise."

"I know and I trust you. The thing is that I love you so much that if you did get pregnant, I wouldn't be upset. I'd be happy and I know you wouldn't lie to me." As soon as I say it she looks away, like she is hiding something.

"I think I need to tell you something." Her voice is shaky and unsure.

"Iz, I already know. You've had a baby." Her eyes dart to mine and her mouth opens to say something but she can't seem to get it out. I kiss her cheek and she smiles at me.

"How did you…."

"You talk in your sleep." I wonder if she knew that. Did anyone ever tell her that when she is exhausted she will hold an entire conversation with you in her sleep?

"I wanted to tell you." She twists a napkin around her fingers until it is tattered and torn.

"You did, sort of."

"How long have you known?"

I shrug. I've know for a long time. "Since before Denny and after the bomb."

"You've known for that long?" I can tell she is running it through her mind, trying to remember if there was any indication that I knew. She won't remember anything; I never spoke of it to anyone. They were her secrets to tell not mine.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asks.

"I figured that if you wanted to tell me you would, when you were ready." I explain.

"It doesn't bother you?" She wears a worried expression on her face as she asks.

"No." Okay here it comes, moment of truth. "Will it bother you if Kelly is pregnant?"

She is quiet, that's not a good sign. I'm starting to regret asking the question. "Yes, it will bother me Alex. I…I'm worried that I'm going to loose you if she is. I know it's selfish of me to feel this way, but I can't help it. I'm mad at her and even though I'm trying not to be I'm a little mad at you too."

"Iz…"

"But mostly, I'm mad at myself." This admission surprises me, I expected her to be mad at me and Kelly but why is she mad at herself? "I keep telling myself that it's going to be okay, you and I will survive this…..and then there is the little part of me that is screaming for me to run. Get out before I get hurt. I don't want to resent you Alex and I certainly don't want to resent an innocent child."

Another thought occurs to me, I hadn't thought of how she would feel watching Kelly and I raise a baby together when her baby is being raised by someone else. In that moment I feel a little selfish myself, I had only thought of how my life would change and not how those change would affect her. "Izzie, I wish I knew what to say to reassure you…..I wish I could tell you that you wouldn't feel that way, but I can't and I understand if you want to run….believe me I do. All I can do is tell you how much I love you and hope that you have enough faith that my love for you….our love for each other will be enough."

"I hope you're right." She says quietly.