Sho's Note: Did you like the last chapter? I hope that the year or so it's been since I've been here has been enough time for it to ferment a little bit you know, settle in and ripen. After re-reading this story, I can confidently say that it was my best. So here's another because I feel like it.

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"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHY DID THAT JUST HAPPEN!?" Shinji screamed as his entire world hurtled through a cacophony of pain.

"You want to know why you idiot?" Asuka replied through the intercom, "the fact that you need to ask is just as bad!"

Just before she could deliver another mind-threatening strike to Unit 01's groin, however, Ritsuko managed to hit the emergency shut down of Unit 02's external systems, paralyzing Asuka before any more harm could be done. It wasn't sympathy for the boy or even concern for damage to the Eva that inspired her, however; the psychiometric wave-length's from Unit 01's Rorschach Interface Gauge had just fluctuated wildly off the charts.

"Shinji, what the hell just happened in there?" the stressed-out woman asked.

"Wh-what? Miss Akagi? But…oh god Asuka, I'm so sor—what's going on?" Shinji cried, his words gradually sounding less and less hysterical.

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Sho's Note: fun fact for you readers out there, "hysteria" originates from the Greek word "hystera," which referred to ovaries. "Hysteria" was thought to be a disturbance of the ovaries which caused mental anguish and wild behavior in women; in other words, the Greeks and medical practitioners up until recent times used it as an official term for the ubiquitous idea, "bitches be crazy." So really, it fits Shinji's current situation pretty well…

WHEN WE LAST LEFT OFF, OUR HERO FINALLY STARTS BEING LESS FUCKING INSANE FOR ONCE!

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"That's what I'm asking you, dipshit! God, screw it." Ritsuko said as she gave up in desperation and removed her emergency pack of cigarettes from her desk. "Some of your readings just went crazy after Asuka hit you in the old family jewels..." she trailed off as she took her first puff and thought for a moment. "…which reminds me, I don't have much more time here, Commander Ikari, er, needs me in his office for a meeting. Near as I can figure, this new LCL system is messing around with the quantum uncertainty regularization system for Unit 01's anatomical synchronization neural uplink."

Shinji paused to soak that in, and then remembered that he spent every lecture about the Evas' technical systems listening to his Walkman. "So what does that mean…what does any of this mean?" he asked.

"It means that the system which coordinates and compensates for the differences between your body and Unit 01's body—in this case, Unit 01's lack of male genetalia—was malfunctioning, and since it deals with actualizing an abstract quantity it's sort of unpredictable…and this new LCL circulation allowed that glitch to affect something in Unit 01's communication with your brain. Did you experience anything odd? Headache? Fuzzy vision?"

Shinji's world swung to a sudden and dizzying halt, as if the lone hamster spinning his little wheel had finally keeled over from a heart attack. Everything…everything he'd done. It wasn't real. Now that he thought about it, it was if he hadn't really experienced most of it, it was like he had just briefly gained those memories, of…what had happened? That place, the sky, a giant Rei and Kawaru speaking to him inside the womb of the world…who was Kawaru again? And…and Asuka. On the beach. That hadn't been a memory. He killed her. Murdered her.

Luckily for him, hallucinations don't count for shit in a court of law, so he got away with choking a bitch. If only we were all so lucky. The implications of it, however, were troubling for our stammering protagonist, but…really, troubling implications aren't really that interesting any more, he's seen tons of 'em. Optimistic implications, now that's the ticket. He started to come around to the idea, in fact. Slowly the hamster is resurrected, denied the sweet peace of death and forced to once again turn the wheel of Shinji's convoluted brain.

"I…I think I saw some stuff…but it was just nothing. Some light and noise…that's all." Shinji told Ritsuko.

"Really? Shit, that's bad." she replied. "I was hoping for maybe some useful insight, but don't dare try and be helpful. I better give Misato the clearance forms to go over before I crack that system open. Ah well, I guess that wraps things up for today. And Asuka, stop using the Eva as a toy, OK? Asuka? Asuka? Oh, I guess I turned her intercom system off too, didn't I? Here we go…"

"…turn off my Eva will she? Fucking ragged old bitch, I mean, who dyes their hair blonde these days? I guess it might be popular with her type, but…aww shit this is back on isn't it?"

--

Shinji emerged from his changing room eagerly, glad that he was feeling normal again. Any fears he'd had for assault from Asuka had been swept away by his new-found perspective on life, on her. He couldn't wait to see her again.

Asuka emerged from her changing room, pumped up by her snafu with Ritsuko and ready to take it out on the original cause for the problem: that whiny, weak brat she lived with. She'd been promising it all day, and apparently she had only hit "theoretical testicles" or something with the Evas, so she'd have to get the job done in person this time.

Sho's Note: fuck it, that's all for tonight I think. I really can't tell if I like this at all. The writing itself, or where I'd take this story…perhaps Shinji SHOULD stay on that beach with Asuka's arm, hmm. This certainly isn't long enough for a real chapter but I need feedback. Rest assured more will come surely, I promise on the grave of Bruce Leeroy's punk-ass…well, once I get through with him after I get out anyways…