Disclaimer: Roses are red
Violets are blue
Twilight's not ours
so you can't sue!


Now disclaimer on the disclaimer cuz it ain't mine either! But anyways this story was written by both IFeelYourPainAndJoy as well as Fanpyre go to our profile and check out our Twilight site. Who knows we might even be friends with you guyz!!

AN: KK this is important Edward drank from an expecting Mountain Lion who was stoned so he is kinda high in this chapter. This is our excuse for why Edward and other character's are OOC. And yes the rest of the Cullens drank from expecting mother animals. It was mating season so there! Also guys let's try to make the review count 28 and then we'll post the next chapter. The next one is going to be Hilarious and Eddi-kins will be rocking female accessories!


Dare
EPOV


"I think we should do something easy so we can win this round" said Rose still proud of the fact that she won the dirty dancing challenge. Personally I think Bella was just sensuous and all Rose did was rub her self against Emmett. It was they're way of taking care of their repression that they had been feeling for these past two days. Whoa vertical sex without intercourse.

"Sure Rosalie it doesn't matter I just want to get this competition done so that…"

"…you can go to your Bella and take out everything you were feeling during the dance huh Edward, we're a team and I also know that we are like oil and water and don't agree on anything but that doesn't mean that you give me no input" Rosalie finished my sentence in a rant.

"Ugh fine something easy would be like eating food?" I asked.

"No way, we'd actually have to consume that vile food that smells like bile, and actually hold it down until this hell is over"

"Language Rose" Yelled Esme from the other room.

"Fine Rose would you care to enlighten me with your opinion?" I asked annoyed at her.

"Well the easiest thing would be dare, I think, we're both brave so we can handle it"

"Well I suppose, but wouldn't the others think we're cowards for choosing dare?" I asked because I knew Emmett would never let me live this down.

"No because the dares are going to be very difficult and hopefully some of them will back out"

"Alright then let's go tell Carlisle and Esme it's almost time" I said.

--

BPOV
My love came down with Rosalie.

"Everyone we have decided that our challenge will be dare" Rosalie announced with her hands in the air like a dictator.

"That's it?" complained Emmett.

"We put up with truth and besides we haven't explained the rules or the dares yet, so back off." defended Edward. I had never seen him defend Rosalie, it didn't feel right.

"The rules are that which ever team has the most completed dares for the Amount of time we have decided, there's no veto power and Edward and I decide on your dares. If you fail to do a dare you are forfeited but the other member of your team can still play. Carlisle and Esme will choose the winners based on which team completed the most dares. Oh and Carlisle and Esme will choose dares for us." Rosalie explained.

"Alright I'm sure every one has understood are we ready to begin?" asked Carlisle.
A chorus of yes's ensued from us and we began.

"Alice I choose you first, your dare is to cut up all your credit cards and donate your summer wardrobe to Goodwill" declared Rosalie.
The look on Alice's face was so shocked; she looked like she was traumatized.

"No freaking way am I doing that, you know my summer wardrobe has my best clothes from all the best designers. Emmett I am not willing to give up my credit cards for this stupid challenge, its not worth it at all!" shrieked Alice.

"So do you forfeit Alice?" asked Edward looking smug.

"Hell ya!!" Alice yelled.

If they could hit Alice on the nerve and make her back out what will they do to me, especially Edward since he knew all my weaknesses I thought nervously.

"Emmett you're up"

"Bring in on Eddie!" Emmett said.

"You have to dress up as cupid, diaper and all and stop the first car you see and talk to the person and ask them who they want to hook up with. You have to converse with that person for at least 10 minutes."

"Easy peasy lemon squeezy!" Said Emmett very cheesily I knew he was taking that quote form 'The greatest game ever played'
Rose just rolled her eyes and flashed up and down the stairs with the costume in her hand. In one hand she held a huggies wet protection largest size (for the chubby babies) diaper with little Mickey mouse designs on the front and back. In the other hand she held a red bow and arrow as well as white sparkly wings. She helped Emmett into the costume of course Emmett insisted on dressing up in front of us so the boys covered our eyes. Though I knew we did not want to peek. Finally he was in costume and we saw the most appalling sight in the universe. His thighs were covered in black curly hair. I knew he had not done his bikini line in a while, he was lucky that he was guy and didn't have to worry about that. Well neither did I …now atleast.

--

All of us were hiding behind something while Emmett waited at the curb of the road for the first car to come. From a distance a Chevrolet Corvette Z06 sports car. We all assumed that it would be a young person but what we saw was just surprising for Vampire or human. Emmett waved the car to stop and out walked a person wearing a hot pick tunic top with a calf length black skirt and black heeled boots. She had a hot pink scarf around her neck and big round black sunglasses. The outfit was truly something that Alice would be proud of. I heard Alice gasp from the tree beside mine when she saw the site before us. This lady was very fashionable for her age. She had white curly hair and wrinkled skin. All in all she looked like an 80 year old. Jasper could feel the tension coming off Emmett for sure and my thoughts were confirmed when we heard Jasper snickering from behind a bush.

The old lady walked towards Emmett and traced a hot pink finger nail across the side of his face.
"Well hello there honey, what may I ask were you doing here dressed to kill?" she coughed.

"Um…Oh ya well as you can see I'm Cupid and I'm here to help you find your dream man so who would he be, that lucky ol…man.?" It took all my strength to not burst out laughing when he went from flustered to embarrassed.

"Oh that lucky man would be… you, sexy!" wheezed the old lady while placing the palms of her hands on his chest.
Five minutes had passed so Emmett still had to survive another five minutes.
The old lady stood there with a dreamy look in her eyes standing on her tip toes.

"Well please introduce yourself" said Emmett and I was sure if he could he would for sure be sweating up a storm.

"Well I'm Candy Sarah Pucker but you can call me anythang you want suga'" she said while puckering her lips at Emmett.
I was so close to falling out of my tree.

"um it's okay I would rather call you Candy." said a flustered Emmett. It was quite a site seeing a big guy like Emmett act embarrassed. Unfortunately for us and fortunately for Emmett his time was up and Rosalie who had seen more than enough came out and save Emmett's ass.

"Oh there you are my cupid, ready to go to those play rehearsals? Oh and sorry lady if he was bothering you." Spat Rosalie venomously.
"Yup we better leave thanks for your time um Candy." Said Emmett thrilled that he was finally free.

"Anytime suga' you know which car to look for…here's my number.." said the old lady trying but not succeeding to sound sexy. Candy wrote the number across Emmett's chest with black ink before he got a chance to stop her. I was practically suffocating from all my laughter. I could feel Edward shaking beside me and see Alice jumping up and down while the bush underneath her was also shaking from Jazz's laughter.

"Ok that is enough there Candy if you know what is good for you; you would stay away from my husband" enunciated Rosalie.
The old lady huffed at Rose while giving Emmett a parting wink, and then sped away in her corvette. As soon as she was a safe distance away Rose scrubbed the number off of Emmett's chest while the rest of us laughed like there was no tomorrow.

"So Emmett what was it like to be hit on by an 80 year old?" asked Edward trying to keep a straight face. By the looks of it Jazz and Edward where never going to let Emmett live this one down.

"SHUT UP EDWARD! Lets see if you can handle your dare okay. At least I had enough courage to do my dare and succeed" said Emmett.

--

Once we were back in the house Rosalie announced it was my turn to die of this torture.

"Bella you must… POLE DANCE! In the outfit that Alice chooses for you and for 5 minutes. Understand?" asked Rosalie with a smirk on her face.
Even for a vampire it took me minute to register what she just told me. Well I guess I had to do this because deep down I really want to win as much as everyone else and on the bright side atleast it is not in front of strangers but even with that the bad side was really over powering the good side oh well I guess It couldn't be as bad as what happened to Emmett. Not wanting to disappoint Jasper either I took a deep breath and said,

"FINE, if I must, to win this thing." In the same second Alice ran upstairs and was back in the next second holding something pink.

"Okay this is a vineyard vixen costume, now go get ready." Said Alice.
I groaned but retreated to the bathroom to get changed.

--

EPOV
I watched my angel come back into the room, dressed to kill. Alice came into the room with a large pole and fixed it in the centre of the room. Then the room became a dazzling blue with some green. Suddenly Lil' Wayne blasted from the stereo. Lollipop started and I saw Bella with a lot of expression on her face warp her right leg around the silver pole and turn her body along with it. Then she stood behind the pole with her legs about a foot apart and leaned into the pole chest first. It was very hard to resist when she did something like that. I remember our first time when she became a vampire, and how our emotions took over. It went on like this for a few minutes while she danced and I tried my hardest to be the gentleman I was deep down. Then the call me so I can make it juicy for ya part came on and she had her back to us and did a backward body roll especially sticking out her behind. I never knew she had the ability to dance like that. I thought the very presence of her was seductive but know this is something I wouldn't mind experiencing the next time we had alone tim- NO Edward think nice thoughts and appropriate thoughts but I just could not hold back any longer. I was about to walk towards her when I felt a hand on my back. I didn't realize that I had actually gotten up. I turned around to find Carlisle touching my shoulders and Emmett quite enjoying the scene before him.

"No son. You have to control yourself. This is the most vital thing after you have learned to control your bloodlust" Said Carlisle with such a straight face that I might've laughed had it not been me.
The song finished and the room was back to being white again as opposed to blue an emerald. I relaxed and sat down not for even a second taking my eyes of Bella. Alice stood up and took the pole upstairs followed by Bella who probably wanted to change. I growled as she reached the first step She turned around, looked at me and quickly ran upstairs to change before I could jump her. I heard Emmett and Jasper laughing . But all I could think of was …I couldn't think the image of Bella pole dancing was blurring everything else. I felt a hand on me and saw Rose starting a conversation to distract me. It took me awhile to understand what she was saying. I heard the end of her sentence it was something like

"Remember that you are a gentleman please try to control yourself."
With that thought I took a deep breath and came to my senses as Bella made her way downstairs in a huge Cherokee hoodie and loose Nike tracks. The only clothes she had of her choice.

"wow love that was quite something oh and sorry for the way I behaved when you were on the stairs" I said not wanting her to think that the growl meant anything besides the truth that she was the only who can make me feel that way.
"Its okay Eddie but I don't think I will ever do that ever again and please lets not talk about what just happened either." She said. Of course since I could deny her nothing I agreed.

"Wow Bella and that's all I am allowed to say" Said Emmett while receiving a smack from Rose and a growl from me.
Bella sat down next to and quietly said, " Can we please move on"

BPOV
"Of course love. Okay it is now your turn Jasper are you ready?" asked Edward.

" Why not, I'm already dead you can't expect me commit suicide…wait no you can" Said Jasper.

"Your dare is that you must go to a rehab center in Seattle where people that are addicted to drugs or are emotionally distressed you must stay and converse with one of them for 15 minutes" Explained Edward.

--

We arrived at the "Joe Jacob John's Joggling Jocund Sanatorium" located in front of the Piano Place where Edward goes to get his piano tuned. Jasper sucked in a deep breath and began walking towards the overly cheery garden of J5S. The garden was aligned with hot pink flowers with little lily's. He entered the building and the rest of us followed.

We walked into the room and Edward convinced the guard to let a patient come out so the doctor can see her. The guard sent out a petite girl with straight long hair with almond shaped eyes. She looked to normal that Jasper relaxed for a moment thinking this was some minor case but I saw the look on Edward's face and knew that it wasn't.

The pretty girl who looked to be about 16 walked to Jasper shyly. Not even once looking at him. Jasper looked at her and flinched back. This girl must be in real pain. The guard left us with Jasper and the girl. We stood against the wall while the two sat down. The girl sat right next to Jasper almost touching him.

"Hello what's your name?"

She looked at Jasper as if he should be here and not her.

"Well my name is Jasper Hale, and I'll be your counseling doctor for a while"

"My name is Nadia" the girl said quietly.

"That's a very nice name so what are you doing here?"

"Shouldn't you know?"

"Um…well I'm filling in and your file didn't arrive at the office on time I don't really…"

The girl looked as though she was about to cry. She lifted her head and noticed Edward then she screamed out" He killed him he killed my L"

She ran toward and started hitting and pulling at his hair. We all looked shocked. Carlisle stepped forward to calm her down but I got to her before. I pulled her away as gently as I could and explained;

"Nadia this is Edward Cullen and he isn't your murderer. I'm so sorry that he was killed but I can assure you that my Edward didn't kill him."

Jasper stepped in and took Nadia by her shoulder and we could all see that she visibly calmed down. Then just as fast she turned hyper as soon as she saw Alice. Alice was stiff and ready incase Nadia attacked her.

With eyes as wide as a child in a toy store Nadia exclaimed;

"Coooookkeeeessss"

She looked at Alice's hair then her pale skin. I'm pretty sure Alice reminded her of an Oreo cookie.

"Nadia how bout we sit down and talk to you" soothed Jasper.

They both went to sit down and Jasper asked her who L was and who killed him.

"Well you see L was the man I truly adored. And… and his murderer was that vile Kira also known as Light. Light Yagami looked just like that man over there with the auburn hair. –shudder- I had a friend once who thought that thing had nice hair ugh I bet she was a part of the murder… that backstabbing Light lover…"she said all this as if it was the world ending and it was her best friend's fault they were all going to die.

-wait did she call the people L and Light? Something is wrong with that…hmm I guess I can see why she is here now.

"Oh L and Light are from a graphic novel. According to the flash backs she is having in her mind. Wow I can't believe she is in love with a fictional character." Said Edward so only us vampires could hear.

"Ah I see, well Nadia that man over there is not Light and he didn't kill any humans or fictional characters." Jazz said trying to get her to understand.

"He's NOT FICTIONAL he's not fictional, he is not FICTIONAL!" screamed Nadia

"I want my COOKIES! Give me my COOKIES-" in that same minute she ran too Alice and bit her arm as hard as she could. After a few seconds of shock Alice pulled away not even scratched while Nadia lost her two front teeth. Jazz called the guard and said that their session was officially over.

"Come now Nadia lets take you to your happy place. Sorry Dr. Hale" said the guard trying to calm Nadia and take her away.

"It's quite alright and I thank you for letting us meet her." Said Jasper as we all got up to leave and continue our challenge. Once we were outside we burst out laughing cuz Jazz started fanning himself probably because of the emotion overload.

"Well Jazz so far we are in the lead because we both completed our tasks fully and are free for the rest of the day." I said trying to find the bright side.

"Thank god." Muttered Jasper.

--

"Okay Rosalie it is your turn; Carlisle and I have decided that you must dye your hair and beautiful shade of green with purple polka dots for the remainder of this until we say you can remove the dye."

"WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE SAYING. HAVE YOU GONE INSANE FROM THAT TRIP TO REHAB. MUST YOU GO BACK FOR YOUR OWN THERAPY SEESION WHITH THE HALLUSANIST NADIA!" yelled a very pissed Rose.

"Language Rosalie, You can always forfeit the challenge." Said Esme in a stern voice.

"Ugh I can't believe I am saying this but fine I will go threw with this insanity." Huffed Rosalie.

"You can do this Rose." I cheered trying to ease some of her stress.

ONE HOUR LATER…

"Ladies, and gentleman oh and you too Emmett I will like to present Rosalie with her new hair-do" said Alice from the top of the stairs.

"Hey why I am not counted among the gentlemen?" pouted Emmett.

"Because you are too childish to fit into that category. Oh and Rose you can come down now" Explained Alice.

"I can't believe I am doing this and just for future reference we will never speak for this week ever again. Also if you crack even one joke that means you too Emmett I will demolish you car to pieces and you will suffer walking everywhere at a human pace oh and Bella since you don't care about cars I will give you the most pain full make over in the history of pain full makeovers are we at an understanding?" said Rosalie in a no kidding what so ever type of voice. We all nodded while Alice rolled her eyes and said "they nodded to your terms so I guess they agree with you so please can you come out already." Said Alice with no patients left in her voice.

We all looked at the top of the stair case and saw Rosalie with the green hair and purple polka dots tied up in to a pony tale. If it was any one else you would have probably fainted at the site before you eyes however I don't know how but Rosalie made it look bad but not revolting. Seriously who can really style such a wacky colour combination.

"Okay everyone stop staring and get on with the final dare of the day and Edward if you back out after I had to go threw with this atrocity I will make your torture so horrible that alone time Bella will not be possible… lets just leave it at that" said Rosalie.

I could tell that Emmett was dyeing to say something but losing his jeep was really not worth it.

"Rosalie stop with the threats. Now Edward you must go out wearing only Speedo's and walk to Joe Jacob John's Joggling Jocund grocery store and buy a carton of eggs." Said Carlisle.

"Fine Carlisle if I must." said Edward.

For a moment I was sad for Edward but then I thought hey I get to see him in only Speedo's what's wrong with that.

"Okay I'll be right back with your clothes…or the lack there of" Alice said

"Nothing funky Alice" warned Edward.

Alice came down with a simple black pair of Speedos and Edward ran into the Powder Room and came out looking like a model that just popped out of a swimsuit calendar. The black contrasting against his pale skin. The trail of bronze hair form his belly button to his hips looked beautiful.

"Okay let's get this done and over with" Edward said breaking me out of my reverie.

We all stood by the window and were going to follow Edward once he was a safe distance away. Edward left and we stared out the window. Then suddenly from behind a tree a familiar hot pink tunic top and a black skirt came to view. Followed by white hair and wrinkly skin. If we as vampires squinted our eyes we could see Candy's corvette. Poor Edward didn't know what was happening. The woman was too far away from him for him to hear her thoughts. Then she got into her corvette and drove to him. She pulled up beside him and Edward finally realized who it was.

We heard her say;

"Well hello there sweet cheeks"

"Um.. hello ma'am" Edward said smoothly, always the gentleman my husband was.

EPOV

" Well hello there sweet cheeks" Said the Candy woman. Ugh the thoughts in her head were atrocious, she wasn't thinking about the same cheeks as I was.

"Um… hello ma'am" I said I didn't want to be rude.

"Are you related to Cupid by any chance?" Candy asked.

"Um…" I wasn't sure if I should give Emmett away.

"…I'm not allowed to disclose that type of Info to you, I'm sorry" I replied.

"That's alright suga' he was taken but my my my you are a fiiine thang by gawd" Candy said in a Texas twang but her thought included me and her under the stars having dinner. Little did she know that I can have her for dinner but her blood would taste just as old as her wrinkly skin.

"Lady…" I started.

"You can call me Candy… Candy Sarah Pucker" She puckered her lips as she said her last name.

"Candy what are you doing on my property" I asked. Then I read her brain

If I just get close to him and touch him he'll stay and Ohh I wonder how that pale skin will under my hands. I was terrified. She'd imagined herself running her hands across my chest that's when the instincts kicked in… I ran. Screw being a gentleman. I slammed the door open and bolted the lock.

"I am not doing this, no way" I yelled.

"Alright every one we will announce the winners as soon as Edward comes down" Announced Esme.

I flashed down and waited, Rosalie shot me a death glare but her thoughts betrayed her.

S'okay Edward I would've ran too.

"The winners are by default 'Silent but Deadly' because they are the only ones who completed the dares they were given, so Jasper and Bella once again you have all night to think up of a challenge" Said Carlisle and we all parted and went to our rooms. I wanted to hunt but was too afraid of who I might find waiting outside.

We heard Jasper and Bella cheer in their room and begin planning.

AN: Pictures on Profile!