CHAPTER SIX

Adam slid into Mac's office, where Ryan Lewis hadn't moved from all day. Stella had been by earlier, dropped off a sandwich and a bottle of juice, but had reported to Adam the boy hadn't touched much of it. Adam had given the boy his own mp3 player so he could charge the batteries in Ryan's. The boy was curled up on Mac's couch. His eyes were open, but unfocused. As his gaze settled on Adam, he sat up. "Hi," he said quietly.

The boy had been so chipper with him only an hour before. He went through high and low periods. Adam knew the feeling. When he'd been a kid, coming home and throwing a ball with his father had been the happiest moments in the world, only to be dashed against the rocks moments later. That emotional rollercoaster was hard on a kid. He could relate with the boy all too well.

He wasn't sure if it was a combination of losing his job or something else that caused his father's mood to change so quickly. Noting that Ryan was still awaiting a response, Adam shoved the thoughts from his mind. "Hey, Ryan," he said. "What are you listening to now?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know, but Mommy would never let me listen to this song."

Despite the tone in Ryan's voice, Adam turned scarlet and quickly thumbed the next track button. "Then we probably shouldn't let you listen to it now, buddy."

"I want my Mommy," Ryan said softly, tears welling in his green eyes.

"Buddy, I know," Adam said. "I know." He put a hand around the boy's small shoulders. "Ryan...do you know who might have hurt your mommy?" Adam asked him slowly.

Instead of answering the question, Ryan burst into tears. Adam grimaced. He really wasn't good at this sort of thing. But he knew, somewhere locked in Ryan's mind might be the answer to the whole case. But Adam couldn't force it from him. He knew what would happen- the boy would become more withdrawn.

And yet they had to know...

"Hey, Adam."

Adam jumped again and cursed himself for doing so. He looked up to see Danny Messer standing in the doorway. Danny crossed the room and sat down next to Adam. "How's he doin'?"

"I...I don't know," Adam said. "Ups and downs, all day."

"Poor kid. His dad is downstairs," Danny said. "Tried to feed us some story about being upstate completely cut off from contact. I say he's BS-ing us."

"What does the, ah, the evidence from the scene suggest?" Adam asked curiously. He felt very out of the loop, and like an idiot for ditching Danny on the case.

Danny shrugged. "I dunno," he said finally. "I want to pin it on this guy, but we got nothin' to go on." He ruffled the boy's hair. Ryan peeked up at him, then buried his face in Adam's familiar vest. "Listen, I've been meanin' to ask you..." He looked at Adam now. "Has Mac suggested you go talk to the department shrink?"

"A couple of times," Adam said.

"But you haven't gone," Danny said.

"No. I've been so busy..." Adam trailed off.

Danny gave him a knowing smile. "Yeah, I get that," he said.

"Have you?" Adam asked him.

Danny shook his head. "No, not yet." He sighed. "We should go, though."

"Danny, that shrink wasn't there. There's no way he could know...that he could have any idea-" Adam finally burst out. He'd been holding it back for so long, and with the Lewis case now, had hardly had any time to think about it. "He'll take one look at me and..." Adam trailed off.

"And what?" Danny pressed. Adam only looked away, out Mac's window, at his computer, anywhere but at Danny. "Adam, I was there, okay, buddy? You're right; that guy couldn't have a freakin' clue what the hell we went through." He realized his voice was getting louder, and he lowered his tone. "But we can't not talk about it," he said. "We have to."

Adam held up his hand. The scars from the cigarette burns inflicted on his hands in the warehouse that day were still visible. "I let them take my badge. I handed them the garage and the lab codes. I just...I just sat there."

"Adam, is that really what this is about? You think that shrink's gonna tell you you were a coward for just sittin' there an' takin' it?" Danny's accent grew thicker as he spoke faster. "If he tells you that I'll nail him in the jaw for ya. You're not a detective, Adam, you're not trained for that sorta stuff. It probably doesn't make it any easier for ya to hear me say this, but you did exactly what you shoulda done to be sittin' here right now." He shook his head. "Personally, I consider you the hero of the day, Adam."

"Yeah," Adam scoffed. "Hand over the key to the city."

"Lemme finish. You got up outta that truck. You got that kit. Even when you were scared beyond all reason. You got up outta that truck, and you got what saved our asses. Hell, you even saved those two beat cop boys. I was there, Adam. You're the hero. And I wouldn't testify to anythin' different." He smiled. "You're stronger than you think you are, Adam." He looked at Ryan, who was listening to the two of them with curious eyes. "And that kid right there? That's the proof. And the person that stares back at you in the mirror? That's more proof right there."

Adam looked down at Ryan, who looked back up at him with innocent green eyes. He looked at Danny. "So...do you know when that shrink is in his office?"

Danny nodded knowingly. "I've been there so many times that I got it memorized. Let me know what works for you, and we'll go together?"

Adam let out his breath and returned the nod. "Yeah. Yeah, sounds good."

Danny's pager beeped. He looked down. "Flack needs me downstairs. How 'bout after work, you and I, we go grab a cold one?"

"Thought that was your standing date with Flack?" Adam said, his humor returning.

The detective grinned. "It is, but I'm inviting you to crash."

"I don't know; I'm not sure Flack likes me."

"He likes you. He just doesn't like that you're smarter than he is. And better looking. We're meetin' at eight-thirty," Danny replied with a smile. "See you there."

It felt good to know he didn't have to go through it alone. Adam looked down at Ryan. Maybe if I open up with him...he'll open up to me?

Author's Note: This whole angsty/serious thing is a new twist for me. Am I doin' okay? Constructive criticism is usually warranted and always appreciated...