Chapter Three

Unwanted Confusion

"…and then when he kissed me the night of the rains, I knew he still loved me." Finished Wanda.

"That…is so romantic." Sniffed May.

Wanderer had just got done telling us almost the whole entire story of her life as Melanie. She made Melanie sound like a fierce warrior/ angel but all I could see was the warrior half. Melanie didn't seem like the type of girl who had many girlfriends and indeed the only girl she would even almost giggle with was Wanda. They were like sisters, almost as close as May and I.

"Do you still have feelings for Jarred?" inquired May.

Wanda's tiny face frowned, "you know, I don't anymore. At first it was confusing…having a memory of a love for him. But all I have to do is think about Ian and I know that he is the man for me. He's the man I want to be with always."

May started to snuffle again. She's such a hopeless romantic. "Do you think we'll ever find that love, Novel?" she asks turning to me.

I put my arm around her, "of course we will May. We just haven't found those guys yet." I tried to comfort her, but I didn't even know myself if I would find a perfect companion like Wanda and Melanie had. She saw through my week assurances.

"It's never going to happen!" she wailed.

I don't know what she is complaining about. Guys tend to fall all over her. I don't know why they don't fall all over me when we look exactly the same. I suppose it's the fact that she has such a…a cute personality. Whereas, I, am just a nerd I guess. We've been here four days and three nights and she's already got Brandt, Travis, and Stanley fallowing her around like lost puppies.

In fact, they were on the other side of the 'library' fooling around and being inappropriately loud while casting wistful eyes at May (and me when they couldn't tell who was who as we were wearing matching clothes today). But they weren't the only ones in the library with Wanda, May and I. Jamie, Melanie's little brother, and Sebastian from our set were also in the library trying to find books for their schooling. Sebastian was required to go to school with Jamie and Isaiah while he was here. May and I had been let of the hook, we were considered 'seniors' by Kim, our teacher, and she didn't expect us to actually work while we were here.

I was jolted out of my thoughts when Burns, Ian, Kyle (who looked like Ian's twin, which was exciting), and Sunny (the other soul) came into the small room full of books. Sunny was holding tightly to Kyle's hand with a frightened expression. I had never seen her more then two inches from him except for once when I passed her on the way out of the bathroom. I had been wondering why Kyle was waiting on the outside of the entrance until I saw her. She seemed nice enough, but I had a feeling that she would possibly annoy me if she ever got far enough from the foreboding Kyle to have a conversation.

Although, no one annoyed me as much as Lacy. I grit my teeth just thinking about her. I could see her always following Burns with her eyes—a hungry expression on her face. If she touched him…I don't know what I would do. But it wouldn't be pretty. When they came in May visibly wiped her tears away and straightened up. I had a feeling that, as Brandt came so easily to her, she now had a slight crush on Kyle. Although I don't know how when he had a permanent growth attached to him by the name of Sunny.

Ian sat down beside Wanda and unconsciously took her hand. The look of pure unadulterated love they gave each other brought tears to even my eyes. Burns sat down next to me and when I looked up at him I knew I still had tears in my eyes. "What's wrong, Novel?"

I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was feeling romantic, sad, and a little bit hopeless all at the same time. So I blamed my crying on a book like I always do. "This book…is just so sad." I could feel May penetrating my mind with her twin mind reading powers and I silently tried to block her from my thoughts. We both looked down at the book I am holding in my hands. It's called An Abundance of Katherine's by John Green and while it is a very good book about a genius that loses his girlfriend…it is in no way crying material. I scowl. Why can't I be reading Gone With the Wind or Lets Get Lost, which are both books that I weep multiple times every single time I read them.

He looks confused for he was the one who found An Abundance of Katherine's for me. I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew that that's not what I was crying about. May clears her throat to try to break the tension and starts a conversation about the festivities for the evening. So far, we had had one big activity each day we've been here. The first day we had the party, the second we played soccer, the third us girls (the boys acted like they hadn't wanted to join in) had a sort of bartering garage sale. We all put the clothes we didn't want anymore and traded. May and I were both able to get some really cool things. Apparently Wanda was more enthusiastic about getting clothes for her group while she was on a raid then Burns and the boys were.

While they talked I fidgeted with my new belt (it was rainbow! Although some of the colored studs were missing) while I thought. I don't understand why I am being so emotional. A moment ago I was fine and scoffing at May for being a hopeless romantic. And I see one look between two lovers and I'm crying in front everybody. I have to talk to somebody about this. I can't go around feeling so emotional and lost all the time, it can't be good for me. I look at May and silently communicate that I need to talk. She gets it and gives a slight nod.

We make our excuses and leave making our way to our sleeping quarters. No one is usually in the big room unless there is an activity or its time for sleep. When we reach it May pulls our mat down from the wall and I pull Burn's down and we sit facing each other.

"Novel what's wrong?"

"I don't even know anymore May. Its like, one moment I'll be perfectly fine and then the next I'll be on the brink of crying."

She laughs, "oh, Novel! That's nothing. I've felt like that every day of my life."

That didn't make me feel any better. She sensed that and started chuckling a bit, "just because you might cry a few times doesn't mean that you are any weaker of a person then you were a few weeks ago. You are still one of the strongest people I know Novel. Ask anyone and they will agree with me that you are definitely a person to be respected and taken seriously."

"I guess," this was hard for me to admit even to the person I loved the most in the world, "I guess I'm just feeling kind of…unlikable."

Now she actually does laugh out loud. "Unlikable? You? Don't be stupid. Haven't you seen Stanley staring at you these past few days? He doesn't even have the courage to introduce himself to you."

This thought doesn't cheer me up; Stanley…can only be described as "immature"; even at nineteen. "Oh. I thought he liked you?" I end my statement as a question.

"No…thank goodness. It's bad enough that Brandt and Travis keep following me around."

I grimace. I had thought that talking to May would make me feel better but it hadn't. I didn't feel like talking about my emotional problems anymore, it just seemed to be making them worse. So I sat up straighter smiled and somehow convinced her that I was feeling better. I knew what I really needed though, was some alone time with my other best friend. When she is finally half convinced I'm feeling better I send her back to the others with the promise that she will at least try to give Travis a chance.

When I was sure she was gone I rummaged through my bag until I reached the bottom and pulled my favorite book in the whole world out. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer had been read so many times over the past few years since I found it that the front cover was almost entirely off and some of the words had been smudged out long ago by my fingertips. It didn't matter if some of the words were missing though; I knew almost the whole book by heart.

The light coming through the roof of the cave was the perfect amount of light for reading and I settled down for a long read. I skipped today's festivities along with dinner and fell asleep while I was reading.

I was woken up when everyone else came in for bed. May had lay down on our mat next to ours and Burns tried to gently nudge me awake to move me off of his mat so he could lay down.

"mmmnooo" I protest still three fourths asleep.

"shh. Novel, honey, I need you to crawl over to your sister's mat so I can get some sleep." Burns whispers in my ear while putting slight pressure on my back.

"Noo. I'm too tired." I mumble unintelligently and press myself further against the wall.

"What was that? Listen, if you don't move over then I'm just going to squeeze in next to you and you will be uncomfortable and squished all night. I'm going to count to three. One…"

I didn't move.

"Two…"

I still didn't move. By now I was awake enough to crawl the few feet to the cot I shared with my sister but for some reason I didn't want to. I blamed this on the perfectly comfortable position I had found myself in. The sudden complete blackness of all the lanterns being turned out was noticeable even through my closed eyelids.

"Three. Alright you asked for it." His hand leaves my back and I can feel him lay down next to me. He's so much taller then me that his feet hang six inches off the mat so he has to tuck his knees a little to keep then off the cold ground. To do this he has to mold his body to mine to give us both room. His hand hesitantly slides across my waste to rest against my stomach pulling me a little closer to him.

I am definitely not asleep anymore and my breathing is a little jagged. Can he feel my heart beating five times too fast? I can feel his against my back. The warmth radiating from his chest into my back is making me tremble a little. Every single spot his body is touching mine my skin is tingling. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this. I've had to share close sleeping quarters with Burns before and I've never been…so aware of every single part of his body.

His head is directly behind mine and I can feel his light warm breath on the back of my neck. I can smell the comforting smell of parchment and something, well, Burns-y that I've always associated with him. But now it wasn't just comfortable it was intoxicating. His hand slowly moves from my stomach to lightly glide up my arm and into my hair. He slowly starts to run his fingers through my hair and a shiver runs through my whole body.

I suddenly realize that he thinks I'm asleep! I know Burns would never touch me like this if he thought I was awake. He's way to proper. Does this mean that he might…like me? I realize now that I have always had feelings for him. But I had just tied them to a crush I always got on my guy friends. But now, with his hand in my hair and his body against my back I realize that this is definitely something more then just a crush.

After a few minutes of him wonderfully, blissfully running his finger through my hair he glides his hand back down my arm and rests it once more on my stomach, finding my hand and entwining it in his big one. I have never felt so safe as I do now lodged between Burns and the cave wall. I feel almost…complete.

I try to slyly turn around as if I'm sleeping and press my face against his chest. He immediately shifts to accommodate me and raps his arms around my back. After a few more moments we are both asleep.

A/N: what did you think? Please please tell me guys! And tell me what you want/don't want and I'll consider it for the next few chapters! Even though I already know what I want to happen for the next chapter bahaha (I just laughed evilly by the way) in mind. Thank you so much to my wonderful beautiful perfect reviewers so far!