I didn't get inspired to write anymore on my claim until the new episodes came out. Bad me, I know. But here we go. Of course House suspects all the wrong things when something appears so simply explained. But he's House.
Title: Mad With Suspicion
Prompt: 24. Agony
Word Count: 550- roughly
Rating: PG-ish. References to naughtier things, but nothing really.
Warnings/Spoilers: Through season four.
"What's wrong with him?" House said, prodding Kutner with his cane, who was lying flat on his back on the floor.
"He, uh, pulled a muscle in his back," Thirteen said hastily.
Kutner groaned.
"How'd you do that?" House asked him.
"Moving furniture with Cole," Kutner grunted. He shifted and took an ice pack from under his back. "Could someone get me some more ice?"
"I'll do it," Thirteen volunteered, grabbing the cold pack and hurrying from the room. Once she was a safe distance away, she allowed herself a laugh.
Kutner was a good liar, even in pain. He hadn't been moving furniture. It had been her fault, well partly her fault, for his present agony. But it was worth it.
Back in the conference room, House decided to embark on a case of epic proportions, though completely nonmedical.
The REAL reason Kutner was laid out on the floor practically whimpering in pain.
"Do you want me to write you a prescription for some very strong painkillers to make that owie go away?" House asked.
"That would be great," Kutner said.
House scribbled a prescription and tossed it, it floated gently down onto Kutner's chest, and the door opened. Thirteen walked back in and handed Kutner the icepack, he sat up, placed it against his lower back and sighed a little in relief.
"Thirteen, walk Kutner down to the pharmacy and get that prescription filled."
"Who's it for?"
"Him," he said, pointing his cane at Kutner, who had stood up with much grimacing.
"Okay."
They walked out, rather slower than they would have normally.
"Good, they're gone," House said.
"The point of that was?" Foreman asked, looking up from his newspaper.
"We have a case."
"Which requires the sending away of half of your team as opposed to keeping them here for differentials?" Foreman pressed, folding up his paper.
"We don't do differentials with patients in the room."
"There's no need, it's just a pulled muscle," Taub said incredulously.
"But WHY did he pull that particular back muscle. Heavy lifting fits. But behavior doesn't."
"So you think he must be lying about helping his friend move furniture?"
"Yes."
Foreman and Taub exchanged skeptical glances, but didn't argue with this.
"So what's your theory? Was he abducted by aliens?"
"I think it's a sex-injury," House said.
Taub laughed. "And that involved getting rid of him why? Guys love bragging about sex injuries, why would he lie about that?"
House clucked his tongue. "Obviously, it's because his fornication is happening in secret and is an agreed-upon secret by the two involved."
"So?"
"God. You two are slow today! He's doing Thirteen," House said impatiently.
"You have to be joking," Foreman said. "Thirteen and Kutner?"
"Do you think they bought the furniture excuse?" Kutner asked, popping a couple of the painkillers in his mouth.
"Taub and Foreman may have. Somehow I doubt House will be satisfied with that excuse," Thirteen replied. "Is it really that painful?"
"Yes."
"Sorry," she added briefly.
"It was worth it," he said, following her into the elevator.
"As long as they don't suspect anything," she said.
"Of course they do. But there's no proof so it'll be fine," he said.
He winced in pain.
"It hurts so bad," he whined.
"Quit whining. You'll be fine."