Title: Dun-a-nun-a-nun Batman!
Characters: Kutner/Thirteen, House, Wilson, Taub, Foreman
Prompt: #28 Anti-Hero
Word Count: 715
Rating: PG
Summary: Kutner has a dream. House is a superhero. He and Thirteen are his sexual-tension riddled sidekicks, Taub is the butler, Foreman is the neighboring hero, and Wilson is that pesky villain that House must defeat (or else be lectured to death?)
Kutner hated patients who called House a hero. He definitely wasn't a hero. He wasn't a villain, but he wasn't a hero.
More of an anti-hero, he thought. Like the Hulk. Or the Punisher.
Sometimes, Kutner dreamt of comic book characters.
He woke up one morning and his apartment didn't quite look like his apartment. It looked more like…
Wayne Manor.
He must've been dreaming Batman. He got up and looked in the mirror. He still looked the same as ever.
Maybe he was Batman?
There was the sound of thudding on the floor and his bedroom door flew open.
House?
"Get out of bed, you lazy moron, breakfast is ready."
He followed House (was House the butler?) out and down the stairs to where he saw a few more people gathered around the table already eating breakfast.
"Thirteen?"
She looked up from her eggs. "Hm?"
"Nothing. Good morning," he said.
She gave him a weird smile.
Was she Batgirl?
That might be it.
House said down at the end of the table and Kutner took a seat opposite of Thirteen. Someone dropped a plate in front of him.
He would recognize the short, older man anywhere.
Taub was the Butler.
Which meant…
House was Batman.
How pathetic is it I'm the sidekick in my own stupid dream? he thought, starting on his breakfast.
After breakfast House left for work and Kutner piddled around House Manor (weird name right?) for the day.
That night, it seemed Princeton (and not Gotham, weird!) needed their help.
The outfits were not the most flattering things ever. Or maybe it was just his? Thirteen's looked fine. More than fine.
Shit, I'm giving in to the obvious sexual tension between Robin and Batgirl! Resist! he thought, looking away.
They followed House-Batman to the scene where the villainous Catwoman was robbing banks.
…And by Catwoman, his subconscious meant Wilson.
Kutner had to blink a few times to accept this. He had expected, he didn't know for sure, Cuddy, or Amber even.
But Wilson? (What was he going to do, lecture House to death?)
And that catsuit wasn't doing him any favors. House-Batman hit Wilson-Catwoman over the head with his cane and he hissed, leaping from the building top to the next, but falling short.
House-Batman ran to the edge of the building, presumably to go after Wilson-Catwoman and save him, but someone flew up, holding Wilson-Catwoman by the arm.
Foreman- no Superman had saved Wilson-Catwoman from being splattered on the sidewalk.
"What are you doing here?" House-Batman said, sounding annoyed.
"I thought I'd swing by," Foreman-Superman said, dropping Wilson-Catwoman at House-Batman's feet. "Help out a little," he added.
"Well it's not appreciated!"
"Yes it is," Foreman-Superman said, rolling his eyes and flying off.
"Don't bother coming back!" House-Batman shouted after him.
Kutner woke up and instantly started laughing- until he realized that his alarm hadn't gone off (or it had and his subconscious had interpreted it as the police sirens in the dream?) and he was running late. So he got dressed rather quickly and ran out to his car.
By the time he got into work, even House was there before him.
"You're late why?"
"I had this insane dream, you wouldn't believe it."
"You're probably right. Sit down."
He took a seat and after a second, Thirteen elbowed him.
"What?" he said.
"Your shoes don't match," she whispered, pointing at his feet.
It was indeed true, he had put on his intended red low top, but instead of grabbing the other one, he had apparently grabbed a lime green one by mistake.
"Da- I- I did that on purpose," he said, giving a sanctimonious little nod.
She didn't buy it.
House sent them off to do tests.
"So what kind of dream did you have?" Thirteen asked, as they walked to the lab.
"Well House was a superhero," he started. "Batman, to be more specific."
Taub laughed. "Like that'd ever happen."
"Hey, you were the butler."
"What? Why was I the butler?"
"I don't know. I was Robin. And Thirteen was Batgirl. And get this, Foreman was Superman. And then Wilson was Catwoman."
They all burst into laughter at that.