Perfection

Ch 2

Alright, here is the second chapter of my new story.

Warning: this is not as dark as the first chapter, but does have a bit of angst.

Disclaimer: (same as previous chapter)

Please read, enjoy and review!

She had first seen him wandering around the halls of her high school. It was hard to miss the bright red hair among the darker colors of the other students.

He was also uncommonly short.

Even though the girl never had a class with him, there were several rumors floating around the school concerning the redhead. They were hard to miss, too.

All who had taken a class with him claimed the teen was extremely quiet and almost never said a word, except when he was spoken to.

The teachers were wary of his attitude, but still adored him; he seemed to be a model of their perfect student.

Most of his other classmates ignored him. Not only was the boy different, but he was also an outsider, new to the school only this recent year, their senior year.

And no one wanted to be the first to befriend the new boy.

So, she had never tried.

It was the first day of classes and she was already running late. Last night she had tiredly set her alarm, not bothering to check the batteries, but this morning it hadn't gone off.

So, now she was running around getting dressed, and making sure she had all of her things, before dashing out of the building, yelling a goodbye to her still-sleeping roommate.

The girl rushed across campus, disregarding sidewalks and stairs, gasping for breath while her book bag, full and bulging with class materials, bounced against her side as she ran. While she ran, every once in awhile the girl would check the watch wrapped around her wrist before cursing and running faster.

Five minutes later she rushed through the classroom door, falling to her knees on the carpet while the wooden door slammed fiercely against the wall.

"Ah, Miss Kam-i-a, how kind of you to join us."

The girl looked up, her breathing slowing to normal at the sound of the warm, pleasant male voice.

As well as her name being badly mispronounced.

"If you would be so kind as to take a seat, I will continue with class."

Blushing fiercely, she got to her feet, accompanied by several snickers, and, after righting her bag, scanned the room for remaining open seats. The last one was in the fourth row, second seat to the end, next to a partially familiar red-headed boy.

She quickly apologized to her professor, and then walked over to the chair.

Pausing next to the boy, she asked quickly, "Can I sit here?" while pointing at the empty seat.

His head turned towards her, and for several seconds she was surveyed by violet eyes, startling her into silence.

"Sure."

The girl smiled at him, but he had already turned back to the front, ignoring her.

Sighing, she squished through the minimal space between the row of chairs and table, to sit down heavily in the empty seat, and then drop her bag on the floor next to her.

Half-expecting the professor to yell at her for making so much noise, the girl glanced at the front to see him still focused on summarizing the syllabus.

She mumbled quietly under her breath about annoying teachers who ignored their students, as well as other Americans who were unable, for some reason, to correctly pronounce a simple Japanese name.

"He mispronounced my name, too."

The girl started at the boy's soft, monotone voice, "w-what?"

He turned slightly towards her and patiently repeated himself.

"What's your name?" She asked, somehow making it sound like a demand.

The boy now turned to completely face her, a strange expression on his face.

"Ken Seijuro."

After a seconds pause she gasped and said, as loudly as she dared, "You were at my high school!"

In response he raised an eyebrow at her, "I was?"

"Yeah!" At his lingering, what she guessed, confused, expression she elaborated, "I'm Kaoru Kamiya."

He dipped his head slightly, "nice to meet you."

Kaoru grinned, "Same here! Oh, and sorry for not talking to you in high school. I didn't do it purposefully or anything like that."

"It's fine."

When the boy didn't continue, she asked over-cheerfully, "so, how did he butcher your name?"

A slight smile flickered, "Ken Sew-jay-row."

"Yucky," she commented, making a face.

He nodded agreeably.

Kaoru turned back to the lecture and, making sure the boy couldn't see her expression, frowned. The boy seemed to be exactly how her classmates had described him, worryingly so.

Everyone suffered through the rest of class, immediately standing when the professor dismissed them.

She glanced at Ken to see if he was as relieved as she was to get out (why had she signed up for this class in the first place?) but his face was like stone, showing no expression or emotion.

Cautiously the girl reached out and gently gripped his wrist, frowning worriedly when he flinched but then quickly relaxed, as if he didn't want her to notice. "Do you want to go get something to drink, or the like?" she asked softly, as if she didn't want to do more than whisper around him.

Some emotion flickered in his eyes, but it was gone just as quickly before she could identify it. When he spoke, it was in the same soft voice. "No, thank you. I, I have to, I have things to do."

Then, without warning Ken zipped up his backpack and nearly ran out the door, leaving her alone in the room.

Kaoru blinked and dazedly picked up her bag, then walked out of the room and into the hall. Why had he seemed in such a hurry to leave? Had she said something wrong?

Resolving to ask the next time she saw him, the girl walked back to her dorm.

Safely inside his room, in his dorm building, Ken leaned against the wall and sighed heavily, closing his eyes.

I can't do this anymore.

He slowly sank to the floor, resting his head against the hard wood, feeling the cold floor's chill on his bare feet.

I can't live like this. It's been too long; I can't remember how to live normally.

Shivering at the freezing sensation, the boy raised his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. A few seconds later he began gently rocking back and forth.

I don't feel like a real person anymore. I don't know who I am.

Out in the hall a group of boys ran past, yelling and laughing with each other because of some joke or argument.

But he didn't hear them. He didn't hear anything.

I lived most of my life as a puppet. Now I can't live on my own. I don't know how to do things on my own.

The boy sighed loudly. And the girl from history class. Kaoru. What was he going to do about her?

She asked me to have a drink, and I panicked. I didn't know what I wanted. I couldn't say yes. But I couldn't say no.

She had been so nice to him. She had been the one person to speak to him, the one person who hadn't ignored him.

But he didn't know how to react. His whole life he had done what his parents had told him to, but now he was on his own. Before, people had only noticed him because of his celebrity status, but here no one knew who he really was. And they ignored him.

The boy sighed again.

Everyone… except for Kaoru.

He remembered her from high school, remembered seeing her in the halls. But she had never spoken to him, most of them hadn't. So, now that they went to the same college, he had expected to get the same treatment.

But, she did speak to me. As if I was a person, as if I existed.

At first she hadn't recognized him. When she did, he had expected her to turn away, to immediately stop talking.

But she didn't. She acted as if it didn't matter. I know she knows who I am; I know she knows the rumors about me. But she didn't seem to care.

He had changed his name in order to escape from his past life. It had been his own way to cut all of his ties with that horrible existence. To have a new life as a new person, a new chance to live how he wanted.

But he didn't know what he wanted. He didn't know what this chance meant. He didn't know what to make of it.

So, he lived like he always had. Alone, afraid, and distant.

It was the only way he knew how to live.

The boy hung his head between his legs, sighing as he slowly ran his hand through his hair.

But now there was Kaoru.

What should I do about her? I'm too scared to let her get too close to me, but… she's the first person who noticed me and actually bothered to talk with me, who hasn't ignored me. She seems so surreal... I can't tell if she's really there or not.

Maybe this was all a dream, maybe he had created Kaoru as a way to ignore his problems.

She looks like HER.

He gasped, his head rising and eyes snapping open simultaneously.

Did he really just think that? Was that really the truth?

They're not the same person. SHE'S dead. She won't come back. Neither of them will come back.

But they look alike. You can't ignore it. They look very alike.

They're not the same. They're not the same.

Maybe not. But she could turn out to be like her.

Never.

Do you really want to find out?

No. A light sigh escaped him. I just won't let her get close enough then.

The next time Kaoru saw the redhead was at lunch the next day. He was sitting at a small round table in the back of the cafeteria, all alone with a nearly empty tray set in front of him.

As she wandered around the cafeteria getting food, the girl kept an eye on Ken, noticing that he never moved and rarely looked up from where his gaze was fixed on the tray in front of him. It was as if he were afraid to meet anyone's eyes, or to be caught staring. Kaoru sighed; the boy didn't seem to like people at all. Or, he liked them, yet was scared of being too close.

After Kaoru had gotten food, and a drink, she weaved her way between the tables to where Ken was sitting. The entire time she walked towards him, the boy never raised his head, or registered her presence, instead keeping his eyes locked on the tabletop.

When she finally made it to the table, Kaoru stopped beside him and set her tray down on the hard surface, trying to make enough noise to startle him.

But he didn't react.

"Excuse me, can I sit here?"

Finally he raised his head slightly, and glanced at her from beneath his long bangs. But it was only a second before he returned his gaze to the tray, his only response to her question a small shrug.

"Thanks."

Kaoru sat down and quickly began eating, keeping one eye focused on Ken the entire time. Quite quickly she noticed that even though he had a tray of food in front of him, the boy was not eating from it at all. Not a spoonful or forkful of anything.

The girl sighed softly and set down her fork. "You have to eat Ken."

"I'm fine," He replied quietly, then turned away from her to stare out the window, his eyes unfocused.

She frowned at him, puzzled. He wasn't really paying attention to her, or to their surroundings. What's with him? He's so…distant. "Ken, food is good for you. If you don't eat then you'll go hungry."

Ken replied quietly, "I'm not hungry Kaoru-san."

"If you're not hungry, then why did you come here?" The girl questioned, shoving a forkful of lemon cake into her mouth while glancing over at him.

The boy only shrugged, sat forward in his chair and distractedly began pushing his food around the plate with a fork.

"Ken! Didn't you hear me?" Kaoru demanded impatiently, glaring at him over her forkful of food.

He glanced at her then stared down at the plate again, sighing, "Yes."

Rolling her eyes, the girl glared more fiercely at him. "Then answer! If you didn't come here to eat, then why did you? And why won't you eat? You'll starve without food."

"I'm fine Kaoru-san," Ken repeated more firmly, glancing quickly at her.

She frowned and growled softly at him, "You can't be fine! You look like you never eat! You're so skinny for a boy!" The girl pushed his tray towards him, and tried to force a fork into his hand, "Eat! Eat!"

But at the contact he tensed and his hand became stiff. The fork fell with a clatter from his fingers that had not tightened around the silverware, to the table.

"What was that for? How do you expect to eat without a fork?" She picked up the discarded silverware, pierced a piece of chicken, then raised it to the redhead's mouth and shoved it inside.

Something flickered within Ken's eyes before he pulled the chicken off, chewed for awhile and swallowed, all while Kaoru watched him carefully.

"Good!" the girl exclaimed happily, and began slowly feeding him forkfuls of the food on his plate.

Obediently, the boy ate each forkful as it was presented to him, but each time, his eyes flickered and the limited emotion visible in them lessened, until there was almost no feeling remaining in them, and his expression was almost a complete mask.

When all of the food was gone, Kaoru set the fork back down on the now empty plate, and smiled cheerfully at him. "See? That wasn't so hard!" The girl teased the redhead, and then gently poked his arm. "You need to eat more often Ken; you're as skinny as a toothpick!"

The boy nodded in agreement, wondering at the comparison of him to a cooking utensil, and also not wanting to cause the girl to become angry with him. To his dismay, he felt the familiar sensation of submission choking him because of her actions, and was trying to not wince at her touch, or at her words that sounded like an order to him.

"Ken? You okay?" Her tone was one of worry, and even before she placed her palm against his forehead, he anticipated the action with fear."Ken?"

He forced himself to calm down, and breathed deeply a few times before he was able to answer her, still stuttering, "y-yes, I'm fine."

Not believing him, the girl frowned and leaned in until they were nearly face to face, her sleeveless arm brushing his sleeved one. "You sure, 'cause-"

At the close contact, Ken fearfully realized that he could barely contain the fear and submissiveness that was occurring within his mind because of her words, and also because of how her body, were too close for any type of comfort. He panicked, trying to stop himself from his immediate reaction of withdrawing within himself, and instead tried to appear outwardly calm, for his companion's sake. "I'm, I'm sure I'm fine."

Even though Kaoru obviously didn't trust his words, the boy knew that he couldn't contain himself long enough to convince her that he truly was okay. He had to get out of this place; he had to get away from her, at the very least. Being this close to someone for the first time in nine years, actually being so close to, and even just touching a girl was causing him to have subtle flashbacks of his past and because of them, he was having a hard time distinguishing between the present and the past.

"Ken!"

"Kenshin!"

He cringed, tightly closing his eyes while trying to block out the voices. But they wouldn't go away, they wouldn't…

"Hey! Ken! Ken!"

The hand that had been gently pressed against his forehead was now gently placed on his arm, squeezing it lightly every time she spoke to him.

She said more to him, called his name more times, asked if he was alright, and continued to get his attention by squeezing his arm or speaking directly in his ear. But, none of her words reached him. He was too preoccupied with fighting off memories, with trying to not push her away. Every time she squeezed his arm, or touched him in any physical way, his fear grew and he lost even more control over himself. The few times he managed to make himself look up, and look directly at her, her face overlapped with the face of the person who he wanted to never see again, and whom he had been frightened of his entire life.

"Kenshin."

Okaa-san.

This can't be…

No, no.

"Ken, please. Talk to me."

The hand squeezed his arm again, harder than before. When he didn't outwardly react the girl went further, this time slowly reaching up to brush his hair away from his face. But then, at her touch he flinched and closed his eyes again, pulling away again.

"Ken, please."

Don't, please don't. Don't.

"I, I can't…"

His voice was softer than even a whisper, but the girl was close enough to hear. "What can't you? What's wrong?" she asked happily, excited that he had finally spoken to her.

Suddenly it all felt like too much.

The redhead rapidly stood up, pushing his chair away harshly while at the same time hitting his hand on the tray.

"Ken?"

He stayed there for almost a minute, standing still with his body completely tensed, while staring intensely at the ground, trying to not show his fear. The teen fought with himself, her voice was overlapping with another one that he knew far too well, and his mind was spinning from the fear and defeat that came from the sudden and too familiar situation he was experiencing. Control no longer existed for him, or, it was close to becoming extinct.

"Ken! Come on! Talk to me!"

"Kenshin! Answer me!"

The boy fiercely shook his head, trying to bring himself back to the present. "I, I can't."

Kaoru frowned and reached up to his tug gently on the long sleeve that draped over his wrist, almost covering his hands to the fingertips, "Ken. You said that before, but didn't answer me. What can't you do?"

"I," the redhead sighed and took in a shaky breath, slowly opening his eyes. "I have to go!" He exclaimed quietly, and then walked quickly out of the cafeteria, leaving behind his tray and a bewildered Kaoru.

Once inside his dorm building, Ken rushed up the stairs and down the hall to his room before jamming his key into the lock and fussing with the thing until it finally unlocked and the door swung silently open.

The redhead dashed inside the room before slamming the heavy door shut, making such a loud racket that it most likely could be heard throughout the entire building. He stumbled through his room in the complete dark, tripping over several things in his hurry, until he finally made it to the bed and sunk onto it before crawling under the sheets and pulling them up to his chin.

It was then that at last he closed his eyes and relinquished the control of his mind, letting the flashbacks and memories from earlier finally wash over him, and return him to the terrifying days of his childhood, and of the many times spent with his parents.

The teen curled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, a small yet hopeless attempt at protecting himself from those painful memories.

It's her, it's that girls fault, was his last thought before sinking into the darkness; she looks too much like her.

And on that note, the chapter ends. Sorry if you thought it was a little too angsty, but its neccessary to the story, especially to show how Ken was influenced by his childhood. I promise that it will not always be as angsty as this. Although it will eventually get more dark. If anyone dislikes angsty and dark stories, then I would suggest not reading this story. Sorry.

Thanks to Ash-chan for beta-ing this chapter, and all of my other stories. You're awesome girl!

Thanks to Onhiro for my one review! Yes, one review. I would love to receive more reviews, especially since they help me know what to change or fix to make the story more enjoyable or understandable. I will also except flames, but only light ones, since they help as well, although they are angering.

Anyway, either way please review. I would love to hear from you guys and hear what you think about this story. I am also possibly considering not continuing this story, since I do not really have a plot for it in mind, except for a few things, and dislike writing without a plot. So, please give me your feedback. And no, this is not a threat, just a call for help.

For the next week I will be on fall break, so I hope to be able to get more writing done in some of my stories. So there will be possible updates this week, although it depends on how quickly Ash and I can work.

Um, I think thats all for now. Please review! I'll try to update as soon as possible! I hope you enjoyed this story so far!

ja ne,

mijichan