Perfection

Ch 2

Hey everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long! I thought I would write more over the summer, but I turned out not to...

But here's a new chapter!

Warning: this chapter has not been beta-ed so I apologize in advance for any mistakes in spelling or grammar that you might find.

Enjoy!

After the scene with Ken at the cafeteria Kaoru didn't see the boy for awhile. He stopped coming to the history class they shared for an entire week, and she also didn't see him on the way to and from her classes, or around campus. It was as if he had disappeared to some private place, and was now staying there in seclusion, hiding himself from the outside world.

She tried searching for his dorm or room number in the college directory, but found that it was not listed. When Kaoru asked some of the people she knew, they didn't even recognize his name. The problem was that these findings didn't help her on her search to find the redheaded, and it also showed that he didn't interact with many people, and resided inside his room when he wasn't busy with classes.

So Kaoru went to the various areas around campus where she thought it would be possible for a person to hide himself from the world, and a place where, even though it may not be his room, where he probably was at the moment- even if she didn't know where that was- he could be hiding instead. The problem was that she, nor anyone else on campus, knew where he was.

In the end, she gave up on finding him and decided that the boy would show up eventually, even though she hated the idea of leaving him somewhere alone and maybe in pain.

But, even though Kaoru cared for the redhead, although she had basically just met him, she still had classes and homework that also needed her time and concentration. So, she ended up lending her time and mind to these academic problems, instead of to Ken, for the entire week, and the following weekend.

Early in the morning, on Monday, Kaoru found herself sitting in history class being bored to death. Her teacher was lecturing on the early Mayan culture, showing aged slides of some of the few remaining ruins while most of the class either took illegible notes or caught up on their sleep. It wasn't that the Mayans were a boring subject; it was just that their professor didn't seem to know what he was talking about, or be interested in what he was teaching.

Ten minutes after Kaoru had given up on taking notes, and only a few minutes before she was sure to fall asleep, the door quietly opened and a figure stepped inside the room. All of the students turned to stare at the newcomer, while the teacher remained oblivious at the interruption.

Kaoru slowly raised her head from her arms and turned to glance at the door, wondering what could have attracted her half-dazed classmates, when she realized who was standing in the doorway looking uncomfortable. The girl waved enthusiastically to the boy, but he kept his gaze locked on the ground, only glancing up a few times at the teacher. He then began moving around the sides of the room, trying to make his way to the empty chair that was next to Kaoru, without catching their professor's attention.

He had made it across the side and the back of the room, and was only a few yards away from Kaoru when their teacher happened to look back at the class.

"Mr. Seijuro, what do you think you are doing?"

Ken stopped and became still. After a few seconds pause he answered quietly, "I was trying to make my way to a seat without disrupting your lecture, sir." The politeness, and undoubtedly the use of 'sir,' caused some students to stare or raise their eyebrows at him while Kaoru looked over sadly at her friend; something was wrong, or upsetting him, but she had no idea of what it could be.

"Oh, I see. Very well, then. Continue to your seat," the teacher replied, slightly surprised at the lack of teenage rebellion he had expected.

The teen nodded his head slightly and walked the rest of the way to the empty chair before quietly sitting down on it. He slowly lowered his backpack to the ground and slid a notebook from inside, and then a pencil. Without so much as a glance around the room, the redhead opened the notebook and began writing down notes from the lecture.

"Ken," Kaoru whispered softly, trying to get his attention without attracting anyone else's. But he continued to write and stare at the front of the room, as if she hadn't spoken.

She sighed, he seemed even worse than he had in the cafeteria. "Ken, are you alright?"

Again there was no answer.

Checking that their teacher was still talking and clueless about the situation, Kaoru glanced towards the blackboard before slowly moving her hand towards his. He seemed to not notice the entire time her hand was moving, until she gently placed hers on top of his, stilling his writing.

At her touch he became very still, no longer moving his hand. The boy made no response to her words, or to her contact- he continued to stare blankly at the teacher.

The girl whispered softly, "Ken," and lifted her hand slightly from his. "Please Ken, don't be like this, I need you to talk to me."

But he still made no response, and was completely still except for the slight rise and fall of his chest, showing he was at least still breathing.

Kaoru gently unwound his fingers from the pen loosely held in his grip and gently took his hand into her own. "Ken," she murmured softly, lightly squeezing his hand, trying to comfort him.

"I'm fine," he whispered quietly, sighing.

However, underneath her hand, his was trembling slightly- a small sign of discomfort. She gently strengthened her hold on his hand, keeping the comforting contact between them. "Ken, you don't have to be afraid of me."

When he was quiet, the girl slyly glanced at the teacher, and other students, then shifted her chair closer to the redhead.

"You weren't in class for an entire week Ken, something must have happened." She smiled encouragingly at him, "please, tell me what's wrong."

His hand stiffened and loosened within hers, and a few seconds later he whispered, his voice barely audible even in the near-silence of the classroom, "Don't worry. Nothing happened."

Kaoru frowned, and then pouted annoyed, "You can't say that! Something did!"

The teen lowered his head to his chest, hiding his expression with his shoulder-length hair, "please Kaoru-san, don't press. I'm fine."

She no longer knew what to say, he didn't seem to respond to anything she said; he only spoke a few soft words in return. It was as if in the week he had been absent, something had affected him, or scarred him so deeply that it changed his behavior. The girl was confused, and desperately wanted to help him, especially since he seemed to be hurting.. She would admit that usually she wouldn't try to help someone who seemed so desperate to distance themselves from society. But, Ken was different. It seemed like he didn't want to be so isolated from people, but she wondered if it were the only way he had found to survive with whatever problems he was being forced to live with.

"Ken, I don't want to be mean, but I don't think missing class for a week constitutes as fine."

Her companion sighed, and relaxed slightly, "I was sick Kaoru-san, that's all."

The girl gave a soft scoffing laugh, "yeah right. Well if you were, you sure recovered quickly." She leaned closer to him, "Come on Ken, I grew up with a younger brother. If you're going to lie to me, try a better one."

To Kaoru's surprise he became very still at her words and seemed to shudder before turning his head away from her. "I'm- I'm sorry."

She stared at him worriedly, "For, for what?"

The boy didn't answer her; he just continued to sit silently and motionlessly.

"Ken?" Even though she knew from a few minutes earlier he disliked being touched, Kaoru kept her hand on his and slowly raised her other one to gently touch his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Kaoru lifted her hand when he hissed sharply between his teeth. She definitely didn't expect that, what on earth happened? He had never reacted that way, something was wrong.

"Miss Kamiya!"

At the sound of the annoyed teacher's voice, she quickly moved away from Ken and turned to the front. "Yes?"

The middle aged man, which was the polite way to describe him, glared angrily at her- he seemed to dislike interruptions. "Please pay attention- this information is very important."

"Yes, Mr. Jones" The girl replied agreeably, waiting until his back was to her to roll her eyes at him. When she was done insulting the man, Kaoru turned to Kenshin and eyed him worriedly. She said softly, "Ken, please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

He shook his head roughly, hiding behind his hair once more.

Kaoru sighed and slumped in her chair, "it's something I said back in the cafeteria, isn't it."

A slow, barely perceptible shake of his head was her answer.

The girl frowned, closing her eyes in frustration, "then what happened? Please, tell me."

"Nothing, nothing happened. Don't worry," Ken whispered softly, turning away, clenching his fist.

It seemed there was nothing she could do to convince him to speak, to tell her what he wasn't saying. He cringed at her touch and only repeated the same few phrases as answers to her words. There was no way she could think of to convince him to speak the truth without making him more afraid of her.

"I do care Ken, even if you don't think I do. We might have just met, but- " she glanced away, a slight blush covering her cheeks. "I want to help, with whatever's bothering you. Please, I want to help."

Following her remark there was only silence, but beneath the silence she distinctly heard a soft sigh that came from Ken, and then the soft words, "Don't pity me. I don't need your pity," spoken softly, but in a harsh tone.

Kaoru's mouth dropped open slightly and she gently squeezed his hand, "I wasn't pitying you Ken, I just said that I wanted to help. That's what friends do, they help."

"When people help you it's only out of pity- they don't really care." He tugged his hand out of her grip and cradled it in his own, "you're the same way. You only want to help me because you pity me, you feel sorry for me."

"No! That's not true at all!" the girl protested, trying not to raise her voice while attempting to convince the teen of the truth behind her actions and words. "I'm helping you because we're friends, and friends look out for each other. They lend a hand whenever someone else needs it. And that's what I'm doing; I'm looking out for you. I want to know what happened so that I can help you overcome it."

Out of the corner of her eye, since she was busily studying his face, she saw his fists clench and then relax. "So you admit that you think I need help, that I can't face or overcome this on my own," however calm he appeared, it was belied by the harshness in his voice. "I'm not some poor helpless child, but I'm also not one of those rich bratty children who depend on others to help them- just because they don't know how. I can take care of myself, I don't need you."

The girl bit her lip slightly, puzzling over what to say to him. She needed to say something that would convince him that her actions were not out of pity that she was actually trying to help him not only because she could, but she wanted to.

As she was thinking, suddenly the noise from the classroom returned to her hearing, causing the girl to start and turn towards the front of the class.

"— is due for Monday's class. Have a good weekend."

Kaoru cursed quietly, and turned to begin packing her things in her backpack. She had completely zoned out and now, she didn't know what the homework was! However much she wanted to help Ken, it was no reason for her to completely miss an entire class period. The girl carefully glanced around the room, trying to find at least one person whose name she knew- and who she could call later to find out the homework she missed.

When all of her things were packed away back into her backpack, she cautiously raised her head to glance at Ken… but he was already gone, walking away down the row of tables.

"Ken!" She called after him, only slightly raising her voice so that he would hear. Her heart beat faster when he paused in his stride, but didn't turn around. The girl waited, holding her breath, but after only a few seconds he continued on, without a word.

Kaoru sighed and hung her head in defeat, thinking how she had failed in her attempt to comfort him, and to find out what had happened to him. A few seconds later she straightened and rose from the chair. There was nothing she could do now- with that thought, she picked up her backpack before slowly leaving the now empty classroom.

He had had to get out of that room. He had had to get away from her.

No matter how many times he told himself that it wasn't true, or tried to convince himself that the real person he feared was dead, for some reason every time he was around Kaoru those truths melted away into fear and doubt.

The problem was that Kaoru looked so much like his mother, so much so that whenever he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, or wasn't focusing- his mind would tell him that it wasn't Kaoru at all, but his mother.

What was worse was that it was getting closer to that date, the day when he would completely bury himself in the past- and loose ties with the real world. The effects of the memories were already occurring, the past few nights he had gotten hardly any sleep, constantly waking from nightmares. Nightmares that were really memories of his childhood.

And just recently in class, he had unconsciously switched between the mindset of the scared boy he had used to be, and the person he was now- whoever that was. He hadn't meant to do so, but Kaoru's presence added to the current instability of his mind- causing him to shift back and forth depending on her actions or words.

The boy stumbled across campus, avoiding other people- especially students, as much as possible. He had to get back to his room- being outside, let alone around so many people, was causing his mind to be unstable, and fear to begin to cloud his thoughts, and judgment.

He hated living this way. He hated being afraid of nearly everything and of everyone. He hated not being able to trust anyone or to let anyone get close to him- and it was all in fear that as soon as they knew who he really was, and what had happened, they would desert him- and he would never see them again. Or that they would pity him and send him to some obscure place under the pretence of helping him, pretending that they cared.

He hated being so afraid, but that was the way he had existed for so much of his life that he didn't know how else to act, or how to act around other people. The truth was that how he behaved now was an act, a mask to contain his real self, the broken boy who dwelled in the far corners of his mind- constantly terrified.

Ken wanted to let Kaoru into his life, wanted for her to always be there, especially after his nightmares so that she could comfort him, and send the bad dreams away.

But that was just selfish of him; he couldn't possibly ask that of her, especially when he didn't know how she would act when, or if, she ever found out the truth about him. He wanted to believe that she wouldn't push him away, that she would comfort him and help to recover the missing and broken parts of himself.

But, that was just wishful thinking.

He couldn't let anyone close, because they would just hurt him again.

Without realizing it, Ken had arrived at his dorm building and flashed his key card to enter the building, only noticing what he was doing when he nearly tripped walking up the stairs.

Admonishing himself, Ken finished climbing and then made his way down the hall, stopping in front of his door. Hurriedly fishing his keys out of his pocket, he opened the door and stumbled inside, nearly slamming the door behind him while throwing his backpack into some obscure corner of the room.

He had to get away from these dark thoughts; he couldn't think this way- his mind couldn't take it. He needed to find some form of comfort, something that would drive the nightmares away, even those he was having during in the daytime.

But as soon as he collapsed onto his bed, any thoughts of comfort or escape from the nightmares that plagued him vanished. It was too close to that date for him to have total or even near to complete control of his mind, and the earlier encounter with Kaoru had lessened that even more.

So instead he was left alone in his room, scared and lost while fearfully anticipating what would happen as soon as he closed his eyes, as soon as he left the real world behind.

He knew he would become the boy of his youth once again. And this time, he didn't know if he would be able to return from those nightmares.

Geez, what is with me and angst? And darkfic things? Mm, just my nature I guess. Although that's kind of weird cause I'm never like this in real life. Ask my friends, they'll tell you that I'm always cheerful and chipper.

Oh well.

Anyways... I hope all of you liked this chapter. I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I thought I would write more over the summer, but obviously it didn't turn out that way. It's funny how being back at college can make you feel like writing more.

It might seem like the story/plot is moving a little fast, and I apologize for that. But I don't want it to seem that chapter after chapter is only KKangst, I think that would get annoying after awhile.

Next chapter might be a little darker, but I'm not sure. Anyway it's sure to be good and interesting!

shameless plug

Once again I'll restate my warning: this chapter has not been beta-ed. So any mistakes in grammar or spelling are completely my fault. I apologize for any that you might find.

For those of you who read my other fanfics: I promise that I will update Kendo Club soon... I'm actually at least half way done with the next chapter. And Brotherly Bonds might be updated soon too, it's about time we get back to AyaxYuki right?

Thanks to everyone who reviewed my other chapters! And pleaser review this one too! I would appreciate you comments!

See you all soon!

-miji