(A/N) I don't think it's humanly possible to express how sorry I am. This is REALLY late, and I know it. Somehow I managed to go on an accidental year long hiatus and... well... I AM SO, SO, SO SORRY! I finally set myself free from my months of writers block, and decided to update this first, as the most deadly demands came from readers of this fanfic. I will be updating many other stories soon, thank you all for your reviews and support! Really, I mean it. Enjoy the last chapter of He's Everything You Want In A Girl. (GASP, last chapter?!)

Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist... I would have been fired for ignoring my readers for so long. I'm sorry!

"God dammit, Winry!" I yelled at her furiously, it was one thing if her weird little friends saw this. It was another if my younger brother did.

"Such a vulgar tongue, young lady," she teased in a musical voice, "haven't you got any manners?" She snapped the phone shut, and carefully placed it in the safest spot she could think of, leaving me nothing short of astounded.

"Wha... you... you..." I pointed at her chest. I couldn't come out with the words, she was just being ridiculous now. "Why?!" I finally managed to ask, ready to bang my head against the wall. This day was moment after moment of humiliating torture.

"Simple," she put her hands on her hips, "I know you'd be willing to fight me for it, I know after what happened today, you'd never reach down my shirt to retrieve it." In reality, after everything I'd been through, I was more willing than ever to seek my revenge. "Plus I already emailed the pictures to myself just in case you do get it back." She added with a sadistic smile.

Damn.

"Winry..." I groaned, a few girls passing by giggled at our little spat. I sighed, there was just no fighting it. "What do you want me to do?" I mumbled reluctantly.

"Hmm..." she said, thinking aloud, "well... maybe you could..." her voice trailed off as she looked at me. "That would work.." she decided.

I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst, "What is it?" I asked intently.

"You're going to go on a date!" She proclaimed, far too cheerily, at my demise.

I stared at her blankly for a moment, the words taking a bit to process in my mind. "I'm going to... what?!" I demanded, my anger resurfacing. "Wasn't what I went through with Roy enough?!"

"You got money out of it," she pointed out irrelevantly, "remember?"

"That's hardly the point," I growled, "and it was hardly worth ten dollars." An idea suddenly struck me, and I wondered if this was how Winry's brain worked when it was in evil mode. "Actually..." I spoke in a much calmer voice, "I'll do it." I said soothingly, "under one condition, of course."

-

Somehow the moment had been much more satisfying in my mind. There was only an hour left, and Winry was enjoying herself far too much for my taste. And to think I had thought there was a small chance of revenge. Boy was I wrong.

"You look ridiculous you know." I commented, leaning on the table, my 'boobs' shifting awkwardly. We were back in the food court again, though it was even more crowded than before.

"It was your idea," she reminded me, "besides, I think I look cute." The look on her face was smug, to the point where it irritated me. That was probably her intention, come to think of it.

"You don't even look like a guy," I chugged the rest of my soda, then wiped the excess moisture off my lips, "except maybe one of those weirdo girly men from that stupid shojo manga you read." It was true, even the with a wig on and her chest bound, she still looked like a girl.

She stuck her tongue out at me, a gesture used quite a bit lately, "It's not stupid. Besides, everyone else seems to think I pass for a guy." She gestured toward the people crowding the mall. "Plus it's not my fault you wear pleather."

"Yeah, and these are the same people who think I look like a girl." I rolled my eyes, then paused as I realized what she said. "Those are my pants?!" I said unbelieving as I looked down to confirm, she was indeed, wearing my pants.

"You're wearing my skirt." She said bluntly, "What's your point?"

"At least I make a hot girl, you said it yourself," I thought for a moment, "but then again, you are a tomboy, and a mechanic, at least you act like a guy" I added with spite.

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me, then looked away, not bothering to respond. It got quiet for the next few minutes, as we both cooled our overheated tempers. I started to regret what I said, the way it had come off wasn't what I had intended.

"Sorry.." I grumbled, sick of the silence, well, the silence between us, the rest of the mall goers seemed to enjoy the noise.

Winry's eyes darted to mine, a shocked look on her face. She looked confused at first, but quickly recovered, "Oh that?" She chuckled, trying to sound non-chaulant, "I don't mind. I am one of the guys, after all." She admitted, "That's why I'll never have a boyfriend." She shrugged it off, like it was nothing.

"You're a bad liar." I commented, and her smile faded. Her eyes fell to the table, her hair - well, the hair from her wig - shadowing her face. I cleared my throat, starting to speak again, when my mind went blank. What was I supposed to say to her to make things better? That's when I just let my impulse take over.

I reached out my hand beneath her chin, gesturing her to look up. My eyes caught hers and I asked her softly, "Would you kiss a girl on a first date?" I was trying to sound clever, or at least funny. I wasn't too successful, but I still got the reaction I had wanted.

Her cheeks burned a bright pink as she blushed deeply, "Uh.." she mumbled incoherently. I decided to test this theory of mine...

"Do you think that... other guy would mind if you... kissed a sweet girl like me?" I smiled a smile that was probably more cocky than it should have been. The phrase 'girl like me' came off far too natural. I needed to get out of that skirt.

Her look of surprise morphed into a flirty smile, "I don't think so.." she almost whispered, leaning towards me.

Our lips had barely brushed, when something sent a shiver down my spine. No, it wasn't a wave of passion, it was the voice I'd heard speaking behind me. Speaking to me, to be precise.

"Brother?" Al asked, undoubtedly trying his best to stifle a laugh. He was, of course, unsuccessful, "What are you doing?" He laughed loudly.

"This isn't what it looks like!" The words spurted out of Winry's mouth so fast that it made me wonder.. what did it look like to an outsider?

"Wow, Ed," he snickered, "you sure have an interesting way of getting dates."

I buried my face into my hands, "Shut up, Al. Just... shut up."

I never did quite figure out which I was more upset about, the fact that I would be constantly reminded of that point in time for the rest of my life... or that Winry and I didn't get to finish our kiss.

(A/N) That's right. It's over. I'm sorry! It's so short, and I could have done so much more, but I thought this would be a semi-appropriate ending to the story. My writing style has changed so much, I wasn't actually sure what I was going to do with this last chapter. It basically wrote itself. Typical me. I really enjoyed writing it though, and it was probably one of my favorite stories I've written. Definitely one of the funniest... and to think... it all started out with me saying, "I want to write a story called He's Everything You Want In A Girl"...

Edward: Why did I have to be the he?

Empress: You make a sexy girl, obviously.

Edward: You'd torture me for that?!

Empress: It was Winry who tortured you, I simply gave her the opportunity.

Winry: Empress-san?

Empress: Yes, dear?

Winry: Why do I happen to own so many wigs in this story?

Empress: ...Next question.

Edward: Hey wait-

Empress: Well, it looks like we're out of time. See you all next time, and thank you so much for reading. Bye!