Typical Disclaimers Apply

A/N: Just so you know I totally HATED the last chapter. So, I rewrote it! If you liked it, just read this, it's fine with me. But, if you thought it was lacking, read the new one (and review!).

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Sirius hadn't seen Esme after the battle began. He hadn't seen anyone really, just a face here and there. Just like everyone else, he'd been swept up by the mob of Death Eaters, and he'd been left fighting people he'd never seen before in his life. But also just like everyone else, he was there in the Great Hall when Harry took down Voldemort. He hadn't seen Esme before she left. She'd not seen him either.

"Where's Esme?" he'd grabbed McGonagall through the celebration. The smile on her face slowly faded away. Her eyes dropped to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius," she'd whispered. "I sent her out to the front lines. I shouldn't have done that," she looked away, toward the rows of dead bodies, "and I shouldn't have expected her to come back."

"What do you—?" he looked where she was looking. He saw Remus, even in death looking contemplative and bookish. Next to him was Tonks, her hair still a shock of pink. There were faces he didn't know; students who'd fought there way past the professors, Order members he'd seen maybe once in his life.

Then there was another familiar figure. One with long black hair, for once resting smoothly on her shoulders. Even from where he stood, he could see the smile on her lips.

"NO!" he screamed, running towards the body, making people turn and look at him pityingly. He knelt down, cradling Esme's head in her arms. Everything flashed before him: every fight, every kiss; every, "I love you."

"I didn't even say…" Arthur put a hand on his back. Sirius looked up at the sudden pressure and saw Snape, lying right next to him, looking as though he'd lost all of the blood in his body. "You!" he cried. "This is all your—you couldn't even—why?" The tears finally slipped out, "You never even cared."

--

Sirius spent the next few years living with the Weasleys, although they were no longer his in-laws. Order members would stop over every so often. Kingsley visited more often than anyone else; he and Sirius had become close friends. He'd also made sure that the funerals, all of which were held at Hogwarts, were beautiful.

There were still days when Sirius didn't think he could go on. He'd wake up in the morning, still sleeping in Esme's old room, and stretch out; still hoping to fill the softness of her skin at his fingertips. Those were the days when he could barely drag himself out of bed, and he'd snap at anyone who talked to him. But Harry was living with them now. That made some things better. Still, he was a constant reminder of what Sirius had lost, or more accurately, let go.

On those days he'd wonder if it would have been better if he'd broken the first kiss with Esme. They probably would never have gotten together. He wouldn't have gotten married and became part of the Weasley family, but she may have still been alive.

It would have been worth it.

--

It was a cold, dank day in November when Molly finally approached him.

"Sirius," she said gently. She'd just walked into the kitchen, about to make breakfast. Sirius never woke up any later than five. He stared out the window.

"I know," he said, he'd been expecting this for quite some time, "don't worry. I have money from Hogwarts and the Ministry, and I can move out before Christmas."

"Oh no!" she gasped. "Sirius I could never ask you to leave! This is your home, and it always will be." She swallowed, "I wanted to talk to you about Esme." He looked at her. "I know, it still hurts, but you'll feel better if you talk about her, please!"

He looked down at the floor, "I couldn't believe it until the funeral. But when I saw her lying there….It just still feels so surreal. I feel like one of these days she's just going to bound into the kitchen, spouting some bizarre commentary."

Molly nodded, "I know. When Hermione and Ron came in and announced they'd gotten married, I could practically hear her admonishing them for doing it legally." Sirius' laugh came out sounding somewhat like a hoarse bark.

"That sounds like her. Do you know what she was doing as a way to take revenge on Snape? She was ordering stuff from the twins'…" he trailed off painfully. Molly nodded and motioned for him to move on. "…From their store. The second week of school she set of a firework during dinner! Well, after that Snape started searching the mail himself, but he had very few people to help him, so much of her stuff slipped by." He looked away sadly, "He loved her, you know. More than I ever could have. And I'm very sure that, if Voldemort hadn't murdered him, he would have taken his own life."

"I knew," Molly whispered. "I knew from the first time I saw them together. It was at dinner, at the Grimmauld Place, he smiled at her. I saw it and I knew."

"I don't know if he ever even told her," He said softly, looking back at Molly. "Part of me hopes she never knew, but I think it may have been better if she had. She had every right to know."

Molly nodded. "She knew, Sirius, but she knew that you loved her too. And for quite some time, she loved you back. But, things do happen…"

"How do you go on everyday, Molly?" he burst out. "How can you go on after losing a son, a daughter, two brothers…" She looked down at the table. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you've every right to ask. I hurt too, Sirius, but we can't live lives ruled by grief. For a while, after Fabian and Gideon went, not a day went by that I didn't wonder what their lives would've been like. Would they marry their sweethearts? Would my boys have cousins?" She looked at him hard, "But I had two young children then and a third on the way. There wasn't much time to wonder about what might have been. I still think about them Sirius, and I'll be thinking about my brothers, Fred, and Esme for the rest of my life. But it's not going to consume me. I had to rebuild me life, and so do you. Keep busy. Get a job. Find little things that help get you through the day. That's what I've done. It helps when your youngest son leaves for milk one day and comes home with a bride."

"I guess you're right. Still, I can't help but wonder if she was thinking about me…" He sighed. "We'll never know. I shouldn't ever worry about it."

"Well," Molly began briskly, "I was going to tell you that Harry is going to visit the castle today. He was wondering, if you didn't have anything to do, maybe you'd like to come along." Sirius looked up at her, surprised. She and Arthur went to the school every weekend, and they'd never invited him along. He hadn't taken it personally, but still this was quite the surprise.

"Yes," he said firmly. "I think I would like to visit her."

--

The sky was heavy with snow when Harry and Sirius arrived at the castle. Due to the weather, the cemetery, typically laden with people, was close to empty. Professor Sprout was laying flowers at someone's grave, it was rumored that her nephew had been one of Fenrir Greyback's victims. She looked up and saw Sirius, and he offered her a small wave. She smiled back at him, but still made her way towards the castle. He'd not spoken with any of his old colleagues since May. Sirius remembered the classes were still in session and wondered if Harry had disappeared to pay Ginny a visit. He thought of Hermione, who had willingly returned to finish off her seventh year, even though everyone in the class of 1998 was given an honorary degree.

Sirius made his way over to Remus's and Tonks's graves. He stood on the ground awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "So…how's being dead?" he asked uncomfortably. He could practically feel Remus glaring at him. "Um, your son's doing well. He talks a little bit now. He's quiet, kind of like Remus. The people at St. Mungo's say that the werewolf gene isn't something that can be inherited, which would explain the lack of fur," he laughed. "Harry's doing well. He's already asked Ginny to marry him. I think the wedding's going to be in the summer, but I'm pretty sure they'd rather elope. Speaking of which, you'll never guess what Hermione and Ron did! Yeah, Ron didn't want a big wedding, and Hermione didn't mind, so they said they were going out for milk one day in August and returned half an hour later with a pair of wedding rings and a marriage license! Molly nearly killed them both," he laughed. "Well, bye," he finally said.

He wandered around the graveyard for about fifteen minutes, stopping by different people he knew. He tried to say something wise to Dumbledore's grave, but only came up with, "Your grave is pretty wicked, sir."

He did all he could to delay his visit to Esme's grave. She'd been buried next to Snape, near Dumbledore. It was a hero's burial; supposedly she'd misled a group of young Death Eaters into Gryffindor Tower with a false password. McGonagall had caught them before they even tried it, although, from what he'd heard, they'd died complaining about receiving false information from "Bella's bitchy midget cousin-in-law."

When the wind kicked up, he knew it was time. Gripping the flowers Molly had given him, he made his way over. He knelt in the snow, touching the silver stone. Esmeralda Genevieve Black, he read. 1973-1998. Loving daughter. Adoring wife. Leader in the Revolution. He smiled, so they did know about the underground Muggle Studies.

"Hey Esme," he whispered. "I'm sorry I haven't been here too often. These are from your mum," he lay the flowers down. "She's doing better. You and Fred, you know, it was really rough for her and Arthur. But they've got a full house, so mourning's not really an option. Hermione and Ron got married. In Vegas. In a fifteen minute time span. But I guess you'd already know that. She wrote to me from the school, Hermione, says she visits you, and Tonks, and Remus, and all her old school friends every day." He sighed, "I…I don't really know how to talk to you. I guess you and Snape will be the only ones to ever know what happened. I should've gone out and fought with you, but Molly says I shouldn't think like that. Whatever happened happened. We can't change it, and we can only cope with the outcome."

He took the heart-shaped necklace out of his pocket and laid it in the snow. "This is yours, and always will be. I wasn't ready to give it up at your funeral. I'll always love you, Esme. But you should know that I wasn't the only one," he whispered. "Snape loved you. And I think he loved you more than I ever could. Please, don't stay away from him because of me." He turned away.

A bit away from Sirius was a woman. She was pale, thin, and rather tall, with sunken eyes and messy dirty-blonde hair tied back in a poor excuse for a bun. She wore an oversized, old brown coat and a ratty paisley skirt. Her overgrown hair and hollow cheeks were tell-tale signs of Azkaban. She was trying to balance a bouquet of flowers in the snow.

"They're not going to stand up, you know," he called. "You'll need magic." She jumped up immediately, her brown eyes narrowing.

"Who asked you?" she snarled. He put his palms up in front of him as a sign of surrender.

"I didn't mean any harm, ma'am." With that he turned away to go find Harry. It wasn't uncommon to be treated rudely in the cemetery.

"No, come back. I'm sorry," she called. "I've just been a little…jumpy lately."

"Azkaban can do that to a person," he said warmly. Her brown eyes narrowed again and he stuck out his hand, "Sirius Black."

"Oh!" she gasped. "You're the criminal. The one those kids saved from the Kiss."

"Yes, that's me," he chuckled. "What brings you to this cheery place?"

"I lost a good friend," she said distantly, looking at the flowers which had toppled over on the ground. "How about you?"

"Me? I'm just visiting my wife."

"Oh I'm so sorry!" she gasped. "I lost my husband; I suppose it had to be nearly a year ago. We're both Muggle-borns, you see. And when they came to take us away he, well, he resisted."

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered.

"I suppose I should be going," she mumbled, wrapping her large coat tighter around herself. Outside the castle, Sirius could see Harry giving Ginny one last kiss goodbye.

"I suppose I should too."

"Perhaps I'll see you around," she said, turning to leave.

"Perhaps," he said, before something hit him. "Wait!" She turned. "You didn't tell me your name!"

"It's Anne!" she called, smiling for the first time. "Anne Daley!" She turned around and walked off towards Hogsmeade.

"Sirius?" Harry was asking him something. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," he said faintly. But as he and Harry walked towards the train station, he couldn't help smiling, just a bit.

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