He asked me if I was trying to commit suicide. I can't believe him right now. He just doesn't understand. None of them do. And if it weren't for that petaQ of a doctor, they wouldn't even know something's wrong. This has been going on for months and only recently they've noticed. I guess the mask is beginning to fall… How can I explain to him that I only crave to feel…. alive. That this is the only way I actually feel something. Any other time I just feel empty inside. Period. I guess now's a good time as any…