Thanks, topaz in the meadow, for telling me your totally unrelated plot that inspired this.
Post-Eclipse Epilogue; Leah POV
xxx
I sat at the edge of the cliffs overlooking the violent waves of the ocean. A car passed on the road behind me, but I remained undisturbed, thanks to the dense green branches that blocked me from view.
I slid forward a little more, letting my bare toes dangle off the cliff's rocky edge. My arms wrapped around my legs and I rested my chin on my knees, only feeling the radiating heat from the brilliant sun. I watched the sun disappear beneath the powerful waves. It looked as if the potent sea had eaten the happy sun, twisting its existence into a torturous nothing.
I allowed my eyes to close as a single tear leaked from my eye. It traveled down my body and dripped off my toe into the roaring ocean. The single drop of sadness and rage would be overcome by the more powerful body of water. An unfightable force.
Now that the sun had stolen back its lovely rays, my thought returned, as usual. It was if they hide from light and warmth and flourished in dark and dreary. My own thoughts and memories were parasites, taking over me.
I lived for these rare sunny days, when I was untroubled by my haunting parasites. These were the only times when my already shattered heart wasn't rebroken again and again and again. These were the longest time periods when I hid from the pack, so I could revel in possible hope undisturbed. Solitude brought with it escape. Escape from the painful memories. Escape from myself and those who were so close to me. Those who I shared everything with. Every feeling, every thought. Everything.
Tears began to steadily trickle from my closed eyes. Would I be like this forever? Would my existence, however long, always be painfully bitter? Would I always live a broken life, lonely and angry? Would – or could – anyone love me, this horrible monster? Could I ever love anyone besides him?
I forced my eyes open and desperately tried to focus them on a seagull so that I wouldn't see his face as clearly. Him. Who I'd trusted, undoubtedly. Who I'd loved, unfaulterably. Who I'd shared more with than anyone else. Who I used to believe would say the same about me. Would I would have spent the rest of forever with, if not for this 'gift'. This stupid, horrible, disgusting magic that ruined my life.
Angry, miserable tears now flowed steadily down my cheeks and mixed with the pouring rain that took over after the sun left. I hated the magic. I hated it for making him keep secrets. I hated it for making him leave me. And now that it had captured me, I hated even more.
My entire being was ruled by my bitter anger towards this 'gift' that ruined my life.
It turned my live into a monster, it pulled us apart, and it made her betray me. I couldn't hate her – or even him – any longer, now that I knew everything. I wish I could still hate them.
Because then I had excuses why he chose her over me. 'She was nicer' or 'She was a better cook' or 'She was prettier'. All superficial reasons but still better than 'true love' or – I didn't want to think the 'technical' term for it. The word left a disgusting taste in my mouth. Imprinting. All the other reasons were better than that. Because I could try to be nicer and I could learn to cook and I could change my appearance. I could fight those things. But how was I supposed to fight 'true love'?
I glared at the stupid seagull as my body began to tremble. I didn't hate the magic. I despised it. I despised something intangible with my whole entire being. It ruined my life and turned me into a monster. How could anyone love me, a bitter creature ruled by intense hate? I repressed the violent shudders that threatened to overcome me. I wasn't going to let them. I might have been swallowed, but I would not be overpowered.
Who could ever relate to me? I'd been through tortuous times with someone who left me for another without a backwards glance. I was that third angle in a love triangle who it didn't work out for. Everyday they went home together to their happy lives while I was left with my hurtful memories and stabbing thoughts as my only company. And I had to share all of it with people I'd rather never see again.
Would anyone ever understand my bitterness?
I hadn't really been expecting an answer to this question, the one that caused my turmoil. I'd had the answer all along, but I hadn't wanted to believe it. Now I was at the point where I didn't care if I disappointed myself. I had an answer.
There was someone exactly like me, someone with a broken heart and a bitter conscience: Jacob Black.
xxx
When I started writing this, the last question was going to be unanswered because I didn't have an answer. Then I wrote it and got to the end and was like… "JACOB!!" So, now I'm not as big as a Jacob-Hater as I used to be. And now I also think that Leah will play a bigger role for Jacob in Breaking Dawn.
There's a really long explanation on how I came up with this and stuff but it's really long and most people don't even read ANs so, if you really wanna know just ask.
I understand that this a bit rambling-y and all but it's thoughts. And that's how my thoughts are usually. A string that never really comes back to where it started. So… REVIEW?!