Chapter Nineteen

Reece

God, that was really the last time I let someone brainwash me. Honestly. Just for whatever the Tok'ra did with me to erase it, I'm cured from it for ever. And of course not to mention the lingering doubt and paranoia that they forgot some safety routine, some deeply hidden failsafe protocol or the shame whenever I see my teammates or the niggling question of what'll happen if the rogue NID ever catches up with me… and I'll just simply ignore the issue of my professional future for the time being.

Of course, being stuck in a hospital bed for at least one more day does not help to distract me from all this. I'm now almost ready to wish for my teammates – former teammates? – to visit me. I wanted them to stop it when I was in the brig, because I didn't want to be reminded of how I screwed up, but at least the Major and Laura both simply refused to let me wallow in self-pity. I guess the only reason Dee didn't come down was that he was still lying in the infirmary, recuperating from the bullet wound.

What I really didn't get, though, was why the Major continued to come down, even after he had his own body back. Laura I understood, because she's just this type of person who doesn't let down people she has accepted as friends or co-workers. I guess she makes friends easily and she's a very loyal person. But the Major… I always had the feeling that you somehow have to prove to him that you're worthy of his respect and acceptance, let alone friendship. And still he came down at least once every day, to talk to me… tell me about Laura's improvements on a way to help me, about how they kept the J.A.G. Corps off their backs… and some simple day-to-day stuff from the base.

In the end I resigned myself to thinking that he was just doing it out of some misplaced guilt or embarrassment, because part of what got us into that mess was that he didn't listen to me. But honestly: He's my CO. Not listening to me is his prerogative, most of all because I hadn't exactly proved myself to be a never ending source of wise advice.

Suppressing a sigh, I turn my back to the infirmary's entrance and try to close my eyes. The headaches are finally gone, but I'm still feeling a little under the weather, just like after a particularly heavy migraine. And something tells me that this isn't over by a long shot. Could be the fact that I'm finding it pretty hard to sleep more than just two or three hours at the moment. Or that the simple thought of leaving the SGC alone gives me the creeps. Or that I'm afraid of reacting... not really well to the sight of a weapon again. Maybe I should just try to sleep again and…

"And here Laura told me I could talk to you." The Major. Great. Can't he just leave me alone?

"With all due respect, sir… being fit to speak does not neccessarily mean being willing to speak." Whee, way to go, Lieutenant Idiot. That's surely the right way to part from him on fairly good terms.

"Fair enough. I'll just come back when you've grown out of your cross-grained phase." With a little luck you won't come back ever again, and I won't have to face you after this incredibly stupid thing I just said. "But then again… I could also order you to turn around." Yeah, just go ahead and see if I care. "Or… I could attract your curiosity and tell you that I'm not here to throw you out of the team." Yeah, sure, as if I ca… wait. Who am I kidding? I do care about my future, and this is making me curious. Before I know it I've turned around.

The first thing I see is his smug grin that says very clearly "I knew you'd come around." and I have to fight down the urge to stick out my tongue at him. Instead I try to regain some of my dignity with sitting up and saying: "Alright, you've got my full interest, sir."

"Well, pleased to hear that. Because I'm here to make a proposal." I could make some nice joke about proposing now, but I have this feeling that he wouldn't be really amused about it. "I've been talking to Laura and Dee, and… well… we agreed on asking you whether you would want to stay on SG10. General O'Neill has given his permission and all that's lacking is your decision. So… what do you say?"

Whoa. Uh… oh. What do I say? I mean… this is the guy who practically gave me hell the last three months and who made me feel like being really far away from ever becoming something even remotely resembling an officer of the United States Marine Corps. And suddenly he asks me if I want to stay on his team? Just like that? "Well… I… I do feel honored, sir, but… I'm not exactly sure if… if that would really be a good idea." Hey, that was really eloquent.

He leans back in his chair, takes his time with answering. When he does, he leans forward on his elbows and shortly looks down, obviously searching for words. Then: "I'll be honest with you. You're… not exactly the kind of officer I usually have on my team, and you and I both now that this is putting it very mildly." Why, thank you, sir. Oh, no, wait. He's right, and I shouldn't get miffed at him for that. So I just nod. "Still, Laura sees something in you, and usually she's right. There's also the fact that some of my decisions would have had other results if I'd listened to you in a few deciding spots back in that rogue Marines' camp." Wait… who are you and what have you done to Major Moore? Basically, he just admitted right to my face that he made mistakes on that mission and that he could have avoided them if he had listened to me.

"Look, sir…" He holds up his hand.

"Nuh-uh, I'm not done yet. If you decide to stay with us, you have to accept that it won't be a cake walk, ever. It'll mean training and torture and danger, nearly on a daily basis. You'll probably never have any life outside this team and this job, because you'll probably always have to train and exercise twice as much as we have to. If you decide against staying with us and taking up a cozy translator's job at the Pentagon or somewhere overseas, no one will blame or resent you for it. But… if you decide for the team… be sure that the team will not let you down, as long as you don't let the team down. If you think you can handle the pressure… you're welcome to stay." He means that. He wants me to stay, even if there's always the possibility I might screw up big time. And he's just demonstrated that not only Laura thinks she's seen something in me. He thinks he's seen something in me as well, or he wouldn't give me this opportunity. He just either hasn't even realized it or doesn't want to admit it.

Well… do I think I can handle the pressure? Do I want to handle the pressure? I take a short look around. During my first three months I've been often enough in the SGC's infirmary that I could call it home… and only now it occurs to me that I already do. Not only the infirmary, I mean, but the whole SGC. I realize that I didn't want to go because screwing up always aggravated me so much, but that screwing up always aggravated me so much because it always potentially meant that I had to go. And I didn't want to, even back in the first month.

It wasn't only the career leap that the SGC presented to me. It was also the feeling of being part of something very special, of being entrusted with a privilege and being part of a very tight-knit group of people… of something resembling a family, in the best of cases. And I want so much to be part of a family again. So… if it means having to work hard and exposing myself to danger… and if these people think I can cut it… and if I don't turn out to be a ticking time bomb again... maybe I should give myself that chance. I take a deep breath.

"I… would be very honored to continue being a part of the team, sir. Thank you for giving me that chance." He makes an appreciative face.

"You earned it. But, you know… you don't have to feel honored. I mean… it's not like we're SG1 or something." I can't suppress a grin.

"True. But who'd want to be on SG1 when she can be on SG10?" That even prompts a laugh from him.

"That's the spirit, Lieutenant. Anyway… I suggest you use the last few hours of squandering around you'll probably ever have. I expect you to report back to duty immediately after your release." With that, he gets up from his seat.

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir." Then he excuses himself and when he's left the infirmary, I lean back into my cushion and take a deep breath. Why do I suddenly have this feeling that I just signed up for a lifelong rollercoaster ride?

DeLisle

Alright. It's been two days now, and I really should stop this. I'm a Sergeant of the United States Air Force, I'm damn good at my job and I've earned more medals than most of the USAF's officers ever will earn. I really shouldn't be avoiding Lau… Captain Greenspan any longer. I mean, even the Major has seen that something is on, and let's face it: He's not the most sensitive kind of guy.

Apart from that, I really want to see Reece again. In the last two days my stupid leg prevented me from walking around too much, and so I just heard about her acceptance through the Major… who's taken to call her "Kid" at some point, although I have no idea why. In fact, I heard it first when he told me about the results of talking to her in the infirmary: "Kid's decided to stay on the team. Want you to frame a plan on her further education in the fine art of not blowing herself up. Oh, and since you won't take part actively in the next survival exercise, I want you to think up some nice sticky situations especially for her."

Why he thinks O'Neill will let him chase his team through the forest so soon after a mission like the last one is simply beyond me. I for my part don't think Reece should be put through something like this so soon, but questioning the Major's orders is simply not my job. So now I'm stuck with both the training plan and the torture on the survival exercise. I'm to hand it to Major Lorne who agreed to be the supervising officer at the Alpha site for the exercise for the Major, La… Captain Greenspan and the Lieutenant.

I wish that for once the Major wouldn't follow his habit of taking part in each and every one of these exercises, because then I wouldn't have to think up some torture – contrary to common belief not all Sergeants have a sadistic little "I'm your instructor, call me God."-streak inside of them – but he gave me an order and now I have to comply with it.

Unfortunately, I just got done with that part of the order, which means that I don't have any more excuses to hole myself up in my quarters. And Captain Greenspan will most certainly already have realized that something's up with me – contrary to the Major, she's sensitive enough that she figures such stuff out pretty fast – which means I have to appear in front of her, at least pretending that everything is okay.

And there's still Reece… ah hell. This is getting me nowhere. There's no reason why I should be avoiding Captain Greenspan and there's no reason why I have to pretend anything. Well, except that I still keep hearing this laugh and seeing those eyes every time I close my eyes and can't stop calling her by her first name in my head, but we'll just simply ignore that. If you have worked with the CIA, you develop a skill for ignoring just about every thought and doubt you want to ignore.

With a sigh, I finally send my proposal to Major Lorne, gather my stuff together and slowly make my way to the mess hall. If I'm about to encounter the team again, I should really be doing it on a full stomach. I just wish, though, that we had beaming technology installed in the SGC. Right now… I really could use it. I'd never tell anyone, but the bullet wound does bother me a little, as do the crutches and the hobbling.

When I'm on the level with the officers' personal quarters, I suddenly hear a very familiar female laugh coming through the open door of one of the common rooms, followed by another familiar male huff. In the common room right in front of me, at least the Major and Lau… Cap… dammit! Maybe I should just stay with Laura, because anything else obviously is impossible anyway. Anyway… they're sitting in the common room and… oh, that sounds like Reece's snorts.

Cautiously, I pear around the corner to look into the room. There, in one of the corners, my three teammates are sitting. All of them, even the Major, are looking surprisingly relaxed. Laura is recounting some story from when the Major was still attending the Air Force Academy, and from the look of him, it's something embarrassing. But Laura is obviously having fun. "You really should have seen Tom's face when Lorne and Williamson told him whose daughter he'd been pursuing so very persistently." Is that a blush I see on the Major's face?

And is that a very tentative grin I see on Reece's face? Huh. That's maybe the first time ever I see her get out of her shell around the Major at least a little. Something… in her attitude changed, like she's not… afraid of him anymore. And Laura… well, Laura looks like she always does: Great. She's at the center of both their attention, and she's enjoying it, that much I can tell. She's no diva, but a natural entertainer. People like to listen to her and laugh with her. I realize how different she is from me, and that's just one more reason why I should stop staring at her.

Dear God, here I am, on crutches outside a common room, spying on my three teammates, who are all officers and all my superiors, and I realize how different they all are from me. Even despite the long years I've been serving with the Major and the strange moves Laura sometimes makes in my direction and the fact that Reece has probably been still in high school when I joined the Air Force, there's still a very fine line between them and me in my head that makes me hesitate to join them.

But… ah hell, they may be my superiors and they may all be not exactly what you'd call an average officer in one way or the other, but most of all… they're my team. And I wouldn't want them any other way, if I have to be honest. So I simply take a deep breath and say: "Hey, uh… there still a spot for a Sergeant in your round?" All of them turn towards the door, and it's Laura who speaks up first.

"About time you make it here, Dee. We were already thinking up plans of how to kidnap you best from your quarters." Well… that was to be expected. I guess I should just learn to get used to it and tell myself there's nothing to it.

As I enter the room, all of them are moving to make me sit down comfortably as naturally as if I was one of their own. Which… which I am, as I realize. I'm as much a member of SG10 as they are, and they have accepted it without question. Maybe I should start to really accept it as well. "Alright, so… where was I? Oh yeah, Academy stories. Did I ever tell you about that Russian exchange cadet we had? You'll just love that story…" Yes, I'm sure I will. But even more I'll like the feeling of this team finally starting to grow together.

A/N: Well, here we are. Who would have thought I'd actually finish this one (certainly not me... at least at some point). Anyway, let's see if I have more in store for this team?