I sat there in silence, staring at my sandwich. Lately, I was hungry almost everytime of the day, but I couldn't bring myself to eat at this moment. Guilt seemed to fill up my stomach just fine. Looking up, he still wasn't looking at me.

He played with his food, stirring around the slop the lunch lady had scooped onto his plate. He wouldn't stare at me, wouldn't even talk to me. I reached for his hand, as I held it I could feel the coldness rushing through his veins. No warmth, no compassion, nothing. He was angry, and I couldn't blame him. Ben was sensitive about this, and the fact that I didn't call him before calling Ricky, hurt him a lot.

"Sorry." I rubbed his hand with my own, hoping he would look up at me.

"You said that already." He didn't look up.

"Ben, what do you expect me to say?" I felt desperate, scared. I didn't want to lose him.

"I don't expect you to say anything." He continued playing with his food, his responses lifeless. Emotionless.

I stopped rubbing his hand, and let go of it. Instead I spun my straw around in my chocolate milk, watching the brown liquid make a whirlpool in my cup. "I know you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad. Just hurt."

"I know I should have called you..."

"Yeah that would have been helpful."

"Ben..."

He continued with his ranting, "...instead of having to see Ricky and you talking at your lockers. You actually smiled Amy! At him?! I didn't believe it at first when Alice told me she saw you two—I trusted you and all, but she was right! I saw you at your locker with him, talking...and at first I thought it was a regular conversation between you and him, with anger and all. But, no! The moment Adrian walked into the school, she ran up to you two, glared at you, then slapped him across the face. All my beliefs just crashed!"

My head was aching, as much as I cared for him, as much as I understood his pain, I felt red raging underneath my skin, "Ben!"

"What, Amy, what?!"

"Stop." I wiped my eyes before tears started to fall.

"Why Amy? I know I'm not the father. I know that he, she, it belongs to Ricky! But I thought you belonged to me!"

"Ben! I don't belong to you! I belong to myself! I can make my own decisions!"

He looked shocked at my outburst, staring up at me his mouth was agape. Soon he formed his lips into a thin line, then smirked. He continued playing with his food. "I thought you didn't want him in your life...I...I thought I was enough. But, I guess I'll never be enough." He scoffed. "Who was I kidding. Ricky Underwood always gets what he wants. This time it was you. I wish it wasn't."

"Ben," I reached for his hand, he pulled it away, "don't worry, he doesn't want me, he wants to be involved..."

"Like he hasn't done enough already."

"Look, you have to understand. I had to do it. My family is so messed up, my mom cries 'cause she's so alone, my sister gets weirder each day, my grandma has Alzheimer's, m-my dad is never home, a-and I'm pregnant." I started crying. "Ben, I don't want my kid to have to experience that. I don't want he, or she, to ever feel alone."

"Don't you think I don't want that either Amy? Don't you think I'd always be there?! Isn't it obvious I'd never leave you."

"I—I know b-bu—..."

"But what? I'm not Ricky right? Why is it suddenly important to you that he's a part of your life?"

I listened to his words. My throat felt dry, I really didn't have a reason...maybe it was just because I knew where Ricky was coming from. I saw the pain he had to live, and having my family breakdown slowly, I understood him. I didn't want to, I was perfectly fine with just Ben, but—looking at how Adrian was, how she didn't know her father, how she felt hurt that he wasn't there- I just couldn't let my child to end up like that.

Thinking of all of this, feeling the thoughts and many reasons race through my minde, I really didn't know the answer to the question. The words and different answers kept swirling in my head—and deep down I didn't know which reason to pick. My head was throbbing.

"A-amy..." he reached out for my hand, "I'm sorry..."

"B-ben..." I croaked his name out.

"I'm a horrible boyfriend." He sighed and stared out to the distance, "but...it's been hard for me too—in a different sense. Hey, I still love you..."

"Mmm..."

"Why can't you say 'I love you' yet?"

He caught me off guard. "W-what?"

"Whenever I say it you can never say it back. I've been noticing it lately. I guess with this whole situation, I just want to know why. Maybe that's why I'm so scared. I'm scared that you're not saying you love me, b-because a part of you wants Ricky, or feels for him anyway. Maybe, that's why...maybe I'm scared to lose you." Tears were forming in his eyes, and I couldn't help but cry too.

"Ben, I am very attracted to you, but 'love' is such a strong word. Just...give me time. Please."

He sighed, "Yeah, I get it...don't worry. I've been through harder times, I'll wait...I'd always wait for you." He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, and then leaned in to kiss me. It was warm, delicious even, but was soon interrupted.

"Ehemm..."

Breaking away from the kiss Ben and I both looked up to see Ricky looking down at us. The air became thick with tension and uncertainty. I didn't know what to do at that moment except to look down at my hands. My nails were chipped, I had to fix them.

"So...Amy...wanna continue our conversation earlier?" His voice sounded teasing. Even if he was supposed to be nice, I could tell he was trying to piss Ben off. The table fell silent, no one wanted to talk, as if one sound could crack the Earth into two.

"Whatever you and Amy have to talk about, it involves me too." Ben stood up, hoping to block me from Ricky's view.

"Oh, so making a baby involves three pe-..."

"Ricky, sit down." I pointed to the seat opposite of mine, hoping to stop the fight that was just emerging.

He sat down, and placed his clasped hands on the table, looking straight at me—completely ignoring Ben. Ben sat up, repeating Ricky's actions, only he held my hand...hoping to prove that I was his girlfriend, no matter what.

"So...Amy..."

"Uh, yeah."

Ben coughed, clearing his throat.

"Okay, look here Ricky," I didn't know where to start, "I'm considering letting you...help, but you follow my rules." Looking up at Ben I reworded my sentence. "Our rules." Ben gently squeezed my hand.

"Whatever. As long as I can help."

Under his breath I could hear Ben mutter the word 'jerk'. I decided to ignore that matter.

"I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. Here's the address." I handed him a slip of paper, covered in my scrawled writing. Okay, so I wrote messy on purpose, I did still regretted this decision. The least I could do was make him lost long enough so he couldn't actually be at the appointment.

As I watched him look at the piece of paper, I could see the confusion etched in his eyes. "Okay, I'll be there.

Oh crap.

"Crap!" Staring at Ben and his sudden outburst, I was glad he shared the same emotions that were now running through my mind. "Amy, I completely forgot tomorrow you had to go! I promised my dad I'd help him out tomorrow, 'cause my grandma's in town and all. I can't believe...AUGH!"

Oh no, oh no, oh no. This could only mean ...

"Don't worry about it Ben, I'll be there."

"That's what I was worried about."

I could feel my heart beating rapidly, my pulse quickening. When I decided to allow Ricky to help, I did not mean, only me and him! Why Ben, why?! Ben's grip on my hand was tightening, making my fingers turn a deep shade of red. I gulped down a lump I felt in my throat.

"If that's all you have to say, you can go now Ricky." Ben glared at him.

"Yeah, whatever." Ricky got up, tucking the paper into his pocket. With his hands in his pocket he just stood there looking at me for quite a while; until he finally spoke up. "Hey, no matter what people say, you're not a slut." And he walked away.

As his head disappeared into the school building, I released the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"If he tries anything on you...I swear I will..."

"It's okay, Ashley will be there too, because my mom's busy and all..."

"Good. But seriously, who does he think he is! He better not try anything, or I'll make sure he'll die for rubbing up on my woman..."

"Ben, stop calling me your woman."

I didn't mean for it to come out, but the stress I had bottled up needed a way out. "Stop calling me your woman, stop saying I belong to you, stop it. I care for you Ben, I do. But right now, I don't want to be labelled anything. I'm sick and tired of it. I just want to be Amy Jeurgens."

He let go of my hand. "Amy, I know you're stressed. Ricky's an ass, of course having him around can cause horrible damage to your emotional stability..."

"Ben, maybe it's not just Ricky, maybe it's everyone around me! Maybe it's my parents, and Ashley, and my so-called-best friends, maybe it's even you..."

"Amy, you're not...breaking up with me right?"

"No...n-o. But...Ben, why did you want to date me. Seriously? You didn't even know me!"

"Amy, the day I saw you in the halls, I just...knew. Seeing you standing with your friends, you seemed different from a lot of the girls there. You seemed unique."

"I'm pregnant, why do you still want to hang around?"

"I'm not a dick. If I knew you needed help, I wouldn't just leave you hanging. I dated you because you were unique, and I'm with you because you still are."

"It's not because you thought I'd have sex with you...right?" I quivered, hoping that the truth wasn't what I thought it was.

He didn't answer for a while. "Of course not."

"Okay." I sighed.

"Who told you that?" He seemed tense.

"Oh, I don't know. It's just 'cause everyone in this school is practically after sex—I just wanted to know you weren't one of those people."

"A-amy I'm not. Anymore. I'll be honest with you, I want sex. But I'll wait...until you're less pregnant. I don't think I want you to have twins."

I laughed. "Okay. But at this point I don't think that's possible..."

"Oh really," he wiggled his eyebrows, "well...then where were we..."

Before things could get any further, or start up again, the bell suddenly rang, and we both gathered up our stuff.

"Okay, Ames, I gotta go. Meeting with the guidance counsellor."

"Alright, I'll just head over to class now." We hugged quickly, and I watched as Ben ran off into the building.

As I entered the building, I saw a scene that didn't surprise me. There in the corner of the hall was Ricky and Adrian. I guess they made up, the way her lips were moving with his. Maybe some things stayed the same.

Adrian was right, he didn't care. Ricky Underwood would always be Ricky Underwood. I definitely regretted my decision. Ricky didn't want to be a dad, he didn't need a dad. Ricky wanted attention. He wanted his reputation.

Ricky Underwood just wanted to be seen and heard.

I regretted believing in him.