Chemistry, how I loathed the subject—the formulas danced around the page, creating a jumble of letters and numbers I couldn't comprehend. I rested my forehead on my hand, shutting my eyes. Opening them, the movement of words had stopped, but the equations still remained a mystery. It remained unsolved.

I hated chemistry. It reminded me about my life too much. It sucked.

Flipping through page after page, spending two hours pouring my thoughts onto a simple equation, I got no further than the first answer. I was pathetic, for this was a complete example of how I was feeling. Last night had stayed in my mind—my father's angry voice, Ricky's voice, the ring, the smell of fries—they just wouldn't disappear.

Last night, as I got home, I quickly dialled Ben's number—wanting to hear something I was used to; wanting to feel the familiarity, to find my comfort. After two rings he picked up, his voice worried, yet relieved. He asked me question after question, with me replying short answers without too much explanation.

Unfortunately, he had found out Ashley hadn't accompanied me, and suddenly bombarded me with questions on Ricky's behaviour—I could hear the hatred seething in his words. I reassured him that nothing happened, and that I was capable of protecting myself against that 'scumbag'. Only I didn't tell Ben, that I didn't think Ricky was a scumbag—anymore. There were some things I just had to keep to myself.

When I grew tired and weary, we said our goodbyes and goodnights, then hung up. Falling asleep in my bed, I stared out to the stars that blanketed the sky, but as I wished on each one I saw, I felt no answer come my way. The stars seemed oblivious to what I should do.

So, now, here I was a day later, struggling over chemistry and so much more. Staring to the right of my pencil, I found the ring Ricky had given me the other day. The purple seemed to glow with the light of my lamp shade, and I couldn't help but feel mesmerized by it.

How was it possible that he could figure me out? How was it possible he could answer questions that I had wanted answers to for so long?

Placing a hand on my stomach, I felt a sudden connection between the baby and myself. I knew I could never kill him—or her—I could never make two mistakes in a row. But, is letting Ricky get involved considered a mistake?

Crap, I needed aspirin.

A knock at my door, stopped me from my complaining and thoughts, looking up I saw Ashley standing there.

"What do you want?"

"Mom's going out to the Boykovich's, she wants to know if you want to go. Ben's home."

"No, it's okay, I have homework. I'll just call Ben later or something." I looked down at my paper, pretending to scribble down something; using all my mind power to will her to go away.

"SHE SAID NO MOM!" Ashley's loud yell, echoed in my ears, causing my head to split even more. I could hear a murmur come from downstairs, only to have Ashley reply even louder, "NO MOM I'LL STAY WITH HER!"

"Ash! My head hurts! Shut up!"

She leaned against my door.

"What do you want? I have a ton of chemistry to do right now, I don't have time for your stupid games!"

She just continued looking at me, then after what seemed like a minute she finally spoke. "Does it hurt?"

"Wh-h..."

"Sex."

The one word seemed to fill my room, suffocating me and everything around me. My head was spinning crazily, and I grabbed onto the edge of my desk, looking for stability. Lately, I had noticed she was interested in...well...that. But, she was only 13! Didn't they have a sex ed class that told you not to do it? Or...maybe that's where she got her condoms from.

"Amy...Amy...Amy..."

"Uh..." My mind blanked, how was I supposed to respond to this?!

"Fine don't answer..."

"Look, Ashley! I don't know why the hell you're asking me this, but don't even think about it! Not. One. Bit."

"I was just wondering. I mean...is it worth having a baby?"

What was with everyone questioning me?!

"I-I—I don't know! I mean...I...Ashley go away!"

"I'm guessing...no?"

"Look, just don't think about it. Don't do it. End of story. It's not what you think it is!"

"Okay. Whatever."

She was still leaning against my door, and urges inside of me wanted to just push her out and slam the door shut.

"So...Ricky called a while ago..."

"Wh-what? I didn't hear the phone..."

"You were in the shower." Why did she seem so emotionless?!

"Why are you only telling me now? That was like four hours ago!"

"Your point? I thought you didn't like him?"

"I—I—I don't!"

"You're stuttering, you're lying!"

"Ashley, stop. Okay...what did he say?"

"Nothing. Just said he wouldn't be able to help you for the next few days. Something came up."

Ricky said he wanted to be involved. He said he wanted to care, and now he was just not going to be there? I hated his complexity! Glancing at the ring in the corner of my eye, I brushed it away, behind all my books—not wanting it in my sight. Was he really just playing with me? Toying with me over and over again?

But...but...then again...he did call me. Wait. Why do I care?

Staring at Ashley I put on a face, hoping she couldn't see through me. "Yeah, okay, whatever. That's just typical of him." I returned to my equations. She still didn't leave.

"Do you care for him, Amy?"

I glanced up. The answer seemed to escape my lips faster than I thought it would, "No." It didn't feel like a lie.

"So...you really care for Ben, huh?"

"Yeah. I do."

She didn't ask any questions, just looked at me once more, then walked away. I sighed, dropped my pencil, and walked to my bed—burying myself underneath the blankets.

My phone rang.

1 New Text Message.

I opened it up, to my horror and surprise, this is what it read:

Call me.

Grace.

What did she want with me? Unless...unless she found out about...yesterday? I gulped. Hesitating, I just stared at the message. Finally, I called.

"Amy!" Her voice was shrill, loud...but there was something else hidden underneath her tone.

"Hi...Grace."

"I am so ecstatic! I saw you two at the mall yesterday! I'm glad you're letting him in your life!" I heard a little giggle from her end of the line.

Listening to her words carefully, I realized something. She saw us?! Oh crap.

"Grace...have you told anyone else, about mine and Ricky's...outing?"

"Oh yeah! I was so happy! I talked to my parents about it, they think he's a nice guy...so they're proud of you, for letting yourself see that. And...I think I told...oh shoot who did I tell? Oh yes! I told Ben! He wasn't as happy as I was about it, but he said he already knew, and was 'okay' with it. Frankly, I think it's just jealousy. Boys." I could already see her rolling her eyes at the last word. "Anyways, I talked to Ricky about it, and well I think he was happy too, but he's too stubborn to admit it. Oh! That's right! ADRIAN!"

At the name, I shuddered, almost dropping the phone. If Adrian knew, then...I gulped.

"Wh-what...did she say?"

"I don't think she's into the whole you seeing Ricky kinda thing. To tell you the truth, I think she loves him, but...she just can't tell him, because he 'isn't one to fall in love'—her words, not mine. Aww...Amy I'm so happy for you!"

I couldn't reply. What was I supposed to say? Thanks?

"Uh...yeah...look Grace it was a once in a lifetime kinda thing. Ben was supposed to be there...but, he couldn't..."

She ignored me.

"I prayed a lot for this to happen Amy. I've seen so many kids abandoned, or have lost a family member. I mean Tom's adopted, but I love him greatly, but I can't help but remember how saddening his life was before. He really misses his mom. And Ricky, well...I'm sure Ricky's told you about his family...or you know already. And well...Adrian...I went with her the night she was looking for her dad—and just knowing her heart broke after he told her to not come back—it hurt me as well. Amy, what you're doing for your child, is good. It's healthy. At this point, I really don't think it's about your feelings anymore—it's about the baby's."

Silence. I didn't reply, and she didn't ask for one. We didn't talk for a while, for all I could do was listen to her words. 'Your baby'. My baby.

"Grace, how do I know this is the right choice? How do I know any of this is right?"

"Well...that's a hard one. I guess...sometimes, we don't know. It's not always what's the right choice. It's the best choice. Like, put yourself in your baby's shoes. If you grew up all your life thinking that Ben was your dad, then one day you realized he wasn't, how would you feel?"

I didn't answer.

"Look, I'm not a therapist, but...I understand how you feel. You want security, and you're scared Ricky doesn't have that. I know you feel safe with Ben, but...Ricky will never understand security if you don't give him the same back. If you just wait for him, just stand where you are and wait for him, he'll know there's somewhere for him to run to."

"I care for Ben, Grace. I don't want to hurt him."

"Ben loves you. He'll understand. If he loves you so strongly, and if he understands you care for him in the same way, he has nothing to fear."

"Grace, what if he doesn't know? I've never said 'I love you' to him."

"Sometimes, the hardest people to love, are those you care for the most."

Part of what she said was true, but the thoughts in my mind suddenly erupted, dancing around in my head and heart. Grace didn't know what I knew. She didn't know the secret that I kept all to myself. It was better that she didn't. It was better that no one knew.

"Thanks Grace. I needed to hear that." And that was the truth.

"You're welcome. God Bless, Amy." And she hung up.

I tossed my phone onto my bed, and stood in front of the mirror. Staring at my reflection I could notice the changes to my body—but I noticed the changes in myself.

Here I was, standing in my room, not a single call from my best friends—but instead from a girl I hardly knew. No longer was I just falling into Ben's arms, but I was relying on others—even Ricky. I could no longer hide my shame, no longer hide the mistake I had made a long time ago. Life was so simple, but I was too ignorant to see the answers right before me.

Placing both my hands on my stomach, I could feel a sudden jolt. The baby kicked. My child was alive. It was living, breathing proof that this was real. In that one second where I could feel the movement within me, I knew. No matter how many appointments, or layers I wore, or how many times I threw up in the morning—it was only in this second that I knew.

I smiled. Going back to my chemistry I stared down at my work. My brain went into motion.

I understood it.

I understood it all.