The Diary

by playboydojo

Starfire gives Raven a diary to write in, and Raven learns a little about life. Very belated update.

4. The Joke

The Joke

xx/xx/xxxx
Robin was struck by hallucinations of Slade. I entered Robin's head and he seems more distraught than he should have been, even considering the circumstances. On top of everything else to worry about, now our leader's finally breaking...

Everything was upside-down except for Starfire who appeared rightside-up...except for Starfire's hair which fell straight up...making it upside-down. Believe it or not, Raven suspected that wasn't what was bringing on the borderline headache. "Star, this isn't really meditation."

Starfire wasn't at all perturbed by the blood in her head or the topsy-turvy perspective, "I would always come here to think." Right now the two were hanging by their legs from Robin's pull-up bar in the gym. According to the alien girl, such bars were all over Tamaran and people would randomly stop whatever they were doing to hang upside-down and think. It wasn't the strangest thing Raven had heard about Tamaran. So while Raven dangled, tense, hoping the crook in the back of her knees--Raven's only grip onto the pull-up bar--wouldn't slip, she thought about what she could be doing: meditating and not risking a broken neck. Starfire, on the other hand, hung there playing with Raven's wolf spider familiar as if it were a pet--nothing at all on her mind, apparently.

"Robin has been quite agitated since...the event..." Starfire finally said, in between muttering nonsense syllables to the familiar.

So this was "The Event." now. First, the Red X fiasco was "The Event" nobody would directly refer to, then Slade's apprentice program. Almost a year ago, The Event was Slade-bots trashing the tower and Terra turning coats. They really needed a happy Event to refer to--like that time Beast Boy got sick, was high on Tylenol PM and sang "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," on the dining table.

"Don't worry about it," Raven finally said. "He was...agitated...before this whole thing."

"Hn." That didn't mollify Star. She sudden pulled herself up to sit on the bar with the spider in her lap--now appearing upside-down with right-side up hair falling down. "Now we sit up, Raven."

"I can't do that, Kori," the goth protested. "I don't have your abs. Robin doesn't have your abs." (1)

"Of course not," the other girl shrugged. "My abs are my own. Allow me to assist."

Everything flipped around, including Raven's stomach, as Starfire pulled her up, and the room went from upside down to revolving around Raven's dazed vision. "I--I think I'm going to purge..." Her head was doing something funny--like she was falling or something. "Is this what we were waiting for?"

Star laughed. "You are so delicate!" she teased. "He agreed to the coffee, yet that was days ago. I think he is ignoring me."

Everything was still spinning. "Hold on," when Raven's stomach and vision finally settled she continued. "Give him a couple days, and drag him away from the computer no matter what he says."

"And this works?"

Raven nodded, "From what I've seen, it always starts with coffee. Or a bet whereas one of you pretends to be something your not. But that doesn't apply here."(2)

"As in pretending to be a tree?"

"Uh...no."

"Because I have done this before." What the heck? But nothing Starfire said surprised Raven anymore.

Before Raven could further investigate why Star would pretend to be a tree (No, seriously, what the heck?), the other girl was upside-down again. With a sigh, Raven followed. Everything was upside-down again; Starfire was still rightside-up to Raven's vision, and Starfire's hair was again the strange combination of both.

"By my next summer, I would have been expected to have officiated a life-mate." The other girl seemed to have no problem with the effects of rapidly changing orientation. In fact, Starfire reached up-down to start braiding her own hair. "That is not likely, I understand."

"Uh...no." The dizziness was confusing--not at all like spinning until she got sick (Long story short: Cyborg found her sitting in an office chair; gave her a twirl; claimed not to know his own strength.). It was more like the sensation she sometimes got burning NagChampa and lemon grass incense at the same time. "On Earth, you'd both still be considered children. I doubt Robin would agree to anything so...serious for a few years yet."

The wolf spider was slowly making her way up-down Starfire's neck. In that strange, slow way some animals have, the familiar tentatively reached around the girl's chin to feel around Star's face. Raven would have shuddered, but her hold on the pull-up bar as precarious enough already. Just as the spider was reaching into Star's nose the girl picked up the animal and frowned at it. "The courtship, for me, is impossible to figure, but I have the marriage itself perfectly plotted."

"Oh?"

"It is true, Dearest Friend. We shall take the Orange Wing of Reflective Wonders--it has a most impressive view of the mercury pool. So when I return every night, weary of State matters, he can attend me, and I shall enjoy seeing him framed by the most magnificent art objects reflecting his image."

Raven grinned, "So he'll stay at home while you work? 'You go, girl,' I think, is the expression."

"I shall keep that in mind," Starfire nodded solemnly. "But Robin would not like to sit idle, would he? No, he would perhaps enjoy an executive position."

That was true. Obsession with Slade notwithstanding, Robin was a workaholic at fifteen. If Koriand'r thought her marriage to Robin would be routine and free of turbulence, she would have a rude surprise in store. "Do you have a Department of Justice--uh--Prosecution on Tamaran? Or a Bureau of Investigation?"

They sat up again. Everything turvy-topped and in Raven's head it felt like a runaway elevator descending at fatal speeds. Starfire, of course, smiled placidly, "Ah, yes. Robin would acquit himself well leading theKr'q'klg."

The...the what? "Say that again?" Raven requested. Star did and Raven wondered how one was to spell all that hacking and spitting.

"The--ah--Suspicion, would be your word," Star offered helpfully. Raven was doubtful ("Hn," being her only response the to simple translation of such a dubious-sounding word) but her friend continued. " That would be wonderful! To return from long days to each other and find the children neatly tended by our--oh." Her face fell. On anyone else it was just an expression of of some small disappointment, but Star had a way of making everything looking world-shattering in consequence. "I--I have noK'norfka for my children." Blinking away tears already forming, she explained, "It is usually a close relation...it means--uh--shepherd? AK'norfka watches over the Royal Family and especially the heirs to protect us from intrigues. My K'norfka has no children and was himself a boon companion of my father."

It wasn't difficult to add it up. Starfire's troubles were reduced to few sources: homesickness, her family, her non-relationship with Robin, and evil in general. "The position would have gone to your sister." Raven said.

Star nodded. "Komand'r is intent on punishing herself--on forcing me to punish her--for what, I know not."

Raven sighed and rolled her eyes. She was getting soft. Puppy-dog eyes never had any effect on her before--both Starfire and Beast Boy had tried often enough. As anempath it was entirely too much work to care what other people went through, and as a seed it was entirely too dangerous to invest in someoneelse's emotional state. Now she could barely avoid doing so. "Your K'norfka was just a friend of the Monarch? Then if I'm still...sane...and your sister hasn't reformed, I'd probably have nothing better to do than chase after you and your silly brood, anyway." Safe enough bet without quite lying. The chances of Raven holding on to her sanity weren't good, and if she wasn't destroying enslaving worlds she'd have little to fill her time.

"Ah! You should love it, Dearest Friend. You would make quite a sage on Tamaran. You shall have the Midnight Apartment--I reserve the Middle Chambers forAqualad, who will be my consort."

"How...liberated of Robin," Raven grinned at the assumption. Or was Starfire teasing? The two shared an attraction to Aqualad after all...

"Robin...liberated? Was he a servant, then?" Starfire, of course, failed to understand.

"Royal prerogative notwithstanding, if Aqualad's going to live on Tamaran, he's going to be my consort. You can't just come to Earth and take everything back with you."

"Are you possessive, then?" Star joked, slyly glancing at her friend askance. "I planned to abduct the Johnny Depp and match him to you, but if you insist..."

"Ha!" No you don't. Johnny Depp's all mine!"

"Well, I shall have to settle." The two shared a laugh at that. More like a giggle, really. Raven wasn't the giggling type, but that JohnnyDepp--he was delicious!

"Raven! Starfire!" Robin's voice cut through the mood. He was standing in the doorway looking up at them. He spared them only a flicker of puzzlement (what, exactly were they doing sitting on his pull-up bar?) before his face was once again inscrutable. "Emergency meeting, five minutes."

"Brother Blood?" Raven guessed.

"No." And with that he turned and stalked out. His terse replies were getting shorter by the day. While the witch merely rolled her eyes, the alien looked down at the spot Robin had occupied with concern. With a very human sigh, she floated down to the floor to follow after him. Raven, after a long minute, did the same.

Left to her own devices, the wolf spider-familiar existed for only a moment before disappearing in a flash of black.

xx/xx/xx

Starfire's hair takes an hour a day to care for! Apparently people are supposed to help groom it like we're chimps or something. Like I know anything about hair...

(oooo)

"I...have a friend who's...interested in...a guy..." Raven ground out. "She...doesn't really know how--"

"Raven, I'm seeing someone," Cyborg cut off and went back to massaging the ground turkey into shape. Star insisted that he make huge meatballs that didn't fit on any fork and took hours to cook properly, but he obliged because she was so quick to compliment his obvious skill in the kitchen. Personally, he thought he was better than Beast Boy, but he'd since learned that saying anything was pushing Beast Boy too far.

"Ah." Raven nodded slightly puzzled by this non-sequitur. Meanwhile, she couldn't seem to follow his written instructions on the making of the almond pastries. "Does 'egg whites' mean the shells?" Eventually, he washed his hands and shoved her out of the way, leaving her to think about how to continue the conversation she didn't want to have. "I...didn't mean you. Sorry."

"Right. Could you put those in the pan for the oven?" Wiping his hands, Cy set the timer for the meatballs and went back the mixture that was supposed to mixing ingredients for tomorrow's desert. No wonder the girl stuck to herbal tea. "Beast Boy...is still going through some things after Terra. I'd give him some time if I were you, Raven."

"I certainly wasn't indicating him."

"Aqualad? Speedy? You like Red X? Or Robin?"

"I'm trying to hook up Star and Robin." She finally blurted out. Like this wasn't difficult enough, he had to go and guess the names of the innocent. "Wait...you'd pair me off with Beast Boy before Robin? At least Robin's competent. Beast Boy--that's just gross."

Cy grinned at that. Personally, he thought Raven tried too hard in showing her distaste in Beast Boy. "You and Robin would never talk."

"Focus, Friend." Raven nudged him. "She asked him out for coffee and he's avoiding her. I...am out of my depth, here..."

His eyebrows raised at her use of Star's term, but he said nothing. "Robin would never drag himself out of here on his own accord...um...he has a girlfriend in Gotham, anyway."

"What?!"

Cy nodded, keeping his face carefully neutral. He wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a secret...For Robin, everything was secret.

"But...he hasn't been in to Gotham in months. That doesn't make sense."

"I know, right!" Cyborg's enthusiasm on the subject got ahead of him. So, yeah, he usually didn't gossip but this always annoyed him like an itch between his shoulder blades. "I told him...uh...I...uh..."

"Right," she guessed. Cyborg wouldn't want to speak out of turn. Hn. That was interesting. Robin had a girlfriend?

Who would've guessed? He certainly didn't act like it. "Where the pasta?" she asked. She had meant to help with dinner and she was just standing by watching. Even when he worked on his car she handed him tools as he explained how everything worked and what he was doing. In the kitchen he was all over the place and she always felt in the way.

"You don't do the pasta until right before dinner."

"Oh. Then do you know how to make pancakes?"

The metal man blinked at that. This conversation was all over the place. "For dinner?"

She rolled her eyes. "For breakfast tomorrow. Pancakes...Star likes to stack them."

...Almond extract. He might just barely run out. It looked like Raven had confused teaspoons and tablespoons. "Starfire got to pick dinner. Can you get me more eggs?"

"I think I can make salad..." Raven offered, rummaging through the refrigerator. "It's her birthday tomorrow."

"Huh." Navigating the kitchen was still his main focus. He still had the sauce to make but that could wait till tomorrow, as well. "We didn't celebrate last year."

"They do things weird in Tamaran." Under her breath, she added, "They do everything weird in Tamaran, it seems."

(oooo)

The weary Titans filed into the rec room for their first debrief. They wouldn't debrief in the command room until tomorrow at the earliest. This first meeting was to go over everything while it was still fresh. Later, when emotional wounds from their individual failings weren't quite so raw, they could begin the clinical procedure of improvement. Every major conflict was followed by as many as seven debriefs, the last as late as two months after the incident.

"Are you sure it's not still broken?" Beast Boy was holding his right arm to his chest protectively. He flopped into the nearest chair and immediately regretted it as every muscled signaled their protest.

Raven followed him into the main wing of Titan Tower. "Either you can take my word for it, or you can slam it on the coffee table until you're quite sure." This meeting would not be one of the quicker ones and nobody was really in the mood today. It would be enough to say that David Cain had righteously kicked their asses. At her teammate's hurt look she half-sighed, half-growled. Beast Boy had a right to be concerned. Using his powers with a broken bone had a way of exacerbating the injury...as well as breaking other bones randomly. Nobody could figure it out, but it scared the hell out of the little green Titan.

"The muscles are inflamed." she finally concluded. "The fracture caused some tissue damage I couldn't heal right away. I'd give you willow bark extract for it, but you'd end up on the table singing 'American Pie.'"

Beast Boy made that annoying whining noise that warned he was on the verge of freaking out and nobody was really in the mood today.

"I'll try again later," she conceded before he got started. "You see me, too, Star. I've got a poultice that'll heal those cuts so they don't scar."

"I no longer like vampire-people," Star grumbled, stomping in behind Cyborg. Claws marks decorated her skin along the arms with one ugly slash on her left cheek. The last to enter was Robin. A disappointed Robin. Like they needed this right now.

"Okay...that could have gone better." Robin started.

"That couldn't possibly have." BB shot back. "Mission Accomplished."

"Okay, let's sit down and wind down first." Cy suggested. It was amazing how nothing ever got in the way of Cyborg's ability to mother hen the rest of the team. You'd think one of these days he'd be pissed off like everyone else. Maybe it was just because he was older, but Raven strongly suspected that was just Cyborg.

Robin ignored the suggestion, "Forty thousand dollars' property damage, 2 injured--"

Beast Boy talked over him, making the argument hard to follow--not that the other Titans really wanted to, "The vamps were out of our control, and Cain came to kill people--no deaths, so--"

Robin: "Glaring weakness in defending Mayor's home, his daughter got taken right under our noses--"

Beast Boy: "Five kids ain't the freakin' National Guard and we got the girl back--"

Rob: "Totally unprepared despite nearly a weeks' warning! We knew there was a hit on the Mayor and we don't think to protect the girl?"

Beast Boy responded by slapping his forehead. "It's David-freakin'-Cain! You don't prepare! You get your Last Rites out of the way. Cain came here to do a job and left unhappy--the best we could do. The best anybody could do." (3)

Robin didn't reply; instead staring at the far wall of the rec room. "The vampires--that's how he got us," he mumbled to himself.

"Du-uh!" No stopping Beast Boy now. Why couldn't they just go to bed and wish they never woke up like usual?

"BB," Cyborg tried calming his friend down. Beast Boy was getting ever more annoying lately. Terra, school, crime-fighting, hormones? Who knew what was getting to him.

"Cyborg, dude--what the hell? I mean, who even knew vampires existed? How do you prepare for that?"

"I knew. I never bothered to learn how to deal with them though--even though I knew Bats faced them before. A lapse on my part." Robin again. (4)

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Beast Boy was near-hysterical.

"Chill, little man," but Cyborg knew it was a lost cause. Beast Boy would yell and scream and throw things until he was out of energy. It was just how he unwound. Raven and Starfire exchanged glances and shrugged. Star flopped onto the sofa before remembering just how badly her back hurt.

"Cy, don't you hear this? Robin thinks he was supposed to expect a hit-man to throw vampires at us?"

"Yeah, but--"

"Check out Boy Wonder-do-all! When you were born, did you cut the cord, yourself? With your teeth?"

The argument would have escalated further if it hadn't been for the interruption that was the new 72-inch television exploding. Not that anyone notice--another sound dreweveryone's attention.

Laughter. Raven laughing. At a Beast Boy wisecrack.

No, Raven cracking up!

"With...with...his teeth," she mumbled before doubling over on the couch, holding her gut. It was classic "cracking up" posture--one Raven was simply incapable of assuming. The overhead lights blew out in a crackle of sparks and dark energy by the time Raven got herself under control. Tears were running down her face.

It was like nothing the team had ever seen before.

Beast Boy recovered first, "Oh, so you like that kinda insulting, sarcastic schtick? I don't do that."

"I do not understand," Starfire said. "Did Robin bite into a cable?"

Now the whole team laughed. It was kinda funny: the image of little baby Robin in a little baby Robin-mask and cutting the little cord with his little teeth...then biting into a cable. By the time everyone settled down (and Starfire had had enough of being kept out of the festivities) they were all relaxed in their favorite chairs and in rather favorable spirits.

"Sorry, dude," Beast Boy told Robin; the leader waved away his apology.

"Raven," the Boy Wonder wanted to know, "What was that?"

"An audible expression of merriment," Raven deadpanned. "I've laughed before."

Quietly, but obviously, the rest of the team looked around and surveyed the damage: That TV was new and expensive. Their accountant would swoon when he found out. Shatter glass from the overhead fluorescent lights salted the floor. If the sun hadn't risen less than an hour ago, the room would be totally dark. Their point was obvious and Raven blanched, then flushed (which was odd for her pale face). "Sorry."

But Beast Boy didn't care about that, "I got it! The Pink Raven!"

"I knew it," Cy muttered.

"The what?" That was both Raven and Robin.

Finally Starfire: "You know about the Pink Raven?"

Cyborg and Beast Boy respond: "You know about the Pink Raven?"

"What the heck is the Pink Raven?" Raven and Robin.

"You don't know about the Pink Raven?" Beast Boy demanded. "But...it was...you."

Raven and Robin exchanged confused glances from across the coffee table (it survived the laughter). Then Raven blushed. Was this because pink was her favorite color? How in the world did everyone find that out?

"Remember," Beast Boy prodded, "We went inside your head with the mirror--"

"And I attacked you, yes I remember," Raven interrupted. "I've already apologized."

Now Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanged confused looks, but Cy shook his head "no" and the younger Titan decided not to argue the point.

Beast Boy didn't care anyway. He made Raven laugh. Even if he no longer had a working Gamestation, she totally made his day. (5)

(oooo)

Bitch!

Whatever that was, it woke Raven up immediately. She sat there for a while wondering if it was Trigon that woke her--but no, she would have known his presence immediately. The walls were stout enough that she probably didn't hear anything from the halls. Was it her communicator? A quick glance told her that she hadn't had any recent message though. All was still and peaceful with the ominous Baphomet idol menacing over the room from her nightstand. She had just given up and was on her way back to sleep when she was suddenly aware ofsomeone's thoughts.

No: she was aware of being aware of it. Whoever it was, their emotions had being drifting out and tangling into her consciousness for a while now. The feelings had to be intense to reach her when she wasn't looking for them and especially powerful to wake her up. Now that Raven was trying, it was easy to find Robin in the gym at three in the morning pounding a bag with taped fists.

He looked...strange in civilian clothing, which was strange because Raven knew in her head that his disguise was the strange clothing, but it was what she had always accepted as "Robin." Here, with everyone asleep, he was barefoot wearing an undershirt and loose sweatpants. It was so colorless and utilitarian--much more like the real Robin.

He was instantly away of her, she knew that much. While not trying to get into his head, a lot of it was just rolling off him, emanating just like the heat he generated when he punched and kicked at the heavy bag in front of him. He ignored her for a few moments and she decided to talk. "Can't sleep?"

"I always work out." He groused. His mask was off and he didn't want anybody to ever see him like that. If the team knew who he was, they'd know who Batman was and it was a risk he hated, but Raven suspected that wasn't why he was pissed. It only took a moment to fetch a mask from a nearby gym back and slip it on, then resume his routine.

It was quite again for another two minutes, save for him beating on the bag. With every hit, there was a low exclamation of breath--Raven didn't know what that was about, but then again, she didn't make a habit of punching and kicking. He was clearly and overtly ignoring her, willing her to leave him alone to his stewing psyche. It was vaguely familiar to Raven, though she didn't know why. "Wanna talk about it?" she tried.

"No." His tone was short and is presence was quietly hostile. If she would leave he would scare her off--was that it? She'd seen this all before. Maybe it just felt oddly because Robin looked different but there was something disturbing about the familiarity.

In any case, she knew enough to know how to handle him now, "So who's a bitch, then?"

He immediately spun to face her, eye's wide. "You've been in my head, again?" he demanded.

"No," Raven shrugged, unconcerned with his anger. "You told me. You're projecting thoughts like a loud speaker. Who's Babs?"

Robin ignored the question and turned to the punching bag, giving Raven his back again. "Go back to sleep," he half-suggested, half-ordered.

"You woke me up. Humor me."

He stood like that for another minute, apparently waiting for Raven to give up and return to bed. He had just been about to return to his exercises, just hit the bag again when it exploded in black energy.

"God DAMN it, Robin!" Okay, Raven hadn't mean to go that far, but it had felt nice. She had been letting loose entirely too often lately, but for now she just couldn't care much. "Do you think this is alright? You've become such an asshole lately! Do you think it's just coincidence that Slade got to you last month? Do you not at all think it's a problem that you made such an easy mark? What are you doing lurking down here like some TV vampire instead of fixing things? You solve problems, right? So what's your problem?"

For a moment, her echo bounced about in the empty gymnasium. It was embarrassing, really, an outburst like that. She would have left, taking care to hide her blush had Robin not started to speak. "It's...complicated."

It always was. "Who's Babs? Barbara? Who's that?"

Robin started at the name, still weirded out that Raven was reading his mind (while not reading his mind). "Uh...yeah, she's...my girlfriend."

"Oh," Was all Raven could think to say.

"I think we're breaking up."

"Oh," Raven repeated. What did she know about this? Great idea, she scolded herself. Coming down to the cold gym on bare feet to solve the problems of the most independent member of the group? How on Earth did she feel so qualified? "Um..." she tried, "This is the girl from Gotham? You haven't been there in a while."

"She doesn't want me fighting crime." He spat bitterly, then deflated a little. "Well, no, that's not true. She wants me to stop but she doesn't, I don't know."

"You had a fight." Raven suggested unnecessarily. She might as well be a potted plant, as useful as she was.

Robin didn't notice her own unease, awkward as he felt, himself. "I wanted to let it all blow over--but the she--the time...I dunno. I heard from Bats, and there's this guy...uh..."

He wasn't looking at her, but she felt he wasn't lying either. Of course, it was obvious he didn't want to talk at all, but she suspected something in his words was--wait."You heard from Batman and not Barbara? When was the last time you talked to her?"

Robin blushed under his mask. "Oh. Well, at first I was kinda mad and cooling off, then--then the thing with Terra and Slade. Then I was trying to make sure Slade was gone, and I got so busy, and then Slade and David Cain and now this Brother Blood thing--"

"You were buried in work," Raven finished for him.

"It's happened before, but--"

Raven sighed. "Robin, if this girl knows who you are, I'm guessing she means a lot. And it sounds like she's willing to take second place in your life, but a distant second is probably intolerable. Don't you know anything like girls? They're like plants that feed on attention."

That got a laugh out of him--not that it was funny, but he was distraught and was willing to laugh. He probably agreed as well. "In our line of work, that's not at all reasonable--"

"It's not," Raven agreed. "But do you really want a relationship to end like this? You in the dark cursing to yourself and she wishing you were there instead?"

That bothered him. That she could sneer at his brooding--her of all people! But it stung--badly. He was turning into Batman. For all that he loved Bruce, he moved to the Bay and worked with the Titans to get away from him and his juggernaut of grief and mission. This damn gym might as well be another cave. How had this happened when he had been so determined to not be Batman? "The Brother Blood thing could be serious! I can't spare a moment!" Even as he said it, he felt like a poser. Yes, it was serious, and no he could not spare a moment, but damn if didn't just feel like an excuse--and damn if he just couldn't seem to stop himself.

"You can't spare a moment," Raven agreed. "But you're going to have to. Surely you believe that mental and physical health is central to our teams readiness. Terra, and Slade and Cain? If Brother Blood is as serious as you and I say, we need a leader who isn't distracted by Slade or his life back in Gotham. Your going to have to recover from Slade and your going to have to tie up loose ends back home."

"What are you saying? That I'm dismissed?" Raven and Cyborg together could dismiss Robin at any time--a safe measure after the Red X incident and now this thing with the hallucination. "That I'm crazy?" He was glaring sideways at her, unwrapping the tape on his hands and wrists and it sure looked like a threat. When did Robin, of all people, get so volatile? What the hell did Slade put in that mask?

"No. As the team's empath, everyone's emotional state is my jurisdiction. I'm prescribing a week's leave--I don't care about your girlfriend or even how you feel. My only interest is the interest of the team." Raven said this in her usual aloof monotone and she certainly looked as if she meant it--what initially brought her down here was the simple fact that Robin was worrying everybody and it was time somebody forced him into motion. But maybe she felt a small twinge of sympathy for the poor dolt who chose work over emotional difficulty (after all, she'd do the same, without being half as driven in her work as Robin). What kept the boy from acknowledging his mistake? Pride? Stubbornness? The plain inability to see the reaction of his actions? Faith that everything should support his crusade against evil simply because it must? The poor boy.

"You can't do that!" Robin bristled, and for a second, Raven supposed that he'd guessed at her thoughts. No, pity wouldn't be welcome.

But no, more likely he just didn't like being told what to do. Raven smirked at her leader. It was fun--needling people. "Of course I can. I'm the team's healer--I can certainly prescribe, even without my magic, and to disobey would be to insubordinate my authority as healer."

Ironclad. Robin nodded in agreement with her assessment even as he protested, "But I can't leave!"

"But you have to. Work it out for yourself."

"But--you don't understand!"

"I don't, really."

"I'm failing Biology II!"

"Oh..." That one caught Raven off-guard. Of all the...the Titans were require to maintain a GPA (Beast Boy, of course, perpetually on probation). the idea that the Boy Wonder had a chink in his resume of amazing skills was kinda funny. Robin failing?" So you really don't know much about girls." She smirked.

Robin laughed. It was kinda lame--Terra, Slade, Cain, Brother Blood, Gotham, and Biology II. How nice to have a mundane problem for once. "Was that a dirty joke from you? Heart-to-heart talks about personal problems? Are you sure you're not the Pink Raven?" he mocked in a fair imitation of Cyborg.

"I have no idea what they're talking about" She waved away that stupid claim by Cyborg. "But...listen...are you...um...I said some--"

"I'm fine," he reassured her. It seemed that whatever courage brought her down here to confront him finally gave way. She left him there in the dark feeling particularly alone.

(oooo)

It was finally quite and Raven was enjoying a good read for about...twenty seconds perhaps when there was the loud crash of something shattering. She ignored it until Cyborg's voice could be heard claiming "Raven's gonna be pissed!"

Was that her china! She hopped out of bed prepared to hurt someone. If that little green rat broke her teacups she'd kick his--

She heard the device's click as soon as she opened her door, but it was too late. She choked on the dust or paper or...

"Glitter?"

"Bull's eye!" Beast Boy crowed. Yes! Perfect! The perfect prank! Even Starfire couldn't find fault with this one--the glitter that covered Raven was totally harmless. "In your face!"

She brushed at it; no luck. she sparkled and twinkled like a damn fairy.

Cyborg shook his head--he couldn't believe Rae fell for that one. Starfire, however, was totally enthralled. "Oh! Raven, you are so shiny! You catch light like a jewel!"

"Ra-ven's so shi-ny! Ra-ven's so shi-ny!" Beast Boy taunted. She ignored him a disgusted sigh and went back into her room. (Joke's on her! She can't wash it off! It'll last twenty-four hours!)

"Don't rub it in, BB." Cy warned. Remember your first prank? She can still beat you up, I bet." Ah, now those were memories: nobody could recall what the prank was, but it ended with Raven pouncing on the prankster and wailing on him with tiny fists.

"Dude, that's not funny," Beast Boy protested. "She must have, like, fifteen pounds on me, still!"

Cyborg gave him a once over, "Hm. You do still look a bit scrawny. I thought you were taking those creatine and whey supplements?"

"I've been trying to bulk up! Nothing! Star, how much do you think Raven weighs?"

"Approximately one hundred, twenty-two pounds and six ounces," was the prompt reply.

Cyborg raised an eyebrow at that, "Approximately?"

"With giving or taking two ounces." With that she followed into Raven's room to compliment her Dearest Friend on her new look.

"Weird." Cy said.

"Yeah," BB agreed. "I weigh more than Raven. But I'm still so small!"

Inside, Raven was discovering what her tormentors already knew: the glitter wouldn't wash off. She threw a washcloth into a random corner with a frustrated growl and mumbled expletives. "Arg! It won't come off my arm, it's on my uniform, my face, IT'S IN MY HAIR!"

"It is beautiful," Star suggested, already know she'd get nowhere with Rae in that mood.

"I look like a baby prostitute!" At Starfires shocked expression she amended, "It's not--never mind. Why does he always have to do this?" Even as she said it, it felt like whining. "Sometimes I hate him so much." And now she was being petulant. Realizing that certainly didn't do anything good for her mood.

"Oh, Beast Boy," Starfire dismissed. "He wishes you to be funny."

"I don't think this is funny at all." Raven interjected. "Or cute."

"No, Friend. He wishes you to respond. He and you: you are funny together."

"A regular Punch and Judy?" she snapped, even though it wasn't Star she was pissed at. "Should I throw away a couple one-liners before going to commercial?"

Starfire shook her head in confusion. "That is it, there. Beast Boy would find that humorous, I believe."

"Well, I don't care" Raven said waspishly. "He can go back to doing one-man acts. I won't join him in his improv troupe, or whatever."

"No." her friend agreed. "You never do."

"...What?"

Poor Starfire could hardly ever follow a conversation with Raven. What bothered her Friend now? "You never join Beast Boy in his frolicking. At least--not willingly."

Why did Starfire always have a way of saying something matter-of-fact and accusing Raven at the same time. "I don't have to."

Star shrugged at that only, bothering Raven further in some vague way. Was she neglectful as a friend simply because she run around squirting people with mustard? What did it matter, anyway? They had nothing in common--he didn't like her and she couldn't stand him. "He thinks I'm funny?"

"Yes. And, apparently, he believes you are quite fat."

xx/xx/xxxx
Great. Now I'm the Fat Chick of the group. I'm the Weird Chick and the Fat Chick...

(oooo)

It had been two days since Robin had left for Gotham and there was already nothing to do.

Who know that so much of the job was keeping everyone occupied?

Cyborg was supposed to be working on a pile of papers and looming set of finals but claimed he couldn't focus without the hustle of impending doom. Starfire had no school-related work--her aptitude in Calculus was insane, and Maths and Languages were the only Earth subjects to require of an alien--although she occasionally studied history off Robin's homework. Beast Boy didn't do schoolwork, and he was bored with the repairedGamestation--the new Grand Theft Auto was already gathering dust.

Raven was a month behind in her leisure reading and was happy for the free time.(6) Unfortunately, reading was always difficult with restless teammates (Starfire was the main reason she hadn't finished Epitaph of Rorek). For example, just now as Beast Boy flopped onto the sofa and stretch out across her lap. Who did he think he was? "Um...trying to read, here."

Beast Boy ignored her and stretched again, shifting about, making himself comfortable. Starfire was hovering behind Raven, alternating between floating about looking for something to amuse herself with and trying to read over Raven's shoulder. Cyborg was staring at a text trying to force himself to be interested in Computer Architecture and Implementation but was constantly distracted by the remote which he picked up every few minutes to flip through all the channels and verified that nothing good was on.

Beast Boy, still in Raven's lap, sighed,"So, uh, does anyone want to practice maneuvers?" Everyone looked at BB like they hadn't seen him before. " I mean, never know what new threat we'll have to deal with...and...stuff..." He trailed off and sighed again.

Raven was actually making progress in the book, having only read the same paragraph three times before moving to the next, when Beast Boy asked her "Whacha readin'?"

She was totally prepared to ignore him. BB would only have to ask twice before getting the point and leaving her alone, but Starfire answered on Raven's behalf: "It is a tale about a wandering spell-caster's apprentice on his way to do valiant battle with a vile dragon-beast! Dearest Friend Raven has promised that I shall next read the story when she has finished."

"You're talking in my ear," either nobody heard Raven, or they chose to ignore her. For some reason, they'd been quite incline to ignore her sense of space recently. That couldn't be good for her powers. "I'm reading here."

"Dragons, huh? That's, like, cool and stuff." Beast Boy said from her lap. "I bet I could slay a dragon. You know what I'd do? I would--"

"You can't turn into a dragon," Cyborg interrupted. His tone said "bored" but arguing with Beast Boy was far more interesting than reading about the testing of digital systems.

"Just watch me!" Beast Boy shot back, much to Raven's horror. Just how stupid were they!?

"A dragon-beast cannot overpower another dragon-beast." Starfire challenged just before Beast Boy began morphing. "You'd only be his equal."

Beast Boy finally got out of Raven's lap (knocking the book to the floor, of course) to challenge. Pointing an accusing finger at Star, he shouted, "Now that's just stupid! I'd turn into a stronger dragon!" With that he turned into a Komodo which was thankfully less than what Raven expected.

"I'd turn into St. George, with a shield and lance!" Cyborg countered(7). Taking up a pool stick (which seemed to come from nowhere) and a pillow, the two best friends began to do battle.

"The only warrior with the power to defeat a dragon-beast would be the Champion known as Rock," Starfire countered. She wasn't familiar with Western mythology, but she knew a lot about professional wrestling and idolized the Rock. Robin once explained to her that the battles on TV were artificial but she either didn't believe him or didn't understand. Some of it looked painful enough that those guys had to be some kind of athletic anyway.

Beast Boy returned to his normal form and the whole thing devolved into a mock three-way melee that threatened the furniture. Eventually, Starfire managed to body slam the green Titan onto the adjacent sofa and mimicked the Rock's "Elbow of the People!" wrestling maneuver which was followed by Beast Boy's over-acted death scene in which he explained that the dragon he was playing had never known his father. By this point, Raven had picked up the dropped book and tried to ignore the noise. It's not like she lost her page--she was still on the first chapter after a month of trying to get into this story.

"Trying to read," she announced again, though nobody seemed to pay any attention.

"How would you vanquish a dread dragon-beast, Raven?" Starfire wanted to know.

The total disregard Raven's need for peace and quiet had her slamming the book shut and ready to castigate them all for the constant disruption. The three of them were oblivious, of course, all smiles directed at her; expecting her to simply return a similarly goofy expression and join in the roughhousing. The expectation alone was rather annoying--at least Robin kept them in check to ensure her space. Something stopped her, although she couldn't rightly name what it was. It involved the notion that this had all started because Beast Boy found Raven's book interesting. That had never happened before. Did boys like dragons? She wondered if he would like her other books. She hesitated slightly when she proposed her idea, "You guys wanna fight a dragon?"

Later that day she only slightly regretted her decision. Perhaps it would have been better if she simply strangled the little green bundle of annoyance. He wasn't doing it right!

"I'll scout ahead," Beast Boy decided. Much eye rolling in reaction to that. Even Starfire had understood that in the game, each player was to assume a specific role and Beast Boy was ignoring his own all the time.

Cyborg glowered at him from across the table. "BB, I'm the scout. Let me scout ahead."

"But you're being attacked by the Orc."

"You could attack it for me!"

"Dude, you're a Scout--he'll barely hit you."

While Cyborg smacked his own forehead, Raven was rubbing her temples. Lots of nonverbal communication. Lots of hints. Too bad Beast Boy never picked up on those. Starfire, bless her heart, tried to explain to Beast Boy, "Friend, your Barbarian has a low dexterity rating. There is a Ranger in the copse ahead sending down arrows upon our party of travelers. He will dodge you even better than Cyborg's Scout could dodge theOrc."

"Man! You guys never believe in me! I'll show you! I'm scouting ahead!"

"Fine!" Raven snapped, slamming down the pair of twelve-side dice. "If you can roll a twenty, you can catch the guy and hit him."

Beast Boy scooped up the dice unperturbed by any knowledge of statistical odds. He rolled as Starfire sighed, sure that they would never get to face the dragon at the end of the quest.

Twenty-three.

Beast Boy grinned. "So, let's see: I have twenty strength and a mythril greataxe, his constitution and armor is a joke...yep! I defeat him in one hit! Oh, and I level up! What do I get, Raven!"

Raven sighed, sounding much like Starfire. This was going to be a long quest.

xx/xx/xxxx

The others really take to fantasy adventures. Cyborg showed me similar games for his Gamestation. Who knew?

(oooo)

"Hello? Raven? Dearest Friend Raven are you there?"

Beast Boy had been ignoring the hails from his communicator for the past five minutes. It was really starting to grate on (Hello?) his normally relaxed disposition. It wouldn't have (Rae? It is Starfire.) been so bad but he was trying (Hel-loo.) to finish his end-of-curriculum report. Okay, it wouldn't have (Why do you not answer?) been a problem if he had started on the report already, but he ended up reading 1984 twice. He didn't (Are you avoiding me, my good friend?) really understand subtext and all that crap, but the book was good and he just got caught up in the (Raven? Whatever I have done to upset you, truly I am sorry.) story.

Star's voice was thick and choked and she sounded on the verge of tears. Good gravy. The changeling finally reached over the pile of unread comics that he had put on hold--1984 was that good!--and picked up his communicator depressing the fifth button. "Wrong channel," He said into the mic. "Raven's on channel two."

"Oh." The girl's voice was bubbly as ever, now. "Many thanks." Now, the younger Titan thought, back to trying to figure out Orwell. But just as he put down the comm, Starfire's voice burst from the mini speaker again. "Beast Boy?"

He sighed and responded, "Yes?"

"What are you doing on Raven's Channel Two?"

Beast Boy would crush the Titan-brand walkie talkie if it helped his teammate get the message, but it wouldn't and these things cost as much as his cookware set. "Uh, this is channel four. I'm, like, always on channel four."

"Yo! Raven, I been looking all over for you! Where ya at?" Cyborg's voice this time. Beast Boy was convinced enough to check his channel, but, sure enough, he was on channel four, as usual.

"Dude, wrong channel. You and Star both!"

Silence. Finally. Thirty seconds later--he had just got back to the book!--Cy's voice rang in again over a background of static, meaning he was likely in the garage. "BB?" he said. "What are you doing on channel two? And where's Raven?"

He checked again. Was he going crazy? Finally, he depressed the All Comms button. "Hey, Misery Chick! Everybody's looking for you on my channel! Like, get Starfire and Cyborg off my back!"

Silence. Again. He set the communicator down. Nothing. Perfect. BB went back to the book. He really needed to figure this out--he wanted to knock the report outta the park to impress MissKure, his English lit teacher. It had nothing to do with his crush on her.

Then he heard Speedy, "Somebody call me?" GRGH!

Aqualad: "Robin? Robin was that you?" This couldn't be happening...

"Who the snizzin' blister-sore is this scuzz-eating Misery Chick? Get off my T Mobile if you ain't my Fave Five!" What the heck! Didn't they take Gizmo's comm away?

By this point, the green kid was banging his head against the paperback, wishing it were a brick and it would knock him out. Starfire called to report she was not on her back. In fact she was on her feet, walking about the tower looking for Raven and would someone please tell her where Raven was? While she was apologising for apparently upsetting Raven, Cyborg rang in to comment that maybe if Little Man wasn't on Raven's channel, Cy wouldn't have accidentally called him up. Gizmo wouldn't stop cussing him out in his own mysterious language. And Speedy wouldn't give up on the possibility that it was a false dial (the call shouldn't have even gone that far. Only Robin could call honorary members from the computer and Cyborg from the console in his left arm).

For seven minutes it went on. Finally BB had had enough and got back on All Comms. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as loud as he could for as long as he could and all went silent.

One minute passed. Two. Three.

Finally.

He was just returning to the novel when one more contralto rose up from the cursed radio. "Beast Boy?"

Raven. Dude, where the heck had she been through all this anyway? "Uh, Raven?"

"I got you," her voice was not as flat as usual. It was amused, and almost laughing.

What the heck did that mean? "Huh?"

"I. Got. You. My prank. I got you."

This was a joke? He was struggling against this deadline, trying to study and Raven wastes his time and his sanity on some silly and pointless joke? That was...that was..."Awesome!" He shouted into the receiver. He mock-bowed to the radio, although Raven couldn't see it. "I am not worthy!"

In his opinion, it was the best thing Raven ever did. And it didn't at all matter that he got owned.

Of course, he never bothered to prank Raven again. He just knew whatever he thought of she could top because she was smart and mean and (just as he always suspected) funny.

xx/xx/xxxx
Cyborg told me last year that he still doesn't understand how Beast Boy thinks, but he knows how Beast Boy communicates. It took long enough for me to learn...
(oooo)

"He is back! He is back!" Star's screaming announcement could be heard through the thick walls into Raven's room. By the time Rae opened her door Star had flown around the corner to bang on Cyborg's door. ("He is back! He has brought theSouvenir Trinkets!")

On the way to the rec room, Beast Boy, running without bothering to look where he was going slammed into her, "Sorry, Rae. Hey, guess what? Robin's--"

"I know," she stepped around him and ignored him as he ran off to go tell Starfire that Robin had returned.

He was sitting on the back of the couch, looking off at nothing. At his feet was the forgotten bag of gifts from his trip to Gotham. Batman had an impossible library and whenever he went, Robin would bring back something for her.

"Good news, I hope?" her voice brought him back to the present and he looked up. Stupid question, perhaps. Would a happy young man bother to be so quiet? She wasn't sure. Her suspicions were confirmed by the rueful smile and almostimperceptible shake of his head.

"I'm sorry," the words tumbled out of her. Raven didn't even realize she had so invested so much in Robin's attempt to rally his relationship until she said it. "I had thought...I had hoped...I mean it was my idea. I guess you knew better."

He shrugged. "No, I'm fine now." He did seem...quiet. She couldn't feel much from him. "We're...supposed to be friends, now, I guess."

She didn't know what that meant but Starfire, Beast Boy and Cyborg finally found each other and stampeded in to crowd Robin with the inevitable questions about what Batman was like. "Well, if you ever feel like midnightexercises..." she trailed off under Beast Boy's enthusiasm.

Robin smiled--one of those genuine natural smiles that was all teeth. "I'll come find you."

He did seem okay. She broke up with him and he was okay. Go figure.

xx/xx/xxxx
The Coffee Plan is postponed for a respectful month. Meanwhile, Robin has decided to join our quest to slay the dragon. Speaking of which...Beast Boy is getting on my last nerve...

A/N:
Did it really take me over a year to write a couple thousand words? Well...not really. First, I was working two jobs...then the economy went splat! I was doing this bit-by-bit on Google Docs, but for some reason everything suddenly was inPolski and I couldn't use it. Also, I can't upload directly from a web address, I don't think. So really, it's not my fault. Well, it kinda is. Anyway, I have about a sixty day window to finish this, so the pacing is going to be a bit rushed.

About the length...I just couldn't find a way to break it into smaller bits--it all just felt like one chapter to me. Would you believe that it was originally twice as long? Maybe someday when I have the time I can come back and do a second edit and break it into chapters. I don't think the next chapter will be so bulky, but it has to be bigger than the first if I hope to finish this in time. I just want to get this story out of my head! It's getting crowded in here!

(1) Have you SEEN the DC comic version of Starfire? Good lawd, you could grate cheese on her abs! No, seriously, Google Image her.

(2) Raven is making a joke about romantic comedies. When she talks about coffee she is clearly giving away that all her information on relationships come from television, thus the joke. Much like my beta, Starfire totally didn't get it but I loved the tree line, so I kept it in.

(3) David Cain is impossible to take by surprise. Seriously, for those of you that aren't DC comic fans, Wiki this guy. Responsible for such works of art as Cassandra Cain and Lady Shiva, he's plain scary. It's like what would happen if Batman turned evil.

(4) Batman apparently did fight vampires. Robin says so to Babs and Comish on separate occasions in Batgirl: Year One. I'm not sure if he was joking or not, but it's easy enough to believe. That Batman has all the fun, eh?

(5) Towards the end of Season Two, Beast Boy insists that he'll make Raven laugh someday. I've always been amused by the idea that one day Beast Boy might just say something that catches her off guard. As corny as he usually is, it's just something cool of him to aim for.

(6) It's hard to tell the passage of time between the episodes: there were sevens days between the airing of Haunted (Robin's hallucination earlier) and Spellbound (Malchior emerging from the book and seducing Raven) although it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I figure it doesn't matter. The timeline is going to be changed because the continuity is changed. I figured how can Raven get engrossed in a book she could never get the time to read? I'd already implied that Starfire was monopolizing Raven's time so it shouldn't be that difficult to imagine.

(7) I'm not sure if Saint George was a real person or not. While I dabble in history, it is certainly not my specialty. If he was, he was an Imperial Guard of the Roman empire, I think (or did I make that up and convince myself I read it somewhere?). His most famous memory, of course is Saint George and the Dragon, which is pretty much the original dragon tale: stout and true, he slays the dragon and saves the princess that was held hostage. It's based on even older Eastern folklore, from what I understand, but just about every Western dragon tale until modern stories pretty much reflect the exact same tale. Cyborg was clever to choose a character pretty much destined to win against a dragon, but how Beast Boy got the reference and played along, we'll never know. Maybe he didn't. Everybody knows how dragon stories are supposed to play out, after all, but since I've already taken liberties with the character, I thought I'd throw in the fact that Beast Boy gets semi-obscure references to dragon-slaying because he thinks dragons are cool. I hope that's plausible.