Chapter Twenty-eight: Better off alone

Jack hung up on his cellphone, his eyes drifted over his scarcely furnished apartment, he slipped his cellphone into his pocket and approached a distraught looking Kate who was seated on the couch.

'You okay?' His soft voice failed to instill a reaction from her, ignoring his question, she distantly asked, 'what did he say?'

Jack glanced at the pocket his cellphone was in, 'Sayid said we should start packing stuff we might need and we should meet Ben tomorrow night at the airport.'

'Do we go tomorrow?'

Jack shook his head, 'hey, have you eaten?'

Kate shook her head, 'I'm not hungry.'

'Kate...'

'Aaron is MISSING Jack.'

Jack studied her, 'Okay, alright, I'm backing off, but you're no good to him if you're too weak to do anything.'

Kate looked away, she didn't want to deal with Jack right now, she was not in a good place. She climbed to her feet, grabbing her car keys, she headed for the door.

'Hey-wait-where are you goin?!'

Kate didn't answer, she needed to get out of the apartment, she needed to get away from all of this.

Jack grabbed her arm, 'Kate-'

'I know he wasn't my blood Jack-I know he wasn't really my son-but he is ALL I had, even when you weren't there, I had a reason to be someone.' Tears streamed down her cheeks as she spoke, her anger began to turn tender, 'A reason NOT to be what I really am...and even though I wasn't related to him-he was a part of me, I don't know if you can understand that.'

Jack let go of her arm, 'where are you gonna go Kate?'

Kate fought back tears, 'I don't want to be around anyone.'

Jack studied her, her words stung as he realised what she was trying to say without saying it.

She didn't want to be around anyone, she didn't want to be around HIM.

Kate walked out of his apartment, leaving him standing in her wake.

Sobs erupted from within her as she headed down the stairs and towards her car, climbing into the blue sedan, she pulled the door shut. Turning on the ignition, she ignored her mind, she ignored her 

common sense, her thoughts were too loud, the image of Claire and Aaron was still in her mind. Gathering herself, she took in a tortured breath and drove away. Hoping to go somewhere no one would find her, that was the good thing about being alone, no one really ever knew you. No-one really knew your heart.

This was the one thing Kate liked about being herself, she always had been a loner, she never needed people. Needing people would always hold her back, now with Aaron gone, and Jack going back to the island, she just...wanted to vanish. She wanted to be done with the island, with Jack, with everything. The fact remained, she was a murderer. She had taken a life. As much capacity she had to love the people she cared about, she had just as much to hurt them. She was leaving. And if it was meant to happen this way, Jack wouldn't find her.

The sensation of her heart breaking was one she had become used to almost, it had happened so many times, she almost felt numb to it. She never had been good at saying goodbye, this way, she wouldn't need to, she would just run away.

End chapter twenty-eight:

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

Two days later:

Kate couldn't explain her actions over the past few days. She lay on the grass at the ranch her father used to bring her out to as a child when he taught her to track. The earth was soft next to her ear, she peered up at the blue sky, it was bright, but it was cloudy.

Unclear.

Just like her.

Flashback: A 10 year old Katie handed her mother a box, 'here mommy, I made it for you.'

Her mother opened the box, staring at the contents of the box, she asked 'sweetie, what have you done?'

Katie frowned, confused by her mother's apparently unhappy expression, 'I fixed it for you-'

'No, you've broken it-Katie?' Her mother scowled at her, 'You should have left it alone...this was the only photograph I had of your grandmother and me-'

Katie felt her heart sink, she had spent hours trying to paint the colour onto the black and white photograph, 'But mommy, I thought it would look better in colour, you told me yourself you wished it was in colour-'

'No, Katherine...you've ruined it...' Her mother stared at the photograph, she couldn't replace it, they didn't have that kind of money, she turned to her daughter, 'you always manage to ruin things Katie, stay away from my things.'



Katie stared at her mother helplessly, 'Mommy, it was an accident-'

'Just. Go to your room-'

'I want daddy-'

'Wayne is upstairs-'

'NO-!' she wailed, 'I want DADDY!'

She noticed her mother suddenly look upwards with a worried expression, Wayne must have been awake, she turned to her daughter her tone firm.

'GO to your ROOM. NOW.'

Katie broke into sobs and ran up the stairs, she bumped into Wayne's legs as he stood at the top of the stairs, he grabbed her arm, Katie grimaced at the stench of alcohol and cigarettes, 'what'd you break this time?' He asked with a cruel smirk, Kate pushed him away.

'Don't touch me-'

Wayne laughed at the child, 'I hate you.' She whispered at the man in her house-Wayne scowled, grabbing her arm, he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and pressed the burning tip on katie's arm, Kate cried out in pain.

'Wayne?! You stay AWAY from her!' Her mother ran up the stairs, 'don't you EVER touch her again!'

Wayne glared at the disrespectful child as her mother pulled her into her arms.

Kate sobbed in her mother's arms, as her mother cradled.

'Diane...if you EVER raise your voice at me again?'

Diane looked up at Wayne, Wayne's cold eyes pierced her vulnerable gaze, 'I will slap you around-infront of the child.'

Kate buried her face in her mother's chest, she was afraid.

Wayne strolled down the stairs, Diane turned to Kate, 'Go to your room Katie.'

Kate nodded, she could see the disappointed expression on her mother's face, was she disappointed in her?

'I'm sorry mo-'

'Just. Go.'

Kate silently went to her bedroom, closing the door, she curled up opposite it, she could hear her mother sobbing silently in the hallway, Kate felt tears stream down her cheeks. This was all her fault.

End Flashback:



Kate jolted awake, her eyes scanning her surroundings, she must have fallen asleep. The sun was setting, she climbed to her feet and headed over to the cabin her father had built, she remembered helping her father, Sam Austen, come out here and build the cabins, she had eagerly handed him the tools. She laughed alittle at the memory, she was so desperate to spend time with him, she had pleaded for him to bring her out here, he had only agreed to do it if she helped him out. Sma Austen was a good man, he was the one who helped her see the good in the world, to see the good in people. Not everyone was like Wayne.

But despite everything they had done together, Sam always reminded Kate that sometimes, people were better off alone. He had told her that she couldn't depend on her mother or Wayne, and he was right. But he didn't let her depend on him, Kate knew though, that if the time came and she really did need his help. He would come through for her. But she was fine, she wanted to be alone, she would rather stay lost in the bittersweet embrace of her memories, than face the world.

Enough was enough. She found herself thinking about Jack, the first time they had met, how captivated she had been by him and how it stunned her that she was still so captivated by him. She shook her head, no, no, thinking about Jack would bring no good, it would do her no good. The last 5 years had made her see that love hurt. She ALWAYS lost the people she loved, there was no two ways about it. It was a fact, almost a curse. She took in a deep breath. Jack would probably go back to the island without her, and she didn't blame him, she had disappointed him so many times, he would be crazy to try and find her. He was too good for her, he deserved so much better.

There had ofcourse come a time during their months together, where she thought maybe, just maybe this could work, maybe she wasn't scared of needing him. But having lost Aaron, having lost her anchor in this reality, having felt how terrified it made her, it only consolidated what she had thought. She was weak. She couldn't bare the pain or the heartache that love always bought with it.

Maybe what scared her the most was that, she knew if Jack turned up here, which he wouldn't, but if he did, she would have to restrain herself from even making eye contact with him, because just one look from him could make her crumble. It could melt her defences and inhibit her fears.

She couldn't have that. She couldn't let someone else be in control of her emotions.

She needed to be alone.

End chapter Twenty-nine

Chapter thirty: Our need for Love

Jack climbed out of his jeep, he ran a hand over his stubbled cheeks, 'please let this be the right ranch,' he prayed. He had spent the last four days following Sam Austen's directions to the ranch Kate had learnt to track with her father.

He had searched everywhere senselessly as he tried to find her. He could not imagine his life without her. She was a part of him, as much as he used to fight it, as much as he'd never admit it, she was a part of his life.



Flashback:

Four days ago:

Richard walked into Jack's office, 'what the hell is going on with you? You haven't checked out Riley's notes?!-' Richard paused mid-rant, he stared at Jack and the maps Jack had strewn out on the desk, 'what the hell is this?'

'Not now Richard-'

'No-if you're gonna work in my hospital-you will WORK. Do you understand?'

'Kate left-she just, she got up-and walked out-'

'Women seem to vanish alot around you, don't they?'

Jack glared at him, 'I respect you Richard. But there are more important things in this world than helping a patient like Riley, who is gonna be back here in another week with the same problem because of the lifestyle he's leading-If he wanted to live-he would STOP DRINKING-'

'No Jack. There was a time, when there was NOTHING more important to you-than helping your patients.'

Jack stared at the chief, Richard studied the dishevelled looking doctor, 'Get your act together. Or quit. I will not fire you, I respect you, I knew your father-so if you're gonna continue to behave like this,' he gestured at Jack's unshaven face, 'and obsess over some woman-'

'she's not some woman-'

'And Lyla was?'

Jack fell silent.

'Just, walk out now, walk away. Or get your head in the game Shep. But please don't make me fire you. I don't wanna lose two of my best surgeons in one month.'

Jack studied the chief of medicine, 'you're a good man Carter, and I am sorry about your daughter-'

Richard studied Jack, 'you're leaving?'

Jack picked up the maps and his car keys, 'You know how, everything gets so crazy sometimes, and within all the chaos, there's this clarity that you can never really, see?'

Richard looked at Jack, Jack paused in the doorway, 'I see it now. I know what I have to do. And its bigger than working in this place, its bigger than just bringing back the woman I love, its...its something else and I can't explain it. But I need her with me if I'm gonna do this-'

'Are you talking about going on Oprah?'

Jack laughed as Richard paused, 'have you been drinking?'



Jack shook his head, 'no,' he smiled, 'I've gotta go. See you in an other life Richard,' Jack patted him on the shoulder and handed him his ID Badge, Richard watched Jack Shepherd walk out of the office.

Richard turned back to the empty desk, he smiled at the ID Card, 'Jack Shepherd.' He shook his head, 'so much like his father...'

End Flashback:

Jack's eyes scanned the ranch, the lush green grass was beautiful, he kept walking along an old beaten path, she had to be here. It was the only real thing she had given him. His eyes scanned the trees, he frowned slightly, it seemed so familiar, it reminded him of the island.

That's when he saw her. Standing on the edge of the hill, gazing down at the greenland. He felt a wave of relief wash over him, there she was. The one thing that would get him through this.

'You're not planning on Jumping are you? Because I'm afraid if you do that-I'll jump after you.'

Kate turned on her heel, shocked to see him here.

'Jack...?' she was at a loss for words, her heart warmed in her chest as her eyes took him in, 'what're you doing here? How did you find me?'

'On the island,' he spoke as he approached her, 'I asked you to give me something real Kate...and you told me that...you're father was in the army, ranger battalion,' Kate felt tears fill her eyes as she stared at Jack, he was breathless from the long hike, 'you were stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington State, he taught you how to track, you spent eight hours just...tracking a deer Kate.'

Kate smiled through her tears, Jack stopped a metre away from her, his hands on his waist as he attempted to catch his breath, he squinted at the beautiful view, 'so I rang your father. I figured where would you go, if you wanted to escape from everything, and you'd go where you were happiest, I remember the look in your eye,' he smiled, almost marvelling at the memory, 'when you told me about him. You looked so...' he shook his head, continuing, 'anyway, seeing as he isn't in the ranger battalion anymore, I figured you wouldn't be in Washington state. So I asked him, where he used to bring you when you were younger...when you were happy. He told me five ranches Kate, all in this area...'

Kate gazed at Jack, she didn't know what to say. He was here, JACK was HERE. Her heart irrationally fluttered in her chest, the depth of her feelings for him weren't lost on her anymore.

Jack furrowed his brow, 'do you know how many ranches are out here? About twenty...give or take afew...' he nodded, Kate grinned at him through her tears. He went through all that just to find her.

Kate walked towards him, Jack stepped back, 'no Kate...I didn't come out here to bring you back with me...I came to ask you, to come back to the island with me. To help me.'

Kate studied him silently, his earnest eyes spoke volumes as he added, 'I will NOT do this without you. I can't.' He shook his head in a matter-of-fact way.

Her voice caught in her throat as she whispered, 'you trespassed on twenty ranch estates for me...'

Jack nodded without hesitating, 'and I'd gladly trespass on twenty more...' she smiled at him warmly, he shook his head, looking tired and pained, 'please come back with me Kate. You're all I have. 

You're the only-' he trailed off, he was never good at speeches. He levelled her with a firm gaze, 'I need you.'

Kate knew what he was trying to stay, she walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him tightly, embracing his warmth, she pecked him on the lips, 'Do you really wanna do this Jack? Go back there?'

Jack's eyes searched hers, 'yeah Kate. And I'm pretty sure I just quit my job.'

Kate waited a moment, then she nodded, 'Then I'm with you.'

He grinned at her, 'yeah?'

Kate nodded again, 'yeah, we're not gonna get any peace until the island is done with us...so why fight it. We're going back together and we're gonna make damn sure, that we leave it together.'

Jack simply smiled at her, 'You know, If you had said no, I think I would've jumped...'

Kate laughed as she cupped his face, she kissed him deeply, firmly. She stared up at him as she pulled away.

Jack looked down at her, 'what?'

Kate shook her head, 'Why does fate screw with us so much and then throws us back together?'

Jack smiled, 'because it likes watching us suffer?'

Kate hit his arm, Jack studied her now, his smile had gone. An honesty laced his voice, as he reassured her, 'We're gonna make everything right. Claire, Aaron...everything, and we will get through this.'

Kate nodded, 'I hope you're right.'

They stared at the majestic view of hundreds of trees, soaked in dark green under the orange sky...

The reality of their decision dawned on them as the sun began to set.

'This is it.' Kate whispered.

Jack nodded. 'This is it.' His tone was final.

End chapter thirty: