Chapter thirty four: Losing grip

'Sayid...?! Ben...?!' Jack yelled over the rain, he stumbled slightly as the ship swayed, Kate scoured the deck, searching for any sign of Sayid. The ship suddenly shifted, tossing Jack and Kate towards the rails, Kate slipped through, falling off the ship-alarmed, Jack immediately grabbed her arm with all his strength, Kate wasn't heavy, it was the lack of grip the wet deck was providing beneath him that made pulling her up so difficult.

'Hold on! I've got you...!' he grunted with effort as he struggled to pull her up, the ship jolted again, Jack almost released his hold on Kate as the ship sent him hurtling through the rails as well, his body was half on the deck and half dangling.

'Jack...!' He looked down at Kate, seeing the terror in her emerald eyes as waves crashed beneath them, 'you're gonna have to let go-!'

Jack ignored her, no WAY was he letting go of her, mustering all the strength he had left, he grunted as he pulled her aboard, letting himself hang, he looked up at the muscles bulging from the arm that he was using to hold the rail, his veins were throbbing, and a burning sensation was flling his muscle, he couldn't hold on much longer.

'Kate! I need you to climb up!'

'What about you?!' she asked as she stared up at him, he shook his head, 'JUST DO IT KATE!'

Kate did as she was ordered, reluctantly pushing down on jack's shoulder, she supported herself to climb back onto the deck, she knew she couldn't argue with Jack, he was just as stubborn as she was, if not worse.

Once on the deck, Kate tried to focus on helping Jack who's grip was slipping from the rails, he swung his other arm upwards, grabbing the rail with both hands, he heaved, struggling to summon any energy he had left.

'Jack, Jack...' She grabbed his midrift and pulled him upwards, so that his weight was on her, 'come on, I can't pull you up alone!'

Adrenaline pounded through his system as he glanced downwards at the rapid ocean, he felt a seer of pain jab his heart, fate was cruel,

'JACK?!'

He looked up at Kate, 'I NEED YOU to HELP me pull you up...!' she strained, Jack gathered himself, he could do this. He had to believe he could do this. He closed his eyes, counting to five, he yanked the rails as hard as he could and vaulted himself over them,

Kate let out a grunt as he landed on top of her, she held him tightly, not wanting to let go, for a moment they just held eachother, reeling from what had just happened. Jack sat up, his back pressing against the rails as he caught his breath. Kate let out a relieved breath, her arms throbbed from all the strain, she gazed at Jack, her expression changed as she found herself climbing to her feet, Sayid's watch lay on the deck near the rails, she walked over to the watch, Jack turned to see what she was doing, 'what're you doing? what's wrong?' he asked, as he watched her stare at something in the ocean from the deck.

Kate didn't turn around, 'I think I've found Sayid...'

Jack reached his feet, 'no, no...' his heart sank as he reached Kate's side, Kate gave him a teary look as he stared down at Sayid's corpse floating in the ocean, Jack looked away as Kate hugged him.



He glanced at the corpse again, how could this happen? This wasn't fair, they did what the island wanted them to...they were going back.

A loud creaking noise suddenly grabbed Jack and Kate's attention, they turned around to see the sails falling downwards, right towards them. Jack stared up at them in disbelief, everything seemed to slow down, 'Jack...?!' Kate grabbed his arm, pulling him out the way, they both landed on the deck as the sails hit the ground with a shattering thud, destroying the wheel.

Jack climbed to his feet, he stared at the torn up ship, how would they steer it?

'This ship isn't gonna survive the storm Kate.'

Kate studied Jack as she saw his defeated expression, he looked up at the stormy skies.

'Okay, let's take the raft...come on...'

Jack looked at her, 'no, i'm not going back home.'

'JACK. We don't have a choice-'

The ship shook violently again, but this time a large wave hit the deck, soaking both of them and washing them aside, Kate groaned as she gathered herself, Jack felt groggy, he looked down to see a shard of broken wood sticking out of his arm, Kate stared at him in horror, 'Jack, oh god, you're hurt-'

Jack lost focus on her as his eyes began to shut against his will, 'JACK!?' her panicked voice echoed in his ears as everything seemed to vanish. He found himself wishing he could open his eyes once more, just to look into hers, for one last time if this was it. That was all he wanted. But everything faded to black.

Kate's pleas for him to stay with her was the last thing he heard.

Memories flashed through his mind;

'I'm Kate,' she smiled softly, there was something captivating about Kate, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

'I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as YOU-I'm sorry I'm not as GOOD-!'

He held her close, his own words of comfort were lost on him, he could barely hear himself, his heart was aching in his chest, why did seeing a stranger in distress make his heart ache, why was he so connected to her??

He looked down at her, a sincere look in his eyes, he was trying to understand her, trying to help her, she was staring up at him, looking at him in a way he hadn't noticed before...there was something in her eyes, he knew he was speaking, but he didn't know what he was saying, his thoughts were too loud he couldn't hear his mouth.

Kate suddenly leaned up, kissing him firmly, passionately, hungrily, he didn't know what to do, overwhelmed by the sudden heat between them, he just let her kiss him as the revelation sunk in. He was in love with this woman, he was in love with Kate.

And it terrified him.



Kate pulled away, her eyes blissfully shut, leaning in again, she furrowed her brow when she didn't find his lips, opening her eyes, she saw the fear in his eyes, the reluctance, and naturally, she misinterpreted it. Jack didn't want her the way she wanted him.

Terrified of her own revelation, her feet did what they knew best, she ran.

Jack shook his head, 'Kate...?' he stood there breathless, blown away and tantalized, but at the same time, completely stunned.

'I CAN'T leave without YOU!'

Her voice came through on the walkie talkie, and it yanked at his heart strings, he didn't understand, she made no sense if she was happy with Sawyer, she should have just left, gone without looking back.

'Kate! Take Sawyer, and GO!'

The pain in her voice as she replied broke his heart, why was this so heartbreaking for her if she loved Sawyer...his thoughts trailed off, no. He wouldn't listen to his heart anymore, it had hurt him enough, she had hurt him enough.

He watched her cower as she crouched, Jack closed his eyes, pained, he knew the cameras were watching them. He turned to Kate, she obviously felt something for him but she wasn't ready to accept it, he shook his head slightly, crouched behind her, he continued his sentence. His lips barely grazed her ear as he whispered softly, 'but I WILL come back here for YOU.' This was it, the moment he realised Kate was in love with him. The way she broke at his words, his heart sank in his chest as he turned and walked away, each step he took was harder to take than the one before it, it made him wish he didn't love her, it made him wish he wanted to leave and didn't want to go back and hold her.

Her soft sobs made him ache, but he kept walking away, she had broken his heart. But maybe that also his fault for yelling at her, and upsetting her, for never telling her how he felt...

He cast one last look back at her, she couldn't even look at him, it hurt too much.

'Guava seeds?' He grinned as he watched her mesmerising smile, her eyes lit up in an innocent but playful way, it was enough to drive any man crazy. He marvelled at her, words could not compare what it was that drew him to her like this. She was almost magnetic to him.

'Because I love you.' His words hung in the air between them as she stared at him, completely stunned.



He smiled slightly, as he turned to walk away, he knew he had just blown her away, and he knew she wouldn't say it, so he might as well. Besides, she was with Sawyer now, atleast he'd done his part.

Kate watched him walk away, she had never felt so stunned in her life. Jack had said it with so much sincerity and so much ease. Her heart writhed in her chest, she wished she had done things differently, she wished she was capable of wording her true feelings. She loved him too, probably more than he'd ever know. She smiled sadly as tears filled her eyes.

The memories stopped.

End chapter thirty four: