Author's Note :

SORRY ! i'm very sorry for the huuuge time break, but I had to face a few things I would have been better off. I should be OK now, I've learnt my lesson... Anyway. Of the things that I can tell you without 'uneasyness' :
- I've badly screwed my first year in colledge
- I'm aparently not good enough in english to legally give private lessons to a beginner english learner (not even for his first year teaching)
- That stupid 'english speaker of other languages' advanced level that cost me a 100€ fee is useless !!
- Money is crual... and people are just worse
- My body has feelings too lol

So I come up with a Huuuuge chapter - i COULDN'T cut it. And I had to submit to Jee's will - he did things I had planned him to do only in later chapters and postponed a major deed. Arg... also, 'subtle' overtone in the last part of this chapter. read and find out. Where I live we have a word to qualify his actions : "quetard". But the people of my place are known throughout the country to be very direct, so i'll rather translate it with a subdued "shameless womanizer"...

In this chapter Jee goes through a lot - but that's what happen when you enter colledge. I mean, when you become a Maaaaan !! (sparkle action : ON)

SORRY again. updates coming quite quickly from now (since i have free time and no money to do anything with it )
i'll also probably revise my earlier chapter to make it more "english reader friendly". so if you ever picked up anything weird...

"About Master Yi Lin, I have no big things to say. He was just some average cohesion master, or in a less affected way, propaganda's officer. And you know, simply doing his job : telling us how it was our mission to Agni to bring light in the darkness of the world's savagery; how it would be unfair and contemptible for our country not to make the barbarians share our greatness; the kind of things that sounds so gorgeously put in words that in the end you genuinely believes it makes sense.

And I'm not proud of it, but I admit it, I truly bought that.

I mean, wasn't that what everybody thought ? What I had heard all around me for years ? It wasn't like if we were the bad ones. We had been blessed with Culture, Strength and Civilisation, and noble Sozin had decided it was time to bring balance to the world and let the other nation have their share of prosperity. Now the locals had been only as hostile and subhuman as their inferior customs allowed them to be. We couldn't let our people get killed, right ? We had to fight back, and bring peace and progress to these poor people who didn't know what was good for them. Such a noble goal was probably worth any cost, now wasn't it ?

Took me some time to figure out it wasn't, but then I thought it was true, and that it was both my duty and my destiny, as it was for any honourable man."

There Jee stopped. He took a sip of rice wine, and with a frown, turned his eyes to the now empty bottom of the goblet. He raised with exaggeration his look to the bottle he knew was empty too. And finally, stared at Oyone with a fakely contained smile.

Okay, I got it.

Oyone rose from her now snugly half-laid-on-the-table position and headed toward the counters. And as his eyes therefore found a new interesting place to linger, Jee though with self contentment that he hadn't lost his steps in picking up nice inns.
She came back with a new bottle and a bowl full of bean cured puffs. Earth Kingdom food… Well, so long as you can eat it anyway…

Oyone laid back on her chair, and jee took just a moment before going on with his tale.

"…And then, arrived the moment when my two years training was over. Well, more like two years and a half, because as I could read, I could apply for some basic military geography – which means I could get in charge of the maps, or when ordered write short tactic messages to be send to other warships or to the frontline, or be an aide to the superior officer…

Master jeong Jeong recommended me to the trainer without my knowing before he left. He said though I had no diploma at all I was clever and qualified enough.

It would have gotten me a better and safer status than a simple seaman then, if master sho hadn't written on my records that I had 'no sense of common good' and 'had proved' myself to 'be an instable element in a group'.

Master Jeong Jeong's note worked in my favour, so I got the formation in the end. But the counterpart was, it was left to my superiors to deem if I was efficient enough as part of a group to use my qualifications…

Master Sho…I was not sad when I left that guy.

Before we could leave the camp, we had to join what is called the "recognition ceremony".

New recruits were "released" every two month, and so, every two months, the newly formed recruits met in the larger central courtyard. They lined up in several files, the future highest ranked in the very front line. And the simple soldiers at the very last one.

About some time the instructors would come out before us, and a petty officer would shout the name and rank of the most important officer present. We would all turn toward him and bow deeply, with our right fist clasped against our outstretched left palm.

Then the guy would shout the name and grade of the second most important officer, and we would turn and bow to him in the same fashion. And so on and so forth until the whole array had been bowed to.

I bowed quite easily to the firebender teacher who had taught me after jeong jeong's promotion, and to master Yi Lin, whose blabbering hadn't bothered me too much. But I had a real hard time when I had to bow to the fatty sho.

When the ceremony was over, we fell out, and people could randomly walk out the camp. The hiatus between the moment our training was over and our departure to our new post could vary a lot, so I was to stay a bit in the city.

I thought about my friend, Kannan, who had left the city a few months ago. He hadn't gotten any further training than the basic one, and we had parted way a mere minutes before his recognition ceremony. That was when I had realized what a good friend he was. We had not been up to a lot of tricks, like me and Shinzo had when we were friends, but… I don't know. Maybe Shinzo was not really a friend, he just didn't want to have fun all on his own, and neither did I. We were teens, it's nice to be part of a group then. So we said we were friend and we could say "hey, here's my best buddy, we do everything together". And that was fine.

Kannan, he was a real friend. He was fun, but not bragging around, not talking restless. Not spreading himself over. But you knew he'd be there. He had proven it already when he had saved me some food.

I didn't know where he was, and I didn't know if I would ever see him again.

After we parted, I had seriously been thinking about the things I'd have to do once I was back in town.

The rules were very strict for new recruits at Kawab, and we couldn't go out much. And now, I walked freely in the streets, and I was relieved the capital hadn't changed that much. When the sun grew subdued, I found an open terrasse café and ate a boiling chicken soup. I remember. It was a bit chilly by that time, and plumes of steams were rising from the bowl. It was late winter and the overpowering heat of the fire nation lands was giving us some rest. I know the warmth of the bowl felt nice in my palms. I know the sky looked a pale yellow, and there was not a single cloud. The sight's still very vivid in my mind. And I felt, like, dazed off a bit from it…

I felt very off.

I was now a strong and healthy 16 years old young man, a true firebender, and I had grown some dark brown hairs on the sides of my cheeks. I was now taller, my voice had deepened somehow, my hands' bones seemed thicker. I put my palm on the side of face, to feel it, and I thought I should go and see my parents. It popped out, not from nowhere, like it could seem, but from deep inside of me.

I had my assignment order at my side. I knew I had a 2 weeks deadline ahead of me. And I guessed it wouldn't go on really smooth, getting back from nowhere after two years. I debated whether I should get over with it as quick as possible, or think through what I'd say and wait as close as possible to my departure – so if things turned bad, I wouldn't have to face them. Heh, what do you know, always the smart guy right ?

Anyway, I asked around for a room to spend the night, and I finally decided I would get straight forward with it, and see my parents first of all. Then I'll have a lighter head for my… other plans.

I left the capital's centre and headed to the poor suburbs when I had once lived. The streets were narrower and dirt-covered as I closed. I could hear the merchant yelling behind the curtains of their shop's façade, the few pubs and the game houses slowly eating away the sidewalk as I went along. I cut through what I knew was a lively quarter at night, and I passed by a bright-pink lipped woman who eyed me pryingly. I don't know who between me and her was the most surprised to see someone out there so early…

And I come out to the street where my house was. My stomach twisted quite painfully, but that was something I had to do. I stalked closer to my former home, and I stopped just before the front door. My knees and neck felt very weak at that moment, and my chest tightened.

I scratched my chin while I tried to collect my self, but even my hands were moist with nervous sweat; and that was not to help me regain some confidence.

I swallowed hard and I could have sworn the whole block had heard it. So I thought I'd rather make me known with a firm knock on the door than with some undignified internal noise.

I breathed. I knocked.

…and nothing happened for a moment. A short moment, but it felt long. Very long. My eyes had a will of their own, and they darted very far from the door and longed for my body to follow.

The door cracks open.

- Yes ?

Through the door frame, I can see my mother. She's clad in a bleached red robe, and her sweet face seems as worn out as the cloth she's wrapped herself in. The hair falling on the side of her face is a dark grey, and her eyes are lost in wrinkles.

My poor mum, I've left her all alone. What kind of worries have I left her to bear ?

But she's not the only one I can see. In the background, there's a young man standing, and he's holding on my sister Iku's shoulder. I picked up Iku easily, even after two years, she hadn't changed. But I can't put a name on the boy next to her. I'm petty sure he's one of my brothers, I can see a bit of myself when I was younger in him. But apart from that…

I'm just gaping, and when I try to talk I'm just making random squeaks.

- Jee ! My son !

My mother's stare got blurry. I could tell she wanted to hold me, but I felt pushed outward from her. And I was. I just had the time to steady myself before I realized my father was clutching at me.

- How dare you come back here ?

- Father, I-

- I am not your father ! You're a stranger to me !

I stilled for the briefest moment.

- Well fine ! I finally yelled. Just know that some random stranger will be leaving the City in two weeks. And he hopes you'll be fine. Goodbye.

I pushed him back away from me, and I left, with my mother crying behind my father.

That was not really the kind of reunion I expected. And I didn't really have a lighter head afterwards… I stormed off in the streets, and I ended up going down the small sloped road to the shore. The same wide paved wharfs, the same smell of salt and rotten vegetables, the same boats far in the distance, and the same crowd in dark red armours. Only this time the frontier between me and those guys was not so obvious. Funny how they used to be like distant figures, part of a bigger game. And now they were, kind of part of who I was.

I bought some mild beer to clear my thoughts. And I spend some time there, just walking and looking around me. Sometimes I watched something, and I closed my eyes and tried to picture it again, as clearly as possible, and I started over again until it was sharp enough.

I knew things were going to change – I was going to change – but I didn't know how. And I wanted to keep a trace of what things were like before this happened. So I guess I just, tried to trap it under my eyelids.

I did it with the skies, the boats, the sea line far away, the people… and a very nice looking woman. She was waiting for someone – so I had plenty of time to memorize her form before some tall and hairy civil security guard came to her. Man was I jealous. A fresh little woman like her, with that stupid dork and his hairs jutting out of his boots and armpits... Fortunately, I was to wear a better uniform.

I got up after some more time, and I had a very precise idea of where to go. No matter I had already walked my fair share : I wouldn't have to walk a lot once I was on the warship, so I could take a little extra effort.

When I arrived it was close to dusk. The streets were growing crowed, but that was not a problem to me. I recognised the place the moment I saw it. And another kind of twist formed in my belly.

I entered and found an empty sit against one of the thick pillar. I waited for some time, but I couldn't see her. That's when I felt a hand rapping my arm.

- Well who do we have here ? Long time no see.

That was the innkeeper.

- Yeah I know. I've been… busy…

- All right, I guess a man's business is his business. How are your friends ? They haven't come here in ages either… You know we've lost our best customers after you stopped coming.

- We don't see each other anymore. hum, how about Sai ? Is she here ? I haven't seen her yet, that's why.

- Oh… Oh, I'm sorry, she doesn't work here anymore. Actually, she's left about a full year ago, I've had to find a new waitress, you see ? she pointed to a clumsy girl with a heavy tray of dangling cups. Cause, there was that guy Sai liked, and-

- Oh well, that's great for her. You know, I'm starving, do you mind fetching some hot food for me ?

- Um, no problem…

The woman rose and went away, and I was left to stare at the room. The place seemed a lot cheaper all of a sudden. It was dirty, coarse, and full of smoke and greasy laughs…

No wonder she had left.
I ate my coldish puri – which felt awfully bitter that night - and I followed suit.
…No matter I had spend the best times of my shortened youth there, I would never get in there again.
And there I was. I had still 13 days to kill, stuck in the capital, and with every reason to wish to flee from it.

The only other people I could have wanted to see were Shinzo, Kizari, Guani and Anjin. For a moment I thought about it. I wondered how they had turned out. But then I thought better. There was no way I was ever going to see my childhood-friends again. I didn't feel any kind of attachment between us anymore. Things had changed indeed. I had been stupid when I had first hit the town the day before. How could I have been that blind to it ? I could not run faster than Time.

Hopefully, the City was full of colourful restaurants and game houses, with pretty welcoming hostesses in prettywelcoming clothes. I spend the whole of my first days in these places, most of the time drunk or almost so. But in the end I was becoming sick of it, and not only because of the head and stomach aches. I also felt guilty and pathetic each time I felt the alcohol work its dizzy spell on me. That was how I had lost it all in the first place.

I got my head out of the gutter. My money rack was getting thin. But after the muzzy I had been through, I could bear some lighter food.
I spend the rest of my days walking in the town, from the small dirty suburbs in the outskirts to the noisy and clean market place in the heart of the city.
That's how I met Otawé.

Otawé was a young widow who lived in the tiniest apartment. There was just one room, with a mat aside the east wall, a square table on the west one, and an other small one on the far southern wall, just under the only window, which served as a makeshift cooking place. And in the middle, just the space you needed to walk from the window to the door. What could you want more ?

Otawé lived near the great square of Azulon's glory, where I had been going two days in a row to grab something to eat. I don't know why, she stepped to me and asked if I'd carry her basket home. It was not like I had anything better to do, and she didn't really look threatening, so I said yes. And somehow, I ended up spending the rest of my time between my long walks out and Otawé's home.

I don't know how to explain it. I felt like it was okay at that time. When I think about it now, it seems a bit weird… but if I were to start my life from scratches, I'd still do it.

Otawé was beautiful. Not that kind of "beautiful" that leaves you gaping and knocked off on the pavement. The kind of "beautiful" that just makes you smile and feel good. You don't really know where that comes from, but it's there, and it seems so obvious you're not sure how you could put the whole thing in a single word. So you just say she's beautiful.

Her hair was black and smooth, and when she pulled it up, there were always two messy strands of hair falling on the sides of her face, and a long neat one snuggled up above the spine line of her neck.

When I was with her, I would run my hands through her hair, and nothing mattered anymore but the feelings and touches we were sharing. She would hold me close to her, and her bare arms around me were the sweetest things to ever be. She laid her lips on mine, and I would kiss the slightly wrinkled corner of her mouth, slowly, like if one of us was about to vanish any minute.

I had always thought I would be embarrassed. But everything happened naturally, there was no uneasiness. Otawé was gentle with me, and I was careful.

By the end of the week, I knew more about her than I did about my father, my brothers or anyone of the childhood friends I had spent so many years with. She had given me something very special, and she knew it.

We had decided by mutual agreement that we wouldn't spend my last night in the Fire nation together. I would have been too excited to do anything – including sleeping. And Otawé said she would feel worse having to part mere moments before I left, than leaving me the night before, and having me gone later.

Otawé said she hated farewells. It meant you expected to never see the person again, and Otawé thought nothing was bigger a lie, because once you had loved someone you would always keep a part of him with you. A farewell would have been this giving up, and she just couldn't.

Nevermind her husband had left her forever when he died to eastern earth kingdom warfront.

And so, my last afternoon before long years in my homeland was Otawé's.

When the evening grew nearer, I picked up my stuff in her apartment while she looked at me. She was cross-legged, resting part of her weight on her palm, her body and face tilted in a feigned attempt to sit up straight, and I could tell she was either lost in thought or totally thoughtless. I didn't know what good word I could say, so I said nothing. Then I threw my bag over my shoulder, and I stayed there, as clueless as a stick some kid has jabbed in the sand and forgotten. Otawé came to me and she held me. She drew away and she smiled. I kissed her, and I just said "I'm happy I met you". And she laughed a bit :

- You wouldn't like me on the routine. I'm pretty tiresome.

She had mischief in her eyes, and then, I had a lighter head.

- Goodbye Otawé.

- Goodbye…

I walked out in the street. The air was fresh. I strolled through a place I had lived so many things in, a place I had never left before. I didn't know when I'd see it again. And if I'd see it again, I thought. I guess I should have been awfully nervous, but I wasn't. Somewhere I had let go of it. It would have been too much to take and work out, so I just let things come their way.

Just like if I was just standing there, and I watched myself from afar.

I was back at the harbour far before dawn, and my hand was not leaving my assignment anymore. A bit before the sunrise, I saw a few other men come the same way. Most were young, probably fresh out of some camp too.

Then an officer went on land from a small-ish iron warship. And that was it.

It wasn't long apart from then until we left the Fire Nation.

I lagged a bit on the deck, we had sailed off : the sun was big and round and amber-colored above the white and red willowy buildings.

Now was the time, I noted for myself. Farewell, Otawé…

And I went below deck with the other men.

You see, I'm telling you those things, because that can seem irrelevant, that a soldier who's seen so many places and done so many things should only talk about his parents and girls he crushed on and stuff… But, if you were me, that's the kind of boring things you'd like to linger on. Forget about the glory of the Battlefield, it's gross. Just a big mess of charred and to be charred bodies crashing everywhere. Rocks crushing bones. Shreds of people in your hair and your face, on the ground, on your thoughts too…

Agni, how I love boring stuffs now !