Gentle-Fist Massage V: Life of Shinobi

Part 2: "Surreal Reality"

Shikamaru gazed at the headband in his lap. That's all he'd been doing for the past few days; sitting in his old room at his parents' house, staring at the discarded piece of ninja equipment that had belonged to the man he had loved so much.

He had fainted in the morgue. When he woke up, he found himself being forced to stay with his parents. They had been kind enough not to bother him about the tragedy much, but Shikamaru had already grown tired of their sad expressions and soft words. He never did like pity, and he was pretty sure that's what he was receiving.

The Nara's thoughts revolved around his lover, the usual onslaught of doubts and "what ifs" coming to his mind. He would wonder about each notion carefully and slowly, knowing that it ultimately was pointless in doing so. He found himself not caring.

A soft knock on his door brought his dark eyes to the entrance of his old bedroom. His father peeked inside, orbs sad.

Shikamaru wanted to punch him for it.

"It's time, Shikamaru," the older man whispered.

Suppressing the glare he wanted so badly to expose, Shikamaru nodded and stood from the bed, gently tucking the precious headband within a pocket on his dark clothes.

He left the house with his parents, making their way to the cemetery for Neji's funeral. They stopped at the Yamanaka Flower Shop on the way, Ino running out and wrapping her arms around her teammate's neck tightly, blubbering out a mournful apology between sobs.

Shikamaru numbly returned the embrace for a moment before releasing the blonde.

Chouji walked out holding a bunch of roses, handing them to his friend. "For the grave," he softly stated.

The Nara nodded and continued on the path. It felt like a dream, and he prayed he would wake up from it at any moment. The sun shining down on them wasn't as warm as it should have been, the light wind fluttering the nearby leaves didn't seem to graze his skin, and time appeared to have lost its hold on him. One moment melted into another, and before he knew it, they had arrived at the final resting place for the fallen heroes of the village.

It looked like the entire Hyuga clan had come; Hinata sobbing heavily, her boyfriend Kiba holding her. Team Gai was already standing at the grave, and Shikamaru knew he had to accompany them. Slowly walking up to the three, he was immediately caught in a big bear hug from a crying Gai. There were no grand speeches about youth spouting from his lips on this day. Even Lee was uncharacteristically subdued, dark, watery eyes looking sorrowfully at the stone protruding from the ground. Tenten stood with her back straight, tears falling from her eyes and bottom lip quivering.

When he was released, Shikamaru's dark orbs caught the sight of the tombstone, sitting in the perfectly green grass, the smooth face shining in the sunlight. Once more time escaped him, and the Nara then noticed people walking up to the grave, placing flowers onto it and saying a small prayer.

Shikamaru let his lover's team go ahead of him. Lee broke down into heavy sobs and his girlfriend Sakura held him close when he walked back into the crowd. Tenten was strong, placing her yellow rose down and bowing her head for a moment. She didn't start crying until she reached her girlfriend Temari. Gai blubbered the entire time and the Nara was slightly shocked as both Kakashi and Iruka came up to comfort him.

The shadow wielder was last. It was as if the world had suddenly shut down around him; all he could hear was his soft steps in the grass as he neared the block of marble, his eyes focused on the light reflecting off it as he moved. All presences around him faded away as he kneeled before it.

'Neji Hyuga'

There it was; his name etched in stone. Permanent, forever. It could not be taken back.

Shikamaru laid the roses at the base of the tombstone, his dark orbs not able to leave the writing upon it. One hand came up to carefully glide across the smooth surface, running his fingers along the indented letters as if he was writing the name himself. He didn't know how long he was there, staring at his lover's name, but when he turned at the warm touch on his shoulder, he noticed many of the people had left.

Chouji looked at his friend with some concern.

Shikamaru looked away, gazing at the marble once more, before standing and turning. Shoving his hands into his pockets, the Nara walked back to the road, wanting to leave the cemetery and not ever return.

"Where are you going, Shikamaru?" his father asked, catching up to his son.

The younger man shrugged, eyes not leaving the path before him. "Home."

Shikaku sighed. "Shikamaru, I really think you should stay with your mother and me."

At this he stopped, finally turning his gaze to his parent, eyes dark and empty. "I really would like to be alone," he stated casually, as if noting the weather. Not even waiting for a response, Shikamaru continued on his way, barely feeling the worried stare focused on his back.

Time vanished again, and the Nara found himself back in the house he shared with his lover. Packed boxes were still strewn about every room, most of them unmarked as the two had mostly memorized what was contained in them. The master bedroom was just as he'd left it; his half of the bed unmade, the broken frame still sitting on the desk, and the towel lying forgotten on the bathroom floor.

Shikamaru walked up to the bed and looked down at it for a long while. It seemed so… big to him now. He wasn't sure how he could sleep in such a large bed alone. It was a frightening thought to him, and he didn't like to be afraid. The shadow wielder removed the headband from the pocket he'd secured it in and gently tossed it onto his lover's side of the bed. He removed his shirt and crawled under the cold sheets.

He shivered a moment, his eyes glued to the headband, one of the only things he had of the tall, beautiful, smart Neji he loved.

Shikamaru buried his face into the pillow. He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to acknowledge that he'd never see his loved one ever again. It was too much, too big; he couldn't handle it. The fact was too shattering to him; having already had his heart broken once, Shikamaru was terrified of what would happen if he accepted the truth about Neji, of course he wouldn't tell anybody as much. He had no desire to linger in that never-ending darkness again; once was quite enough.

He sighed heavily, trying to block out his mind and the trail it was thinking. 'Sleep,' he decided. 'Sleep is all I need. Things will look better when I wake up.' He didn't entertain the small fact that floated in his mind that he'd been telling himself that ever since he'd woken up at his parents' house. It hadn't worked so far.

Curling up into a tight ball and snuggling into the soft pillow, Shikamaru was able to fall into a dreamless sleep.

For a while, anyway.

He was jolted awake by a sharp poke to his arm. The shadow wielder sat up quickly and glared at the young man standing beside the bed. His skin was unnaturally pale, hair short and dark matching his eyes, and he noticed the other carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder.

Shikamaru's scowl deepened. "Don't you know it's illegal to break into someone else's house, Sai?"

The ex-Anbu member blinked. "I did knock on your front door for several minutes," he replied smoothly, one of his odd not-too-fake, not-too-real smiles coming to his lips. "I was told that if you did not answer to come inside and make sure you were all right."

The Nara snorted; 'is he worried that I might try something stupid again?' "What are you doing here?"

Sai reached into his back pouch and retrieved a scroll, handing it to the man still under the sheets. "I've been assigned a mission as your body guard."

'…apparently so,' Shikamaru concluded, taking the scroll from a pale hand, already not liking the arrangement.