Me: And we're finally back! Thank you for your patience!
Pein: Took long enough. What's it been, three months? Sheesh.
Me: Honestly, Pein…do you EVER shut up?
Konan: (sighing) He doesn't.
Pein: I'll make you shut up, you-"
Me: Pein! Cool it! You actually got questions! A lot of us did!
Pein: (in awe) Re…re…really?!
Me: Yes! Lets get started. The first question is from our number one fan, Sai430. Who is girl, apparently.
Orochimaru: (under his breath) Damn!
Me: Here it is:
hehe thanks i got a chapter all to my self and just to clear things up IM A GIRL GOD DAM IT an Itachi im a huge fan of Uchihacest. deidara im sorry for having different views on art then you. Pein im sorry for not asking a quiesten to you its just i dont really know what to ask oh wait i know one did it hurt to get all thos pirceings like i want to get my lip pirced i just wanna know if it hurts...
-from Sai430 (aka Kelsey)
Deidara: Somebody's a bit crazy. Has she ever heard of spell-check?
Me: That's it! I'm giving you all one more chance to stop being mean to the fans! You hear me, guys? One!
Itachi: Uchihacest? This is ridiculous.
Tobi: (walking out of room) I think it' a great idea!
Itachi: Back off!
Kisame: Since when were you gay! Besides, Itachi and all his various holes are mine!
Orochimaru: Yes! It worked!
Zetsu: (in fear) What did you do to my servant!
Sasori: He gave him an STD!
Sai: Actually, they are no longer STD's. They are STI's. They have been changed from diseases to infections. And homosexuality is not an STI.
Kakuzu: You would know.
Orochimaru: Oh yes he would. Man, if Sasuke ever dies, this kid's a-
Me: Orochimaru! One more pedophile crack and you're in trouble.
Orochimaru: I don't make cracks. I make fun in be-"
Me: (furiously) THAT'S IT! IN THE CORNER!
Orochimaru: What? This isn't preschool! You can't send me to the-"
Me: NOW!
Orochimaru: (grumpily trudging over to the corner of the base, sitting on the ground sniffling, as I place a Dunce hat on him) No fair.
Tobi: (huddling up to Itachi) Hey, big boy, how 'bout I show you what makes Tobi such a good boy?
Me: OK, Tobi, you really got to stop that.
Itachi: For once, I agree with the man. Get the hell off me.
Deidara: You apologize, hmm? I suppose I forgive you. But you better ask me a good question next tome around.
Pein: (singing) I GOT A QUESTION! I GOT A QUESTION! I GOT A QUEST-"
Hidan: Answer it!
Pein: Okay! Well 'Kelsey' if that really is your name, I'll tell you. I'll admit that getting these piercings really hurt, but they were worth it. However, a girl like you should not pierce anything. It could be dangerous.
Kisame: What are you, her father?
Pein: Just saying…
Me: Let's move on to the next-
Kakuzu: Pierce your ass, girl! That's hot!
Pein: That's asinine!
Kakuzu: Turn the other cheek!
Pein: No! I'm gonna be real anal about this!
(Orochimaru moans in agony at all the obvious butt-related jokes he can't say)
Me: NEXT QUESTION!
Itachi: (to Tobi) GET OFF ME!
Me: Here it is, from somebody named Nanobear:
Hey! I have a few quesions for some of the guys...okay
1) to Orochimaru - Did you get like horribly dumped by tsunade or something? o mean..how the hell are yu some zombie...snake..dragon..thing..whatever u are?.
2) to Sasori - i think what you did to the kazekage and ur parents was horrible...but i gotta admit ur kinda cool. but one thing...if you made urself into a puppet..why didnt u make urself a tad taller?..i mean seriously..i feel like next to Kisame ur a toddler
3) to Tobi - LOL ...ur funny? are you really..seriously related to itachi and sasuke?..cause their are such depressing bastards..lol
thats it! :hands over a giant box of cookies and a tray of Starbucks Mocha Frapuccinos:
Tobi: M…M…Mocha…. (He immediately let's go of Itachi)
Kisame: (in relief) Phew!
Hidan: What the hell is a NanoBear? That's the best you could come up with?
Me: Well? Orochimaru?
Orochimaru: (sarcastically) Nope. I'm not allowed to talk.
Jiraiya: (walking in) Fine. I'll talk for you.
Orochimaru: (in fury) H-h-how did you get in here!
Me: Excuse me Jiraiya, but as an avid manga reader, I though you were dead.
Jiraiya: Yeah, well, this is a story made by you, Axel. If you want me to come back to life, then come back to life I shall.
Haku: (popping up) Does that mean I can-!
Everybody: (simultaneously whipping out weapons and killing Haku) No!
Kakuzu: Ugh, sick, I've got gay blood on me!
Me: Honestly, guys, you are way too homophobic. Well anyway-HEY! OROCHIMARU! NO!
Orochimaru: (who was dragging body of Haku into the corner guiltily) Oh come on! Can't I have any fun!
Me: Although I admire that you're starting to move a little closer to the feminine type, that is still disgusting. Zetsu.
Zetsu: (nodding) Of course. (He eats the body. Orochimaru starts crying and runs into corner)
Deidara: (curiously) So you died? Who killed you?
Jiraiya: (looking at Pein) Well, now that you mention it…
Konan: That's awful! We should avenge you!
Pein: (panicking) How 'bout them questions?
Me: Pein's right, Jiraiya. Answer it for your buddy in the corner.
Jiraiya: I'm gonna need some convincing.
Tobi: Cookie?
Jiraiya: Ah, no thanks. That's not really for me.
Kakuzu: Money?
Jiraiya: No need for it.
Itachi: (reaching into cloak) Bra? (he pulls bright pink bra into plain sight.)
Sasori: Where did you ge-
Jiraiya: Don't question the man. It's a deal. (snatches bra)
Me: So?
Jiraiya: (thoughtfully) Well, it all happened a long time ago… Orochimaru asked out Tsunade, but it turns out, she wasn't impressed. You see, earlier that very day she had caught Orochimaru peaking at her, and beat the living daylights out of him. Sad, I know. Since that day, Orochimaru never loved another woman.
Orochimaru: Jiraiya! Minus the last sentence, that wasn't me, it was you!
Jiraiya: Really? I don't know about that…
Orochimaru: Look, NanoBear, I've always been gay, ever since Saratobi used to give me private lessons in the closet-
Jiraiya: AHA! I knew there was a reason he always treated you better then me! Funny, he always treated Tsunade pretty well, too.
Orochimaru: Anyway, that's that. And the reason I look so snake-like…and I am snake-like! What's all this "dragon" crap! There are no dragons in this story! Why don't you go read some freaking Yu-Gi-Oh before you come ba-
Me: Okay, Orochimaru. Enough. Next.
Sasori: What I did to my parents and the Kazekage was terrible? You suck. I'm cool? Thank you. And lastly, next to Kisame, everybody's a toddler.
Kisame: (shrieking and crying) YOU JUST HATE ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT! WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM! (Runs out of room crying)
Me: (angrily) You just did that to flip him out.
Sasori: (pleased) Yup. Wasn't it great?
All: (mumbling) Yeah, I suppose so.
Sasori: But honestly, why am I not taller. I ran out of wood.
Orochimaru: I've got some wood for y-
All: SHUT UP!
Me: The last question is for Tobi.
Tobi: Tobi was a…a…good boy?
Me: A very good boy.
Tobi: (smiling, eating a handful of cookies and sipping his mocha frapuccino) Tobi is funny. Yes, Tobi is very funny.
Konan: He put a question mark after it, buddy. That's not a compliment. (Tobi doesn't seem to hear her)
Tobi: (bubbily) I am related to Sasuke and Itachi, yes. They are depressing, yes. And really, I say they're milking it. They just can't get over some deaths. I've been through worse.
Itachi: (scoffing) Like what?
Tobi: (darkly, as thunder booms outside) Like the dark wars of years past where thousands were slain, and I murdered my brother and stole his eyes, then helped you achieve this goal years later. Like the dark, evil revenge that fuels us Uchiha's black hearts. Like the crimson blood that stains your walls, and the dark secret that haunrs us both, and the looming goal of Akatsuki that will soon let I, Madara, rise to power and control the entire Naruto Universe.
All: (awed and frightened silence)
Tobi: (happily, sipping out of frapuccino) Ok, Tobi done. (giggles merrily)
Me: Umm……………………ok? Thank you, NanoBear, and sorry for the wait.
Pein: (nervously, glancing in fear between Jiraiya and Tobi) How 'bout we wrap this up, Axel.
Deidara: Yeah.
Hidan: Sounds good to me.
Me: Okay, then last question is from ChokutoSaLance, and it's a whopper:
Hilarious! I hope your still updating... here goes!
To Konan(The paper Akatsuki bitch? I think that's her name, I tend to forget
the details of small bit characters...) Anyway, Are you romantically invovled
with Pein? And if so, since you're entirely made of paper, does he risk
papercuts on naughty places?
To Pein: What do you use to bandage the embaressing paper cuts?
To Orochimaru: Even though you're a nasty, nasty man-thing, I respect your
prowess as a ninja, so why did you build you base of operations in RICE FIELD
country? WTF!?
To Itachi: (Advanced Manga question) Why the hell were you being SUPER polite
to Naruto when you ran into him when you are supposed to capture him?
To Kisame: This isn't so much a legit question, but why do you exist? I mean,
your just a badly drawn verison of Zabuza with lame quotes! "I'll shave you to
death?" WTF? Face it, you have cheek gills, Gai can't even remeber your name,
you have a homo-erotic sword made of shark skin, and you're boring. Please go
kill your-self.
To tobi: (Madara, advanced Manga question.) Can you still summon Kyuubi?
To Deidara: How'd you get in Akatsuki? I mean, you are actually a fav char of
mine, but if someone took your clay away, what could you do?
To Sai: How do you live knowing that in comparison to your emo-ness, Sasuke
is happy-go-lucky?
Thanks! Sory for the question swarm... -''
Kakuzu: Sheesh, somebody's curious.
Konan: Paper Akatsuki bitch? That's what my reputation is reduced to? "Small bit"?
Zetsu: Now you know how I feel.
Konan: I refuse to speak to this infidel.
Pein: I guess, I will honey. Yeah, bud, we're together. SO STAY AWAY FROM HER!
Itachi: Don't be offended, it's just, if she leaves him, he'll never find another woman.
Pein: (pretending to ignore) And sometimes…(blushes) I do receive paper cuts in certain…erm…places.
Sasori: (smugly) Hmph. If you had a metal dick you wouldn't have to worry about that. (Eats cookie with grin on his face)
Pein: I've never tried bandaging them. Good idea! Any ideas, guys?
Deidara: Yeah, for dick cuts? Use sandpaper coated in rubbing alcohol, salt, and vinegar, and place it right on the tip.
Pein: Really?
Deidara: Oh yes. It will make you feel things you have never felt before. (smiles evilly)
Pein: OK! I'm gonna go try that! (runs off)
Orochimaru: Finally! Somebody who respects me! Are you male, by the way?
Me: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! Or does Jirayia need to answer this one, too?
Sai: (suddenly realizing) Deidara, you were lying to Pein weren't you?
Deidara: No, I was serious. Try it sometime.
Sai: If you say so. (resumes doodling)
Orochimaru: To reasons. For the easily manipulatable people, and because of the good sushi.
Me: You conquered a country for sushi?
Orochimaru: There are worse things to conquer for.
Me: Not really….
Itachi: I was nice to Naruto because I was trying to tell him something. About the secr- (looks nervously at Tobi, who is staring straight at him)
Tobi: I think Itachi means that he was just in a happy mood. That's all.
Itachi: (out of corner of mouth) Just keep reading, man. Kishimoto Masashi'll tell you eventually.
(Kisame, stills sniveling and wiping his eyes, walks into room)
Hidan: Look who showed up.
Kisame: Well, I just figured that I shouldn't let any of my fans down. I mean, some people have gotta be supporting me so…(stares at paper in my hand and reads question)
Me: Oh shit.
Kisame: I…I…exist because…and Gai…he…well…I…my mother…and…and… (Kisame pulls out his sword and stabs himself. His body falls to the ground.)
Me: (to Orochimaru) Don't even think about it.
(Jiraiya carries body away)
Hidan: He was just a badly drawn version of Zabuza.
Voice: (from within Zetsu) Zabuza! Zabuza! Yayy! Master! I love Zabuza! I love him! Yay! (Zetsu punches his stomach, and the noise stops)
Me: (quietly, as everybody looks on in fright) Erm….Madara?
Tobi: (slowly) Kyuubi? Hmmm.
(Silence for a long while)
Tobi: Kyuubi. Now there's a name I haven't heard for a long time. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can answer this question just yet. But soon, you will know. Very soon. Right Itachi?
Itachi: (nodding) Ye-ye-yes sir!
Deidara: (trying to change subject) I…uh…was invited to join the Akatsuki awhile back. And if somebody took my clay…well…I suppose I could bite them.
Sasori: (shuddering) Ugh. Your bites do hurt. Especially when you get too aggressive.
All: WHAT! (even Sai looks up)
Sasori: Uh, no! I mean, that's not what I meant, I uh… once Deidara was eating a popsicle, and all of a sudden, he just went crazy on it. That's what I meant.
Orochimaru: Was this popsicle metal flavored, by chance? (all laugh, while Deidara angrily hits Sasori)
Deidara: You idiot! How could you!
Me: (amused) Okay, settle down. Let's finish this up. Sai?
Sai: This is simple. I don't think I'm emo, so it doesn't bother me. (walks away, leaving pad behind)
Me: (picking up pad) Hey guys, this isn't a drawing. It's a poem:
My Black Heart
What is life?
But a needle?
Ripping every ounce of shimmering blood
From my worthless heart
And spilling it upon
The Earth's evil breast.
Suck.
Go Red Jumpsuit Apparatus!
Hidan: Umm…I'd say this proves he's emo.
Me: Yeah, I'd say so. And that's all the questions.
All: Awwww!
Me: Well, there's plenty of questions to be answered! So until next time! See ya!
All: Bye!
Pein: (from in the tunnels behind the base) AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! SHIT! DEIDARA! FUCK! I'M GONNA! AHHH! FUCKING! SHIT! KILL YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Deidara: (smiling) Ahh, that's a classic.
Sai430 (Kelsey), NanoBear, and ChokutoSaLance, thank you very much for your patience. I am sorry that it took so long: I just got very busy. Please keep reviewing! There's lots of stories like this on the site, worse then this, that get way more reviews, which I don't get, but hey, that's life. Please, though, keep reviewing (nothing is too long). Hopefully, more people will review this eventually, but until then, I have nothing against keeping this story going for you three. Thanks!
-Cloud