Alright, alright. I lied in the last chapter. There will actually only be one more chapter after this one. (boo's from the audience) I'm sorry! If I stuck that extra chapter in, it would be pointless. I promise you will like me better this way.

()()()()

Quaxo didn't leave his house at all after that. He spent all his time laying in his bed, staring at walls. Tugger's sent still lingered in the air and if Quaxo closed his eyes and concentrated hard, he could pretend that his friend was still there.

Many cats had come at first to try and comfort the poor tom, but he ignored them, and eventually they stopped coming. If Quaxo didn't think, it didn't hurt. That's what he had found from his days of moping and he intended to stick to it. Quaxo, a thin cat to begin with was painfully skin now from his days of no food. He just didn't see the point. He couldn't imagine a future for himself without Tugger, and frankly he didn't want to.

He was busy laying on his bed, feeling nothing, when an increasingly regular sensation filled him. Quaxo moaned, he didn't want to do anything right now, but he knew he's body wouldn't stop until he did whatever it was that he was supposed to do. Quaxo rolled out of bed and tried to stand on his paws. It took a few times, but he eventually managed to gain enough balance to let his body lead him over to the desk in the middle of his room. He pulled open the drawer with a quick tug of his paw and saw a book lying in it.

Tugger's autobiography.

Quaxo moaned again. His body wanted him to read this. Something to spark another round of tears in the toms eyes, another way to hurt him even more. This was Tugger's book. Quaxo's body wanted him to open it, but his mind hesitated. No one ever read it, not even Quaxo. Most cat's didn't even know it existed. Tugger hadn't wanted anyone reading it until it was done.

But, Quaxo contradicted himself, it's as done as it's ever going to get.

Quaxo sighed, knowing that even his own body was going to beat him in an argument right now. He lifted the heavy book out of the drawer and flipped open to the first page.

I hope you all realize that I wouldn't normally be doing this, but right now, I don't have anywhere else to go. Normally I would go dump all these stupid problems on Bomby or someone, but I can't do that now. You'll see why I guess.

It was about a week ago that Quaxo came to live with me. He's a stray cat... why am I explaining this? I'm the only one that's ever going to read this... oh yeah, if you're not me and you're reading this, get out now. Or I will kill you. Got it? Ok good. Where was I? Oh yeah. Quaxo came. Um... I really don't know how to explain this. It's really weird but I guess

The rest of the next few pages were scratched out and completely illegible. Quaxo stared down at the page. This didn't seem like an autobiography at all... in fact... it was almost a... diary... but no. Tugger? The Rum Tum Tugger with a diary? That was insane. Tugger was the most manly man, the biggest flirt, the... well you know. He was Tugger. Quaxo continued reading the book in front of him, his heart racing with every passing second,

We'll try this again. Last time, I dunno... this feels really gay. But I can't tell anyone about this. Ever. And I need to just put it down somewhere. I guess this is as good as anywhere else. I guess...

um...

If I write down what I'm about to write, I have to make absolute sure that no one ever reads this EVER. Ok ready?

The rest of the page was blank. Quaxo skimmed ahead a couple pages. They were all blank as well. He continued flipping pages until he finally came to one with one small sentence written on it.

I'm gay.

Quaxo stared down at the page. He felt almost sick. A million emotions bounced around his head. Shock, amazement, pain, sadness, and other things he couldn't begin to explain.

Quaxo sank down onto his bed and cradled his head in his paws. Tears leaked from his eyes again, soaking his fur. He didn't understand half of what was going though him right then and it scared him. He shivered into his bed, shrinking away from his own thoughts.

Quaxo looked down at the book again. It was his last link to Tugger, even if it was all about... himself... Quaxo wanted to read it. He wanted to know. He picked it up again and continued reading.

There. I said it, happy now?

---

I'm not really sure how I should feel towards that cat. He lives in my house, he eats my food, he takes up my space and he steals away my masculinity. I should hate him, but I don't. He does this really cute crooked smile when... fuck, I'm even starting to sound gay.

---

Know what? It doesn't matter what I write in here, because no ones ever going to read it.

Quaxo DOES have a really cute crooked smile. So take that!

---

Quaxo showed me something today. He's magical! Did you know that? It was amazing! He says that when he's doing magic, he feels like a completely different person. When he's Quaxo, he's quiet and shy, but when he's Mr. Mistoffelees (the stage name he made up) he's outgoing and interesting. Or so he says at least. I think he's pretty interesting as Quaxo as well, but I may be a little biast on the subject.

Quaxo couldn't help but laugh as he read that. He remembered that day all too well. Tugger had been so amazed at even the simplest tricks. He was so funny to watch as Mistoffelees paraded around, shooting lighting from his paws and pulling flowers out of mid air. This is what Quaxo needed, a reminder of the good times. The happiness that the two of them shared together remembered and brought back into the light. Brightening the darkness that Quaxo lived in right now.

Quaxo spent the rest of the day reading the book. He laughed along with Tugger at some of their crazy adventures and sighed whenever Tugger mentioned something stupid they had done. He read the book for hours on end, never stopping, until he reached the day that Victoria came into the tribe.

A new cat showed up toady. She's the first one since... well I guess she's the first one since Quaxo. She's... very pretty... I caught Quaxo staring at her. I know he watched her from that stupid pipe of his for a while after everyone else had left... I guess it's only fair that he live a normal life. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from him...

---

He's sitting on the bed. He's talking about her. For the first time, I wish he would just shut up.... no... I just wish he would feel that way about me. I wish h

---

Quaxo and I are made for each other. I'm sure of it. He had another vision today and passed out. Jenny went off and left me alone to watch him and... well I dunno I guess my emotions got the best of me... but I kissed him and he smiled! He was sleeping... but he still smiled!

---

I'm sorry. This will be the last time I write in here. I can't take this anymore. Quaxo doesn't love me, and he never will. I know that as long as I live, I'm going to keep tricking myself into believing that he will someday love me, so I've got to go now, before it happens again. He doesn't love me and he never will...

Goodbye everyone.

Quaxo was on the ground again. Everything made perfect sense now. Tugger had loved him since the day Quaxo had come into the tribe and Quaxo had ignored it. It was terribly obvious to him now. He couldn't believe the signs he had missed and the destruction it had caused.

Quaxo let his head drop, he thought he had used up all of the tears in his body but they still managed to pool into his eyes again. He squeezed them shut, blocking out the outside world. Trying to sort everything in his mind. Emotions no cat could ever fathom ripped at his brain and tore at his mind. His heart ached and his head hurt, the lack of sleep and food came tumbling down on him. All at once, everything that had happened over the last few days began to beat on him.

His stomach felt as if it were eating itself, he could feel his mind begin to try to escape the pain. Victoria, Munkustrap and... Tugger's face flashed through his mind, stabbing him again and again. The young tom gasped and clutched at his fur, trying to get away, get away from everything. Quaxo's brain begin to shut down and his whithering body began to give up.

Darkness began crowding his vision, creeping in from the edges and melting over the images in front of him.

Darker,

Darker,

Darker,

Black.

()()()()

I want to start off by saying that I really don't like calling things "gay" and I'm sorry to anyone that takes offense to it. It just seemed like something Tugger would say. I'm really sorry, it's probably the only impoliticly correct thing I get really angry at people saying.

Ok, so one more chapter. I'm pretty much done writing it, I just need to type it up. (sob) It's almost over. It's amazing how much this story has changed from my original idea. :P I think I'll put some of that fun stuff up at the end of the next chapter just so you can all see :D