Me: Kaylee? What's with you and Spongebob?
Kaylee: I have no idea…
Me: What ever… what's this chapter about?
Kaylee: James Bond and Random Events…
Me: Oh brother…
Kaylee: Makes gun motion with hand and starts singing James Bond theme
Me Sweat drop oh boy… ignore her…
That Which is Lost
Chapter Four: Human Alphonse (A.K.A. "What Happened to My Kitchen?")
Rena trudged toward her house beside her sister with the Elrics following them from behind. The Elrics were muttering amongst themselves.
"Great… we've got ourselves stuck with the psycho sisters…" Edward mumbled.
"Sure the younger is kind of random but it doesn't mean they're psycho…" Alphonse said and Edward sighed.
Amongst the sisters however the conversation was almost the same.
"Great… we've got stuck with the psycho brothers… Whoo-hoo…" Keria muttered twirling a mock excited finger.
"Yah, especially the one Roy called Edward… I've heard he's prone to some really frikken random stuff… by the way, would you like to watch my James Bond movies (1)? I've got some things to do…" Rena said coyly. Keria's eyes light up a bit.
"Hell yah! Let's go!" Keria shouted and grabbed her groaning little sister by the arm.
A few minutes later the four alchemists reached Rena's house. Rena hurried the other three into the living room and switched on a T.V. and stuck a tape in the V.C.R. while the T.V. distracted the brothers and her sister, Rena snuck away to clean the house. After a while Alphonse got bored and left the two older people to their movie where as he went to find Rena. He found her shoving some things into a closet. She wiped her brow and took off her pink apron before she noticed the younger Elric brother.
"Uh. Hi Alphonse…. Do you guys need anything?" she asked sheepishly.
"No… actually Ed and your sister were busy watching that movie and I got bored so I went to find out where you went…" Alphonse said shyly. Rena smiled.
"It's alright… I know my sister can be a bore… I was cleaning the house. I forgot Keria was coming today so I forgot to clean up a bit… as you can see… I lack her tidiness…" Rena said looking embarrassed. Alphonse laughed.
"You and my brother have a lot in common… he's pretty sloppy… Not that I'm saying you're a bad house keeper… he's worse by far so…" Alphonse chuckled nervously. Rena smiled again.
"It's alright… while your brother and my sister are busy… would you like to get your body back? It's really easy to do…" Rena said and Alphonse nodded.
"How long does it take?" Alphonse whispered.
"A few minutes… my labs this way…" Rena pointed to her left as she said this. Alphonse followed her as she went into a room. The room was messier than what the parts of the house he had seen were but it was the mess of a busy alchemist so he didn't mind.
"These look like comics…" Alphonse said picking up two sheets of paper from the floor.
"Those are my research notes… I know Edward keeps his as a travelogue, and Roy keeps his as women's names… and Tim Marco keeps his, as cookbooks. Mine are kept as Manga, or backward comics… and I'm sorry I got all weird earlier… it's just I'm one of few female alchemists at HQ and since I'm Ishvarlan Roy never lets me go places… he's like an over protective big brother…" Rena said as she looked the pages over. Alphonse looked around and noticed several small bottles in a rack on the wall.
"What are those?" Alphonse asked.
"Red water… Please don't touch them… their in a very unstable state…" Rena said without looking at him as she sorted through some ingredients. "I specialize in alchemic magnifiers as well as transmuting people." Rena then looked the sack of jars over. "Alright, this should do it…" Rena then turned to Alphonse and pointed behind him in the only bare spot in the room, which had a human transmutation circle on the floor. "Could you take these over to the circle for me? Then stand back… it could get messy…" Alphonse did as was asked of him and he stood back while Rena checked some things before she smiled in satisfaction and in a flash of scarlet light a body lay on the ground, it was naked, but it was Alphonse's body.
"Holy shit! That's just too weird!" Alphonse said and Rena smiled.
"Stand next to it… I'll transmute your soul to the body... Then you'll be human again." Rena said. She bit her thumb and a red stream of blood was on her finger. Rena took off Alphonse's Helm and traced Edwards seal in fresh blood before she made one on the body's shoulder. In another flash of scarlet the body began to move and the armor fell to the ground with a loud clang. "Welcome back to the human world Alphonse. Oh… but I better get you some clothes… shouldn't I?" Rena said looking at the now very human and very naked Alphonse.
"Yah… that would be nice… and could you braid my hair… it's really long…" Alphonse said with a small blush. Rena dashed off and came back several minutes later with an armload of clothes. The clothes were a black tank top, a white over shirt, and tan kaki shorts. She threw in some white shoes and socks as well as men's underpants. Rena turned around as Alphonse dressed, when he was finished she neatly braided his hair and shooed him out the door to go find his brother. Rena went to her kitchen while Alphonse went to Edward. When Alphonse greeted his brother Rena could hear Edward scream clear in the kitchen pantry where she was looking for some canned stew.
"OH MY GOD!" Edward shouted and Alphonse grinned.
"It's just me Ed…" Alphonse said and Rena came into the living room.
"He's by far the best transmutation I've ever done…" Rena said and Keria laughed, her attention was still on the movie.
Later that night both brothers were collapsed in sleep on the floor by the T.V. while Keria had went to the second story to her room before she collapsed snoring and drooling in sleep. Rena covered the sleeping brothers with a blanket before she went to bed on the second floor as well.
The next morning Keria woke early. In fact, she was the only one up.
"Do, Do… Do, do…. Do, Do, Do, DO!" Keria muttered as she clasped her hands together like she was holding a gun walking down the stairs. She rolled across the hall at the base of the stairs and rolled into the kitchen in a military like fashion. She then unclasped her hands and cupped one over her mouth. "Kish, this is Keria, Over, kish…. Kish, mission sneak into kitchen and make sister and stupid boys breakfast success… now commencing the cooking of breakfast, over, kish!" Keria said and smiled to herself as she began to sing and bang on the toaster.
I wake up in the morning about six am,
I have a little jelly, I have a little jam,
Take a piece of bread and put it in the slot,
Pushdown the lever and the wires get hot,
I get toast!
Yeah toast!
When the first caveman drove in from the drags,
He didn't know what would go with the bacon and the Eggs,
Must have been a genus to get it in his head,
Plug the toaster in the wall and buy a bag of bread,
I Get Toast!
Yeah, Toast!
(Insert French) Le efiel tower
Bonswah, FRENCH TOAST!
Keria sang the song twice and was beginning to sing again when the oven exploded. Keria stumbled out of the kitchen into a puffy eyed Rena.
"What the hell did you do Keria?" Rena asked moodily.
"I was making breakfast and your oven exploded…. I managed to save the eggs…" Keria said holding out a frying pan.
"What ever… you're paying for it… WITH YOUR RESEARCH FUNDS! (2)" Rena said and Keria shrank.
"Must you be so harsh, Sis?" Keria asked and Rena looked at her.
"Yes, for two reasons. One, I'm tired and you just blew up my kitchen. Two, you're lazier than I am and you don't have to live here…" Rena said her red eyes slightly twitching as she said this.
"O.K…. I'll talk to Colonel Mustang about it… even though he's a psycho military leader wanna be who only cares about promotions…" Keria muttered and Rena told Keria to order some breakfast from a restaurant as Rena yawned and claimed it was way too early to get up as she turned to go back to bed.
Me: Whines Everyone's gunna kill me!
Kaylee: That's for sure… you botched this chapter by leaving it at the part where Keria blows the kitchen up.
Me: So?
Kaylee: THAT'S MEAN!
Me: I'm tired of Typing!
Kaylee: Oh…
Me: The Toast song Keria sang IS a Real song… ask Kaylee where it came from…
Number!
(1) "by the way, would you like to watch my James Bond movies?" – Kaylee and I planned this scene laughing loudly. We had Bond on the brain when we wrote this… and as soon as we got off the phone with one another… she played a James Bond game with her brother… screwy ain't it?
(2) "What ever… you're paying for it… WITH YOUR RESEARCH FUNDS!" – Each year each alchemist is given hundreds of thousands of Sens (Money) to spend on research. Well… Kaylee told me to have Keria blow up the kitchen, therefore she has to pay for it… out of her funds… I'm so evil…