DRAGONBALLGT

THE WIERD FILES

WTF!?

Goku and Vegeta returned to the trailer shortly after their first day at work with Mario. Goku was happily chewing on some unidentified body part from the last monster he fought, while Vegeta was pulling something roughly the same size and

shape as an agave cactus from his right ear.

"Damn it Kakarot! This is the worst job you could possibly have found us!" Vegeta growled furiously.

"I don't know why you hate it so much, not only do we get to fight stuff but we get free food as well," Goku said happily as he devoured the last of whatever it was he had chosen to eat.

Rage flooded through Vegeta's face as he sank into a fighting stance and declared "I'M GONNA POUND YOU INTO THE GROUND SO HARD, YOU WON'T REMEMBER HOW TO HAVE SEX!!!!!!"

Goku looked vaguely confused as he asked "Whats sex?"

Vegeta froze in place with a blankly astonished look on his face. "W-what?"

"I don't know what sex is," Goku explained.

"But you have kids, Kakarot," Vegeta said pointing weakly at his rival.

"Yeah! Chi-chi said that the mystical fairy of children brought them to us!" Goku said with a goofy grin. Vegeta stood in a confounded silence, his jaw hanging open.

"Kakarot, do you have any idea where kids come from?" Vegeta asked.

Goku looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Yeah, the mystical fairy of children grows them in a cabbage patch, then she picks them and brings them to their parents,"

"Oh. My. God," Vegeta said, in complete and utter shock. Over the course of the next hour, Vegeta explained how children are really born.

"That sounds awfully wierd Vegeta, are you sure you didn't just make that up?" Goku asked.

"I'm positive Kakarot! Now come with me!" Vegeta growled, then flew into the distance with Goku following. Vegeta led Goku to the hospital, and went to Gohan's room where the young saiyan was still recovering from the rabid squirrels.

Vegeta stole some blood from Gohan, then took some blood from Goku and went to the DNA lab.

"Test these," Vegeta said, handing the vials over to the doctor.

The doctor put them in a machine before saying to Goku "I'm sorry sir, but it would appear you are not the biological father,"

"What? But, then that means Chi-chi was lying the whole time?" Goku asked in horror.

"I'm afraid so," The docor said.

Goku teared up as he said "So, theres no such thing as the mystical fairy of children? And she doesn't grow children in a cabage patch?"

"Huh?" The doctor asked.

"Long and disturbing story," Vegeta explained as he dragged Goku out of the room. "How can this be, both of those brats are super saiyans, so then who could the father be?" Vegeta wondered while Goku curled into the fetal position in

the corner.

"Its gonna be a long day," Vegeta stated, then looked to Goku and said "Come on, were gonna go talk to Chi-chi and find out who the father is," Goku nodded, and the two saiyans took off.

The two quickly arrived at Chi-chi's house and went inside.

Chi-chi walked up and said "Hey, whats up?"

"YOU LIED ABOUT THE CABBAGE PATCH!!!!" Goku roared in a rage.

Chi-chi blinked for a moment befoe saying "Oh dear, you found out,"

"Who is the real father?" Vegeta demanded, arms crossed.

"Some guy named Bardcok, he showed up first after Goku and I married, then after Goku died at the Cell Games," Chi-chi explained.

"Bardock huh? I'm gonna go kill him!" Goku declared.

"Kakarot, Bardock is the name of your father," Vegeta said slowly.

Goku blinked as he looked between Vegeta, who looked like his brain had just shut off, and Chi-chi, who looked like she was about to be sick. Goku slowly looked straight ahead, and screamed.

--

A few days later Goku was sitting on a cliff when Gohan and Goten landed behind him. "Hey dad," They both said.

"I'm not your father," Goku said simply.

"What?" Gohan asked dumbly.

"I did some DNA testing, and it turns out I'm your guys big brother!" Goku exclaimed as he rose to his feet with a goofy grin.

Gohan and Goten were both silent for a moment, before shouting "WHAT THE F***!?"