I Think She is the One
By: Mangahottie740
Chapter Four: Grief
Do not cry, little one, it was his time to go,
Never will he grieve again on this earth,
He'll be in Heaven, taking it slow,
And feeling no pain upon the rugged hearth.
Sango hugged Kohaku. She squeezed him tight and rocked back and forth. But he did not hug back, nor would he ever hug back, for he was dead. Inuyasha's comforting hand did little to sate Sango's grief. Her terrible, inpenetrable grief.
"How did this happen?" she asked, finally looking up at the men. They spoke but one word. A word that was ominous and evil, and caused Sango's blood to go hot in her fury and in her sadness. For the word he spoke was Naraku. She placed Kohaku back into the coffin. Slowly she stood up, the look of one that had had many weary years pressed upon them. Her hands were clenched up in fists. Her eyes were as black as coal, except for the tiny red flame that was kindled in them. Her face was distorted in her anger and agony. Her eyebrows pressed down upon her eyes, screwing her features into a mass of angry looks. Her mouth writhed up into a snarl, her nose pressed softly up against her eyes. She screamed her curses to the air.
"I'LL GET YOU NARAKU! YOU'LL DIE BY MY HANDS!" But she got no answer. All she got back was a rolling echo that was magnified by the vast distance of its travels.
"We ask that we can bury him here, so he can be close to you." Sango nodded.
"I.. I think that would be best. But not now. I need to rest." She brushed off Inuyasha's comforting hand and walked alone to the river bank.
She was alone. She sat with her feet in the cold, clear water. The water pierced her skin, delving deep into her with icy cold fingers. But she didn't care.
The moon was in high in the sky. It's pale, translucent light shone on the water. There it glimmered sparkly white, radiant and beautiful. But that, too, was neglected the wonder from the girl sitting on the river bank.
Finally she spoke, hands clasped together as if in prayer. It sounded like she was talking to herself, but the truth was she was praying.
"Dear God, I pray to You now, please let Kohaku rest in peace there with You. Please let him walk among the Angels and keep watch over me and my friends. Amen."
The trees around her swayed in the gentle breeze, delicately, gracefully. Their leaves rustled noisely around the river glade. Some of them blew off of the trees, spiraling to the ground in the patterns of the wind. And the patterns of the wind were unpredictable.
The wind, indeed, blew pretty hard. The force of it whipped cold air on anything that was in it's domain, inconsiderate of how it felt to them. Only caring of itself and itself only. Just like Naraku.
Naraku. How she longed to get at him, just to claw out his eyes with her fingernails. How she wished just to take a knife and slit his throat. She wanted it to be her journey. She didn't want anyone to do it but her, not Inuyasha, Kikyou, Kagome, or Sesshomaru. She wanted to do it.
The problem was if she stayed with Inuyasha she wouldn't be able to do it. No, he'd do it for her, and she would just have to sit back and watch as Naraku was defeated by someone else. The same beast that killed her brother. The same beast that had killed countless of innocents that did not deserve death.
She ripped up tufts of grass in her frustration. She flung them into the river and watched them float away on the current. They were gone. Gone forever in a direction that housed everything that she hated: Naraku's Castle.
If only she could get inside of that castle. But she couldn't. Not without Inuyasha. So she wouldn't be able to defeat Naraku. And that made her mad. She longed to bring about the death of her most hated enemy.
But as of now she was sleepy. Taking her feet out of the water, she lied down on the grass, looking at the stars. They twinkled merrily back at her, as if mocking her in her time of grief. Not wanting to see them laugh at her she turned her gaze away. She soon would have to go back to camp. But as she lay there with her eyes shut sleep took her and she knew no more.
Where was Sango? He couldn't find her anywhere. He had been searching for nigh on an hour but still no trace of her could be seen. Now he walked along the edges of a river. He entered a small glade.
There he found Sango lying on the ground, asleep. He rushed over to her. Feeling her brow he noticed that she was fevered. And her fever was bad.
"Poor Sango," he said to himself, "She must have been really stressed out." He picked her up bridal style and walked back to camp.
He laid her down in front of the fire, she still slept fitfully. He stroked her hair awhile before going off to cook. It felt soft and silky smooth and he was loath to depart from it.
Sango awoke. She lay there, half-asleep. She didn't want to get up yet so she faked sleep. She listened to what was going on around her. For the most part only birds were making noises. But then she heard someone crying.
It was Kagome.
She rose slowly, her muscles cramped after the night she had had. That was right, she hadn't fallen asleep here, she had fallen asleep at the riverbank. But who had brought her here, Inuyasha?
Anyways, that didn't matter. Kagome was crying.
She walked over to the fifteen year old girl and put her arm around her. Kagome looked up, the tears on her face still falling in torrents.
"What is wrong?"
"Kohaku. I just... oh, I don't know, I didn't know him very well, but I miss him." Sango managed a half-smile.
"I was thinking, yesterday, Kagome, that I am glad that he died. Now he doesn't have to bear the pain of living with Naraku. Now he can't kill anyone else." But that didn't even sate her own pain. Her pain would never end.
Never.
But even in saying so Kagome felt better. She smiled at Sango.
"You are right, Sango. Let's go start with the funeral."
The funeral.
She had forgotten about that. She didn't want to be there when her little brother was put in the ground. This was one of the hardest days of her life. She longed just to crawl up into the coffin and die with him. Atleast that way they could be together. But that was silly.
Just illusory imaginations of a grief-stricken girl.
She followed after Kagome. She watched in complete silence as Inuyasha and the warriors left their tasks and followed. There, at the casket, Miroku, Shippou, and Kirara stood in respectful silence.
Miroku strode forward. "We have come here to mourn today over the loss of one very dear to us, Kohaku. He was a great brother, I am sure Sango would have said-" Sango nodded.
"He was a great brother. Better than any I could have ever asked for." Then Miroku clasped his hands together and said a charm.
"Now the body will be buried."
Sango thought of the queerness of what had just been said. Now the body will be buried. He was still Kohaku. He still had Kohaku's features. But he didn't have his soul, and that was what counted.
The three warriors had left. Sango sat alone in the hut with Inuyasha. She had cried all of her tears away. But her pain was still there. She tried to forget it for the moment.
"Inuyasha," she said, "I love you." He smiled at her. He was out of heat.
"I love you, too, Sango." He looked at her intently. His beautiful golden eyes sparkled in the dim lamplight of the little room. Something about them held trust, love, lust, and fear. Despite what had just happened with Kohaku she was finding Inuyasha far more attractive than ever. She didn't know why.
Inuyasha leaned forward. Sango placed her hands on his smooth face. She met his lips with hesitant breaths. They plunged into eachothes mouths, it felt so good. Their tongues collided, chased, delved in eachothers mouths.
Inuyasha's tongue went around and around Sango's, her chasing it but never catching it. They both were experiencing, what they thought, was a piece of Heaven.
It felt great.
Sango pulled apart from Inuyasha, looking into his star-swept eyes. He was beautiful. He was handsome.
He was her everything.
And even on this day, no matter how strange it seemed, lust fell on Sango. She longed to have sex with Inuyasha more than ever. But the timing, she thought, was definantly off. Her dream came back to her, the one where she had almost done to Inuyasha, touching his crotch area was like a paradise it seemed.
Inuyasha saw the lust in her eyes, and he was unsure of what to do. But Sango guided him. She took his hand and slowly pressed it into her breast. He breathed heavily.
"I... I don't know what to do, Sango. This is all new to me." Sango looked at him awkwardly. The truth was... she didn't either. And the ambivalent thoughts flickered in her mind. Her brother's death, or lust for Inuyasha, which held the most urgency. Her brother was in the ground; Inuyasha was right here. But still, it seemed strange to have sex on your brother's funeral day.
But love conquers all.
Then, though, love for who? Love for Inuyasha, or love for Kohaku? She thought and she thought, and then she made a decision. Live for the moment. And she did.
"Inuyasha," she said, "I am also new to this experience. But we will do our best." Inuyasha was very happy at the decision, but he felt very strange about it now.
Why hadn't she done this when he was in heat?
If she had he would have known what to do. Instincts would have guided him. But now, unsure, his only guide was the other person, who in their own manner, was unsure. What were you supposed to do?
Well, he knew the basics of sex, but how did you do it? What were the ways of getting there? He was very confused.
Sango touched him.
He felt it even as a low moan emitted from his body. But her touch was unsure, hesitant in that it did not know what to do. Was this it? He had created these feelings for himself often, he could do that on his own.
Fortunantly for him Sango drew back. She shook her head and looked up at Inuyasha. Her face was sad. Her eyes were teary.
"I am sorry, Inuyasha," she said, "I can't do it. I just don't know how." And with that she walked out of the tent.
Inuyasha and Miroku were alone. He knew what he was about to do was desperate, but he had to give it a chance. If he didn't what would become of his love-life?
"So, Inuyasha," Miroku said, "What have you come to talk about?" Inuyasha looked wary. He knew he had to tell him this though.
"Sex." Inuyasha looked over at Miroku. A blush coloured his face with red. But Miroku only smiled.
"I knew it was only a matter of time." He smiled. But he knew his limits. He was going to be nice with Inuyasha. Inuyasha was serious. He didn't need to mess with him.
"What of sex?" he said. Inuyasha looked at him intently.
"Everything." Miroku sighed. This was going to be a long night.
In the springs Kagome and Sango were having the same conversation. Kagome didn't know much about sex either, but she had taken health classes that atleast explained some things. Sango was glad that she had someone to talk to. It felt nice. At the ending of the conversation Sango just unvieled all of her feelings to Kagome.
"I just feel so helpless while I am with him. He is just so... intimidating in a way I guess. I feel inferior to him." At that, though, Kagome laughed.
"Inuyasha is no bigger than anything much. Sure, he is strong, but no, he is not the type to make one feel inferior. What I mean is, pay no attention to his outward looks. On the inside he is exactly like you: scared and uncertain. I just know it." She smiled at Sango.
"Maybe you are right, Kagome. I can only imagine how it must be for him. He thinks he has to do everything for me. He wants to be there. I just make it so difficult for him. I wish love weren't so complicated."
"But how complicated could it really be, though. I mean, if I were you I would consider myself blessed." Sango looked confused.
"What do you mean, Kagome?"
"I didn't exactly hit it off with Miroku. We're not together." Sango looked at her sadly.
"I am so sorry." But Kagome only smiled.
"It's okay. I like someone else now." Sango stared at her in wonder. So fast she had picked up a new crush.
"Oh yeah, who is it?" Kagome looked at her mischieviously.
"If I told you you would have to promise not to tell Inuyasha. He would kill me." Sango nodded. Who would it be that made it that bad?
"I like Sesshomaru." The words seemed so strange to Sango. Never had she heard anyone say that they liked Sesshomaru. Indeed it was these words that made her reel back in shock.
"Sesshomaru?" Kagome nodded. She had fallen in love with the male that at one time had tried to rape her. It all seemed so strange to her. But she did not say anything further on the subject. Instead she asked another question.
"So, when are you going to go back to your own time?" Kagome smiled.
"You want me gone so soon?" She laughed. "No, really, I was going to go back tomorrow morning. Final exams are coming up."
Who would she have to talk to when Kagome was gone?
Not noticing, she voiced the question out loud, almost inaudibly. But Kagome only laughed again.
"You can talk to Shippou. I am sure that he is trustworthy. He is a great friend."
"Sure, I think I'll do that."
Kagome was gone. Sango indeed needed someone to talk to. She felt very depressed. She walked over to Shippou. She beckoned him to come into the empty tent.
"Shippou, I need to talk to you." Shippou was confused. This had never before ocurred in his life. Sango needed his assistance?
"Yeah, what do you need to talk to me about?" She smiled half-heartedly at him.
"I am depressed."
"I don't expect you to feel otherwise. It is only natural."
"But I didn't feel like this when my whole village got slain. I just feel bad."
"How?"
"Bad about myself."
"Why?"
"Oh, I don't know Shippou, it is just that I don't think I am getting very far in life. And luck is never on my side. Kohaku has died. I didn't know how to make love to- well I couldn't make love to Inuyasha, and I am powerless to defeating Naraku."
"We all are, Sango. Inuyasha, he doesn't even know how to defeat Naraku. But I don't know a lot about that kind of stuff. The only one I think has a chance against Naraku is Kikyou."
Kikyou.
She would know what to do with Inuyasha. And possibly, she could help Sango out of her depression. She smiled at Shippou.
"Thanks."
So, she had made her mind up. She was going to seek out Kikyou and ask for her advice. She just wondered how she was going to tell Inuyasha. She didn't think he would take to the idea of her going off alone to find his former lover. Well, she thought, he would just have to deal with it.
"Inuyasha. I am leaving." He was startled at these words. "I am leaving to find Kikyou."
"Why?"
"Because I know how she can help me." And without further discussion she left with Kirara and a bag of provisions. Inuyasha did not argue with her. She was only going to find Kikyou. Kikyou wasn't dangerous.
The air around her was warm and humid. The sun shone lazily in the sky above her. Shadows were on either side of her from the huge trees that towered into the sky. The weather was good and no sign of bad weather was present.
Sango watched the light shimmer off of a lake not far in the distance. It was like a speck of a star, radiant and lumious, it's lustrous light in a star shape that was all of its being.
She hadn't walked far. The day was still going to be long before her and her journey was, too, going to last a long while. But she was provisioned and had clothes in a sack. She had everything that se needed. And it was in that way that she walked on down the path. she was walking away from everything that meant anything in her life. There was no turning back. She needed to do this. For if she didn't, and indeed no one would, the relationship of her and Inuyasha could utterly fall into ruin. She couldn't let that happen, and ultimately she wouldn't.
Fear will prevail for a moment or two. But love conquers all.
A/N: Another pretty long chapter. Finally I have part of a plot forming in my head. But I don't know. I didn't know this would be so long.