She shifted nervously watching her person take it all in through tear lined eyes, but she didn't try to explain herself figuring that if Christina wanted one she would let her know.
"I assume he doesn't know." She said her voice almost distant. Slowly, Meredith nodded. "How could you leave and have Alex's kid and not tell anyone?" Her eyes moved to George. "And you knew? And you didn't tell us?"
"He just found out." Meredith quickly said. She didn't want George to lose his friends because of her. "Christina, you have to understand I didn't want to hurt you or… or anyone."
"Except for Alex…" Her voice had turned somewhat cold and harsh.
"No… Christina, it's not like that."
"What is it then, Meredith? Cause that's what it seems like."
"I don't know, okay? I was scared and hurt… I don't know." She fell back in the chair trying to hold back the tears.
"Don't you dare cry." Her voice was stern. "You don't get to cry. You're not the hurt one in this story."
"Christina…"
"Alex loves you. Evil Spawn settled down for you." She backed towards the door. Meredith could tell that it wasn't just the thing with Alex that made Christina turn cold. "It took him three years to get where he is now. What the hell were you thinking?"
Meredith didn't have the energy or effort to fight. She didn't have the strength to stand her ground. She felt like the lone soldier trying to hold her ground while and army attacked her. And before she knew it, Christina was gone.
She couldn't breathe. It felt like the walls were closing in on her stealing the breath from her lungs.
"I can't breathe." She cried. "I need air."
"I'll watch Owen." George quickly offered.
Meredith nodded and mumbled a quick thank you before running out. She didn't care anymore. Reality had finally hit when Christina, her person, said those words. Christina Yang the person who vowed to be there for her was the one who told her the crushing truth. She ran up the stairs taking two at a time until she reached the roof. When she pushed the door open cold air rushed in. But it didn't stop her from walking out to the ledge. She took deep breaths as sobs shook her body.
The truth was that she crushed all the people she ever loved. She burned too many bridges and, now, she didn't think she could get back across.
--
She returned to Madi's room to find Richard waiting. Owen and George were gone.
"Dad? Where's Owen?" She asked.
"He's with George getting some ice cream." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "He told me about Christina."
"She's right. I broke him. I broke everyone I've ever loved. I left my life behind for what? A house and a crappy job where I was never happy enough to get any friends."
"You don't know…"
"I hurt him. I love him and I hurt him. Who does that? Who the hell is that… twisted?" She sobbed. "Who the hell does something like that?"
"Meredith, you can't break down now. Madi needs you."
"I can't do it anymore, Dad! I can't breathe. I can't… It's been so hard over the last five years. It's so hard to be back, but seeing what I've done… kills me."
Richard pulled her into a hug. "Sh… concentrate on Madi right now. Everything else can wait."
She sobbed into his shoulder for a long time before pulling back. "Thank you, Dad."
--
Madi had been in surgery an hour and a half. Meredith had hardly left the room. She finally convinced Richard to go get some lunch from Joe's by saying she was hungry. The truth was that she wasn't hungry. She wouldn't be able to eat if she was. George had taken Owen to lunch at a pizza place around the corner. Meredith trusted George with her son and they both seemed to get a connection going.
Standing up, she finally convinced herself to get herself some coffee. Slowly, she made her way to the cafeteria hoping that she wouldn't run into each other even though her arrival was all over the hospital. She made it to the cafeteria without being stopped. Being to preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn't notice anyone sitting at the tables.
"Well, well, well…" A voice came. She glanced over her shoulder at Mark. "I heard that my fellow dirty mistress was back."
"Yeah, well…" She sighed as she paid for her coffee.
Mark's face softened greatly when he saw the look on her face. How tired, how worried, and how pained she looked. "I heard about your daughter. I'm really sorry."
"I'm glad that within the two days I've been in this hospital the gossip mill has started back up about the latest and juiciest stories of Meredith Grey."
"You always were an interesting topic." He chuckled. "Care to sit?"
She nodded hesitantly. "Only for a few minutes… How have you been, Sloan?"
"Good. Things have been a lot duller since you left. I missed my drinking buddy."
"Aw, you missed me. How sweet."
"Don't let it get out that I actually care about another person."
"I don't have the energy to gossip much these days."
"What's gone on with you since you left?"
"Nothing… well, besides the two kids thing and the lonely thing and they guilt thing… well you know there's a lot of things."
"I'm glad your back."
"I'm not sure how I feel let. I've burned quite a few bridges, haven't I?"
"A few, but nothing that can't be fixed."
"Well, Sloan, I do believe you are officially the only one who hasn't yelled or been mad at me once since I got back." She sighed.
"Don't worry about them."
"It's hard not to." Her eyes scanned the cafeteria and settled on the door. She wasn't sure why, but she could tear her eyes away as if she were waiting for Alex to walk through the door and kiss her like he used to. After a second, she remembered that it wasn't the same as it was five years ago and returned her eyes to Mark. "It's hard to believe it's been five years."
"You can say that again." He said shaking his head as he sipped his coffee.
Her eyes moved around the area again when a sight near the door caught her eye…