Disclaimer: I don't own anything connected to Law & Order: Criminal Intent but if Dick Wolf is feeling generous I'm always willing to take delivery. No financial gain involved in writing this story, so please don't sue.

Summary: Definitely B/A - but if you've read any of my other stuff you could have guessed that ;o) I've been rewatching my Season 1 DVDs and this is what happened in my head after some of the episodes. Hope you enjoy.

A/N: As promised – this is the start of the Post-Ep (or more accurately part 'missing scene'/'expanded scene'/part 'post-ep') for 'The Third Horseman'. By my reckoning the point where this starts is about one month after Lewis's appearance in 'The Pardoner's Tale' and two months after the end of 'Jones'.

Alex's POV

It's been a little over a week since Dr Leo Cavella was shot dead in his living room and this whole case is beginning to wear on my nerves. I know from the way Carver reacted when we first discussed the case that he actually does have some sympathy with our shooter, even though he's trying to play it down. Well, maybe it's just me being over sensitive about the entire subject of abortion. I can't let the past get in the way of doing my job, yet as we sit with Zach watching the email exchange between our two suspects, I find myself determined to put my partner on the spot. Afterall, from what he said to Cutler, it seems that his views may parallel those of our ADA.

"What do you really think?" My tone is almost demanding and I know my nerves are beginning to fray.

"I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant." His tone is almost flippant, which just gets me more wound-up.

"You're gonna have to do a lot better than that, Bobby." That was definitely snappish.

He turns to face me and I realise that he's looking at me far more intensely than he usually does. He's figured out that there's something going on here he knows nothing about and it's making him a little uneasy. He can see how important this is to me.

"Okay." He hesitates for a moment, as if he can tell that his answer will carry weight with me.

His hand rubs across his mouth and I find my eyes concentrating on just his fingers and his lips, rather than watching his entire face. I remember how his lips felt against my skin, how he tasted when we kissed, exactly what this long, dexterous fingers can do to my body. Suddenly how he answers this question has taken on an greater significance, as I feel the cords binding 'the illusion' which has protected me for two months now weakening, and a nervous feeling of nausea sits heavy in my stomach as I wait for whatever words come from his mouth.

"Life is full of uncertainty. People need to have options. Abortion has got to be one of those options. That's what I think."

I feel relief wash through my body. I don't get the opportunity to respond to Bobby as Zach draws our attention back to the computer screen he's been careful to keep watching, whilst trying not to listen to our conversation.

I didn't think I gave a damn anymore what other people, besides my family, might think of my reaction to the hardest decision I was ever faced with. I've never told my family about my pregnancy, there was never any need for them to know. Now I realise that I am, very soon, going to have to explain to my partner exactly why this case is cutting so close to home with me. Deep inside I know he won't let this go, it's not in his nature to do so and, much to my surprise, I'm thankful. For some reason I feel I don't want to carry this secret alone any longer and I know that this man who is my partner, my friend, will not judge me because of a decision I had to make before I ever knew him.

Bobby's POV

I know she's uncomfortable with this case, it's been written all over her reactions since we started working it just over a week ago. I know there's something going on in her head that I can't begin to fathom. Is it possible, I find myself wondering at various moments, that there could be something in her past that makes this case so personal to her.

"What do you really think?" Her tone is serious but I don't want to discuss this subject in front of Zach, the computer technician who's helping us with the case.

"I'll tell you what I think when I get pregnant." I know my attempt to lighten the mood isn't going to work but I want to be able to talk to her about this without anyone else being there. I wish we could spend some time alone together, maybe take her back to my place, cook a nice meal, open a decent bottle of wine and really discuss what it is about this case that's got my usually rock-steady partner so far off centre.

"You'll have to do a lot better than that, Bobby." See I knew she wasn't gonna let me off the hook so easily.

I turn my back to Zach, giving her my full attention and it's so difficult not to reach out and touch her. The pain in her voice is palpable, and now I know that at some point in her life Alex has been faced with making this decision herself. At some point Alex has been faced with whether or not to continue carrying a child. Whether I will ever be party to her decision and its circumstances, I have no idea but I do know that I will only have this one opportunity to tell her how I feel about this subject because she won't re-open this door if I attempt to fob her off again.

"Okay." The intensity of the emotion in her eyes gives me further reason to pause and consider my words carefully. "Life is full of uncertainty. People have to have options. Abortion has to be one of those options. That's what I think."

I see the relief in her eyes just as Zach speaks to us, something interesting is going on with our suspect, but for once I really don't want to turn my attention back to the case. What I want to do right now is take the woman in front of me in my arms and tell her that whatever happened, whatever it is that this case has brought to the forefront of her mind, we can deal with it. I want to comfort her even though I have no idea what happened or what decision she made. Still, I'm unsure if the relief that flashed through her eyes was at my response to her comment or at Zach's interruption. I hope it was my response.