Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters
A/N: thanks again for all the reviews. I know that this chapter is short, but I wanted to get it out sooner rather then later. Things have gotten pretty crazy around my house, everyone is sick, so it might me a little while before I post the next chapter. But as soon as I get the chance I will post it. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
Edward POV
I just sat there thinking about what my angel had asked of me. Did she really want me to be the one to change her? She had to know what she was asking of me. It was times like this that I wished her mind were open to me.
How could I be the one to take away her soul to take her life away? I didn't know if I could live with myself knowing that I was the reason that her heart would never beat again, that her lovely blush would never again spread across her face because of me.
So instead of saying something, I just sat there and stared into my angels eyes. Hopefully, in there I could find the answers that I needed. She just stared up at me with her beautiful brown eyes, looking like she was on the verge of tears.
"Bella. I don't know if I can do that." I said after a few minutes of silence.
"It's okay Edward. I just − just wanted to ask." Her voice started to break, but she continued anyway. "If it's too much for you I understand." Bella said turning away from me so that I could not see the look in her eyes.
"Bella, love look at me." I said. She quickly turned up to look at me and I could see the tears threatening to spill.
"Love, I would love nothing more than to be that person for you. You know that I would do anything for you. It's just I don't want to hurt you in any way ever again." There were other reasons but I choose not to tell her them. Hopefully the reason I gave her would be enough.
"Edward. I'm going to be in pain either way, so what difference does it make if you are the one to bite me?" She asked.
I took a few minutes to think about the right way to respond to what she had said. On the one hand, I could see her point. I knew that she was going to feel pain regardless of who actually bit her, and I knew that I was going to be at her side through the whole process. However, I didn't want to be the one to cause her pain. Was I being selfish? Bella was willing to give up her life, just to make sure the ones that she loved would be safe.
"I know that you will feel pain Bella, but there are other reasons why I don't want to be the one to bite you." I looked into her eyes quickly realizing that my words could be hurtful if she took them the wrong way.
"Don't misunderstand me when I saw that, I am not against you changing any longer. I know that it is your decision to make and that nothing I can say will change your mind. Bella, I love you with every fiber of my being. You are the reason that I continue to live in this world. Without you I am utterly and truly alone."
"If you mean that, than why won't you be the one to change me?" She asked.
I could tell that she was not going to give up on this anytime soon. I would have to tell her the real reason that I didn't want to change her.
"Deep down I know that the only reason I did not want to change you is purely a selfish one. I don't want you to hate me later on. If and I mean if you regret becoming a vampire years down the road, I did not want to be the one that you blame. I know that I will be unable to live with myself if that ever happened."
"Edward. I will never blame you for as long as I walk this earth. If there is anyone to blame for me becoming a vampire, it is myself and no one else. This is my decision to make and I have already made it." Bella said quickly putting a stop to my protests.
"I'm still not sure that I will be able to do that love." Her face fell ever so slightly.
"But, I'm not saying that I won't. Just give me a little time to process your request."
"I think I can do that Edward. Do you want to be alone?" She said shifting in my lap so that she could start to stand.
I quickly tightened my grip on her and pulled her back onto the bed so that I was once again hovering over her.
"I think I have gone long enough without seeing you beautiful face." I said slowly tracing her face with the back of my hand.
"And I have gone far too long without your lovely scent." I said as I moved my face towards her neck, taking in a deep breath.
"Edward." Bella said, or moaned more like it.
I knew that I would have to slow things down, and quickly. My careful boundaries were still in place with Bella. I pulled away from Bella and lay down behind her. Quickly pulling her into my chest.
"I think you should get some rest love. We have a very long night ahead of us." I said.
Before she could protest, I started to hum her lullaby. I knew that sleep was not far from her. Slowly her breathing evened out, and her heart rate decreased. I knew that my angel was asleep.
While I waited for Bella to begin her usual round of sleep talking I pondered what she had asked of me. I took all of her reasons into account and thought about it. I knew that I would have to talk to Carlisle and Alice before anything concrete was decided. Carlisle would have to walk me through the steps and if Alice said there would be no complications, than I would agree.
"Mmm." Bella said.
Great, the fun was about to start. I pulled Bella closer into my chest as she started to talk.
"No more Alice." Bella muttered. I could only guess what was going on in her dream.
"Please, no more clothes." She said as her face scrunched up.
"I am not wearing that." She said.
After a minute or two of silence her dreams continued.
"Yummy." That was a new one. She had to be dreaming about some kind of food.
"I love cupcakes, they taste like monkeys." Okay that was a little weird.
Bella had had some weird dreams before, but this on really took the cake.
"Emmett." Bella muttered. Great, now she had dreamed about my sister and my brother, but still no me.
"I'm not drinking anymore." Drinking what I wondered.
"Thanks Jasper." Another sibling down.
"Blue walls and gold curtains." At least she wasn't dreaming about any other family members.
"Yes, I can fly." She was really having some weird dreams today.
After a few minutes of her saying nothing I started to think that the fun was over.
"Edward." She sighed.
I wanted to jump for joy. Every time she said my name it felt as though my heart, if I had one, would be jumping out of my chest. The things that my angel could do to me, even in an unconscious state were amazing.
Bella didn't talk anymore, so I slowly removed her from my arms and turned to look at the clock. 5:45 it read. That gave me 15 minutes to wake her up and meet the family down stairs.
I tried saying her name, but she ignored that. Then I tried gently shaking her, that did not work either. So I did the only thing that I could think of that always got a response out of her. I quickly leaned down and kissed her. Just as I thought, Bella responded to the kiss, with a little too my enthusiasm. At least she was awake.
"Rise and shine sleepy head." I said pulling away from Bella.
"Is it six already?" She asked, rubbing her eyes then stretching.
"Just about. Are you ready to go watch some baseball?" I asked.
"Sure." She said, trying to hide her discomfort.
I was at her side in a flash "What's wrong Bella?"
"Nothing, really. We should get going." She said as she started to get off the bed.
I quickly plucked her up onto my lap and held her there.
"Bella, I can tell that something is bothering you. Please tell me." I said looking into her eyes, hoping to dazzle her into telling me.
"You're cheating. It's not fair that you can dazzle me and I can't do that to you." She said, sticking out her bottom lip to pout.
She really had no idea what effect she had on me. I quickly leaned down and kissed her with as much passion as my boundaries would allow.
"Love, you have no idea what effect you have on me." I said once I pulled away from the kiss.
"Now will you please tell me what is bothering you?"
"Fine, but I don't know if you are going to want to hear this." She said looking up at my eyes.
"It's just that the last time I went to watch you guys play, the whole James thing happened." I could not help the low growl that came from my chest when she said his name. For a second Bella looked scared then continued with her explanation.
"And I just know that going back to the field is going to bring back all of those memories. Not to mention the fact that Victoria is still out to get me." She said trailing off at the end.
"Love, you have nothing to worry about. I will be by your side the entire time if that makes you feel any better."
"No, I'm not going to make you sit out and watch the rest of your family have fun. Esme will keep me company."
"Are you sure?" I asked. I really wanted to make Bella feel as comfortable as possible, but at the same time I really wanted to play baseball.
"Yes I'm sure Edward. Now we should probably get downstairs before Alice comes up here to get us."
I agreed so I picked her up into my arms bridal style and ran her down the stairs. As we expected the rest of the family was already waiting.
"Are we going to drive there?" Bella asked.
"No, we're going to run there." Alice said.
"Just wondering." Bella said as she grabbed my hand.
The feeling of her warm hand in my cold one was something that I never wanted to go without again. It had been far too long. I quickly scooped Bella onto my back and we headed out to the field.