"My Evening Star" Chapter 11
Rating: T, just to be safe
Word Count: 4,700
TV Spoilers?: None. Just around second season during the time that Blair lost her throne and her friends.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Gossip Girl or really anything affiliated with it.
Other: Again, I could only update once this week but hopefully won't be so busy this week.
I hope you guys enjoy and thank you all for the reviews! (and for being patience. I really am sorry I can't update a little more often).
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The last week had been a long one for Chuck and he was rapidly growing more and more bitter with each passing day. Blair and him had reverted back to their old, petty ways…she would glare at him or stomp on his foot whenever she'd see him… he'd make a smartass remark just to get a rise. The usual.
Yet he never once mentioned what had happened at the hospital nor did she. In all likelihood, this was because they both knew how close they had been to truly getting together, and that was something easier to ignore than deal with. With pride like their's, neither was going to admit how they truly felt, no matter how badly it was tearing them apart.
Fortunately, Serena was improving. After six days in the hospital (and plenty of tense moments for Blair and Chuck who often visited), she had been released. Now it was Friday morning, and she was expected to return to school on Monday.
Chuck was glad. Life was a little less brighter when the blond wasn't around especially since Blair and him were not speaking and Nate was not allowed within a hundred foot radius of the school.
Besides that, if not his dear sister, who else could he torture on a daily basis?
With that in mind, he slid off the seat of his notorious limo and began to walk towards school, feeling a bizarre sense of dread that had been plaguing him since that morning. He couldn't quite put a name to it, and hadn't been able to get rid of it…but of course he wasn't going to take it seriously.
Never would he show that much weakness, no matter how much dread he felt.
Yet from the moment he began to strut towards St. Jude and Constance's shared walkway like he always did, that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach like something was not quite right multiple rapidly…enough where goosebumps actually rose on his arm.
The feeling only worsen when he entered school property, and saw several people eye's grow wide when they saw him. Suddenly everyone's voice seemed to quiet, aside from the distinct sound of whispering.
Chuck went still, confused and suspicious. He was used to having people talk about him. He was Chuck Bass after all.
Still, he had never had so many eyes upon him at once… and even more disturbing, everyone looking at him with strong emotions written clearly on their faces. Some looked angry, others mystified, while others looked nothing short of disgusted.
Quickly, Chuck whipped out his phone to see if Gossip Girl had written a blast about him but there was nothing.
Suddenly feeling overwhelmed by confusion, discomfort, and paranoia… his pace quickened as he made his way towards the school doors. Though he was typically one who basked in attention…he could feel that something was deeply wrong here. The way his classmates had looked at him had been truly disturbing.
Determined to find out the cause of their expressions and whispering, he began to walk down the hallway, stopping only when he heard his name being mentioned by a group of kids who were gossiping in the corridors.
"Can you believe about Chuck Bass?!" One boy's disbelieving voice called out.
"I know! After years of people saying he's the spawn of Satan it's actually turns out to be true." Another voice snickered.
Chuck suddenly felt sick… as though he had just been punched in the stomach.
"Seriously, it's like the plot of the Omen, except he managed to kill his mom at birth." A boy cruelly chimed in while the entire group laughed.
At the sound, Chuck's blood instantly began to boil over and without even thinking, he grabbed the boy who spoke and shoved him brutally against the lockers nearby.
"What did you say?" He hissed, a raw, wild intensity in his dark gaze. The boy's eyes instantly widened in fear, as he swallowed.
"I just…I just…" He tried to stutter out while Chuck stared him down.
"You just what?" He spat, while one of the boy's terrified friends slowly approached them.
"Don't hurt him! He's just repeating what he read." The girl called out in a meek voice and Chuck snapped his furious gaze upon her, causing her to flinch.
"Read what?" He demanded, still pinning the boy up while the girl grabbed a piece of paper from one of her friend's hands and handed it to Chuck.
Despite his utter infuriation that someone would dare mentioned his mother, curiosity got the better out of him and Chuck released the boy in order to grab at the paper.
Though his blood had just been boiling seconds ago, it suddenly froze the moment he saw what it was. The St. Jude and Constance Weekly Gazette. And this week's headline was "Chuck Bass: Born a Monster."
For a moment, Chuck could not breath as he skimmed the article and realized someone had printed his beloved mother obituary, along with a story about how she had died giving birth to a worthless piece of crap like him. The words were cruel, the message behind it even meaner…and the fact that Chuck's greatest secret and insecurity had been printed for everyone to read was more than he could bear.
With a wild, desperate look in his eyes, he stormed down the hallway, ripping papers out of people hands and tearing up every copy he possibly could. But it wasn't enough. It seemed everyone had one and obviously read its front page news. That's why they were talking. That explained the whispering, which he was desperate to hush.
But the moment he paused for just the briefest of seconds and took a good look around him…it was the shock, and disgust, and the pity on his fellow classmates face that made him realize this was impossible.
He had lost. His dark past was out and there was no way it could ever be covered up again.
Having never felt so humiliated, vulnerable, or defeated in his entire life, Chuck glared at everyone around him like a cornered animal before he violently shoved open the nearest door and storm through to the walkway.
As he did so, he was acutely aware of everyone's not so subtle pointing and whispering as he hurried to his limo, but he ignored it.
His fight was over. He just needed to get out now and get out fast.
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Chuck had never felt so sick. Since the moment he had arrived at the Palace and locked himself away in his old suite he had already thrown up twice…yet his stomach had still not stopped twisting or lurching painfully. And it only became worse each time his mind flooded with thoughts he usually typically fought to suppress.
These thoughts tore away at him now, ripping every part of him and making him feel more vulnerable and exposed then ever before. And Chuck loathed feeling so bare.
For so long he had played a part. He had spent so many years building up a thick armor and façade that it was all he and his classmates knew.
Chuck Bass. Womanizing. Wealthy. Witty. The bad boy bastard who hosted some of the Upper East Side's most notorious parties and scored with New York's hottest chicks. It was a role he had played so well and a role few ever saw past. He had always intended on keeping it that way.
Of course there were some who knew there was more to him than the soul less scoundrel he pretended to be. Nate had always known there was more, Serena and Eric were quickly learning, and he was convinced a certain Ice Queen understood him better than either one would be willing to admit.
(After all, how was it possible she'd fail to see his vulnerable, humane side when she was the one who most frequently brought it out of him?)
Still, there was a depth to him that he had never let anyone explore mainly caused by years of being berated and ignored.
That, and the fact that he had never been able to successful ignore feelings of self hate and self repulsion that constantly plagued him.
Misty Bass. Beautiful, gentle, elegant. Love of Bart Bass' life. She had apparently been a wonderful woman who was beloved by so many…and yet, the day Chuck took his first breath he had managed to kill such a lovely person.
His worthless life had been exchanged for her enchanting one.
It was the first of many horrible and disappointing things he'd do.
The means of his mother's death was something he never discussed with anyone (apart from that one weak moment with Humphrey…which he could not regret more) because it caused him to feel a guiltiness and emptiness that no mask or façade could ever fully cover. It was such a painful topic for him he hadn't wanted anyone to ever know, not even the ones he loved….
And yet it was now splashed across the front cover of the St. Constance and St. Jude Gazette.
Chuck Bass: Born a Monster.
His greatest insecurities and anxiety printed for everyone to read. His great façade finally ruined.
Will had won. Chuck knew the article had somehow been his doing and in the process, he had exposed and exploited Chuck's deepest fear that he had taken his mother's life and was an abomination to this world.
Chuck's stomach lurched again violently. This was too much to bear. The looks of the faces of his fellow students earlier had said it all. Disgust… curiosity… confusion… pity. He couldn't tolerate seeing them again. Couldn't handle knowing they knew his darkest secrets and would discuss it like it was any other petty rumor.
No, he was ruined here and had to get out. Not permanently… the Upper East Side was the only place for someone like Chuck Bass, after all. But he had to leave, at least for awhile, and soon. Where to and for how long, he didn't know and at this point…he didn't care.
He had already taken out some luggage and now it was just a matter of packing. He had a few sweaters pulled out but none put away. With every passing thought, his stomach twisted more and more. But instead of driving him to pack faster, it just made him want to puke once again.
He was still trying to calm himself when he was momentarily distracted from his sickness by a knock on the door. Instantly he assumed it was a member of his staff, bringing up some of the clothes he had requested from his room.
Yet when he pulled open the door, he was quite surprised to see Blair behind it, looking tired and rather disheveled as she stared up at him with a grim and determined expression on her face.
"Robert Filberts." She suddenly announced as she strutted past him and walked into his room, apparently unconcerned with the lack of invite. Chuck watched her wordlessly, before his shock turned into annoyance. He did not want to be bothered. The last thing he needed was someone seeing him right now when he was already in such a dark place.
"What?" He asked, gritting his teeth.
"Robert Filberts. The name of the Gazette's editor is Robert Filberts." She repeated as she looked around his room innocently…until she suddenly looked up and met his eye.
"I have Dorota running a background check now on his ambitions, life plans, and his family's social standing so if we find he had anything to do with today's frontpage news… we can destroy him before sundown."
Chuck stared at her for a moment, and shook his head before he walked to the bar, his back turned away. "What are you doing Blair?" He asked, as he grabbed himself a drink and quickly down it.
Blair eyed him with a frown. "What do you mean?"
"Why are you here?" He asked, slamming the empty glass down harshly before he turned to her, his gaze intense.
She swallowed, but looked determined when she responded. "I'm here for you. Are you really that surprised?"
His eyes narrowed as he recognized her using the words he had said to her just so recently.
"Yes." He snapped, still bitter at her for the fight they had that day…the day he had thought that maybe…perhaps…
It didn't matter what he had thought. She had walked away from him in the end.
"Chuck.."
"Don't Blair. Don't even bother. Whatever you were going to say, save it. I don't give a fuck."
"Chuck!" She tried louder, but he interrupted once more.
"No Blair. I'm done. I'm done with you. I'm done with the Upper East Side. And I'm done with this argument."
She shook her head. "What happened today was terrible. Trust me, I know what it feels like to have people whispering behind your back saying things you never wanted anyone to know. I know what its like, but I also know how to get passed it! You're Chuck Bass for Christ's sake! You can't just give up…"
"Look." He cut her off bitterly. "I don't need your inspirational speeches or moral support. I don't need you to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be just fine." He scowled and his voice lowered as he added coldly. "I don't need you. It's done. It's over. You can leave now."
Blair flinched, clearly wounded by his words but she quickly straightened herself and held her chin up defiantly.
"Stop it Chuck." She snapped. "I know it's your first instinct to lash out. After your whole Arabian horse commentary it wouldn't be the first time you've done it to me. But it isn't going to work. I came here because I want to be there for you."
She paused, looking up for a moment, fighting back tears before she added. "And as stupid, or masochistic as I may be…I want to be with you."
Looking more than a little afraid, she slowly met his eye once more. "I always have."
Chuck's was caught completely off guard by this confession, since he had never heard her say anything like this before. For so long he had fought and plotted for her and believed he made it clear how he felt. But while she showed a few glimpses to him every once in awhile, it always seemed like she had held back.
And though her words now were so comforting, and he wanted to believe them so badly, he could not help but to be suspicious.
Did she want him now because he was down? Poor Chuck Bass, finally weak and pitiful. Was that it? Was he just some broken charity case for her to work on until she got bored?
The idea made his stomach twist in the worst wave of agony yet. He could not stand the idea that she pitied him or might want him now simply because she felt bad for him.
Closing his eyes, he clenched onto his glass once more. "What are you doing here, Blair?" He asked, before he swallowed…not quite knowing himself what he wanted to hear, but he instantly feared what he might.
He knew just a simple phrase from her was enough to break him, and he couldn't take that now.
"Never mind. Don't answer that." He said, shaking his head. "Just leave."
"Chuck…" Blair replied, sounding defeated as she began to walk towards him but he put his hand up dismissively.
"Go." He ordered.
At his command, Blair stared at him with tears and anger in her eyes before she wiped furious at them. Mustering up her deadliest glare, she stared him down before she ripped open the door and stormed out.
As she began to walk away, Chuck silently called out for her to turn around, hoping against all odds that she would…but of course, she did not.
And the moment she left, Chuck felt a new, even more agonizing pain in his heart as the door slammed behind her.
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What had she been thinking?! Blair fumed as she yelled at herself in her mind. What had possessed her to scamper around the school like a woman possessed the moment she saw that article? She had been so desperate to find Chuck… Desperate to see that he was alright after suffering this particularly harsh blow.
Once she had heard that he had already left school, she reacted without thinking and ran after him. Literally ran after him. In her school uniform. In her bright red tights. In her sling back Jimmy Choos.
Of course she wasn't an athlete by any stretch. Those long legs of her were made to look good in heels…not for sprinting down the streets of Manhattan.
Still, she had trudged on, making a few calls on the way including one to Dorota. By the time she made it to the Palace (which was not exactly close) she was a mess…or at least was one in her eyes. Never before had she been winded or had even a single hair out of place in public but in this particular case, she could have her headband on fire and her school girl skin ripped off and it still wouldn't have slowed her down.
All that she could think about was Chuck and how badly she wanted to see him and know he was ok. She didn't care if they had recently fought. She didn't care if they had a volatile past. All that mattered was him.
And yet, the moment she had tried to let him know it he had completely denied her and left her cruelly rebuffed.
She had told him she wanted him…actually found the nerve to say she had always wanted him, and still… he had kicked her out.
She was furious…and humiliated…and if she was going to be honest…more than just a little broken hearted. What had gone wrong? There were times that she swore she saw hope on his face when she spoke. She had seen the way his eyes had softened and he looked like he wanted to believe her…
Was that why he rejected her? Did he think she wasn't serious? That she was just saying it because he was hurting?
Her blood went cold at the thought and she stopped walking down the hall immediately. Did he think she pitied her?
The second the thought occurred to her she knew that was it. Chuck and her were incredibly alike in many ways and it made it all too easy to understand him sometimes. He must have thought she wanted him just because he was vulnerable now and she felt bad.
What an idiot! How could the always watching, always observing Chuck Bass be so blind?
Didn't he have any idea how much she cared about him? How much time she spent thinking about him and longing to be near him, no matter how much of a bastard he was. To be honest, it was his scoundrel ways that just made her love him even more.
And dammit, he was not going to push her away just because he was being a stubborn, thickhead fool. She was Blair Waldorf! No one dismisses her.
With a new found fire blaring in her dark eyes, she lifted her chin and stomped her way back to Suite 1812. After taking a deep breath, she raised her tiny, delicate hand….and began to slam on the door as hard and loud as she can in a rather unlady-like manner.
"Chuck Bass! Open this door!" She demanded, yelling at this point without caring who might hear her.
"Bass! Open this damn door now!"
She knocked over and over again, shouting loudly until she finally heard the lock click and the door was open to her revealing a very annoyed Chuck.
"What the hell, Waldorf?" He said with a dark scowl. She glared in return.
"You're such a bastard!" She snapped back instantly. "I ran all the way here from school, destroying my heels and blistering my feet just so I can see you…and what do you do…you push me away just like you always do."
"Must you…"
"Don't interrupt me!" She snapped as she flashed him a particularly fierce look. "I'm not done." She took a deep breath to compose herself.
"You asked me why I came here. Fine, I'll tell you the truth!" She hissed.
"I came here because I love you!" She confessed before suddenly looked nervous, trying not to let it show how terrified she was now that the truth was out, but he was looking at her so intensely she knew he could tell.
"There are so many reasons why I should never say those words to you…but I don't want to hold them back anymore. I love you and I…."
She couldn't get those last words out because he had practically lunged himself at her, pulling her flush up against him before he pressed his lips up against hers.
She moaned in response as the heat and passion behind his kiss lit a fire in her that quickly spread over her entire body. It only burned more when he suddenly grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his room.
Before she could even catch her breathe, he had slammed the door and had her shoved up the door and was completely devouring her lips, his hard body flush against her's.
Though she grasped at him, doing whatever she could to pull him as close against her as possible, his response was even greater. She could sense an urgency behind his touch, a desperation that was somewhat familiar but he had never quite exposed like this.
Had she been able to think, she would have been both smug and flattered. He had told her he hadn't needed her…but every single touch or kiss made it clear he had been lying.
"Blair…" He breathed out huskily, causing goosebumps to rise as he dipped his head and began to kiss her neck. Her head lobbed forward naturally, giving her access to the nape…which she knew was his weakness. As he began to suckle at her pulse point, she felt her legs give out but he grabbed her and pulled her close.
"Chuck.." She called back, and in a swift movement, he lifted her up against the door, her legs automatically wrapping around him, before he carried her to the bed where they stumbled in together clumsily…too desperate for each other's touch to even think about what they were doing.
Her body arched up and her hands fumbled at him as she felt his fingertips rake across her skin. Before she knew it, he had removed her shirt and was moving onto her skirt.
Unsatisfied, she began to undress him, and was pleased to feel him shudder against her once their now entirely bare bodies pressed firmly together, their legs entwining as they attempted to devour each other. But to her surprise, before they could go further, he suddenly pulled back so that he could stare down at her.
"Blair…I…" He began to say, looking nervous for a moment as he swallowed. Though his were dark with desire and fully dilated, there was an intensity there that she knew was more than simple lust. With a gentleness that made her heart ache, he abruptly closed him eyes and pressed his forehead against her's.
"I love you." He said, before he softly kissed her forehead. "There are reasons I shouldn't say it either, but I love you so damn much."
She was dazed for a moment, stunned that such a perfect and sweet moment could happen during a time passion…and after a fight nonetheless.
But then again…that was them. Up down, left right. Kind then cruel, Love and hate. The heat and the passion only made her fall harder.
"I love you too, Bass." She said as she smiled up at him, her stomach fluttering when she saw the softness and happy sheen in his deep brown eyes…it was clear her words meant so much to him.
Giving in to her own adoration, she reached up to touch his face gently before her smile turned mischievous. "Now if this Hallmark moment has passed… will you kiss me, already?"
His response was a wicked smirk as he leaned down and whispered huskily in her ear. "Prepare yourself, Waldorf. I'm going to do much more than that."
Blair soon realized as he had her body thrashing, her mind reeling, and her lips calling out his name over and over again that he his little tease had been entirely serious….
And judging by the happiness and exhilarating sense of completion that washed over her…it was now impossible to deny she needed him just as badly as he needed her.
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I got such a bizarre sense of satisfaction actually writing out "I love you" s between this pair who I'm seriously falling more and more in love with every week. Haha
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this update and thanks for reading!