Why hallo thar.

I haven't posted in quite a while - been a bit lazy these last few days - weeks? But I'm progressing and working on it day by day. This chapter is mostly information that I suppose isn't exactly important - though it will probably help you understand the story. Lets just say I like it, though what I like doesn't matter much does it? Lol. Now I'm rambling, just enjoy ok

CrypticButterfly: Thank you for telling me, because honostly I would have never even noticed. I went through all of my documents and like half of them are right and half of them are wrong...and ugh. Anyway, fixed it up in this chap, probably will for the others when it isn't 1 in the morning. 3

He is still awake.

His breath has evened out and he lays completely still against us. But I can feel how tense his body is, and his eyelashes brush against my skin as his eyes flickered open and closed. Oishi's body gives a slight jump as Tezuka's arm is thrown over him and his hand grasps my arm lightly. I snuggle closer, and he takes a sharp breath, and I can almost feel the fear radiating off of him.

Sometimes it pains me to do that to him. But this is right, this is how it should be. We've been together too long for this not to feel natural, and I can tell that even he knows that. It has never been impossible for him to leave, hard perhaps, but never impossible.

But he hasn't, and he won't.

I've waited so long, and Tezuka even longer. I can't explain when I started to feel this way, it had come gradually and almost naturally. I knew, back in Junior High, that Tezuka liked Oishi. It obvious to those who knew Tezuka or those who observed him keenly enough. Of course it hadn't stopped me from going after Tezuka, because it had been obvious that the Golden Pair was an unbreakable couple and Tezuka wouldn't dare try and hurt his best friend like that.

And then there was High School, and I knew that Tezuka loved Oishi. When we started dating - secretly at first - I hadn't realized how much time they actually spent in contact with each other. Even when we took more time to spend with each other, Tezuka didn't seem to think about him any less. At first it irritated me, and I was determined to wipe all thoughts of Oishi from Tezuka's mind - at least when we were together. I participated more in their lunch conversations and insisted on going with them whenever they hung out. I was very much like a clingy, jealous girlfriend with a huge inferiority complex. I almost hated Oishi.

But even I can't hate someone as oblivious as Oishi.

I realized, as we were entering our final year of High School, that while Tezuka loved Oishi, he loved me just as much. Even though Eiji and Oishi were no longer a 'pair' he still chose me. Not to mention, Oishi had become a part of my life rather quickly. It was easy to grow attached and used to Oishi because he didn't mind my presence, he held no jealousies or even slightly envious actions of my being with Tezuka boyfriend or otherwise. In that time we became friends, and in that time I understood exactly why Tezuka was so in love with him.

Oishi was perceived as a mother hen and worrisome, and that was completely true. Just as he was perceived all calm and cool during Tennis, and thus perceived to lack passion. I learned in those years, and the ones after High School that Oishi loved having fun and taking risks like everyone else, but in moderation (and extremely good back-up plans and cover stories), and had passion for many things including romance books and films, or history of any kind. Oishi was incredibly hard to figure out, and the more I learned the more pieces I had to fit into a barely started puzzle.

I was fascinated, enchanted and then I was in love all over again.

Because in High School my relationship with Tezuka had only grown stronger through Oishi. He became part of the process, the one constant to keep us stable even in the rocky times. When he was in college and both Tezuka and I knew what we were doing, it became all about him.

'Was he eating right?' 'Is he keeping up with his school work?' 'Who was he hanging out with'?' 'Is he dating that boy/girl?' 'Who was that at his apartment?' 'What are they doing when we leave?'.

It was an unspoken and almost painful agreement between us to not mention it. I wanted to bring it up, to convince him that perhaps we should try something. I did, for perhaps a week, I talked about it and Tezuka would hear none of it. He was too afraid of the reprucussions. He couldn't bare to worry or scare Oishi like that, it was easier and safer if he suffered alone. But that also meant that I suffered, and perhaps we were fortunate to suffer together. Watching, seeing, but never really having, and that seemed to be the end of it.

Until that night.

I don't like thinking about it at all, the night we went to visit Oishi at his dorm. It had been his last year of college and he would be graduating soon, and with such good news came the parties that came with it. I tried to block it out of my mind, and I just remembered the two of them hanging on him, touching him, his skin as they walked down the path toward the dorm. Their faces leaning dangerously close to him and their hands doing god-knows-what as he simply smiled and laughed with them. Tezuka was frozen beside me, I could almost feel him shaking as they stopped in front of us at the dorm's entrance.

"Syuuichiro, what are you doing?"

Oishi had looked up at Tezuka, surprised and then embarrassed. He had quickly untangled himself and sent his friends on their way, looking worriedly after them for a second. He looked ashamed, pulling at his shirt sleeve as he refused to look at us. He wasn't drunk, perhaps just a little tipsy, but even that was out of character.

"I'm sorry."

I remember hearing so much in those words. 'Sorry for worrying you, sorry for letting you see my like this.' I couldn't tell if I was angry at him for going out and doing that or saying 'sorry'. I had been jealous, but he was an adult, I shouldn't let that jealousy show. He wasn't mine, I held no claim over him whatsoever.

Nothing.

Which was why we had given Oishi the most important graduation present, we had all of his stuff moved to our house that graduation day. He was shocked, grateful and completely argumentative. Of course we wouldn't take no for an answer, that would just be asking for trouble. At least if he lived with us we wouldn't worry as much, that wasn't too much to ask for, was it? Peace of mind.

Except it wasn't enough, there was too much of him for there to be enough.

Barely two weeks and we had decided we had to try. Tezuka was scared, but I could tell he wanted it more than anything. He trusted me to make sure it didn't fall apart, and I was determined to do that. For both of them, and my own sake, it had to work.

This has to work.

So yeah, this fanfiction has turned into an epic inside joke of which we all decided to cosplay. It was hilarious because everyone was confused...because we were part furry. Yeah. Um, can't wait to hear you responses!

Loving you still,

Tabis