Away From the Sun
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.
Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.
Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.
Chapter Three
Going Down in Flames
I Kissed Mother goodbye and nodded to Father. I watched out of the corner of my eye as the entire Weasley family, along with Harry and the Mudblood, entered the platform.
"Draco, I expect you to do well this year." My father said sternly. He wasn't just meaning the N.E.W.T.s, he wanted me to start early with my induction. Expected me to ask for it by the Christmas Holidays.
"I expect I shall Father. I think this will be the year I finally beat Potter at Quittitch." I smiled. "And I expect I'll do excellent on my N.E.W.T.s."
"I expect you shall." My answer seemed to please him.
I listened to Mother fuss for a few moments before I kissed her again and climbed aboard the train.
I waited until I knew that the Weasel and Mudblood had their Prefect Duties. Hell, I was supposed to be doing mine. But I hunted down Harry instead. I had questions and he had answers.
"What the fuck is the meaning of this." Was my greeting as I opened the door to the compartment I knew Potter occupied.
He wasn't alone though. Longbottom, the little Weasley girl, and that Loony girl were with him. All eyes were on me.
"Piss off Malfoy. We have better things to do than listen to you bitch the whole way to school." Longbottom was growing a set huh?
I choose to ignore him. I had more important things to talk about. Longbottom and the Loony girl returned to reading a copy of that trash magazine The Quibbler.
"Potter." I specified. "What is the meaning of this?" I held out the tiny piece of parchment that had obviously seen better days. Three weeks of my constant handling of it didn't help it. The ink was smeared and the paper torn.
Harry looked around to the others in the compartment. An uncomfortable silence was growing in the tiny space.
"I need to use the girl's room." The little Weasley said. "Luna?"
Luna, not Loony, glanced up. "I-" she seemed to catch a look on the younger girl's face. "-actually yes." The girls left quickly leaving me with Longbottom and Harry.
As the girls were leaving, I spotted a large toad in the hallway. "Longbottom, you really should keep a better eye on your pet. Someone's likely to use him as a potion ingredient if you're not careful." I leaned in the doorframe with a smirk on my face as Neville ran into the hallway to chase down his toad, which was now hopping towards the Slytherin compartments.
At last I was alone with him. I had a few things I wanted to say to him.
Don't tell me what to think
Cause I don't care this time
"Potter."
"Draco."
"So I'm still 'Draco'?" I smirked, then mentally kicked myself. I did not come here to exchange insults and idle chit-chat.
"Yeah." He said softly. He glanced at my hand that still held my 'ticket'. "You-"
"Oh no Potter, I get to have my say this time. Last time you Flooed into my study and turned everything I've ever known upside down."
"I didn't-" he started again. Damn, Potter, he never could let anyone finish what they were saying, always gotta be interrupting.
"I thought I said I got to go first." I slammed the door to the compartment shut. "You Flooed into my study, kissed me, gave me this-" here I tossed him the worse for wear ticket to heaven. "-Tell me nothing but what it's supposed to be. Leave me shocked, confused, and dragging my already exhausted mind through the same old bullshit that's tormented me all fucking summer. You owe me an explanation. What the fuck is this?"
He looked down at his shoes, which I noticed were worn and falling apart. He wore a pair of big blue denim pants, held on his waist by a rope, and a shirt three sizes too big and full of holes. Muggles dress very odd, I thought as I waited for him to open his mouth and tell me what the fuck he was up to.
"I- don't know. I heard something from-someone." he looked up at me.
"And what was that." I folded my arms. He's not answering my question the way I wanted him to.
"Thatyou'regoingtojointheDeathEatersonyournextbirthday." it was said all in one breath.
How did he know? No one knew except the people who were already Death Eaters and Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle. None of those people would ever tell Potter. He knew. He knew and he was apparently offering me a way out.
"So you hear that I'm supposed to become Death Eater on my next birthday and take it upon yourself to appear in my study and tell me that I have ticket to heaven?"
Harry nodded.
"Why?" I ask, before I can stop myself.
"Because I know you're better than that Draco. Because I don't think you're really evil, a bastard who needs to have his ass kicked, but not evil. Because there's something-" he stopped talking. I sat across from him, taking the space Longbottom had occupied.
"And you kissed me."
Don't tell me what you believe
Cause you won't be there
To catch me when I fall
Maybe I shouldn't have brought that part of our previous meeting up. We've been sitting here in silence or five minutes.
"So that's it? You don't think I'm evil. But that's it. Well that's fucking nice to know."
There aren't any answers here. He has nothing to give me. He's only offering a hand because he thinks I'm 'better that that'. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. There was no reason to hope. There's still nothing for me.
"Well next time don't bother Potter. Whether I become a Death Eater or not isn't your concern." I stood, made my way to the compartment door and opened it. "I hope you miss me when I go."
Harry's POV
Draco stood and left the compartment with the remark:
"I hope you miss me when I go."
He is going to become a Death Eater. Snape wasn't lying, and I don't know why he chose to tell me. I don't know how he has any clue about how-
I start cleaning my glasses as the compartment door opens again and Luna, Ginny, Neville, Ron, and Hermione squeezed in.
"Saw Malfoy walking away real fast. Looked like he was gonna cry!" Ron grinned at me.
"He was in here making threats about Trevor!" Neville told him.
I looked around at my group of friends. They've been with me through so much. Ron and Hermione have been by my side since the train ride to Hogwarts, Neville's roomed with me since first year, Ginny's my best friends little sister, and mine as well, and Luna was one of the few that traversed off to the Ministry of Magic to save Sirius even though he wasn't even there.
These were people I trusted with my life. They helped me form the D.A. I've watched all of them bloom in their skills with a wand, and Merlin knows how much they've helped mine.
"You guys, quiet down. I have to tell you something." I waited until the whole lot of them had calmed down and were seated. "Okay. I know that since we decided to continue the D.A. last year, we're going to want to do it again?" The group nodded in agreement. "Good. I have a mission for us. It's top secret. You can't tell even the other members."
I had everyone's rapt attention now. Ron was grinning, Hermione's eyes shone in excitement, and the other three scooted in closer to hear better.
"It's about Malfoy. His father's gong to give him to Voldemort on his next birthday."
Ron snorted. "It'll serve him right to be a slave to that twisted fuck." Neville nodded in agreement but the girls looked more sympathetic.
"The thing is, I don't think he wants to do it." I sighed.
"Did he say something when he was here?" Hermione asked.
"Kind of. I showed up at Malfoy Manor a few weeks ago-"
"Harry!" More than one voice at once, said alarmed.
"Let me finish, better yet, let me start over. Snape told me about it. Apparently at some point in time last summer Snape went back to spying on the Death Eaters. I don't know how he proved to Voldemort he was loyal after everything he'd done, and I don't think I want to know. When he got back to the Order's headquarters, he came straight to my room. Lucious Malfoy announced that Draco was going to be initiated into the Death Eaters by his next birthday, if not sooner."
I paused at looked at my friends again. I still had their attention and they seemed almost desperate to hear the rest.
"Snape says that the initiation to the Death Eaters is a humiliating, horrible experience. First, they burn the Dark Mark into the initiate's arm; he says it like having the flesh torn off your arm it hurts so bad. Then, each individual has a 'private session' with Voldemort. I don't know what goes on then, Snape refused to talk about it. After that, the initiates are basically slaves to the rest of the Death Eaters and Voldemort for a certain period of time."
"That's horrible." Hermione whispered.
"Why would anyone do all that?" Ginny shook her head.
"And people think I'm crazy." Luna sighed, and Neville and Ron just looked at me in disbelief.
"Precisely. When Snape told me that it wasn't Draco's decision, and that it was his father's doing, I had to do something. Offer him a way out, or something. I don't know exactly what I was doing. So I took a piece of paper and wrote him a message, Flooed into his study and told him it was his ticket to heaven."
"And?" Hermione asked.
"And then I left."
"You left just like that? You didn't even explain anything to him?" Ron gawked at me.
"No, I didn't." I scratched my head and pushed my glasses back up on my nose. "If I'd stuck around his dad might have found me there. He might have actually wanted to join. There are a million bad things that could have happed if I stuck around."
"What did the note say?" Luna was the only one who seemed to realize that I'd omitted what the message had contained.
"It said you have to lie in the bed that you make."
"What?" came Ron's response.
"Why?" was Hermione, Luna, Ginny, and Neville's responses.
"Because I wanted him to think about what he was doing, and what could happen to him. I wanted to offer him help without being like everyone else in his life who simply tells him what to do." I stood in my frustration. "I'm going to put my robes n now." And left the compartment.
But you'll need me when I'm not here at all
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah
"Wait! Harry!" Hermione flew out of the compartment after me. "You didn't tell us what Draco said when he was in here!"
"He asked why, and when I told him, he didn't seem to think my answer was good enough. He just said that he hoped I missed him when he was gone."
"What did you tell him Harry? Did you tell him his godfather was worried about him?"
I shook my head.
"Did you tell him that you didn't really y hate him? Did you tell him that he has a choice?"
I shook my head.
"Did you tell him you love him?"
"What?" I stopped looking at my feet and looked up at her.
"You really didn't think I'd notice did you? I'm not stupid Harry James Potter. I've known for almost a whole year, and Merlin only knows how long it was before I noticed!" She crossed her arms and gave me the look that she usually reserved for when Ron and I needed to copy her homework.
"I-" there were no excuses. I did love him. Have since about the time Hermione noticed. But no, I didn't tell him "No."
"No what?"
"No, I didn't tell him." And before she could say another word I was down the hallway.
Draco's POV
I'm going down in flames
I'm falling into this again, yeah
I'm going down in flames
I'm falling into this again
Back in the Slytherin compartments I choose to sit with a group of first years who, if I hadn't been there, would have had to deal with the upper class Slytherins tormenting them.
I felt like someone had pulled the rug out form underneath me. Potter had offered me a hand and for some fucked up reason I turned him down. My whole life seemed to be this downward spiral into nothingness.
I must have sat there the whole rest of the way to school. The train stopped, and as everyone unloaded themselves I could hear Hagrid, the groundskeeper and Care Of Magical Creatures professor yelling for the first years. Potter got off a different car than his friends. The school year hasn't even started yet and it looks like they've already started on their fight of the year.
I bet it's about me.
We got to the castle and after the sorting, the feast started and the entire Great Hall exploded with laughter and conversations about how everyone's summer went.
I participated in the Slytherin conversations. These were the one's that danced around the older student's upcoming inaugurations to the Death Eaters. I know Pansy, Goyle and Crabbe will also be joining this coming year. They, unlike me, are looking forward to it. I wonder if they even know what they're going to have to do?
Don't tell me how life is
Cause I don't really want to know
I preformed my prefect duties after dinner, guiding the first year Slytherins to the dungeon entrance to the Slytherin tower. I dropped them off at the portrait, then, rather than going in myself. I turned and started to explore the castle.
I've been a prefect for two years and I've never taken he time to actually explore the castle. The place is a fucking maze. The founders, if you ask me, were a bunch of raving lunatics.
Who the hell puts a stair case up to a tiny tower with nothing but a fucking window seat in it? Who the hell puts a tower that fucking tiny in a castle in the first place?
It was a nice place to sit and think though. My insomnia from home is going to apparently stay active tonight. And here was as good a place as any to stay the night I guess.
I can see out over the lake from here, the moon is full tonight and there are no stars in the sky. I feel at peace here. Father and Mother aren't here, I don't have to look at the people in my tower and attempt conversations with them even though there's something that changed inside me over the summer and I'm not that Draco Malfoy again.
I don't know how long I sat there before I realized I wasn't alone. It could have been minutes, or hours. It doesn't matter really.
"Hello?" I turned towards the entrance of the tiny tower. There was no one there. I must be losing my-
"Draco." Potter appeared out of nothing, saying my name and acknowledging my presence.
"How- nevermind. What are you doing here?" I sneered.
"I wanted to say I was sorry." he looked at his shoes.
"Sorry for what?" Looking back out the window I sighed. "You don't have to be sorry. You're right. I have to lie in the bed that I make. I can either choose to follow Father's orders, or defy him and lose everything I've ever known."
"What are you gong to do?" he asked.
"I don't know."
"You do have choices though. You could stay out of it completely."
How naive of him. "Potter, there is no neutral in this war. You're either with the Order of the Phoenix, or with the Death Eaters. There's no gray, just black and white. I'm damned either way."
"But-"
"Can you be any more stupid? There's nothing for me either way. Do you think for one second that your friends would accept me for who I am? I don't fit in the crowd of people who want to kill you, and I sure as hell don't fit in with the people who worship the ground you fucking walk on." I stood, wrapped my robes around me tighter and pushed past him.
Don't tell me how this game ends
Cause we'll just see how it goes
How can he show up and act like everything's going to be all bunnies and sunshine after this war? I won't be surprised if he gets killed in this.
I won't be surprised if he lives through it.
He still hasn't explained that kiss. I can't explain why I'm stuck on it. I've never actually liked a boy that way. Never liked the girls either, but I am a Malfoy and I have a reputation to live up to.
Maybe I'm stuck on it because maybe I'm hoping that he has some feelings for me, real ones.
I think I want him to help me. I think I might have feelings for him too. I think I might be ready to try and defy my father. It's not going to be easy.
Catch me when I fall
Or you'll need me when I'm not here at all
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah
I walked slowly back towards the Slytherin tower, secretly hoping he was going to follow me.
I guess all I can really do is try to find out why he cares. Why it is that I'm so damn special that he wants to save me.
I'm going down in flames
I'm falling into this again,
I'm going down in flames
I'm falling into this again
Now, I'm all the way down here I'm falling
I'm falling down
Again now I'm falling down
A/N: Ummm…. Is anyone actually reading this? I have absolutely NO reviews for chapters one and two and I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to hear what people think. So maybe… if it's not too hard… click the little purple button next to 'submit review' that says 'go!' and let me know what you people think! Or I shall have to write some fluffy story in which Draco makes out madly with Hermione!