Away From the Sun
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.
Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.
Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.
Chapter Four
The Road I'm on
Draco's POV
It'd been four weeks, almost an entire month since Potter had cornered me in the tiny tower. He hasn't spoken to me since. Oh, I hope to Merlin that I didn't say something wrong; I still need him to save me. I feel like I'm screaming in a room full of people and no one can hear me.
I'm sitting in the Library, pretending to work on the essay for McGonagal's class. I think I've been reading the same fucking page for thirty minutes and I'm not getting anything out of it. It's like the book is in Greek, and that's one language I don't speak.
My housemates have noticed that something's wrong with me. Pansy keeps trying to get me to tell her what's going on. I can't exactly tell her that I'm trying to figure out if I want to follow my father's orders, if I want to go against him and fight with Potter. Trying to figure out why the fact that Harry kissed me is still on my mind.
I think I might like him. I don't mean like I like Crabbe and Goyle, I mean like you would a girl-
"Um… Draco?" A soft feminine voice broke into my thoughts. I looked up from the book I've been pretending to read. Hermione Granger stood two feet away from me, looking like she wanted to talk to me.
She said life's a lot to think about sometimes
When you're living between the lines
And all the stars they sparkle and shine everyday
Looking around quickly, I realized why she had chosen to approach me here. There were no other Slytherins around. I had chosen a tucked away corner of the library to read in. This also meant, she had hunted me down.
"Granger, what the hell do you want." I snapped my book shut and slammed it on the table, annoyed.
She flinched, then glared back at me. "Don't start that crap with me Malfoy or I'll hex you to next year." Then, to my utmost confusion, she sat across the table from me. "Look, I know you hate me, that you think I'm a dirty-little-Mudblood-Know-it-all, but I have something to say to you. Harry's told us, and we don't think you should do it either." She hadn't said what it was Harry had told her, but my suspicions were few.
I smirked at her, irritated that she's interrupted my thoughts and that she actually thought I gave a shit about what her and the Weasel thought. "And you think I care why?"
"Because obviously you've been thinking about what Harry told you. I can tell. You don't sleep, you hardly eat and you've been avoiding everyone in your house." She looked haughty, like she'd answered the hardest question on the upcoming N.E.W.T.s correctly.
"I'm so glad you know me so well, or rather, should I say I'm happy that you've taken it upon yourself to stalk my every move." I scowled.
"I'm sorry." She said.
"What? Why?" I looked at her. She was crying. "What the fuck?"
"I'm sorry. It can't be easy, knowing that your father is going to give you over to Voldemort. Then to have the sudden choice in front of you of what you want to do." She hadn't even stumbled over the Dark Lord's name.
I felt vulnerable, I might actually be able to tell her something. I don't understand, and I don't care why Hermione Granger, a girl I've spent six years tormenting, would cry over me.
"It isn't." I whispered, looking down at my knuckles. "I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over two months. Every time I turn around, there's seventh year Slytherins whispering about their upcoming initiations to the Death Eaters. They all know I'm supposed to join. And I can't stop thinking about how Potter kissed me." I lay my head on my arms, face first into the table. I hadn't meant for it all to come out.
"Harry kissed you!" She squealed, then covered her mouth. "Sorry. I know that wasn't what was supposed to stand out. But-"
"I actually said that out loud? Merlin, I really am losing my mind." I slammed my head on the table with a resounding thunk.
"He kissed you?" she said quieter.
Head still on the table I answered her. "Yeah." I looked up at her again and she was smiling. "What?" I asked.
"It's about time." she grinned harder. "I mean Ron's so dense he wouldn't notice unless Harry started shagging you right in front of him, but I've known for ages. He fancies you."
What she'd said took a moment o sink in. First, I had to push my exhausted mind through the gutter and rid myself of the not-so-surprisingly arousing image of Potter and I having sex, but- "Harry Potter fancies me?" I asked slowly, wanting to make sure I'd heard her right.
"For at least a year. That's why he came after you in the manor that day." She said softly. "He wanted to let you know that you do have a choice."
"But he didn't tell me shit! He shoved a piece of paper in my hands, told me it was my ticket to heaven, kissed me and left! I haven't got any explanation from that asshole, and here you come telling me that Potter fancies me and that you agree with him that I shouldn't go. What, does the little Mudblood fancy me too?" I stood, angry now that I'd let her get close, that I'd opened up even the slightest. Picking up my books I sneered at her.
"Of course not! I don't even understand what Harry sees in you! You are nothing but an arrogant, self -centered prick!" Granger was yelling now, brining Madame Pince to my secluded corner.
"For the sake of Merlin! This is a library! Not a shouting arena. Miss Granger, you should know better. Mister Malfoy, you too. Both prefects! " the whole while chasing us both out with a couple of charmed books that kept hitting us in the head.
Before I walked away from Hermione, I shot another glare at her. "If Potter had any common courtesy at all, he'd some tell me this shit in person, not send his lame little messengers after me."
She stood there staring after me, and for some reason my spirits were lifted .
He said life's so hard to move in sometimes
When it feels like I'm toein' the line
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way
Or at least they had been lifted until Potions class. Professor Snape, my godfather, has been acting out of sorts this term. Not that many would notice, just me.
He strode into the room, robes billowing about him as usual. "Turn to page four hundred and forty five. We will be working in partners today. They will be as such: Brown, Parkinson, Granger, Crabbe, Longbottom, Goyle, Weasley, Bode,…"the list continued until the last pair, "…Potter, Malfoy. I suggest you begin immediately or your first stage of the potion will not be complete before the end of class. And you all know I do not allow students in my lab after hours. Instructions-" he flicked his wand at the blackboard and they appeared, "Are on the board. Supplies-" another flick and the supply cabinet opened- "are in the cabinet." He then sat at his deck, summoned our homework to him with a quiet Accio and began grading them.
I stayed where I was, let Potter come to me. He did. And we worked in silence the entire class. I don't think I could stand speaking to him right now anyway. I might hex him to death for fucking with me.
As class ended and students were filing out, Professor Snape stopped me.
"Mister Malfoy, a moment of your time please."
I stopped and waited by his desk as the rest of the class left. When they were gone I looked at my godfather curiously. "Professor?"
"Not here, my office." He stood, and walked into his office. I followed, closing the door behind me. He stood in front of his desk, looking at me.
"Draco. It has come to my attention that you don't seem particularly thrilled with the idea of joining the Dark Lord's Death Eaters." He wasn't accusing, he wasn't threatening. But he was a Death Eater. He was probably what my father would consider his best friend, that's why he was chosen to be my godfather.
Unsure of weather I could trust him with my secrets, I frowned. "Who did you hear that piece of rubbish from?"
"Pansy Parkinson." He smirked. "So I doubt that she was lying. Infatuated with you, she is." The Slytherin grin slid from his face as he looked at me again. The fear that he would report this to my father must have been plain as day in my face. "Draco, I am your godfather-" I nodded and looked at the floor. "- and that means that I must look after your best interests, even if they do not agree with your parents."
I looked up at him. He suddenly looked older, but did not stop talking. "I have been aware of your resistance all summer. Lucious has complained to me often. I know Potter came to you." My eyes went wide. "I know what he told you."
"Severus, sir, I don't-" before I could finish what I was saying, attempt to deny my confusion, he cut me off.
"Draco, I have been a spy for the Order of the Phoenix since before the Dark Lord attacked the Potter family." He was calm, collected, and none of the fear of what I might say, or who I might say it to, was on his face.
I think my heart stopped beating. "You're- but- I thought- I mean-" I gave up trying to make a sensible sentence and looked back at my well-polished shoes again. "Why?"
Severus Snape does not often smile. Not the way a normal person who wasn't raised to be a dark wizard, and a Slytherin would. He did now. "Because Draco, unlike your parents, the moment you were born, and I was asked to take the responsibility of being your Godfather, I loved you. I would protect you the same as I would any child of mine. I know that the Dark Lord cannot, and will not triumph over Dumbledore and Harry Potter." He stepped away from his desk and stood directly in front of me.
"Severus, I don't know what to do. Potter's got my head so fucked up that I can't even think straight."
I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone
That's the same road, the same road I am on
My godfather reached over, put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. "I know. I understand completely. It is not an easy decision. You do have choices though. You can choose weather or not you want to share your father's fate."
For the first time since I've been faced with these choices I didn't feel alone. I pulled out of the hug and smiled. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do if I really was alone in this."
"You'd have made the right choice. I have faith in you Draco." He turned and opened the door to his office. "Just remember, I am here for you anytime."
I nodded as I headed off to Charms. My mind in another whirlwind. Snape was a spy. He'd chosen to tell me. He has faith that I'll make the 'right choice'. Whatever the fuck that means. I don't even know what the right choice is right now. Well I do. The right choice would be to tell my father to go fuck himself and then let Potter shag me senseless. Did I really just think that? Fucking Merlin. I guess I've already made my choice. I changed my course of direction and headed towards the Gryffindor tower instead.
I'm going with Harry.
Harry's POV
When Hermione came to me after Potions and told me about the conversation with Draco, I almost snapped.
"You told him what?" I practically screamed at her as we entered the common room to the Gryffindor tower.
"I told him what you should have. That you fancy him and that he really does have a choice." She looked at me matter-of-factly.
Ron almost chocked on the chocolate frog he'd been eating. "Harry what!" he said, still coughing.
"Upstairs." I dragged him and Hermione up to my dorm room, climbed onto my bed, closed the curtains behind us and whispered Silencio.
"Hermione, can you keep it down. I don't need the whole Gryffindor tower to start talking about me being a pouf." I growled at her.
"Sorry." she said, but Ron's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head at any second.
"A pouf, as in, liking guys?" his face was turning red. I suppose from embarrassment.
"Well," I smirked. "Kind of. Not so much as guys plural, but guy singular, yes."
Much to my surprise, Ron didn't question, or freak. "Who is he?"
"If you haven't figured that out yet, you're denser than I thought Ronald Weasley." Hermione smiled at him. "It's Draco Malfoy."
Ron was silent. He was shocked, his face was turning pale. "Malfoy? As in the asshole that's tormented all three of us since first year?"
I nodded. "Why do you think I wanted the DA to help me help him?"
Silence for another moment. "Oh."
I let that sink in as I turned on Hermione. "And you didn't have to tell him! I wasn't going to say a damn thing to him until he'd made up his mind about what he wants to do! I didn't want him to feel like I was pushing him into it."
"I'm sorry!" she cried. "I just thought that he had a right to know why you were worried about him. And you didn't tell me that you kissed him!"
Before I could retort that it was none of her business, Neville came into the room. "Harry? You in here?"
"Yeah" I answered, poking my head out of the bed hangings.
"Um, there's someone outside who wants to talk to you. We won't let him into the common room so he's outside the portrait." Neville grinned. "It's Malfoy."
I stood, and went down to the portrait opening where he was waiting.
He said life's a lot to think about sometimes
When you keep it all between the lines
Of everything I want and I want to find, one of these days
We walked down to the lake, where we could talk without anyone interrupting us. We were halfway around before either of us spoke.
"What made you hunt me down?" I asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"I don't know." he admitted. "But I suppose you already know that Hermione cornered me in the library."
"Yes. And I could kill her for that too." I growled. He seemed slightly hurt. "What?"
"So was what she said true?" His voice was a little shaky, and he was nervously playing with the hem of his robes.
"Yeah."
"So you-"
"Want to snog you senseless?" I interrupted. "Yes."
"I wasn't going to be that blunt about it, but if you are then so can I." He smirked that Slytherin smirk that I'd decided long ago looked sexy on his aristocratic face. "You want to shag me."
I blushed and didn't answer him. My embarrassment must have sated the Slytherin in him because he continued with the conversation, leaving the subject of my feelings alone.
"Professor Snape also talked to me. I guess you already knew he was a spy huh?" He looked over at me expectantly.
"Yeah, I knew." I sighed. "I don't always trust him though." I scowled. "He's such a slimy git." I immediately wished I hadn't said this. Draco's eyes flashed.
"Watch what you say about my godfather Potter. He's a braver man than you think." His face softened as he thought about something. "He wants me to defy my father too."
"He's the one who told me." I informed him. I wasn't thinking about what I was telling him. Just answering his questions disguised as statements.
"Really?" Draco whispered.
What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong
Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong
I nodded. I don't want t push the subject on him, but I have to ask him. I pray to Merlin that his answer is what I want it to be.
"Have you- you know. Thought about it?" I stopped walking and looked at him.
"It's done nothing but plague my thoughts." He sighed.
"And?" I asked hopefully.
Draco didn't answer me. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity. When I thought hat I'd made a mistake asking him, I closed my eyes in defeat. How could I have expected anything different from-?
Warm lips on mine shocked me back to reality. It was a simple kiss. Lips brushing against lips.
"Fuck Father. Fuck Voldemort. Just, just kiss me okay?" His voice sounded almost desperate and I did as he asked, kissing him for all I was worth.
When I traced my tongue along his lower lip, he opened his mouth, still kissing me, tasting me, as I was tasting him for the first time too. When I pulled back, his face was flushed, and not the usual pale color, his eyes half lidded, and he was looking directly into my soul, I swear.
"I'm going with you Harry."
"It's not going to be easy, you know that, right?" I whispered.
I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone
That's the same road, that same road that I am on
What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong
Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong
"I know it's not. But, I don't want that life." He spat out.
"Okay." I smiled at him as we walked back towards the castle. No more questions for today. Enough answers have been given here.
The road isn't gong to be easy. This fight was never gong to be easy. At least now, everyone I care about in on the same road.
A/N Realized I am a complete moron and didn't tell people what song I used in the last chapter… It's Going Down in Flames by 3 Doors Down, and in this chapter I used The Road I'm On. I guess it's pretty safe to say I'll be using 3 Doors Down on this whole story. But I'll make sure to let people know if I use something different.
Finally! Reviews! Thank you ! I actually thought I was going to have to go through with my threat and write a sappy fic with Hermione and Draco! Whew! Thanks for the rescue!
I do appreciate the constructive criticism and I hope this chapter was better.
I'm trying to make sure that I write both Draco and Harry differently, because they for sure are not anything alike in the way they think. Let me know what you think. And maybe, I could use a little advice on Harry… Being Slytherin and trying to write like a Gryffindork is hard!
Anyhow, again, I'm going to remind people to hit the little purple button next to 'submit review' that says 'go'! Do it! Click it……… yeah, that's the way.