Title: Blur – Epsilon Sentence Ficlet

Author: Monti

Date: December 2, 2008

Rating: R

Word Count: 713

Category: L/K AU

Warnings: None

Spoilers: Up through anything aired already

Disclaimers: Don't own these people. Just borrowing them for a little while. I promise to put them back when I'm finished. Any and all mistakes are my own.

Author's note: Day three of the 12 Days of Fic. Huge shout out to my brilliant beta ez_as_pi. She rocks.

Summary: A possible scenario (or missing scene) after The Dance between Lee and Kara. Kind of a stream of consciousness thing on Lee's part.

11 – The speed bag was nothing but a blur as Lee kept going at it, the thoughts in his head needed an outlet and the bag was the best recipient he could think of since he was afraid he'd hurt an actual person.

BLUR

The speed bag was nothing but a blur as Lee kept going at it, the thoughts in his head needed an outlet and the bag was the best recipient he could think of since he was afraid he'd hurt an actual person. He got like this sometimes…and didn't like it. Holding his emotions in check, burying them deep…that was what worked for him.

In a way, things had been so much easier when he could hold Kara at arm's length, shutting everything down and locking it up. Ignore the soul deep pain her betrayal had left him with and pretend she was nothing more than someone he had to work with now that she was back. Not that it worked out that way…she could be in a different room and still be in his face. And it pissed him off even when he knew it wasn't rational.

But after the bout with Kara in the ring, they were all coming to the surface and spilling over into everything he did. If he let it continue and go unchecked, he'd spin out of control. His anger had been an anchor and now that it was gone, he felt tetherless and it made him antsy and restless. Keyed up without an outlet…a powder keg waiting to explode.

Yep, after tearing each other apart, verbally and physically, complicated didn't even begin to describe how he felt…unless he threw in conflicted, confused and consciously aware…oh yeah, he was most definitely all of the above. Awake, asleep, it didn't matter. He could feel her presence seeping into his pores, getting under his skin, chipping away at his common sense. And that should bother him, right?

But it didn't.

He'd let her back in…and it felt right and wrong all at the same time. And the thing that had him tied up in knots was the fact that he welcomed it…her…Kara. And he really shouldn't. If he were smart, he'd gather up the scattered remnants of his defenses and walk away.

But he wasn't going to.

Because whatever they were to each other, wherever they ended up, or however they got there…she was a part of his life he couldn't let go. And the thing that chafed at him the most? He didn't know where she fit anymore.

They were both married…to other people…so how the hell was this supposed to work? Hell, could it work? How did he feel about any of it? For that matter, how did Kara?

So many questions…no easy answers.

But the biggest question of all? Did he want easy?

Lee didn't know…that's why he was abusing the speed bag, wasn't it? To figure out how to navigate the choppy sea of confusion? His hands kept punching, while his brain kept churning out more questions.

Did things have to be this difficult? Complicated? Always?

Nearing the end of his endurance, both mentally and physically, Lee still knew the moment Kara entered the gym. He didn't know she'd be showing up, but oddly, considering where his head had been, it figured she would. Giving the bag one last series of punches, he finally stilled the swinging ball with his taped up hands before turning to face her.

She looked anxious and wary, taut with tension and unsure whether she should stay or run. He offered a half smile in greeting, met her gaze head on and held his ground. He…they…were going to have to face it all sometime…and deal with it. Now was as good a time as any.

Kara took a deep breath, let it out slowly and the edginess seemed to drain away from her. Turning, she reached out and dogged the hatch. Then she straightened her shoulders, met his eyes and deliberately walked in his direction…she wasn't going to fight them anymore.

Lee didn't know where they were going, but he was tired of not having her in his life. Whatever happened, wherever they ended up didn't matter anymore. Lover or friend, she'd never be without him again.

Feeling that burden lifted, he met Kara in the center of the floor, raising his hand up to cup her face. He didn't know what the future held, but complicated or not, she would be in it.

And he could live with that.

FIN