"Your reclamation, then. Take heed!" Charles Dickens
Stave Two: The Ghost of Stories Past
M5R-293 was an attractive planet cast from the same cloth as places such as New Athos. Sheppard flew the Puddle Jumper through the space gate orbiting above down towards the settlement. The layout meant a long walk from where they'd have to park the Jumper, most of it on a narrow path through thick forest.
"I can't see why we couldn't have waited a few days to come here," Rodney began his complaints as soon as their walk was under way. "It's not like the energy reading Lorne's team picked up is going anywhere!"
"You surprise me McKay," Sheppard shot back. "Usually you're all over anything like this."
"Yeah, well too many disappointments have dampened my enthusiasm," Rodney retorted sarcastically. "We all know the chances of this being something useful ... like a ZPM are practically zero."
"We still have to check it out," Sheppard replied, motioning for the others to pick up the pace. "The quicker we get there the quicker you can get back to the festivities."
"You do not intend to join the party later?" Teyla asked, not really surprised.
"Got other plans," Sheppard said easily.
"Like what?" Rodney asked in disbelief. "Everyone else will be at the party ... what could you possibly be doing?"
"Minding my own business McKay," Sheppard returned snidely.
"I don't get the whole Christmas thing," Ronon commented, "but the food's usually good."
"Can we focus on the mission here?" Sheppard asked sternly, stopping at a junction in the path. "McKay – you picking up anything?"
"Yeah," Rodney looked down at his hand held unit and then pointed off to their right. "Faint reading - that way."
Motioning for Rodney to lead the way with Ronon covering him, Sheppard fell into step beside Teyla. Wisely Teyla respected his desire for quiet and didn't question him any further.
They walked in the six position for ten minutes or so, Sheppard silently cursing the whole time the headache throbbing through his temples and the fact he'd been stupid not to at least take some aspirin before he'd left.
"Stop!" Ronon held up a hand, poised for action as he stood frozen on the path ahead.
Sheppard stood frozen too, straining his ears to hear anything out of the ordinary.
There! A rustling sound came from his right. A hint of movement. A flash of fabric camouflaged but not naturally occurring. It all took place on the edge of John's vision ... someone was spying on them!
Ronon took off through the trees, blaster already drawn before Sheppard could come up with a suitable order.
"Stay here!" he yelled to Teyla and Rodney, sprinting off to follow his team mate. "Ronon! Wait up!"
The crashing of movement in the trees ahead was his only answer. Grumbling under his breath about impatient Satedans John picked up the pace, skilfully dodging low branches as he tried to catch up. His eyes were trained on the ground as well, looking for the right footfalls while avoiding the obvious obstacles that could lead to injury. That level of concentration meant he'd been running for a few moments before he realised he was no longer picking up Ronon's sounds of pursuit.
"Ronon?" he stopped and activated his radio, speaking in a low tone under the assumption Ronon had gone quiet for a reason. "Click the receive button once if you're getting this."
Sheppard relaxed when one steady burst of static came back in reply.
"I'm heading your way," Sheppard announced, shifting into slow and steady stealth mode as he made for Ronon's position.
The sound of someone landing from a height behind him halted his progress in an instant.
"Colonel Sheppard!" a familiar voice said excitedly.
Turning, John was brought up short by the presence of none other than Lieutenant Aiden Ford.
"Ford!" Sheppard approached cautiously. "Was that you following us before?"
"No Sir," Ford replied, looking at his ex commanding officer sincerely. He still had the enlarged pupil that spoke of his dependence on Wraith enzyme but otherwise looked well. His Pegasus galaxy clothes weren't new but they were in good condition and his general air said he was doing okay.
"What're you doing here?" Sheppard asked, adding before Ford could reply. "How the hell did you make it off that Hive ship before it blew up?"
"Just passing through," Ford answered the first question evasively. "It was only luck that I survived. Some of the Wraith were already abandoning ship after the first shots were fired. One of them decided to pack a lunch for the trip ... scooped me up before I could get clear. Turned out to be the best thing because I was still high on the enzyme when he rematerialised me. One on one he didn't stand a chance and I had a nice little supply of enzyme to keep me going until I got back to my base of operations."
"You've still been continuing, even with all the ... changes lately?" Sheppard asked in surprise. "We haven't heard anything."
"Yeah - on a small scale," Ford said dismissively. "Enough of that though ... I want to hear what's going on back on Atlantis. I heard a rumour you had to relocate."
"Your network is pretty well informed," Sheppard frowned in dismay, even knowing Ford would never willingly give up information about Atlantis.
"We get around," Ford replied. "Is Doctor Weir still in charge?"
"Ah ... no," Sheppard said uncomfortably, feeling the well of unresolved emotions churn a little at having to admit why. "She ... we lost her on a mission to the Replicator home world. Got a ZPM and saved the city but ... she didn't make it."
"Damn!" Ford said sadly. "So who's in charge now? You?"
"God no!" Sheppard replied with a grim laugh. "Colonel Carter led the expedition for a while. Now we've got a guy called Richard Woolsey, courtesy of the IOA."
"And the others, Rodney, Teyla? Carson?" Ford continued. "How are they doing?"
"Rodney's still Rodney," Sheppard smiled in amusement when Ford nodded knowingly. "Got himself a girlfriend though which has mellowed him out a lot. She's a doctor and he's a hypochondriac so they're a match made in heaven."
Ford laughed appreciably at John's joke, his eyes twinkling as he remembered the many times he'd teased or otherwise tormented his ex teammate over his tendency to think the worst, especially if it was medically related.
"Teyla had a baby," Sheppard decided to take the easier one next. "Father's a member of the Athosian community. She called him Torren John which is kinda flattering."
"So you never ...?" Ford gestured vaguely. Sheppard shook his head, not willing to even comment on the nest of unspoken issues that statement referred to. "Funny," Ford acknowledged sadly. "I always thought the two of you -"
"Wouldn't have been appropriate," Sheppard cut in before Ford could finish, quickly returning to the topic at hand. "We've still got Ronon as the fourth member of our team ... he's made a lot of progress since you saw him last, gotten used to not having to run anymore."
"And Carson?" Ford asked curiously.
"Now that's an interesting one," Sheppard thought quickly, deciding a brief summary would do. "He's fine now but it's been a rough ride. The Carson you knew was killed in an explosion a couple of years back, but we stumbled across his clone a few months ago ... helped fix some problems due to him being a copy and now he's back on Earth, still practicing medicine. Comes to Atlantis every now and then to help the new CMO with her research."
"Wow," Ford said in amazement. "Sounds like everyone's come a long way ... well except for you of course."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sheppard asked in surprise.
"You're still running the military, still running your team," Ford pointed out. "And I'm guessing still doing all that alone."
"What is with everyone today?" Sheppard turned away impatiently, stomping over to a tree stump and slumping down on top of it. "I have friends okay ... you used to be one of them, remember?"
"I remember," Ford replied calmly. "I remember you helping me ... or trying to, even when I didn't listen. But I also remember you never never let yourself depend on any of us too much, just in case things went wrong."
"Yeah and that turned out to be the right call in your case didn't it," Sheppard returned sarcastically. "Last I knew you were dead ... been thinking that way about you for going on two years now."
"I'm never coming back so I am as good as dead," Ford agreed.
"There's no reason you couldn't come back with me right now," Sheppard pointed out.
"See," Ford waved a hand at Sheppard excitedly. "That's exactly what I'd expect you to say. Someone could have been living with the enemy for years and yet you'd still give them the benefit of the doubt! How come you can't do that in your personal life?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you Lieutenant," Sheppard jumped up from the log and turned to walk down the path. After a few steps though he halted with a resigned sigh, knowing he couldn't just walk away – not without at least trying to convince Aiden to come home.
"Knew you couldn't do it," Ford said with a smile when John returned.
"Yeah, well technically you're still my responsibility," Sheppard dismissed. "You could just come back for a visit – check out the waters before you commit."
"That's what you do isn't it?" Ford said in sudden understanding. "You visit with everyone but you never commit to staying."
"Why are you so interested in my personal life all of a sudden?" Sheppard demanded impatiently.
"Because it's my job," Ford returned casually. Seeing John's suddenly worried look he nodded. "Yeah, that's right. Captain Holland asked me to do this ... because I'm another one of those past stories you never confronted, just like you never confronted the loss of Doctor Weir, or Carson or Colonel Sumner ... or anyone else who died under your command. But it's not just the losses you don't confront is it John? You don't confront any of your feelings for anyone ... unless a situation occurs that forces you to."
"I have no idea what you're even talking about now," Sheppard tried to laugh, tried to give Ford the impression of being way off base. "Just come back to Atlantis, let me get you home. I know your grandparents would be thrilled to see you."
"Just like your brother was thrilled to see you?" Ford returned. "Do you regret that your Dad died before you made peace with him?"
"That's enough!" Sheppard was suddenly very, very angry. Casting his gaze as Ford and then around the clearing he directed his next words harshly into the sky. "I'm not participating in this little game anymore! Do you hear me?"
"I'm sorry Colonel," Ford approached resolutely. "I have to make you see ... before it's too late for you to change things."
"Don't even think about it," Sheppard commanded but Aiden ignored him. Backing away wasn't an option, not without conceding emotional ground so John stood still right until the point when Ford stepped into his personal space and slammed his palm against John's forehead.
Staggering back the images assaulted his vision ... like a screen show of photos flashing past. They all had a theme though ... an unwelcome theme. Christmases ... Sheppard family Christmases to be precise, travelling forward in time from John as a small boy right into adolescence.
And then the photos became a movie, complete with sound, the subject matter holding John in place as much as the emotions they stirred inside.
"The boy wants to join the air force!" the image of a younger Patrick Sheppard spoke in a harsh undertone.
"He wants to fly," John's mother said complacently. The two of them were standing beside an opulent Christmas tree, watching two dark haired teenage boys constructing an elaborate model amidst a mountain of discarded wrapping paper.
"He's too smart to throw it all away on an adrenalin rush," John's father said angrily. "John's teacher said he's never seen so much natural mathematical talent in any of his students! We could use that in the company."
"Don't be greedy Patrick," John's mother urged. "David has enough ambition to follow in your footsteps. Be content with that and let John do what he wants."
"I can't let him waste his life!" John's father bit out in frustration.
"Who are we to say what would be a waste?" John's mother asked reasonably. "If you push him too hard on this we'll lose him." When John's father looked to continue his mother put a pleading hand on her husband's arm. "Please Patrick ... "
"Your Mother understood you," Lieutenant Ford's voice broke into the adult John's thoughts, the images in front of him fading until he was once again in an alien forest talking to someone he'd thought dead for years.
"That was the last Christmas we had together," John admitted sadly. "My Dad wouldn't give me his support so I joined up without it. By the time I was ready to consider going home for Christmas it was too late ... my Mom was gone."
"And you never forgave him," Ford concluded.
"He was too busy chasing the big bucks to realise she was sick," John bit out angrily.
"And you weren't there to protect her," Ford's tone wasn't accusing but John took it that way because of his own feelings on the matter.
"I could have saved her if I'd gotten to her in time," he said irrately. "Instead -."
"Sheppard?" Ronon's deep rumbling voice and the sounds of his progress through the trees towards them stopped John's tirade abruptly. He turned to watch as Ronon approached with a frown. "Who're you talking to?"
"Lieutenant Ford," Sheppard said impatiently, gesturing back to where Aiden was standing. Only trouble was he wasn't there anymore. "Where'd he go?" Sheppard looked around in confusion. "He was right there!"
Ronon made his way over to Sheppard on quiet boots, carefully scanning the ground and shrubs for clues that someone had been there.
"No one's been here," Ronon advised blandly. "You sure?"
"Am I sure I was just talking to Ford?" Sheppard asked incredulously. "Would I say if I wasn't?"
"Guess not," Ronon replied, continuing to scan around looking for some kind of evidence.
"Where were you anyway?" Sheppard asked irritably. "Did you find whoever was spying on us?"
"I tracked a pack of large animals," Ronon returned casually. "Must have spooked them when we walked past."
"Good, then we can get on with the mission. Rodney, Teyla, make your way to our position," Sheppard got on the radio to order.
"What'd he say?" Ronon asked curiously, still looking around. When Sheppard glanced at him questioningly Ronon clarified. "Lieutenant Ford - what did he say to you?"
"Nothing of any value," Sheppard dismissed.
"So he came all this way just to say hello and then vanished again?" Ronon looked at John as if expecting to see some kind of replacement in his place.
"According to you I imagined the whole thing so what does it matter?" John countered irritably. Turning he saw Teyla and Rodney approaching through the trees. "Rodney, scan for life signs.
"Ah ... okay?" Rodney raised an eyebrow at Ronon enquiringly.
"He said Lieutenant Ford was here," Ronon offered, ignoring John's growl of frustration. Turning away from everyone Sheppard stood with arms folded, his whole posture a message that said 'approach at your own risk'.
"I'm not picking up anything," Rodney admitted a moment later, having dutifully run the scan even though he hadn't expected to find anything.
"Are you well John?" Teyla approached Sheppard slowly, putting a hand on his arm to draw his attention to her.
"I'm fine," John said curtly. "Just because he's not here now doesn't mean I didn't see Ford."
"If you say he was here then I believe you," Teyla affirmed.
"Oh please - don't encourage him!" Rodney strode over impatiently. "What he's not telling you is that he knocked himself out this morning falling over his skateboard." Glaring up at John, Rodney bit out irritably "I told you to go see Jennifer didn't I?"
"It was nothing McKay," Sheppard returned casually. "At worst I've got a slight headache ... nothing to worry about."
"You've got a headache and you're seeing things," Rodney retorted. "Sounds like something to me."
"Perhaps we should return to Atlantis," Teyla suggested. "Have Jennifer make sure an injury is not the cause of you seeing Aiden."
"This energy reading's too weak to be a ZPM anyway," Rodney offered. "We can come back and check it out another time."
"I said it was just a headache," Sheppard ground out in annoyance.
"Let it go Sheppard," Ronon spoke up, his tone bland. John looked up and saw something in Ronon's eyes that had him nodding an agreement.
"Okay, let's head back to the Jumper."
oOo
An hour later John was sitting on an infirmary bed waiting for Doctor Keller to give him the all clear. He'd managed to convince Rodney and Teyla to go finish up whatever they needed to do before the party but Ronon was being stubborn in staying by his side.
"You got special occasion days from Sateda?" Sheppard asked suddenly.
"Yeah," Ronon admitted. "Haven't celebrated any of them since ..."
"Understandable," John agreed. "Who wants to be reminded of what they've lost?"
"Is that what seeing Ford did?" Ronon asked. "Made you think about someone you lost?"
"My Mom," John admitted with a sigh. "Christmas was ... her thing. Always went all out – decorations, presents, big party ... everything. Can't even see a Christmas tree without thinking about her."
"You have people here who understand your traditions," Ronon commented. "I'd do something about mine but it's kinda hard without any Satedans here to participate."
"Sorry buddy," Sheppard felt unexpectedly guilty because he'd chosen a way to behave where Ronon hadn't had that choice.
"Well Colonel," Jennifer Keller came back into the infirmary wearing a relieved smile. "You've got a mild concussion but otherwise your scan is clean. If you promise to take a couple of hours to rest and lay off the alcohol for tonight you're free to go."
"I can do that," Sheppard agreed, swinging his legs to the floor before she could change her mind. "Come on Ronon," he urged his friend to follow him. "Thanks Doctor Keller."
"Do you think Ford really was on that planet?" Ronon asked as they walked down the corridor.
"I don't know ... maybe," Sheppard replied. "Pretty elaborate hallucination if he wasn't!"
The two men walked on, each lost in their own thoughts until they reached a junction in the corridor.
"You gonna change your mind, come to the party after all?" Ronon broached the subject blandly, careful not to put the pressure on.
"I'm gonna follow Keller's advice and go get some rest," John turned towards his quarters, not missing the solemn look Ronon threw him. "There's still plenty of time ... I'll think about it," he offered, getting a nod from Ronon before they parted ways.