"Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead." Charles Dickens
Stave Four: The Ghost of Fears Future
Sheppard hung out in his room for a couple of hours before finally conceding to boredom. Someone had to maintain a presence in the Control Room ... the party hadn't started yet but maybe he could offer his services in advance.
"Colonel Sheppard, great timing," Amelia Banks greeted his arrival happily. "We're picking up some kind of anomalous energy reading."
"Where?" Sheppard stepped closer to look at the map of the city over Amelia's shoulder.
"Here," Amelia pointed to a remote location near where they'd discovered the nanite virus in the first year.
"You haven't checked with Rodney or Radek?" Sheppard asked curiously.
"I mentioned it to Doctor McKay just before you arrived Sir," Amelia reported. "He said send someone down to have a look ... they might not be able to fix the problem but at the very least they could switch off whatever's generating it."
"I'll go," Sheppard offered quickly.
"But the party Sir," Amelia pointed out. "Everyone will expect you there."
"It's still an hour away Banks," Sheppard pointed out. "I could be back in plenty of time to see the wondrous beginning for this year's party." "If I wanted to," he added in his head.
"Of course Sir," Amelia replied respectfully.
"Let McKay and Mr Woolsey know where I've gone," Sheppard called out as he headed back down the stairs.
After stopping on the way to grab a pack with the usual exploration equipment included - rope, flashlight, med kit, and of course Ancient scanner - Sheppard set a brisk pace out away from the central Tower.
That part of the city was kept at minimal power, meaning the lights did that cool trick of turning on at his approach and then switching off behind him. He'd never admit it, but having the ATA gene as strongly as he did was still a source of great satisfaction for him. Particularly when he could do something Rodney couldn't!
Walking quickly through the deserted Atlantis corridors it felt like he could be the only person awake in the city ... that was until his radio crackled into life.
"Sheppard," Rodney's irritable tone translated nicely through the radio link.
"McKay," John returned mildly.
"What are you doing?" Rodney queried.
"Checking out that anomalous energy reading," Sheppard said casually.
"I didn't mean for you to go do it personally!" Rodney snapped.
"What, you think someone who actually wants to go to the party should miss out on the beginning?" Sheppard asked pointedly. "Its fine McKay ... I'll just go switch off whatever got turned on and be back your way before you can say 'Merry Christmas'."
"Very funny," Rodney griped. "Just ... check in when you get there okay? Knowing your luck you'll find some way to injure yourself out there all alone."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence McKay," Sheppard complained. "I'll let you know what I find. Sheppard out."
Shaking his head at Rodney's teasing John continued on his way.
Fifteen minutes later he turned a corner, now only metres away from the source of the energy reading. Holding his scanner out in front of him Sheppard walked slowly until he arrived at the right doorway.
Swiping his hand over the door controls he waited until the doors swished open and then stepped over the threshold cautiously. It was dark inside, the faint illumination from a console directly across from him casting an eerie glow against the walls. Thinking the lights on didn't have any effect so Sheppard paused to get his flashlight out, shining it curiously around the room.
"I'm here Rodney," he reported, torch showing that 'here' was a room Ancient Lab size but without the usual decorative touches on wall and ceiling. In fact the walls were strangely smooth and non reflective, absorbing the light when John tried to highlight them more clearly. Apart from the control console there was a raised circular dais in the middle of the room, nothing obvious to indicate what it was for.
"Have you worked out what's giving off that energy?" Rodney asked impatiently.
"I only just got here," Sheppard protested. "Plus the lights aren't switching on so it's a little hard to see."
"That's strange," Rodney replied with a frown in his tone. "Usually if anything's powered the lights work too."
"There's a console here that's lit up," Sheppard reported. "Shall I ...?"
"Take a look?" Rodney completed. "Yeah, but don't touch anything!"
Sheppard skirted around the dais and across to the console. Looking down at the display screen he saw an Ancient symbol flashing a regular beat.
"There's something flashing on the console," Sheppard told Rodney. "The Ancient symbol's kinda familiar ... I think it's something to do with sensors."
"Ah ... maybe some kind of system programmed to check status at regular intervals," Rodney surmised. "It's likely something went wrong when it tried to run a scheduled procedure."
"So how do I fix it then?" Sheppard asked.
"You should just be able to tap on the flashing symbol and it'll reset and then run whatever was scheduled," Rodney advised.
"Okay, I'm activating it now," Sheppard returned.
Tapping a finger against the flashing symbol Sheppard stepped back a pace and waited to see what would happen. He didn't notice anything at first because his attention was focussed on the screen.
"Please state the nature of your enquiry," a female voice issued from the centre of the room.
"What the ...?" John looked up in amazement. There on the dais stood the holographic image of an Ancient Lantean woman, not the same one as in the Hologram room they'd discovered the first day but similar enough that her origins were immediately apparent.
"What?" Rodney demanded impatiently. "Sheppard?"
"It's another hologram room Rodney," Sheppard said in amusement.
"Why would they put one all the way out there?" Rodney queried.
"I don't know but I'm assuming I can switch it off the same way we do the other one," Sheppard stepped back to the console and put his hands on the sensors either side, completely ignoring Rodney's cries to wait.
Immediately a beam of light shot down from the ceiling and enclosed him in a force field column just barely wide enough for him to stand in.
"Rodney?" Sheppard tapped his earpiece and waited for a reply. "McKay, are you reading me?" Still nothing. "Great," he thought. Whatever it was had him shut off from the rest of Atlantis ... Rodney was probably already panicking thinking something had happened to him!
More lights shot out from the ceiling, dancing over his skin and making everything tingle like fingers seeking and searching for something. A wave of dizziness washed over him as the tingling made its way inside his head, sending his thoughts wildly in a dozen different directions too fast to comprehend. Just when it got to the stage of real pain the force field dropped.
Sheppard slumped to his knees, catching himself with arms folded over the console.
"McKay?" he asked hesitantly.
Silence greeted him, so whatever had cut him off was still in operation. Pushing himself to standing John took a moment to steady and then looked around curiously. The hologram was still standing waiting for interaction in the centre of the room but the shimmery light of a force field over the doorway was a new addition. That explained why he still couldn't get a radio signal out.
"Please state the nature of your enquiry," the hologram intoned again.
"Might as well," Sheppard thought, looking at the Lantean woman assessingly. "How do I switch off the force field and get out of here?" he asked.
"This room was designed to reveal glimpses of whatever you wish to know," the hologram replied. "After operation the security measures will automatically shut down."
"So you're telling me I have to get you to show me something before I can leave?" Sheppard asked incredulously.
"Only those with questions come to talk with Posterus," the hologram said blandly.
"That's your name, Posterus?" Sheppard frowned, the meaning of that word on the edges of his memory.
"The name of the device that generates this image," Posterus clarified. "It serves as a name as well as any other."
"Great," Sheppard muttered under his breath. "What next?!"
Until then the walls had been black ... the moment he'd finished mumbling colours began swirling from deep within them, giving the impression they were much thicker than they could possibly be. Sheppard found his gaze pinned to the display as the colours expanded until they filled the entire space from ceiling to floor.
The swirling slowed and then settled into a picture that had him frowning in confusion.
"He needs your help John!" a slightly older Ronon growled.
He was standing in the Gateroom of Atlantis talking to another man with his back to the viewpoint presented on the wall. That man turned and John's stomach dropped. It was him ... maybe two or three years older if the additional grey at his temples was any indicator.
"Teyla moved away," the older John countered. "If she'd wanted me to be involved in Torren's life she wouldn't have cut herself off from Atlantis."
"You forced her into it!" Ronon retorted. "You were so determined not to let her see how you felt that you convinced her you felt nothing at all. She had no reason to stay!."
"She seemed pretty happy with Kanaan," older John pointed out sarcastically.
"And what about Torren?" Ronon demanded. "Are you going to let your stubbornness kill him when you could help?"
"I'm not stopping you from taking him back to Earth," older John replied, turning away from Ronon resolutely. "You don't need me for that. I haven't been back to Earth since McKay returned there and I'm not going back now, not even for Torren."
"You're weak Sheppard," Ronon ground out. "I respected you! But now? I don't even know you anymore and I sure as hell can't trust you. Once I've got Torren back with McKay we're finished."
"You do what you have to do," older John was emotionless ... blank of expression or feeling. "Tell Rodney I said hi."
"Tell him yourself!" Ronon retorted angrily, throwing John one last angry glare before turning and striding away.
"What the hell is this?" Sheppard demanded of the hologram.
"This is Posterus," she replied complacently. "That which is subsequent to the here and now ... the future."
"No it isn't," Sheppard countered impatiently. "There's no way I'd let my team split up like that!"
"Sometimes a chosen course of action can lead to unexpected consequences," Posterous pointed out. "Consequences that shape the future."
"I didn't ask to see the future!" John retorted. "Now shut off the force field and let me out of here."
"Your query has not been fully explored," Posterus replied.
"Fine, I'll get myself out of here," John looked down at the console, searching for something that looked like an off switch.
"I cannot allow you to do that," Posterus intoned.
Blue lights shimmered up from the ground at Sheppard's feet, travelling rapidly up to his waist where they stopped. John tried to take a step but it was like his legs had been encased in concrete. He couldn't move even a millimetre, the feeling of total restraint causing anger, frustration and a fair amount of anxiety to bubble up inside him.
"LET ME GO!" he yelled impatiently.
"When you have seen all that I can show you," Posterus promised. "Look now."
John's eyes were drawn back to the wall where the colours swirled again. They settled quicker this time, coalescing into a primitive encampment, ragged tents pitched close together amidst the meagre shelter of thinly spaced trees.
"Ronon?" A frail voice called from inside one of the tents. A familiar figure appeared from another tent, long coat flapping as he moved quickly towards that voice. The 'camera' followed him inside, focussing on the woman lying weakly in the bed, hand outstretched.
"Teyla," a much older Ronon spoke softly. Taking the woman's hand he held it carefully as though she would break if he squeezed too hard.
John wouldn't have believed it was Teyla if Ronon hadn't named her. He guessed maybe ten years had gone by since the first glimpse of the future but Teyla looked much older than that, her face sunken and pale, her hair liberally streaked with grey.
"Where is Torren?" she asked, her expression anxious and panicked.
"Back on Earth with Rodney," Ronon replied in such a way that it was clear she'd asked the question many times in the past.
"I would like to see him before I die," Teyla said faintly.
"He'll come when he can," Ronon's eyes sparkled with tears as he reassured his friend.
"And John too?" Teyla looked up hopefully. "You spoke to John?"
"I left a message," Ronon's tone was suddenly less gentle as he struggled to contain his emotions.
"Please ... can you try again?" Teyla pleaded.
"I'll try," Ronon promised, patting her hand. A movement at the tent opening drew his attention to the doorway where another man was standing. Getting up Ronon walked over to talk with him.
"Haling," he greeted the other man in an almost whisper.
"She asks for Torren again?" Haling asked sadly.
"Yeah," Ronon returned. "The illness is affecting her memory even more now. I don't know ... maybe it's kinder that she believes Torren is alive back on Earth rather than remembering that he died as a boy ten years ago."
"She has forgotten her anger with Colonel Sheppard as well," Haling commented.
"I haven't spoken to him in eleven years and yet ...," Ronon trailed off angrily. "If I could get my hands on him right now I'd strangle the life out of his miserable body."
"Ronon?" Teyla's voice drew their attention back to her.
"Are you in pain?" Ronon dropped to his knees on the floor beside her. "What can I do?"
"I am trying to hold on but it is so hard," Teyla said weakly. Her hand shook as she touched Ronon's face fondly. "You have been a good friend ... and a great comfort. I am sorry you had to go through this with me."
"I love you," Ronon told her, his voice shaking with emotion. "I wish ..."
"There was nothing you could do," Teyla's expression was more like the her of John's time. "Soon I will be with Torren again." Her expression sharpened as she looked up at Ronon intently. "Tell John I forgave him."
Ronon knelt frozen, watching as Teyla sighed once before going still.
She was gone.
Ronon's expression was naked with grief, tears tracking silently down his face before he bent over Teyla's body and lent his forehead against hers.
"Stop!" Sheppard pleaded grimly, struggling physically to turn away even though he already knew he couldn't. "That's enough!"
"It will be enough when your query has been answered," Posterus returned.
"You're telling me this is the future, that what I just saw is gonna happen sometime?" Sheppard demanded, using his anger to distract him from the well of emotions caused by witnessing the suffering of his friends. He hadn't been there ... why hadn't he been there?!
"It is one possible future, yes," Posterus replied. "Even one small change can result in a future much different from the one you just saw."
"I can change that ... make it so Teyla doesn't die like that?" Sheppard focussed on the most important detail to him.
"You must or what I have shown you will happen," Posterus promised. "There is one final vision necessary to complete your query."
Sheppard turned his eyes reluctantly back to the wall, fearful now of what else he would be shown.
Colours swirled, the picture changed and took shape ... the cemetery at Arlington. The 'camera' zoomed in on one particular marker where two men in uniform stood talking.
"Sorry I couldn't get here in time," General Evan Lorne apologised sadly. "Nobody attended?"
"No," the other man, not recognisable to John replied. "I oversaw the placement of the marker myself ... as a sign of respect."
"He always was a difficult man to know," Lorne shared. "Friendly on the outside sure ... but you just never knew what he was thinking. He hardly seemed to care about himself most of the time. He became even more reclusive after he retired ... lost contact with pretty much everyone."
"The General was decorated many times," the other man commented.
"Yeah," Lorne agreed. "One of the most highly decorated officers in air force history ... because he threw himself into every mission not caring about his own future. Saved a hell of a lot of people that way but what did it get him? A chest full of medals and a funeral nobody came to. It's a shame really ... he had friends when I served with him, good friends, but he drove them away."
"Well, he's at peace now," the other man concluded. Both men looked down at the marker, the 'camera' obliging by following their eyes.
Major General John Sheppard ... 05-Jan-1967 to 11-Nov-2050
"Crap!" Sheppard closed his eyes on the scene, deeply troubled by the summary of his life it represented.
"This is the end you will come to unless you change things now," Posterus intoned. "Take more responsibility for your own happiness and for the connections you currently enjoy ... and less for all the wrongs that have occured around you ... or you will loose everything."
Consumed with his thoughts he didn't notice when Posterus vanished and the force field around his legs disappeared ... ill prepared John found himself abruptly sitting on the floor. His emotions were so raw he just stayed there, leaning weakly against the console with his head in his hands, everything inside jumpy and uncomfortable.
Was that what his life was going to be? He'd let Teyla leave without a fight ... acted so badly that Ronon had stopped respecting him. And Rodney had returned to Earth ... had left John behind. Did they really not know him enough to see the emotions he held for them inside? Or had they just gotten tired of having to work so hard to get him to reveal anything?
"John?" Teyla's voice called to him from the doorway.
"Teyla?" Sheppard looked up quickly. The lights came on just as he made eye contact, the fact that she was young and beautiful and just so damn fit and healthy slamming into him forcefully. "Teyla!" Surging to his feet he was in front of her in an instant, gathering her into his arms and holding on tightly.
"John?" Teyla queried worriedly, hesitantly hugging him back. "Are you all right?"
"I am now," Sheppard replied, settling his chin on her shoulder as he continued to hug her close. She let him take the time he needed, saying nothing as she waited patiently for him to explain. "I'm sorry," he finally stepped back and looked at her apologetically.
"Sorry for what?" Teyla asked in surprise. "You have done nothing to apologise for."
"Not now," Sheppard agreed. "But in the future? That's a different story."
"I do not understand," Teyla frowned in confusion.
"I'll explain it later," Sheppard promised. "What are you doing here?"
"Rodney became concerned when he lost contact with you," Teyla explained. "I volunteered to come down here while he attempted to get more power to this section."
"That explains the lights," John smiled, still feeling that overwhelming happiness that she was alive and well.
"What is this room?" Teyla asked curiously.
"Hologram Room with a twist," John explained. "You step up on the dais and then the Hologram makes things appear on the walls."
"What things?" Teyla raised an eyebrow at the idea.
"The future," John revealed. "Look, I'll show you." Not waiting for Teyla's protest John strode to the Control console and put his hands down firmly on the controls. He shouldn't have been surprised when nothing happened but for some reason he was. "It was working," he insisted, looking across at Teyla to see if she believed him. "I must have broken it somehow," John grimaced imagining how Rodney was going to take that.
"No matter ... it is late. Perhaps Rodney can come back and study this room tomorrow," Teyla suggested. "Are you ready to head back to the main tower?"
"I'm ready," John agreed, taking her hand and leading her to the door.
Authors Note:
I hope you all don't mind my last ghost wasn't another character gone from the show ... couldn't resist weaving in an Ancient - after all they're the biggest ghosts of all who keep cropping up in one form or another! Also I used Joe Flanigan's birthdate for Sheppard's marker at Arlington ... because he doesn't seem to have one and it made sense and because I couldn't think of a reason to choose any other date. If you are Joe Flanigan and you're actually reading this (runs off squeeling OMG ... okay, back now) and you're offended I ripped off your birthdate, just let me know and I'll change it :D.
One last chapter to go ... I'll post it early (in Australia anyway) Christmas Eve.