A/N I definitely recommend the Kill Hannah song "Hyperactive." That is all.
"This was your brilliant idea?" Herbert asked dryly, sighing and sitting down on a box. "Anger the creature by shooting and thusly run and lock ourselves away with no way out should it manage to break the door down?"
Cassie rolled her eyes, sitting down on the box across from his, dragging Kiss It by the handle with her, her gun dropped in a stairwell during the run, empty and useless anyway.
"In my business…yeah," she said. "It usually doesn't go down like this, but hey – first time for everything. Especially since I got you to protect."
"I can manage on my own, thanks," said Herbert.
"I'm sure you can," said Cassie. "That's why E.V. out there decided to throw you across the room."
"Wouldn't be the first time that's happened to me," Herbert said quietly, looking away from her.
"I'm sure," said Cassie. "You're so little for a guy…makes people just wanna…do stuff, I dunno."
"I beg your pardon?" Herbert asked bitterly.
Cassie groaned. "Never mind!" she snapped back at him.
In hindsight, shooting the seven-foot tall slasher by the name of The Eviscerator probably wasn't the best idea she'd ever had, since slashers that big rarely responded to bullets. Bringing Herbert along with her was probably an even worse idea, seeing as he wasn't much good to her when he basically wore a label stamped "Please hurt me because I'm tiny, aggressive, and annoying" on his forehead.
All right, so she'd had a feeling there was a Herbert West copycat in the area behind The Eviscerator and had decided to give him a call. She hadn't been surprised that that information was all it took to get him to drive up, but The Eviscerator attacked them almost as soon as he'd arrived in Boston.
The next thing she knew, Vlad was distracting the Big E while she was forced to grab Herbert's hand and run (something that surprised her just as much as it had him), finding the storage closet of the office building to be the nearest safe place. However, after a few minutes, the silence started to bother her.
"So what's up with you and Dan?" she asked finally.
"What about him?" Herbert asked coldly.
"You guys are like in your thirties and you're living together," said Cassie. "Are the two of you uh…"
"No," Herbert said quickly, frowning angrily at her.
Cassie had the feeling that if he could melt her with lasers from his eyes, he probably would have. She decided then that conversation probably wasn't the best approach and they should just wait for either Vlad to come and find them or for Eviscerator to– either would be preferable as long as she didn't have to spend extended amounts of time with crazy death-obsessed Dr. West, who had really pretty eyes if one took the time to ignore the fact that he was a prick to notice them.
"What about Georgia?" he asked.
"Huh?" said Cassie.
"You were on your cell phone earlier," he said. "Talking to someone named Georgia. Are you…"
"No," Cassie replied quickly, shaking her head. "No…well, maybe…I dunno. That…that uh…that's complicated."
"In what way?" he asked.
"Why do you care?" she asked defensively.
"Seems practical," said Herbert. "I'd imagine we're going to be here a while."
Cassie sighed. "I met Georgia during a case where girls were disappearing at rock concerts," she said, making eye contact with him for the first time all day. "Turns out the rock band sacrificed them in order to stay immortal or something like that; anyway, both of us got captured and transferred to some Hell kinda place, and we talked. I dunno…maybe I do wanna be that way with her. I never spent that much time with her to find out."
"But you think about her," said Herbert.
"Don't you think about Dan?" she asked.
"Sometimes," he said, after a beat of silence. "But not in the way you're implying. Dr. Cain is a good assistant. It would be a shame to lose him."
"Ah," said Cassie, still not quite believing him. "And that's why you bitch every time his girlfriend comes over."
He didn't say anything. "I've been to your house, I've seen how you get!" she chided, smiling.
"You would too, if you had to listen to them all night," said Herbert. "He thinks I don't sleep because I'm still using the re-agent for medicinal purposes. It's because I'll do anything I can to not have to listen to them and their…ritualistic mating."
"Using the re-agent?" said Cassie, drawing a knee up to her chest. "You're a junkie?"
"Ex-junkie," Herbert corrected.
"Never would've pegged you for that," she said, whistling. "So…what's it do? D-Does it like speed you up or does it just…"
"It enhances the human body's functions, so basic needs such as eating and sleeping, are eliminated. The problem is, the side-effects are…shall we say irreversible?"
"How?" she asked, now seriously intrigued.
"Why do you care so much? Are you interested in trying it?" he asked dryly.
"No!" said Cassie, leaning forward with her eyes sparkling. "So seriously, what are they?"
Herbert smirked. "Would it shock you to learn that my lungs are burned so badly on the inside that they shouldn't be functioning at all?"
"How'd that happen?" said Cassie.
"Chemical reaction to a gas leak at Miskatonic," said Herbert. "Dan was involved too, but he was too busy running for his life to aid me as I was being strangled to death by semi-sentient intestines. My throat was crushed too, in case you're wondering."
Cassie shook her head. "You didn't die," she said skeptically. "…Y-You didn't, right?"
He sighed and leaned back against the wall. "I don't know," he said in aggravation. "To be honest with you, I don't remember very much of it except for the fact that Dr. Hill's entrails passed out long before I did, but then again, the re-agent overdose I gave him was probably enough to do the job, had I the time to wait."
"Oh man!" said Cassie, wincing. "I hate entrails!"
Herbert nodded. "Not a very pleasant experience, I'll admit" he said.
"I'd guess not, thinking about it gets me all..ugh. Even kinda reminds me of this guy whose twin brother lived inside his stomach," said Cassie. "Fewer details I give you there, the better you'll sleep at night. S-So what? …You can't die?"
"I wouldn't say it's impossible," said Herbert, shrugging. "But I will admit, I seem to be very difficult to kill, yes."
Cassie grinned. "Wanna put that theory to the test?" she asked slyly.
He gave her another skin-melting look, causing her to hold her hands up in defense. "I'm only joking!" she said. "Geez, don't smile or anything. I'd be shocked if you ever did – your sense of humor's all shriveled up and struggling to find the light."
"I have a sense of humor," Herbert protested.
"Yeah," said Cassie. "A sick, twisted, morbidly disturbing one that only kicks in when somebody dies!"
"Oh what?" he asked, that better-than-you tone returning to his voice. "You've never had an instance where you found death amusing?"
"No!" said Cassie, fiddling with the hem of one of her stockings. "Well…not really…I-I mean, me and Vlad might joke around, but it's all a front…to keep ourselves from losing it, you know?"
"Not really, but I can imagine," he replied.
"Like you imagine Dan at night?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"I thought we'd gone over that subject," he said.
'Yeah, but I'm still not that convinced," said Cassie.
"That's your problem," Herbert shot back.
"I never said it wasn't," said Cassie. "How come all the times I've come to see you, I've never seen you with a girlfriend?"
"My personal life is no business of yours!" Herbert shot back.
"Is that because you've never had one?" Cassie asked.
"I'm not having this conversation with you!" said Herbert.
"Is it because chicks think you're weird or is it because you…"Cassie began, knowing that pushing Herbert West's buttons could be both hilarious and slightly dangerous.
"I don't have that kind of time to waste!" he said, screaming loud enough to make her jump a little and hold onto Kiss It just a little tighter, just in case. "Why does everything have to revolve around sex with you people in the first place, and furthermore, I'd like to point out to you that, obviously above all else, my work comes first!"
"But a relationship doesn't necessarily have to be…" Cassie started, but was cut off again.
"I have absolutely no interest in…!"
Thinking quickly, Cassie stood up from her box and mashed her mouth to Herbert's as the sound of footsteps thundering down the hallway outside drew closer. He surprisingly went limp as if he either didn't know what to make of the situation or simply just didn't know what to do, so Cassie just went with it and pushed him up against the wall.
Kissing him wasn't the worst thing she possibly could have done – all awkwardness and inexperience aside, stuck up and prudish Dr. West caught on rather quickly. So much in fact, that she didn't mind it when he started kissing her back, probably without even realizing it. He wasn't an expert at it, but he wasn't drooling on her chin, either. It was way more than she would have given him credit for, anyway.
The footsteps faded away outside and they mutually shoved away from each other, with Cassie feeling a tiny bit smug over the fact that she wasn't the only one slightly breathless as she flicked her hair off her face.
He looked livid once he regained himself, however. "Care to explain?" he asked in that clipped, clinical manner that was starting to grate on her nerves.
"Had to find some way to shut you up," she said, shrugging.
"…Ah," he replied, at a loss for words for once.
She sat down again on the box across from the one he'd been sitting on, and after a while he did the same, still obviously confused.
"I'll tell you one thing, though, West," said Cassie. "Both our sexualities – definitely on the fence."
There was a long beat of silence. "I think you can call me Herbert," he said dryly.