Beautiful Mistake Chapter 12:

A Talk with Black

"Where's Sirius," Chloe asked James asked during lunch the next day. She had decided that since Remus was being such an idiot she would turn to James who could not bother her about Ryan. It was a little strange, Chloe had to admit, as months earlier James had been quite hostile towards her. But she believed he had realized that it wasn't all her fault over the months – especially after what happened between Sirius and Chloe the night before. Besides, she had no one else to sit with. Lily was with the other girls helping them look for books in the Library for an essay that had to do, and she had no other friends she wanted to speak to, least of all Remus.

"Professor Dumbledore's office," James told her but said nothing more causing Chloe to grumble impatiently, and James quickly explained. "He's telling Dumbledore about you-know-what."

Chloe nodded, thankful for his honesty. "Is there anything Dumbledore can do about it though?"

James shrugged. "We just have to wait and see what happens after Sirius is done talking with Dumbledore. Really, I'm not exactly sure it would make a difference if Dumbledore tried to interfere. Though he will probably start to keep a closer watch on the Slytherin house and try to prevent their secret meetings."

"I doubt that will be enough." Chloe sighed.

"Stop being such a pessimist." James retorted. "Has Lily said anything to you?" he inquired.

Chloe shook her head no. "Even so, I think she knows something's wrong. She hasn't said or asked anything directly of me, but I'm sure she's talking to Snape, or possibly to Remus."

James groaned. "Remus won't tell me anything about his conversations with Lily. He says it's none of my business, which I think is ridiculous."

"Don't look at me, Lily has said nothing and I'm not talking to Remus. I no spy," Chloe grinned.

"I wish she would just talk to me." James mumbled.

"That's your fault." Chloe told him a-matter-of-factly. Looking at her watch she saw that it was almost time for the next class and looked back at James. "Well, there's always Potions." Chloe offered, and saw James' hand clench the apple in his hand tightly, and she knew he was thinking of Snape and Lily being able to talk privately over the bubbling of Potions, and he having no way to stop or interfere. "Don't worry about ihim/i, James, we have bigger issues."

"If that's what you want to believe." Grumbled James as he ate his apple.

Sirius was not in any classes for the rest of the day and James informed Chloe that he had spent the time in the Gryffindor tower as Dumbledore had let him off of classes. Chloe wasn't sure what she should do about it though, whether she could handle talking to him especially after their last encounter. But she couldn't help feel for him, with all that was going on.

After class she opted to go to the Library and meet Lily rather then to Gryffindor tower where not only Sirius was but Remus as well – the last person she wanted to see. She still had not read the letter from her mother, and had yet to read the one she received that morning. They were both tucked under her mattress, and she knew she would be able to read them that night, so she decided it didn't matter.

She entered the Library, and went the usual way where she would meet Lily who had gone ahead without her. As she neared she heard Remus' voice talking to Lily in hushed tones, and paused when she heard her name followed by Sirius'. She was angry that Remus was there, but ignored her anger as she realized quickly what Remus was talking about, and walked a little closer, staying hidden behind a book shelf.

"…if they could just have a level conversation I'm sure Sirius would be able to understand, and Chloe would be so much happier." Remus finished.

"I don't think Chloe's unhappy because she is not with Sirius. I mean, she's happy to be without him if it's best for Ryan." Lily continued, "And it is best for Ryan, right now. Sirius is really mixed up with his family issues, if it happened now who knows what Sirius will do. He easily flies off the handle – you know that."

Chloe felt warmth fill her heart as she realized Lily was sticking up for her, whereas Remus was being a pinhead again. It seemed he was the only one on her case about telling Sirius, and she knew it was mostly due to them being friends, but still. Remus had known Chloe a long time, and she was starting to grow tired of this routine.

"I wasn't saying she should tell him now. But later, before the year is over and the two of them likely never see each other." Remus explained.

"Maybe Chloe never wants to tell Sirius."

"That's just ridiculous!" Remus retorted. "Sirius has a right to know, and if she doesn't tell him I will certainly do it myself or at least push it along so that he does find out."

"How could you?" Chloe burst out, coming out from the shadows. She glared at Remus, as he recovered from the shock of her appearance. "I thought you understood?" Chloe went on. "You're my best friend and you would actually try and-"

"Chloe, you misunderstood." Remus tried to calm Chloe down.

"Remus you know very well what you said and that you meant exactly what you said." Chloe breathed heavily trying to think evenly. She felt as if the walls were closing around her; she couldn't believe Remus, her best friend, would go this far. He was stubborn sometimes, but this was getting hard. Why couldn't' he just support her like Lily and her family had?

"Okay, you're right but," Remus' voice faltered lightly as he struggled to find the words to repair the damage. "Please just understand. Sirius isn't all that bad, I'm sure you'll be surprised what his reaction will be." Remus tried.

"Remus, she knows-" Lily tried to cut in but Chloe overpowered her.

"Do you think I don't realize Sirius is a good man? For Merlin's sake, I'm not a superficial moron. I love Sirius for more then just his looks and his charm. But he has a habit of making the wrong decision, and I am not going to let him screw this up." Chloe's chest heaved, as she took a few steps back getting ready to storm away. She caught Lily's eye and gave her a look that she hoped Lily would understand as 'this isn't your fault, don't worry.'

Remus opened and closed his mouth searching for the right words before finally saying, "I'm sorry Chloe, I shouldn't have said those things." He looked down at the ground, hoping she would accept.

But Chloe wasn't about to give in this time. She knew Remus was sorry, but he was sorry a lot. If he had any hopes of being on her good side again he was not doing so good so far. It was hard to believe that Remus was doing this to her. He knew and understood her like no other. He could read her emotions and face like a book, and she could not believe he couldn't see it her way. Had the entire year she had been away really affected their friendship this much?

"No, I'm sorry Remus, because I can't forgive you. Not this time." She turned, as she felt the tears build, and walked quickly out the Library and up the stairs to the Sixth Floor. Once again she found herself unsure of where she was going after a fight with Remus, and once again she was crying. She eventually got to the Astronomy tower, just as her tears began to dry. She didn't feel like crying anymore – she had done enough the night before – but she didn't feel like being around anyone. Finding an old chair outside of the tower, she dragged it in and sat down, leaning on a window frame and stared across the Hogwarts grounds.

The sun was setting, as it was nearly five thirty; dinner would be served in half an hour. It was cold outside, but her thick wool robes seemed to keep the chill out. Chloe tried to breathe evenly, her heart was still racing from her quick getaway. She did not expect such a traumatic day – she had thought Remus would have learned his lesson quickly and apologized; he had always been one to realize his mistakes and make up for them. But not this time, it seemed which made it even harder for Chloe; she had no one to count on.

Well, there was Lily. But Chloe didn't think Lily completely understood everything. They had only been true friends for a few months, and even less of a time of her knowing about Ryan. What if in a few weeks time Lily would see it the same way, and turn against Chloe just like Remus had?

She was getting ahead of herself. Remus hadn't turned on her, and Lily wouldn't either. Just like Chloe, Remus was confused and she knew it was mostly due to him having to balance out being friends with her and Sirius, not to mention between Lily and James. Maybe it would be better if she and Sirius got back together, and Lily and James as well. It certainly would make things easier for Remus.

Chloe groaned putting her head in her hands. She knew Remus wasn't out to get her, and as much as she wanted to blame it on selfishness it wasn't that either. Remus just wanted the best for his friends, and maybe he knew more then he let on to anyone. Maybe he was right, and it was Chloe and Lily who were being stubborn.

"Why does he have to be such an imperative prat?" Chloe exclaimed, frustrated with her own thoughts.

"I hope you aren't talking about me."

Chloe slid off her seat, gasping from surprise. She turned to stare but quickly glared at the boy – man who stood at the door of the tower.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Sirius Black said, striding into the tower. He had a somber look, though Chloe could see his lips twitch as he tried not to laugh. He made to help her up, but she ignored him and stood on her own.

"Leave me alone Black," Chloe spat. She didn't know why she had called him Black exactly, but she didn't care. He was the last person she wanted to see or talk to.

"Since when did you call me Black?" he asked, still fighting a smirk.

"Since you became a coward." Chloe answered darkly. She hadn't meant to be so cruel; after all it wasn't really him who she was mad at. Not at the moment, anyway.

The hidden smirk disappeared, and Sirius frowned. "I already told you I was sorry."

"And I already told you that sorry didn't cut it." Chloe retorted, and quickly sighed. She did not want to have this conversation, not now. "Look, can we just pretend you never found me in here, and you leave?" she asked, hopeful.

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, but didn't move. "But I didn't really find you here. I knew you were in here," Sirius said cockily.

Groaning, Chloe turned away from Sirius not wanting to look at his lopsided grin; her favourite grin. "Sirius, you know very well I don't want to do this right now."

"I know," Sirius said, and came to stand next to Chloe. "But I'm being serious; I wanted to talk to you."

Chloe looked at him taken aback. Was he really serious? He had chosen to say serious correctly, rather then making a joke and using his own name. Looking at him, she saw no smile, only cool gray eyes that were filled with a patient hope.

He seemed to take this as permission to stay and talk. "I know I probably don't deserve your time," Sirius started, holding her gaze, "But their really isn't anyone else." He looked away.

Chloe felt her stomach drop at his words. She felt numb, and she felt tears in her eyes. She didn't know why she felt upset for Sirius at that moment, and she didn't know what made her do what she did next.

Laying her hand on Sirius' on the window ledge he looked at her. His eyes were wide, and Chloe could see past the fake vacancy the pain he held.

"It's not your fault," Chloe said in just above a whisper.

"I wish I could agree," Sirius countered. Chloe let him wrap his arms around her – she needed it more then she had thought – and leaned her head on his chest while he lay his own on hers. She inhaled deeply smiling at the familiar must of his. There was nothing like it, and Chloe wasn't sure she would be able to turn away from this when she had to.

"I missed this," Sirius murmured, smelling her hair.

"I wish I could admit that I did too." Chloe told him, and she knew he understood.

"I didn't think you would listen to me – I thought when you saw me you would leave faster then I could even say hello." Sirius spoke softly, his tenor voice rumbling through his chest.

"I was close to it." Chloe admitted. She didn't know why she was being so kind to Sirius, but at the moment it seemed that it was only she and him who were thinking straight – as odd as it seemed.

Sirius didn't seem to want to let go. "I talked to Dumbledore."

"I know, about Regulus." Chloe said.

"I don't really know what to do about it." Sirius sounded close to tears, but Chloe knew that he wouldn't let them out. He had only cried in front of her once, and she doubted he would do it again.

"I'm sure Dumbledore will try and stop it." Chloe assured him.

"That's just it, I don't think he can do anything about it."

They were silent for a moment until Sirius pulled away a little to look Chloe in the eye, and offered a half smile. "So who is an imperative prat?"

Chloe quickly looked away, and Sirius released her. She walked over to the chair and sat down, crossing her legs and arms. "Remus," it was all she said.

"That's who I thought," Sirius said, sliding down to the ground and leaning against the wall. "Want to talk about it?"

Raising her brow, Chloe let herself smile. "Are we actually trying this?"

"Trying what?" Sirius asked pretending to be oblivious.

"Oh come off it Sirius!" Chloe laughed despite herself.

"Well, why not?" Sirius asked.

"Because it's not that easy, you of all people understand that," Chloe answered.

"True," Sirius agreed. "But how 'bout for now we just put that all aside."

Chloe considered it for a minute, unsure of what she should decide. True enough, it didn't seem all that impossible to be friends with Sirius, not at this moment, but she knew later it would be hard. It would be even harder is they pretended to be friends even for this short time. She wasn't sure if she could do that. It wouldn't be good for her, and it didn't matter that Sirius was good at 'no strings attached' because she knew that what ever they 'pretended' to start at that moment would not be something Sirius would easily forget. They both knew that whether Sirius wanted to admit it or not.

Standing up, Chloe made her decision. "We both know pretending is never the right way." She turned away from him, afraid that she would give in. She started walking to the door, slowly.

"So I guess were back to ignoring each other at all costs?" Sirius said, now standing.

Chloe glanced back at him swallowing hard to keep the new tears at bay. She didn't want it to be that way, even if it was easier and better for her. Looking at him standing there, looking a little lost though no one would notice it if they didn't look close enough. He wanted her to say no, but he knew she wouldn't.

"I wish it could be different." Chloe said at last, and turned away. She reached for the door and turned the knob. She heard it click and pushed, but before she could move any further Sirius had come up behind her, turned her around and held her shoulders gently but unmoving.

"I'm not going to kiss you," he said breathlessly. "Because I know I shouldn't have done that two nights ago, - I'm so sorry for that – and kissing you again would just make that worse. But I wanted you to know that if I knew it made any difference I would tell you that I still loved you in front of the entire school." His face was close to hers, and she could feel his warm breath on her and smell the peppermint toothpaste he used.

Chloe sucked in a breath. A shiver ran down her spine, and she longed to feel his lips on her, but she knew it was wrong. She turned her head, and Sirius backed away knowing that it was over.

"I wish you had done that two years ago." Chloe whispered, and at last turned away from Sirius and left him alone in the astronomy tower.