Beautiful Mistake Chapter Nineteen:

A Father's Love

"Don't worry about Ryan, Chloe, you need to find Sirius." Danielle was telling Chloe as she stood, trying to decided what she wanted to do. Ryan was back in his crib, still asleep, still looking as ill as he had when Chloe had first picked him up, but now she looked just as pale as he did.

"I just don't know-" Chloe started, but her mother and Aunt quickly hushed her.

"Go," Mrs. Roberts urged her daughter, giving her a light push. "You will know when you find him."

Taking a shaky breath, Chloe nodded. Looking at Ryan, she quickly kissed him on the forehead, and turned away to the door. As she left she took a lasting look at her family, at little Ryan in his fragile looking state. Staring down the empty hallway, Chloe didn't bother with the lift, and raced towards the stairs on the other side of the hall. She pushed past a passing Healer as she went, who sputtered at her in annoyance telling her to slow down, but Chloe ignored him.

Pushing open the doors to the stairwell, Chloe looked down the stairs and saw no one, but quickly glanced up when she heard movement above. For a brief moment she saw a flash of black hair two floors above, and Chloe knew at once it was Sirius. Taking a deep breath Chloe started running up the steps, trying to catch up with him.

"Sirius, please come here! We need to talk!" Chloe yelled after him, but Sirius seemed to ignore her. This only pushed Chloe to run harder, and eventually caught up with Sirius on the sixth floor, where they both came to a dead end, a single door that led out to the roof. Sirius had stopped at this top landing, his back to Chloe, his shoulders shaking.

"Sirius?" Chloe said in a quiet voice. He said nothing, and Chloe waited patiently, praying that he would answer, praying that he would send the fear that filler her heart, her soul, and mind away.

It seemed like an eternity passed before Sirius at last turned to Chloe. He didn't look at her at first, choosing to stare at the ground, allowing his over-grown hair to cover his eyes, and disallow Chloe from being able to see his true feelings. Stepping forward, Chloe reached out her hand to touch Sirius, but he quickly shoved it away.

"Don't touch me," he bit out, finally looking at her.

Chloe fought the urge to gasp as his cold grey eyes hit her own. Anger and hurt seemed to cloud his eyes, and Chloe saw how his clenched hands shook as he fought to keep control. His jaw was still firmly shut, tensing and relaxing as if he was trying to form the right words.

"Sirius I didn't want this to happen this way, I just thought-" Chloe started, but was cut off by Sirius.

"Exactly how did you see this going? Did you expect me to see him and just jump with joy that for the last – what? – year and a half you have been lying to me about having a… having a son." Sirius' voice shook on the last word, and Chloe feared that she had done more damage than she had previously thought.

"I'm sorry," Chloe whispered, tears welling in her eyes. "It was all wrong; I should have never kept him from you. As soon as I had found out I should have gone to you or James or to Remus, but I didn't and chose to just leave it all behind. I couldn't face you…" Chloe began to cry, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I'm sorry Sirius; I was the coward, and an idiot to believe that this would all work out for the best. Remus and James, and everyone is right, I'm the fool here. But please don't hold it against Ryan; don't hold my mistakes against him. He doesn't deserve any of it." Chloe begged of Sirius.

Sirius said nothing, only turned away from her. Crying still, Chloe moved towards Sirius. This time he didn't back away, and she slowly put her hands on his face, and tried to force him to look at her. "Sirius please tell me you won't hold it against him?" she begged again.

Without warning, Sirius shoved Chloe away from him. "Just go Chloe, leave me alone." He growled hoarsely.

Hurt, Chloe backed away from him and to the stairs. Gripping the railing for support, Chloe's eyes went wild as she looked Sirius up and down. He was shaking more then ever, his wand tightly in his hand, and before Chloe could do anything he transformed into a great shaggy black dog. Staring, wide eyed Chloe went to yell, but before she could as fast as Sirius had turned into a dog he turned back into himself.

"Go away Chloe!" Sirius shouted, and turned to the doors behind him, and without pulling his wand out they burst open, and he walked out on to roof of St. Mungo's.

Without being told a third time, Chloe scrambled down the stairs, sobbing now from the shock of seeing such a thing, and from the hurt that Sirius had been so cruel. But again, what did she expect? iNot this, not this/i, Chloe repeated in her mind. When Chloe reached the fourth floor landing, she stopped to try and collect herself. She had already assumed what had happened – Sirius was an illegal Animagi. He must have wanted to transformed, and accidentally did, but changed his mind or something. That much didn't bother her. No what was worrying her now was what Sirius was doing, and if she was ever going to speak or see him again.

"Chloe?" Danielle's soft voice came floating up to Chloe from the floor below. "Chloe, are you all right?" she asked, turning up the stairs. Upon seeing her sister's fragile state, she quickly took Chloe in her arms and started to lead her down the steps. "What happened?" Danielle asked gently.

Chloe relayed to Danielle what had happened, calming down a little now having a sympathetic ear. They stopped near the ward, and Danielle quickly wiped Chloe's face with the sleeve of her robes, and fixed her hair which was now falling out of the bun she had put it in that morning.

"We're just going to have to wait Chloe," Danielle insisted, hugging her sister. "In the meantime you should get some sleep – you look horrible."

Danielle led Chloe back into the infants ward, and sat her down in a big chair that her mother transfigured from the old wooden one. Leaning against her on arm, Chloe stared at Ryan in his crib. His small, cute face had more colour in them now, his cheeks a little pink. The dark circles around his eyes were still there, but a little lighter, and Chloe prayed that soon they would disappear.

"Go to sleep Chloe," Mrs. Roberts said pulling a sheet off one of the other cribs, and draped it over Chloe's sagging body.

"He's not coming back," Chloe murmured, trying to keep her tired eyes open. "He's not coming back…" she whispered before her eyes shut and everything went black.

An hour later Chloe was shaken awake by Danielle, and Chloe looked at her confused. "It's nearly midnight, I have to go back to school; McGonagall says that you and Sirius can stay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Chloe said, hugging her sister and watched her leave with their Aunt down to the ground floor. Sitting up in her chair, Chloe looked to Ryan to see if he was awake. But he wasn't his, eyes still shut, his chest rising and falling as he breathed. But Chloe didn't mind, she could see the sleep was helping. The circles were gone, and his cheeks were a rosy red colour.

"He's getting better," Mrs. Roberts commented, sitting in a chair on the other side of Ryan's bed.

"Thank Merlin," Chloe mumbled, pulling her chair closer to the bed. Resting her chin on the crib, she reached forward with her hand, and smoothed back Ryan's hair off his forehead. Playing with his hair gently, Chloe tried to ignore the feeling of dread in her heart. Sirius still hadn't come back, and she was beginning to think that he wouldn't. He was probably on the London streets, or perhaps back in Hogsmeade. Maybe Diagon Alley? She didn't know where his safe haven in London was now that he lived with James.

Chloe couldn't help feel like a foolish little girl for thinking that everything would work itself out. She should have known that Sirius would have run – she was supposed to know Sirius enough, right? More then anything, Chloe wished Remus and Lily were there to talk some sense into her. They could help her find a way to get Sirius to come back, to see Ryan and be his father. But Chloe knew that they would be no better than she was at coming up with the ideas. Waiting seemed to be the only thing she could do without messing up.

"Chloe, I'm going to go get a cup of tea, would you like some?" Mrs. Roberts asked, moving around the crib.

Chloe looked up at her, and nodded. "Yes, thank you."

"I'll be back soon," her mother assured her before turning and leaving her alone.

Everything seemed so hopeless. Sirius was most likely never to speak to her, and she knew it wouldn't be long before it got out that she had a son. She wouldn't be able to walk through the halls at school without being talked about. Though, that was nothing knew, she was after all, the girl who had stolen Sirius' heart, and sent him on his destructive path. Chloe felt like laughing upon thinking this, but instead tears erupted from her eyes. It wasn't supposed to be like this, she wasn't supposed to be so miserable, and Sirius wasn't supposed to be so far away.

Chloe sat there quietly; tears falling every now and then down her face. She would wipe them away without noticing, and she would return to her blank stare, watching her son sleep, her brain fuzzy. Her thoughts had turned far away from Sirius, her mind now filling with the days she had spent with Ryan when he was first born.

Never before in her life, had Chloe been more exhausted. Even with her mother's help, it had been non-stop. Her mother had always taken care of Ryan when she came home from work, letting Chloe get a few hours of shut eye before coming alive again, but during the night it was all up to Chloe, so her mother could sleep for work the next morning. She remembered rocking Ryan awake at four in the morning, staring at the clock, and dreaming of the moment when Ryan would at last calm down and sleep.

Thankfully by the age of five months, these irregular sleep patterns regulated, and Chloe managed to operate a little easier. She had fallen into a routine, one where every moment she had in-between bathing, feeding, playing, and soothing her son she would try and do her homework so she could eventually get all her credits, and eventually get a job at the ministry so she could move out and not depend on her mother any longer, and one day repair her for everything she had done. She owed it to her.

Sleepy again, Chloe's eyes seemed to droop, and she looked away from Ryan, resting her forehead on the railing now, her hand still tangled in Ryan's curly hair. Breathing in heavily, she closed her eyes hoping her mother wouldn't be too upset about the decision.

It took her a few moments before she realized that someone was walking towards her, and when she raised her head she had expected to see a healer. But who it was instead, knocked the air out of her lungs. Her eyes wide, she breathed hard as Sirius crossed the little distance he had left before he was standing directly above the crib.

Not daring to speak, Chloe sat up, pulling her hand away, and watched with wide, surprised eyes as Sirius looked at his sleeping son. His grey eyes look the small child up and down, finally resting on his face. In his eyes, Chloe could see the change in them, and she could see the awe in his face. He looked as if he was looking at a miracle – perhaps he was – as if he had just found his reason to live. Almost in slow motion, Chloe watched as Sirius reached out his hands, ones that were shaking a little, and gently picked up Ryan, supporting his head as he did so.

As Sirius got comfortable in his new position, Chloe stood up, griping the crib for support as her knees became weak. Sirius continued to stare at Ryan in loving amazement. This was what Chloe had wanted, she wanted to see Sirius happy, and she wanted to see him take Ryan in his arms.

As if finally realizing Chloe was there again, Sirius looked away from Ryan and at her. The hurt and hatred seemed to have disappeared from his eyes, and they were filled with an unreadable expression. Chloe risked a smile, and in return she received one.

"Sirius-"

"Chloe-"

They had spoken at the same time, and both stopped talking to let the other speak. After a few gestures for the other to speak, at last Sirius chose to start. "I shouldn't have run away like that, without an explanation. At first I assumed that you had done this all on purpose. And then I was angry that you had never told me; angry that I was the last to know, and I was angry that I had missed a year of my son's life, something I'll never get back. And I blamed it all on you."

"You can blame it all on me; if I had told you I was pregnant we wouldn't be in this position right now." Chloe agreed. She couldn't believe he had come back, that he was even talking to her.

"I could, but I won't." Sirius shook his head. "If I had just done the right thing in the first place this wouldn't have happened. I love you too much Chloe to blame everything on you."

The air escaped Chloe's throat, and for a moment they stood staring at each other in silence. Finally Chloe found her legs, and went around the crib, and Sirius faced her, still holding Ryan. Speaking a little more softly now, Sirius continued. "I still have a lot of questions for you, but they can wait. The only one I need the answer to is, will you let me love you and Ryan?"

Never before could Chloe remember being happier, besides the day she had held Ryan for the first time. "It's the only thing I have ever wanted," she leaned forward, finally able to say the words she had wanted to say for so long, "because I love you too Sirius."

A grin broke out on Sirius' face, and leaned towards Chloe, wanting to kiss her. But as he did, the two became quickly aware that the tiny body in Sirius' arms was moving. Pulling apart, Chloe almost shrieked with joy when she saw Ryan's eyes had opened, meeting his father's grey eyes with his own. She stayed silent, watching as Ryan kept still and quiet as he gazed upon his father's face for the first time. He didn't look scared, and was looking at Sirius with a curious look. His little fist rose into the air, reaching for something, and Chloe's mouth twitched as Sirius leaned his face towards Ryan, and let him grasp a strand of his long hair, and let him give it a little tug.

After a few minutes, Sirius looked at Chloe, tears in his eyes. Chloe gave a shaky laugh, she took Sirius face in her hands, feeling the stubble that had started to grow, and pulled his face towards hers for a kiss. It was pure ecstasy to Chloe, to finally let herself go, and have what she wanted, what they wanted. Pulling apart breathlessly, Ryan whining from being almost crushed between his parents, Sirius chose to sit in the chair by his crib, Ryan still in his arms.

Room still in the chair, Sirius and Chloe squeezed together, Ryan still in his father's arms. Chloe leaned her head on Sirius, and together they watched as their son looked from them in amazement.

"This is you dada," Chloe said to him, smiling brightly, "Can you say dada?"

"Muma!" Ryan burst out, and Chloe and Sirius laughed.

"He'll learn in time," Sirius mumbled, kissing Chloe on the cheek quickly before looking at his son.

They sat in silence for some time, just watching Ryan, occasionally saying something. After half an hour had passed Mrs. Roberts returned with two teas and a smile on her face when she saw Sirius had returned, and appeared to be calm. She had went to leave when Chloe noticed her, and invited her to come in.

"He's awake," Mrs. Roberts said brightly, taking her grandson in his arms when Chloe and Sirius stood. "Such a strong little boy," she cooed to him, and looked at Chloe and then to Sirius. "You must be Sirius Black."

Sirius gave a smile, and nodded. "Yes, sorry to arrive so late." He said light-heartedly.

Another shaky laugh escaped Chloe's mouth, and as linked hands with Sirius. "Mum-" she started to say but Mrs. Roberts cut her off.

"I can watch him," she assured her daughter.

Chloe gave a thankful smile, and pulled Sirius to follow her. She saw him give a longing look to Ryan that made her heart beat a little faster with happiness. She knew in that moment that no matter what, Sirius loved Ryan that same as her, and just as he expected. As they exited the ward, and entered the deserted hall, Chloe pulled Sirius in the first room she saw. It turned out to be a storage room for cleaning supplies.

"I wanted to talk in private," Chloe said when Sirius gave her a questioning grin.

"I know," Sirius said, still grinning.

"Are you still angry with me?" Chloe asked, still completely clear on how Sirius felt. She knew he loved her, that he most likely loved Ryan, but still, she needed him to tell her exactly what he felt.

Sirius' smile slipped away, as he looked thoughtful. "Yes, well no, it's complicated. I want to forgive you, Chloe, but it's going to take time. But I don't want to miss any more of my son's life." Sirius asserted.

Chloe gave a meek smile. "When you left I never thought you were going to come back."

"I almost didn't," Sirius admitted. "But my mind kept going back to Ryan's face. When I first saw him, in your arms I knew immediately he was mine. He looked like I did when I was a baby, and I… it seemed like I had always known or something. I don't know what it was, but I needed to come back." Sirius confessed, his cool eyes drifting from her own again.

Chloe smiled, and like she had before, held his face to look at her in the eye. "I know you haven't fully forgiven me yet, but…" she trailed off, and Sirius grinned.

Without a word, he moved her hands from his face and to his neck, and then pulled her face towards his, their lips meeting again in another ecstasy filled kiss. Sure, it may have not been the most romantic place, but Chloe liked the feeling of his lips against hers, and sharing his air. She liked being so close him, feeling his warm hands roam over her body, while she did the same.

"I think," Sirius said raggedly, pulling away, but leaning his forehead against Chloe's. "If you kissed me like that more often I would find a way to forgive you a little faster."

Chloe pushed Sirius away playfully, but immediately pulled him back to her, wanting him close. Staring in his eyes, she felt that everything was right. Of course, there were still things to be sorted out, but seeing the look of confidence in his eyes reassured her to believing that everything would sort itself out.

"After Hogwarts," Sirius spoke softly, "I was wondering… maybe you and Ryan could come live with me in my London flat."

Chloe tried to hide a grin, but she couldn't. "That would be great Sirius, really." She said quietly, and then leaned her head on his chest. "I'm so tired." Chloe murmured.

"Do you want to go back?" Sirius asked.

"We should," Chloe agreed, and let Sirius lead her out of the store closet. They walked the short distance back into the ward, and saw that Ryan was asleep in his crib, Mrs. Roberts sitting half awake in the chair opposite him. She looked up as Chloe and Sirius neared arms around each other.

"You two look exhausted," Mrs. Roberts commented dryly, and stood up. "I could write to Professor McGonagall to come and get you and bring you back to Hogwarts." She suggested.

Chloe didn't have to look at Sirius to know what his answer would be. She shook her head, and looked at Ryan. "We're going to stay until morning, when he gets released, and then we'll go back. I'm too tired to go back now." Chloe said, and leaned on Sirius.

Mrs. Roberts gave a tired smile. "Well, I hope you don't mind, but I'm tired. If you're going to stay the night, I'm going to go home, and I'll come back in the morning to get Ryan."

Nodding in a agreement, Chloe let go of Sirius and walked over to her mother. Hugging her tightly, Chloe thanked her mother. "Thanks for everything, Mum, really. I'll see you in the morning."

"I love you," Mrs. Roberts said pulling away.

"I love you too." Chloe chorused after her with a smile. As Mrs. Roberts put on her cloak, she went over to Sirius.

"It's good to finally meet you," Mrs. Roberts said gently.

Sirius nodded, looking a little uncomfortable. "Yeah, it's good to meet you too. Thanks for… thanks for everything." Sirius finished a little awkward.

A knowing smile spread across Mrs. Roberts face, and she reached out for Sirius' arm. Grasping it gently, she squeezed it lightly. "Good night Sirius."

"Good night," Sirius replied looking a little relieved.

With one last good bye, Chloe watched as her mother left, and turned back to Sirius, who was looking at her for answers. Glancing over to the big chair, she reached for Sirius' hand, and pulled him over to it. Almost throwing him on to it, she plopped herself onto his lap, and curled her small body while he wrapped his arms around her. Making sure that she could see Ryan from where she lay, they sat quietly, and soon the room was filled with their sleeping breaths.

A/N: So this has taken me a while to update, sorry. There are few parts of this chapter that I actually like, to be honest. What was in my head has been pretty difficult to write out, I'll admit. So I hope you liked this chapter, and that it was everything you wanted. Thank you so much for reading, and all the reviews you have given me so far have helped greatly! Thanks!!!