In One's Heart

In my heart…there are many things I don't know.

…but most of all is the wondering…if I was supposed to be born…

…Was I supposed to be created?

Was I supposed to be loved?

Why am I here?

I don't know…and I'm still trying to find out. Is that selfish of me?

No, no, no.

It was absolutely not supposed to be this way.

She was only supposed to just check up on him, see if he was alright. To find out if Kakashi-sensei was lying or not. But she knew in her heart, that it didn't really matter, because the instant she had seen him like that, she knew.

It was fear, if not instinct, that told her she had to get away. Fear that he would make good on his word.

"I hate her."

Hinata couldn't help but feel faint as Naruto's hand enclosed itself around her arm and pulled her back from running. It was all she could do not to collapse in a stumbling heap on the ground. She couldn't bear to faint here, not, especially as she might faint…right on Naruto-kun.

She felt the heat on her cheeks rise as he stared in surprise at her, before leaning in closer. She meeped and pulled back, and alas, so did Naruto, and she couldn't help but feel…disappointed?

"Hinata-chan?" He whispered again, softly. It seemed like he'd been complementing many things. Hinata knew, because she had listened—but to only a bit! "How much…did you hear?" She shook her head wildly, biting her lip. Most of it had been too soft to hear.

"P-please let me g-go, N-Naruto-kun…" She shook. Naruto look almost hurt, but he let her go, dropping his hand to his side and just looking sadly at her.

"As you wish," He murmured softly, before turning back and walking away.

Hinata stared after him, stunned.

…what? What?

Naruto didn't know anything anymore. The sheer feeling of rejection threatened to collapse his soul. If felt like his heart was breaking, in a million, different pieces. It was like the apocalypse come early…but for only him.

Where was it?

Where had been the days he had looked at Hinata and had thought of her nothing more than a friend?

Wait. Did he still think of her nothing more than a friend?

Naruto didn't glance back, but he knew that Hinata wasn't going to follow him, try to stop him. She didn't have the courage, and possibly, neither of them did. At this moment in time, Naruto felt like he had lost something he had never known he had.

The streets felt strangely empty for Konoha, and Naruto shivered as the wind blew at him. His whole body shook, and his eyes clenched shut.

"…hate this."

And so he left her, and the small bond they had started to break…

"Naruto!" Sakura called, waving. At the call of his name, Naruto looked up once in recognition and nodded before resuming looking at his feet. He was forever walking. Walking…for what destination? "Naruto!" Sakura called, annoyed. "What happened with Hinata?"

At the mention of her name, he stopped dead in the street, stared in horror at her, before turning and jumping onto a roof, staring stiffly at Hokage Mountain. He didn't answer anything, but Sasuke guessed the answer anyway.

"Sakura, leave him be." Sasuke seemed to narrow his eyes and Naruto's back. Naruto could feel the pain in his teammate's eyes. Why? "If he's going to be like that, he might as well get kicked off of Team 7."

"B-but Sasuke-kun!"

"Think about it." Sasuke told her, before turning away. "Is a ninja with an emotional state like that useful on missions? He's failed as a tool. It's only fair he get kicked off. That goes for his pride too, so he won't get embarrassed. He's given up completely."

"I have not!" Naruto replied hotly, turning around, but he froze at Sasuke's glare.

"Oh, really now?" Sasuke's voice was like ice down Naruto's back and the wind blowing hard against him. "Then explain why you failed a D-rank mission? Fail? How can you fail a D-rank?! Face it, you're nothing more than garbage the way you are."

"I'm not garbage." Naruto replied stiffly. "I can still fight."

"It doesn't matter," Sasuke scoffed, walking away. "You'll only drag us down, your mind isn't clear enough and you'll only fight for saving your own skin at this rate. You won't even spare a moment's glance at our progress, teamwork that we're supposed to focus on. It's not that I care, really, however…"

Naruto glared daggers at his back, but Sasuke was unfazed.

"None of us will be able to work at our best potential with you dragging your lazy ass around. We don't need someone who'll only use energy when prompted, and we most certainly don't need someone who won't even help out without being told to do anything. It'll be one less carcass we have to destroy in the end, and one less funeral to attend."

Sasuke's voice was soft, hard, and clipped. Naruto didn't know what to make of it anymore, especially as Sasuke's voice was carried by the wind to his ears, so that he heard each and every, every meaning, every syllable, every bitter emotion entrapped inside them.

Naruto noticed Sakura walking away as well. "S…Sakura-chan?"

"Sasuke-kun's right, Naruto." She looked up at him stonily. "For once, you're dead useless. You're a failure. I'm ashamed to be your teammate. I used to think you were an okay person to be around, but…like this?" And then Sakura left as well, leaving Naruto to stare at where they had been before looking up at the sky, stunned.

"…" He dropped his weight onto the roof, making several roof tiles shudder under it, before hugging himself, his eyes half closed. Naruto didn't know what to do anymore. "…give up?" He whispered to himself. "I don't want to…" He hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face in them, shaking. '…give up.'

Sure, Naruto didn't want to. But what was he going to do now?

It took a while before Hinata was able to fully understand the situation. It wasn't Naruto-kun who had worsened the small bond they had—it was her. She was the one reason why he was so messed up, she was the one who was hurting him even further.

Hinata didn't want this.

She didn't want it at all.

She just wanted to support him. She wanted to go back to the days where she'd spend her time watching him, just watching and marveling at him. How Naruto's strength never gave out, how his raw determination kept him going on and on.

If it weren't for Naruto-kun, Hinata would have never been able to…to actually…

Actually be what? Actually do what?

Frankly speaking…Hinata really didn't know anymore.

Now, if this were an alternate universe where they both were in high school, this little rejection would include other people trying to pull them further apart, as well as prevent their getting back together. Then, Hinata would probably get a fiancé to marry, and then Naruto would go running after her to stop the wedding, after Sasuke punches some sense into him and Sakura pleads with Hinata not to get married.

But this is not an alternate universe. Reality, as it was, prevented the two of them from getting together in the first place.

Ninjas were tools, and they were weapons. They could not feel, think or feel. Their primary goal was to fulfill what they were commissioned for, their duty was to see it complete. They were paid mercenaries, just extra people.

Love was completely out of the question. Especially now, at this age.

You weren't supposed to. Because then…your heart wouldn't be in your work.

Fate hadn't thought they were special. Were you brain dead to believe? After all…

…whoever heard of a happy ending?

The person who made this up must be living in a fantasy, because that's basically all it is…

"What are you doing?" Naruto looked up and shrugged. "That's pathetic—completely, and utterly pathetic. You're a pathetic excuse as a shinobi—you signed up for this! You should have known what you were up against! Even if it did mean this…"

Once more, Naruto sighed, and sat back against the rough trunk of the redwood tree, his head leaning back against the bark. It was really annoying—and it got boring as well, to yell at yourself. He didn't know what the hell he wanted to know, but DAMN IT, Naruto didn't know anymore.

"One little shinobi got screwed over by emotions. The rest of the little shinobi stand and laugh…" Naruto murmured, remembering a line from a poem they had been taught back into Academy. The poet had been trying to convince the children that to stand 'out of the crowd', was not ideal. In all reality, Naruto thought it was stupid.

Or at least, he used to.

"I wish someone would just laugh." Naruto grumbled to himself. "Maybe it…it would be easier."

The wind blew, and the question of what Kakashi-sensei had been telling them, before leading them into a wild goose chase that really didn't get anywhere, drifted into Naruto's mind before it lazily disappeared to the back.

Naruto sighed.

A few leaves fell from the branches above, no responsibilities, nor ties to anything. Only one purpose, to grow and fall off once more.

Naruto wished his life was as simple as that.

His eyes were cast longingly down at the streets below, with their laughing people, and parents with their childrens, friends hanging out with others…and…Naruto glowered at several couples who openly displayed their affection, before turning away from them on the roof.

Laughter echoed up to him, but to his ears, they were empty of emotion—he couldn't hear happiness anymore.

"This is lame," Naruto grumbled, "I'm just a guy, she's just a girl. I should just kill myself and make it easier for everyone." He wasn't being lighthearted.

For once, Naruto was being complete and utterly serious.

When Kyuubi had been sealed, he hadn't been asked whether or not he wanted to. He hadn't been asked if he had been comfortable, and he certainly was NOT fricking happy at being sealed into some moody kid-turned-teenager.

When Kyuubi had been sealed, he hadn't asked for his powers to be of little use to him, just luggage to slow him down. What good was the power that could wash the entire earth in tsunamis and earthquakes, the power that could bring out lava from the depths of the earth, the power to end all life?

What good was all that power if you could not use it?

Red skies had been Kyuubi's home, fire and anger, had been Kyuubi's constant energy. Revenge and hatred had been his motivation. And the memories of everything that had ever happened to him still lurked in his mind—Bijuu had no limit to what they could remember. That is, if they wanted to.

Most of the time, everything was dismissed as trivial.

A blessing and a curse, the memories served to enrage Kyuubi further, with each turn and swish of his nine tails, crammed into this pit hole.

Stuck sealed inside a human of all things had not been something Kyuubi had enjoyed.

Power…! He shrieked as his voice grew louder and harsher—an angry wind destroying all. He continued to thrust himself angrily at the cage that bound him into this hole, just so he could feel something. Why can't I use it?!

His rage struck and swirled around him, the red chakra and aura that would forever be.

Kyuubi howled like only the Kyuubi no Youko could. The waves rippled, and he could feel their sway again the cage bars and splash against it, spraying him with water. The whole place trembled as he waved his tails around in agony—but alas, there was barely enough room as it was.

The pain, the anger, the sorrow, the anguish.

Kyuubi wanted freedom.

And so he pounded again, once more against the cage, doing something that would never really work out in the end…